Getting A Second Cat Has Had A Rockier Start Than We'd Hoped

[sargon]

In part because of Freya's separation anxiety (also because we just wanted a second cat), we decided to try getting a new cat with the hope that the new cat would be a potential friend/playmate or at least some grudging entertainment.

We made sure to get a cat that was a year or two younger (Freya turned 3 earlier this month) and had a known calm disposition and fairly submissive personality, so as to hopefully not trigger Freya.

We did a scent exchange a week before getting the new cat (who we're thinking of naming Kira but haven't finalized it yet) with a couple of washcloths and both cats seemed to respond well.
"Kira" has a dedicated room (our guestroom) and is limited to there for now (though she adapted well enough that we'd be letting her explore the rest of the house already, were it just her.

Two and a half days in, and I am a bit discouraged. My reasons for potential optimism to the contrary, I was aware that it might take weeks. I was prepared for that. I wasn't so prepared for Freya's behavioral changes.

i figured a bit of standoffish behavior from her for a few days, sure, and maybe some angry glares at the door for a while but I've been pretty concerned by by her growling and hissing at me. She'd was always fairly easy to pick up and handle (even back when she was a kitten and had behavioral issues.)

Sometimes, like now, she's mostly herself, albeit pretty standoffish, but if she gets a strong whif or sound from "Kira", she gets very uspet, beign unabel to be handled, often "guarding" outside the door, and even growling or hissing at me if I get close, and also being really weird about eating (she actually made the weird wo-lo-low sound she made as a few times as a tiny kitten when eating once, even. ) She's also fairly reluctant to leave my room (normally she follows me from room to room, or will just sun herself in the living room.)

And her #1 trigger is if she smells the other cat on me. That one leaves me guilty no matter what. I either trigger Freya and feel like I'm harming her, or else I don't spend enough time with "Kira" and feel like I'm not being a good new caretaker for her!

So I'm feeling stressed, awful, frustrated, guilty, and unsure what to do. At the moment my only plans are to try getting a couple of Feliway multicat difusers (feliway never helped much as a single cat, but maybe the multi cat will work to dull her resposne to the other cat's smell), and to try showering after handling "Kira" so that Freya doesn't smell her on me (or at least not strongly.)

Anyhow, for any one who endured my venting, here's a picture of "Kira" cuddling my leg

And of Freya cuddling my leg sweetly just a few days ago (it seems a different age)

 

[ArtNJ]

Two and a half days is two and a half days. Nothing, really. Not all cats react strongly to the scent of a newcomer, but some do, and that is why you do the scent exchanges. A stressed cat lashes out at anyone, cat or human, regardless of whether they caused it = redirected aggression.

But judging by your post count you know all this stuff. You just need someone to tell you that you are being a little silly (we all are from time to time), that all is well, and that your goals may yet be achieved. The only minor negative is that you have some evidence that your introduction process won't be one of the easier-than-hoped deals and might (might) even be on the harder-than-average side. Oh well, life right? Keep up the introduction process and don't try to interact with Freya physically if you are seeing those stress cues. And I suppose wash your hands before you go in to see with Freya.

Good luck and don't despair. There is no reason to be discouraged yet. At this point, we don't even know if your introduction process will be harder than average. Even if it is, no reason to believe it won't get done in a few weeks and that your goals cant be met.

 

[betsygee]

That's so frustrating. The worry and guilt is natural--you want both of them to be happy and healthy. It sounds like you're doing everything right, though, and as you mentioned, 2-1/2 days is really not enough time to know how things will go.

You could try calming treats as well for Freya. Honestly, I haven't had much luck with them, but some people have had success with them.

 

[sargon]

That's so frustrating. The worry and guilt is natural--you want both of them to be happy and healthy. It sounds like you're doing everything right, though, and as you mentioned, 2-1/2 days is really not enough time to know how things will go.

You could try calming treats as well for Freya. Honestly, I haven't had much luck with them, but some people have had success with them.

She's on kitty prozac, so she's about as tranquil as she's likely to get, but any suggestion is welcome, since in the chaos I'm sure to overlook things.

 

[susanm9006]

She's on kitty prozac, so she's about as tranquil as she's likely to get, but any suggestion is welcome, since in the chaos I'm sure to overlook things.

Give her some catnip to eat. It might make her a tad bit calmer or happier.

 

[Sonatine]

Is she big on playtime? When I first brought my second cat home, the first one didn't feel comfortable enough to really get into play at first (which worried me a lot at the time), but whenever I could get her chasing her favorite fishing pole toy she would forget her distress for a little bit and was always a little calmer after.

I also had some luck with playing the special music from musicforcats.com (though similar classical music might do just as well). The new cat didn't really have an ear for it, but the resident cat was really intrigued by it.

Either way, it sounds like you know what the process can look like, and are taking all the right steps. She'll come around even if there are bumps along the way. Freya clearly trusts you based on that picture, so as long as you're acting like everything is fine, she will eventually accept that this is her new normal.

 

[sargon]

As we near a week, Freya is doing a bit better she's anxiosu in the hall otuside the door to the new cat's room, generally much els comfortable, especially expresing physical affection, but she's calmed down, is spending time out in the living room with us, and is generally acting like herself (albiet a very touchy insecure version)

We're now running a couple of feliway mutlicat diffusers,and it seems to maybe help her a little, as does me washing very carefully and changing clothes if I handle the new cat.

In a day or 2, I'll try feeding her outside the door, if she seems up for it, and, if that works, we'll feed them both on opposite sides until that seems old hat to them.

So, the introduction process seems to be crawling forward, and seems to no longer be filled with insane levels of drama.

 

[mandmcats]

Be patient! It'll be a slow slow process especially if the cats are not kitten age. We are currently almost at 4 months since we brought our new cat home. The two of them have sort of an understanding. They can sleep at the same time on dining chairs across from each other. They can take turns playing. BUT our resident cat can be a huge bully still. If we go upstairs, new cat wants to follow but resident cat will chase her down. Resident cat likes to approach her to swat at for no reason (to us). Resident cat likes to chase her around and new cat gets a little scared and hides. BUT the positive is new cat has been swiping back where she feels safe. They've also had a couple "play" sessions where they chased each other back and forth. On my off days when I'm on the couch, I have one sleeping next to my head and the other at my legs. They're definitely not friends but they coexist. I would say it took about a solid 3 months to get this good. Our hope is eventually they can sleep together or at the very least our resident cat will stop being a bully lol.

 

[sargon]

So a 2 week update.

Progress is very slow, but after 2 weeks things are at at least seeming to move slowly in the right direction. Freya is behaving relatively normally for her in most regards and locations. She's no longer freaking out in the bedroom and living room, and is acting pretty normally in both, and is no longer afraid to be in the living room alone (important, because her litter is there)

The other cat (who still doesn't have a finalized name, though the current top picks are Squeekers and Kaylee (after the mechanic on Firefly) ) is doing well in her room and is transitioning fairly well to the litter breeze system, and we have reasonable expectation that she'll be fully on it in a week or so. That's important, because, not only do we hate her old litter, we're pretty sure that Freya hates its smell, too, and that smell of that litter is contributing to the introduction moving so slowly(though I have no illusions that it is the only reason).

in terms of direct interaction, Freya still glares at the door and hisses and growls, but is less afraid. She's also swatted under the gap under it. "Squeekers" seems not to mind any of it, so it's likely that it's a 1 sided issue, which will make it at least a little easier to solve I hope.

We're starting with some low level site sharing by letting both cats into the office at different times, and that has gone decently so far. We also now (as of yesterday, because she was too scared until then) are placing a couple of treats (actually just Dr Elsey's salmon kibble, so no worry if she eats a bit more than usual) on a plate by the door so that Freya has something positive to associate with it, and that is going decently, too.

So, we are able to do active things, rather than just waiting, so that feel a bit less despair inducing than how things were before.

 

[Tik cat's mum]

It took about 4 weeks when my daughter brought new kitten into her house before they met probably,George was 3 annie was 15 weeks even then it was supervised play for a couple more weeks now they sleep together. Sounds like your doing everything right Freya should come round eventually just don't rush her. And by the way they are both cuties hope it carries on going well.

 

[taralynnallred]

My Mavis had some redirected aggression towards my second cat Kevin when I got a third. I was very worried about how it would go, and there have been a lot of tears on my part, wondering if I did the right thing. I’m here to say it will get easier as they get used to each other’s scent, and if you do the introduction slowly, as suggested.
Feliway seemed to help as well. I was a huge skeptic before!

Give it time!