Feeling guilty for feeling "normal."

[bootsm]

I've posted on here recently about my cat passing, thanks everyone for the support and words of advice. It's only been just over a week. The first week I was wreck, breaking down crying and feeling empty and lost. But this week I feel oddly normal and it's really bothering me. I feel so disconnected from her, it feels like she's been gone five years rather than just a week. This is a cat that has been with me 18 years and we had such a strong bond. With my first cat passing, I could still hear his voice and sense his presence. I feel like my memory is almost already gone and its making me incredibly sad. I feel lucky that I've gotten some signs from her that first week. My brain almost feels broken. Has anyone felt this? Is it shock or am I just all cried out?

 

[xlynnbbyx]

It is normal to go through that I have done it several times. My last cat Skeeter he was with me for 16 years. He was mainly and indoor/outdoor cat. He used the bathroom outdoors to where I never needed a litter box until I got Scooter. November 2021 Skeeter went outside and never came back. When it got past the time he would stay out which was always a day I knew in my heart he was gone. Then I sadly got confirmation he was gone and he was found under my place. I cried for a week straight. Every time I thought I was gone I would think of him and cry again. Then next week while I was still grieving I felt normal. I still have memories of him and photos of him. Just because you feel normal now doesn’t mean you are disconnected or losing memory of her. You said you got signs from her that is her way of letting you know she is okay and it’s ok to get back to normal. Your heart got what it wanted which was her showing you she is okay. I am sure you have photos of her and plenty of memories. While she is not here physically she is still with you spiritually. So it’s normal to feel that way.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I think if a cat is ill, and has had a gradual decline, a caretaker goes through a form of anticipatory grief - I know I am. I kind of feel this grief can lessen an overwhelming sense of loss when the time comes, and if your cat was suffering at all there is a level of relief too. Sure, there are always the 'what ifs' and the 'did I do all I could do' but the fact remains that when a cat is terminally ill and/or especially old, I don't know if those doubts linger long.

I don't know anything about signs, nor can I say I ever had them with any of my cats that have passed. My current girl (19+ yo) will likely not send me signs, she has been pretty 'sucky' about that all her living life so far with me (in her younger days, she was rather independent), but who knows. Still, we've been together for so long, as you were with your cat, that there is a bond that might get you (and maybe me too) beyond what is sometimes expected with 'normal' grieving.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Having grieved far too many pets, and far too many humans, in a long life, I can tell you that this is in no way outside the realm of normal. It is probably more common than people are willing to admit. Think of it as your mind's way of giving you a break, relieving the agony. It can last hours, days, weeks, and then there is a resurgence of grief that can, as well, last any length of time. I have grieved my mother like this...a week after she died, it was "business as usual," but for years, I have experienced moments, hours, sometimes days, of grieving her as if she had just passed. If this is to be your pattern, don't be shocked by it, or allow yourself to think it is "wrong." "Right" is whatever allows you to function within your grief. My heart with yours.

 

[di and bob]

I felt much better in a shorter period of time when the cat was suffering or extremely old and starting to. I had a feral tom cat for MANY years and he got old and very very bad. It finally came to the point of him crying and falling over at every step that I did bring him in after telling him I never would. I just couldn't stand seeing him in such pain.....I felt nothing but peace and relief, a far cry from most of my other cat deaths. it really puzzled me for a while. but you have to believe there are so many different circumstances and different 'kinds' of death that everyone grieves differently and even grieves differently with each death at the same time. It doesn't mean you care less or are actually feeling better, it means you have found inner peace and accept what happened. It doesn't mean you are forgetting or loving them differently, it means you love them enough to let them go, knowing that you will always have them in your heart. Knowing they are at peace because they will always have you in their heart too.......

 

[bootsm]

I think if a cat is ill, and has had a gradual decline, a caretaker goes through a form of anticipatory grief - I know I am. I kind of feel this grief can lessen an overwhelming sense of loss when the time comes, and if your cat was suffering at all there is a level of relief too. Sure, there are always the 'what ifs' and the 'did I do all I could do' but the fact remains that when a cat is terminally ill and/or especially old, I don't know if those doubts linger long.

I don't know anything about signs, nor can I say I ever had them with any of my cats that have passed. My current girl (19+ yo) will likely not send me signs, she has been pretty 'sucky' about that all her living life so far with me (in her younger days, she was rather independent), but who knows. Still, we've been together for so long, as you were with your cat, that there is a bond that might get you (and maybe me too) beyond what is sometimes expected with 'normal' grieving.

I was thinking maybe that was part of it too. While she wasn't dying or actively sick for most of her life, the past two years we needed to take extra precautions with her because of IVDD and there were many "scares." I knew my time was increasingly limited

 

[bootsm]

Having grieved far too many pets, and far too many humans, in a long life, I can tell you that this is in no way outside the realm of normal. It is probably more common than people are willing to admit. Think of it as your mind's way of giving you a break, relieving the agony. It can last hours, days, weeks, and then there is a resurgence of grief that can, as well, last any length of time. I have grieved my mother like this...a week after she died, it was "business as usual," but for years, I have experienced moments, hours, sometimes days, of grieving her as if she had just passed. If this is to be your pattern, don't be shocked by it, or allow yourself to think it is "wrong." "Right" is whatever allows you to function within your grief. My heart with yours.

This is really helpful. I do feel like my brain was almost blocking me feeling or thinking of her because I had been suck a wreck. But today something got triggered and the grief is there again

 

[eevans3373]

My cat Sammie was on the decline for a while, and I had foreseen this would be my last year with him. When it was time, I was pre grieved out. I cried as he was euthanized but that was it. I was relieved his suffering was over and moved on with my life.