Freaking out vs "this is normal"

[donutte]

Yeah, that definitely makes sense that it will take a few days. That's why I want to make sure to not make any decisions this week. Mainly, I'll be look for ANY signs of improvement, but at the same time want to be realistic about things. But for now, one day at a time. Today is the first day without antibiotics. Let the flushing-out commence.

On a good note, the lump that was on her shoulder blades is FINALLY getting smaller. It's this tiny little thing now.


Oh - the other interesting/weird thing - I think her urine is becoming a lot less dilute. There's actually color to it and well, it kinda smells. Not as bad as say, oh, Maple's, but it definitely has odor to it. It's had no smell or color for over a year. That was the one thing that kept us from freaking out when she'd pee all over the house during a cystitis flareup. Is more concentrated urine now a good thing? Her kidney values actually went up a bit (I think creatinine was 3.8) after we bumped up her methimazole to 7.5mg a day.

 

[foxxycat]

Yes I was told by my vet we want more concentrated urine=it means the kidneys is doing the job of pulling out the stuff out of her blood. I hope
Sara eats today and I think you will get to  a point where you realize we all don't have control over the pets lives. We can support them medically and spiritually but we don't have the power to keep them around which is really really hard some days. Sending you hugs.

 

[donutte]

Yes I was told by my vet we want more concentrated urine=it means the kidneys is doing the job of pulling out the stuff out of her blood. I hope

Sara eats today and I think you will get to  a point where you realize we all don't have control over the pets lives. We can support them medically and spiritually but we don't have the power to keep them around which is really really hard some days. Sending you hugs.

Haha, I got to that point long ago. I've had 20-30 cats and I have no idea how many dogs in my life. Mom always said I was born into a zoo! Dogs mostly when I was younger because my sister showed them (dog population dropped drastically when she moved). Plus having just gone through acute renal failure with Lucky, and ultimately losing that battle... Yep, been to that point time and time again. Not really trying to keep her around as much as I'm trying keep her comfortable. Will be assist feeding because part of me thinks this is just a hump we need to get over, but part of me isn't sure. In which case, it will just be hospice care at that point.

I'm just so glad she's off the antibiotic today. Elated and ecstatic might even be appropriate.

 

[foxxycat]

I cant remember if you stated-does she eat babyfood? I think you said you tried but she gave you a dirty look-but I follow so many people here I get them mixed up.

 

[donutte]

No, she didn't like baby food, but that was also a couple weeks back. I may try it again, but not today. Possibly tomorrow. Once the antibiotic starts leaving the system more.

 

[donutte]

I got home today, and mom had the little cat house on her lap (with Sara in it). She said she found Sara by a door where there was a cold draft, and she was so cold So she put her in the little cat house and held it on her lap. She has NO interest in food, just let her face fall in it

 

[kittens mom]

This is turning into one long hug. Don't read anything ulterior into it

 You, Lucky and Sara stay on my mind a lot. Just so you know how much everyone here really cares.

 

[donutte]

I just don't know what to do. I'm kinda losing hope that she's going to bounce back. She doesn't seem to *want* to, either.

I don't know when it's time to stop trying. I am waking up in the mornings not even sure if she'll still be there. There's a part of me that hopes she passes peacefully on her own in the middle of the night. Does that sound horrible? I've had two pets out of god knows how many that actually did just that. Except in their cases, they didn't have any illness we were aware of. They just seemed to die of whatever "natural causes" means.

She's curled up in her little bed right now. She's so weak

 

[zed xyzed]

When did she get her last dose of antibiotic? It took Midi almost 2 days before he started to show interest in food after we cut out the Clavamox. I am so sorry you and Sara are going through this. 

 

[kittens mom]

I think you are to stressed to made a decision right now.  Whatever clears your head would be a good thing to do right now.

 

[mrsgreenjeens]

At this point, I don't think there is anything much for you to do 

.  Are you still giving her meds, sub-qs and assist feedings?  I wouldn't give up on her yet, because as you mentioned, today is her first day without the antibiotics.  If they made her feel bad, which could very well be the case, then it may take a day or two for her to come out of it.  If she has given up the will to live, you will know soon enough.  The fact that she just let her face fall into her food, though, is NOT a good sign, obviously.  Did your Mom think she didn't have enough strength to simply walk away from it? 

I know exactly what you mean about waking up and wondering if she'll still be alive, and sometimes hoping she won't be.  It was the same with Sven.  He was so very frail, and I loved him so much (he was my soul cat) and he never, ever complained, so I just couldn't tell if he was suffering or not.  Of course, I didn't want him to be, and told him every single day that I would let him go when he was ready.  I was just so afraid I would miss the signal.  But I didn't.  When he gave it to me it was clear as day.  I'll never forget it, and it's been four years.  But still, it would have been better if he'd died in my arms while asleep in bed or in his own bed. 

that this is just one of those cycles and she will come thru out of it

 

[donutte]

If it wasn't so yucky out, I'd go for a walk. Not really up to walking in the cold rain though.

I can handle work stress, and I can handle home stress. But both, man, it's dang near impossible to deal with.

When did she get her last dose of antibiotic? It took Midi almost 2 days before he started to show interest in food after we cut out the Clavamox. I am so sorry you and Sara are going through this. 

Today was the first day without it. I'm just afraid we may be past the point of no return with her

 

[donutte]

At this point, I don't think there is anything much for you to do  .  Are you still giving her meds, sub-qs and assist feedings?  I wouldn't give up on her yet, because as you mentioned, today is her first day without the antibiotics.  If they made her feel bad, which could very well be the case, then it may take a day or two for her to come out of it.  If she has given up the will to live, you will know soon enough.  The fact that she just let her face fall into her food, though, is NOT a good sign, obviously.  Did your Mom think she didn't have enough strength to simply walk away from it? 

I know exactly what you mean about waking up and wondering if she'll still be alive, and sometimes hoping she won't be.  It was the same with Sven.  He was so very frail, and I loved him so much (he was my soul cat) and he never, ever complained, so I just couldn't tell if he was suffering or not.  Of course, I didn't want him to be, and told him every single day that I would let him go when he was ready.  I was just so afraid I would miss the signal.  But I didn't.  When he gave it to me it was clear as day.  I'll never forget it, and it's been four years.  But still, it would have been better if he'd died in my arms while asleep in bed or in his own bed. 

that this is just one of those cycles and she will come thru out of it

Yep, been doing all that. I'm not getting nearly enough calories into her, I think a lot of it is being just spit out. She let her face fall into the food because she was in her little bed and instead of turning her butt to it, she just decided to put her head down in it. When she was under the table earlier (she rotates places now) she just walked away from it.

Just put a sweater on her because she's cold and we think SHE felt cold. She's been peeing herself hence the wee pad and towels on the bed. She doesn't seem to care though. She doesn't really seem all *there* a lot of the time.

Lucky gave very clear signs he was ready, although we'd already made the decision that we'd put him to sleep the next day. I guess he wanted to make sure we didn't change out minds. Even as bad as she is, Sara doesn't care. She just wants to be warm and in her bed, that's it. The idea of dragging her out of it like I did Monday and making her so upset breaks my heart more than just letting her be here.

I will still do everything these next two days. I feel like something has to happen before the weekend though, either a decision, or she gets better, or she crosses on her own. But something.

 

[Margret]

There's nothing wrong at all with your feelings.  Feelings are; they're neither moral nor immoral; that only applies to actions.

As for your actions, so far everything you've done has been for love, and in Sara's best interest.  Whether you've made mistakes I can't say; no one can.  You can only do the best you can with the information available to you, and unless there's a miracle in the offing I guarantee you'll find a way to feel guilty about your choices for Sara, because that's what we do.  We feel that we ought to be able to fix things for our loved ones, and we can't, but we still feel that there must have been something we should have done differently.  I don't mean that you will or do deserve to feel guilty, I just know that this is how your (and my) mind works.

If you don't feel like walking, how about putting on some music and dancing?  Good exercise, and we already know you're a music lover.  And anything rhythmic tends to take us out of ourselves for a bit.  I know an author who scrubs the floor whenever she has writer's block, because the rhythmic movement pulls her out of it.

Margret

 

[jenny82]

I hope both you and Sara feel better tomorrow. How about taking a bath? That usually relaxes me.

 

[donutte]

We have no bath tubs here, just a shower. Shower just doesn't cut it. I'd have a stiff drink but I just don't feel like having one for some reason.

I just gave Sara her pills with some of the high-cal food. She spit out most of the food almost in a panicky way. I think she might be having trouble swallowing. She did manage to not spit the pills out somehow. I felt awful though when that happened.

I had a chat with her. Told her if she needs to go, it's ok, that I'll understand and that I love her very, very much. I took her in expecting it to be a temporary situation. After some time went by we knew the sister of the person we got her from never intended on taking her. It's been a wonderful and crazy ten years with her (she was four when we got her). And I was so happy that I got chosen to be her mommy. Told her I was sorry for anything she ever went through before I got her, and anything I could have done better, but didn't.

 

[donutte]

Sara's very interested in eating, but is too weak to do so. I don't even think she can swallow properly.

I'll have to talk to my vet when I call later. I just don't know what to do.

 

[foxxycat]

I don't know what to tell you. Is she trying to tell you something? My heart aches for you.

 

[donutte]

I don't know what to tell you. Is she trying to tell you something? My heart aches for you.

Whether she is or not, I think I'll be taking her in today for her last visit. I'll be calling the vet in about ten minutes (they usually open the line five minutes before opening). I feel like she's hungry but can't eat, and to me, leaving her like that would be torture for her.

 

[hellomisskitty]

My heart goes out to you and Sara, Donutte. I'm sending you both lots of love right now.