Feeling Guilty, Returning Kitten To Shelter

[bravatas]

So I have wanted (or thought) I wanted a kitten for the longest time. I have lived with cats since graduating college about 3 years ago and finally bought my own house so I could get me a kitten. I looked for about 3 months and always came up with an excuse as to why the kitten wasnt the one for me.

I live with two roommates who each have a cat. One of my roommates said he wanted to just surprise me with a kitten because he knew I would never pick one otherwise. I told him I needed to have a say in picking the kitten to feel confortable with getting him or her. So yesturday all three of us went to our local human society and they had SO many kittens! I found one that one of my roommates thought was so cute and he is a little cutie for sure. We where rushed on time because we where meeting a friend for dinner and I just kind of word vomited out....."I want to get this kitten." So there I was adopting a kitten. I am such a planner that I felt anexious the whole time I was waiting to fill out the final adoption form. I just didnt mentally prepare to bring home a kitten that day. But I told myself I was being crazy that I have been preparing for a kittin for years now by living with my roommates cats.

There was several times I almost went up to the lady to change my mind but I again told myself I was being crazy. That it was just typical me not liking change and acting spontanious (even through I am the least spntanious person in the world I am pretty sure). We brough the kitten home and I just started crying. I told myself I was just overwhelmed. That the other job and family stresses I am currently dealing with was just effecting how I felt about that kitten. But that I would love it in no time and not regret my decision.

The kitten is only 2 months old and was a crazy ball of energy but settled down at night and slept with me in my bed. I think it was a good first night in general, but I woke up feeling the same anxeity as before. I even told my roommate not to post any of the pictures of the kitten on social media becasue I felt so uneasy keeping him. I only told my mom and 3 close friends who where all super excited for me and didn't understand why I was upset.

Today I found myself reading other peoples posts about having to return their cat or kitten or dog and I just felt like such a horrible person! I still feel like a horrible person for even thinking about returning this kitten! I am sure he will be adopted fast but still I don't feel like I have a good reason at all to return him. Everyones posts where talking about behavior problems or the animal not getting along with their kids etc. Actual reason to return an animal. This kitten doesn't have any of that and here I am feeling guilty for even thinking about returning him. I think I am just acting crazy and need to give it more time to adjust. I don't handle even good change very well and even when I bought my house I freaked out a little but now love it.

My question is, how much time do I give it? When do I know if it is just me or if the kitten just isn't the right one for me. Am I just suppose to live with my roommates cats and not have my own? I never though I would have buyers remorse for a kitten after saying I wanted one for so long. Please help!

 

[saleri]

So do you just have anxiety over having a kitten? Any particular reason why?

 

[bravatas]

I think I am getting anxiety from this because although I have lived with pets my whole life I have never been the one solely responsible for their wellbeing. I keep thinking I am going to role over on him at night or that I wont give it enough affection and attention as it needs. I think I am just really doubting myself. Maybe I just need to be more confident in my abilities. It would be helpful if the older cats in the house got along better with him too. But they are probably still adjusting themselves.

 

[susanm9006]

There is nothing wrong with sharing the enjoyment of your roommates cats. There is a huge difference between living with cats and being personally responsible for one. I would give it a week or two and if you still feel the same go with your instinct and return the little one to the shelter.

 

[saleri]

I think I am getting anxiety from this because although I have lived with pets my whole life I have never been the one solely responsible for their wellbeing. I keep thinking I am going to role over on him at night or that I wont give it enough affection and attention as it needs. I think I am just really doubting myself. Maybe I just need to be more confident in my abilities. It would be helpful if the older cats in the house got along better with him too. But they are probably still adjusting themselves.

Yeah I had that same paranoia of rolling over my kittens or accidentally moving my chair with them behind them. But it's never really being a problem, and I don't think I've heard any examples of this, and I just kind of forgot about it.

I'm sure in time the older cats will accept the younger kitten, and make things easier.

I give it a week though. Have you talked to your roommates and asked them for advice?

 

[Kieka]

If the kitten isn't right for you then you should return it. However, it sounds more like you are just anxious and scared about the whole situation. I'd give it a week and try really hard in that time to focus on the positives. Keep a list of positive and negative during that time and at the end of the week really look over the list.

 

[tiffyb388]

Hi!

Don't worry, you are not crazy for feeling this way. I am 100% a planner as well so I understand completely what you're going through. I recent adopted a 4 month kitten (Simon), I wanted a cat for about 2 year now. He is a crazy ball of energy and did not let me sleep for about 3 days and it totally through me off. I was overwhelmed and crying because I thought I would be a terrible person for returning him or ignoring him just tot get some sleep. I just recently graduated college and accepted a full-time position and thought I was not ready for the life changes that comes with taking care of a kitten.

After using this forum, researching, and asking cat friends, after about a week I was feeling better. Simon got adjusted to the apartment quickly, I made a food/play schedule to follow which has keeps him sleeping through the night. He is becoming more independent everyday. Some days he just wants to play by himself and meows less and less every passing day. Just think about how long it takes for habits to kick in (about 1-2 weeks), so it will become normal in no time. Cats are naturally independent and the older they get the more independent they become. You do have to make some adjustments on how late you stay out or want to go on vacation. Just remember the kitten is an addition to the family and will not run your life forever. Now Simon sleeps with me and comes over when he wants to play, and then has his alone time when he's feeling curious.

If you feel that you know that you do not think you can adjust, then return him/her as soon as possible so they can be re-homed sooner. It is not ideal but it is better then you being miserable, your cat will sense the disconnect.

 

[KarenKat]

First of all, no judgement here of you decide to give the kitten back or if you decide to keep him.

But if you keep him, then you will be the perfect owner for him because you are obviously very caring. No one is a perfect cat owner - we do our best, but sometimes we are tired and skip playtime, or we don’t want to cuddle right then, or we stay later at the happy hour. But we are perfect for them because we try and simply because we are. We gave them a home, and that is perfect for them. If you treat him with love and care, that is enough.

If you return him after giving it a week or two because you are anxious or not ready, then you give him a good chance at another home. This is also good. I say stop trying to be perfect, and just be you.

I understand you not posting photos on social media, but would it help to post here? Another good part of having a knitting is to enjoy their antics and share them. It might help you bond.

 

[bravatas]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I do think I need to give it another week. I am hoping that if the other cats start to warm up with the kitten and it isn't trapped in my room all day that will make me feel better too. I do need to get ahold of myself though because I am always so tense around the little guy and I don't think that is healthy for him either.

 

[tecetyeintyale]

As others have said -- no judgement if you need to return the kitten. If it's not the right fit, there's nothing wrong with that and as you said, he's at the age where he'll easily be adopted again by someone else.

But it sounds to me like that's not the case. You sound exactly like me when I adopted my cats (as kittens) almost two years ago. I'm also a big planner. I knew for years I wanted cats. I waited until I could buy my own place, get it all set up with furniture etc., budgeted and saved for the cats, bought everything I'd need for them, and only then started looking. I went to the shelter "just to look," not planning to actually take home kittens that day, and all of a sudden I was taking home kittens LOL.

I, too, had some moments of panic and doubt in the first couple of weeks. I doubted that they were the "right" kittens for me. I panicked whenever I thought something might be wrong with them (which it never was). I worried I wasn't feeding them enough, or the right food, etc. But it didn't take more than a couple of weeks for all that to settle down and for me to realize that they were DEFINITELY the right kittens for me -- I was just stressed about being a new pet owner and doubting myself. Now, I wouldn't give them up for anything.

Even if you've grown up and live with pets, having your own that you're solely responsible for is very different, and it can be stressful having that responsibility. Every time I had doubts, I just had to keep telling myself, "You've planned this for years. You can do this." Maybe trying to remind yourself of that when you're feeling anxious will help. Good luck! <3

 

[Etarre]

As others have said, I think that having some anxiety about whether you've done the right thing is normal, and indicates that you really care about this kitten's happiness.

After my beloved Gwen died, I was sure that I wanted another cat, and I adopted Juniper relatively soon after to take advantage of our holiday schedule to try to bond with her and help her adjust. Bonding was not easy, and I'm sure that after having Gwen for 15 years, I had totally forgotten the stress of having a new cat and trying to work them into my life and adjust to them.

It's also a huge commitment to choose a cat-- it's like a marriage, in that in saying "you're the one for me" you're also refusing all the other cats (unless you plan to adopt multiples at some point, which we didn't, and can't). And you're really expected to make that commitment without some sort of intermediate period of 'dating' to see if you're compatible. I think that recognizing the gravity of that and coming to terms with it means is a sign of intelligence.

So I don't think you should be hard on yourself for having doubts and for being nervous about the commitment you've made. But I would give yourself and the kitten a little more time to bond, and try to have some faith that it will happen over time.

Once Juniper got over her fear of her new environment, she turned out to be a perfect fit, and I hope she's happy with us, too! In your case, it sounds like resolving the kitten's relationships with your roommate's cats will be an important step in making sure that everyone is happy. You can find a lot of good information on cat introductions and integrations on this site and Jackson Galaxy's TV show. Having a little more knowledge always makes me feel less anxious, so maybe it will work that way for you, too.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I totally understand the stress and responsibility you can feel when you bring home a young, new kitten -- especially if you are having a lot of other responsibilities and stressors going on in your life right now. Sometimes it is really hard to know if you've made the right decision for the right time, and no one will judge you if you decide that maybe now is just not the right time.

Several weeks ago I ran across this TCS thread, and maybe it will give you some perspective, reading of other people's experiences.
Anxious about new cat - any advice??

Only you know yourself best, though, so follow your gut instincts about what you are capable of right now. Kittens are a handful and can take a year or two to "settle down"! It is not easy for sure, but it is also rewarding and the experience of growing up with your cat is sometimes not to be missed. I think it will work out for the best, no matter what you decide to do!

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

Thank you everyone for the advice. I do think I need to give it another week. I am hoping that if the other cats start to warm up with the kitten and it isn't trapped in my room all day that will make me feel better too. I do need to get ahold of myself though because I am always so tense around the little guy and I don't think that is healthy for him either.

There are a lot of great "How To" articles here about introducing cats to each other, and also about the various ways, needs and wants of having new kittens in your life.

If you go to the "Articles" section, you'll see a breakdown of Article topics to browse through. But you can also go to the Articles section, then do a "Search" from that actual location on the site, as the Search page's default when under "Articles" is set to searching that specific section of TCS where you are located...
here's a screenshot where you can see that the drop down box shows where you can choose to "Search Articles only" for certain keywords, or unclick that to search site-wide, too (not just within the Articles section)...

 

[CatCrazy777]

I can relate 100% to your situation. I feel also that there's such a big build up to getting a kitten as well, that when it's finally happened, that's the chance for all the doubts and worries to present themselves, that couldn't be heard over all the excitement before.
I think some advice would be to try and stay calm and take it one day at a time. I've had my kitten since July now, and the moment I truly realised that I really did love him and that he is an irreplaceable part of my family was when I had to go away for a couple of days and leave him in boarding. I'm going to be 100% honest and say I cried myself to sleep that night haha. Before then there were doubts going through my mind, such as did I make the right decision in getting this kitten? Am I prepared for the commitment? If something goes wrong, will i be able to afford it? Is my financial situation stable enough to be able to commit to him in the long term? Would someone else have been a more suited owner?
Sometimes it's hard to realise how much you really have bonded with your kitten as well, until you are parted from them.
From what you have said, I believe that this kitten is very lucky to have you and will be very happy in your care, so try and release the doubts, have a little faith, and embrace what will hopefully be many happy years between you and your kitten.

And maybe you still won't be 100% by the end of a couple of weeks, but hopefully it helps you to know that neither was I, but now I am so grateful that I never gave up on Antonio and that he never gave up on me.

 

[aliceneko]

If the kitten isn't right for you then you should return it. However, it sounds more like you are just anxious and scared about the whole situation. I'd give it a week and try really hard in that time to focus on the positives. Keep a list of positive and negative during that time and at the end of the week really look over the list.

I agree with this. Give the situation another week or so.
I also agree with those who have said about the build up - I hope that you manage to make things work between you and your little kitten, and that you do manage to stay with each other forever. Hopefully you will feel more at ease after giving your kitten another chance. Hugs to you!

 

[Ghoulofnagoya]

I would give it another week or so. That should give u time to get settled ot realize u just can not handle this.

When I got Levi I actually adopted his “brother” castiel the next day so that Levi wouldn’t be lonely. Sadly seller lied. They were not from samr litter and they HATED each other. Castiel cried non stop a whole week so I returned him. My anxiety went off and I felt like I failed this car to make him so sad. In my case seller lied saying he was 5 months old but that kitten I found out was NOT even weened off mother. I still have Levi and we are best buddies.

 

[bravatas]

Hi Everyone!

I just wanted to say thank you!! It has been a little over 2 weeks now and I am so happy I stuck it out and let myself adjust to the kitten. I love him so much and can't even believe I thought about returning him!

I just bought him a cat tower and him and the other 2 cats love it! He is now used to the house and runs around playing with the other cats which is just so cute to watch! He is my little baby boy and I am so happy I found this site and had all of you giving me good advise.

Again, thank you so much everyone!!!! <3

 

[Etarre]

Thanks for letting us know that things improved for you, and that the kitten is now a happy part of your family. It's always nice to hear when things end well. Please also share some pics in the photo forums.

 

[bravatas]

Here are some pictures of the little guy. The second one is how he likes to sleep during naptime <3

 

[Lalexa67]

View attachment 249385View attachment 249386

Here are some pictures of the little guy. The second one is how he likes to sleep during naptime <3

Much love! What a sweetie so happy you hung in there