Dreaded Talk: It Might Be Time To Put Him Down And I'm Dying Inside

[bootsm]

My 17 yr old cat has a lot of things going on, heart disease, CRF and thickened intestines. He's been declining ever since we put him on a chemo pill which we stopped 2 weeks ago. But we think the chemo pill made his kidney values skyrocket. He had a seizure last week and had a bigger one last night. We thought he lost the use of his legs and went blind but he is walking today (though still a little wobbly) and not sure if his vision is back but he's not confused like he was last night. Today, it's early but he seems so much better but his appetite is still not great either.

The animal hospital and vet said not much can be done to bring down his kidney levels that much and it's probably time to say goodbye, though he's not "dying" per se right now. But I see him laying down and he seems like himself and just purring. He has bounced back from so much, I just keep thinking he will bounce back from this too. I know this is a personal question and many people probably can't answer this but how do you know when it's time?

 

[stephanietx]

This is such a difficult place to be. I have been there before and it's terrible. What I had to think about was quality of life for my kitty. Was she able to clean herself? Was she eating normally? Was she grooming herself? Was she able to jump up in the windowsill and baske in the sun? Was she interacting with the family as normal? When I looked at those questions and truly answered them, I knew that it was time. (She had chronic kidney disease, btw). Sometimes she would have tremors. This is caused by the body's inability to filter out toxins in the bloodstream. Basically, her kidneys were shutting down. It was the most loving thing for her because she wasn't suffering anymore, but it was the absolute hardest thing for me. Pay attention to your kitty and he'll tell you when it's time.

 

[Stinky15]

He is lucky to have such a caring furrparent. I know this must be hard for you, but I don't think anybody can tell you how to make the decision to let him go. Personally as long as you don't think he is in any pain and acting pretty normal I would just love him and do what I could to make his remaining time happy and comfortable.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. So sorry to hear about your 17 yo baby. I am an advocate of hanging on as long as your cat does not appear to be suffering.

I hope his eating picks back up some more after he gets a day or two away from the seizure. Did this happen with the first seizure?

Also, if you don't know this already, purring can be a sign of a cat consoling themselves - which if true in your case, is a good sign in that he WANTS to do so. From my experience, if they are truly, truly near their time, they generally don't purr.

Given you already know that his time is perhaps not real far away, is there any real issue in using a treatment that would at least lower his kidney levels some?

As said above, only you and your kitty will know when it's time. It broke my heart when we had to let Tawny go but we knew he was suffering and was probably more than ready to stop. He had FIP, and we even had his belly drained 3 times in order to give him some relief - and us more time...

 

[Jem]

I am currently exactly where you are right now. Ours has CKD and CHF all of which, that has progressed to where treatments aren't working anymore, and worse, makes the other condition worse if we treat one of them. He also had seizures, but that was a few months ago, then be "bounced back", and hasn't had on since. He always bounced back, just like yours. So I get how hard it is to "know" when the time should be. We took him to our vet yesterday, to see how our latest treatment was working, and honestly I was expecting a not so great outcome as his fluid retention has become quite noticeable in the last week. And I was right. And unfortunately, I also think, that the visit put him over the edge, because when we got home it seemed his blindness was "complete", he had been loosing his eyesight before, but he was disoriented when we got home. He seems to have found his way around again but is still blind. He eats, drinks, uses his litter box, still loves company and purrs, but I can tell he is on the decline. We have no other options for him, so we have him at home, and we are keeping him comfortable and loving him. At his visit, I asked for a few days worth of pain killers, so I can give them to him when I notice that his time is coming, to keep him comfy when we bring him to the vet "one final time".
I can't tell you when your kitty's time will be, but in our case, Toby has "crashed" a few times over the years, and because of this, we know what to look for. So when the signs start to show that he may crash again, (weak legs, not eating or drinking as much, not grooming, if he misses the litter box...) we will bring him in, as we already know that no medical intervention will get him to bounce back.

My heart goes out to you, I hope you find peace with whatever decision you make.

 

[bootsm]

Thank you all for your replies. It helps to know I'm not alone and to see how others are feeling. I've called a vet who assesses quality of life and also does euthansia. I'm going to keep an eye on him but he is in decline.

 

[stephanietx]

If only our pets could live forever....

 

[bootsm]

Wamba crossed over today. I was watching him for hours and he just didn’t seem happy or engaged. Also, I knew it was going to get worse and our options were limited in treating him. The home vet accessed him and didn’t think he had quality of life. It was peaceful but boy, I feel so upset I could burst and the reality hasn’t even set in yet.

 

[FeebysOwner]

My heart goes out to you. I am sorry and I so know your grief. From all you've told us, he had a good life with you, and you were both better for it.

 

[bootsm]

My heart goes out to you. I am sorry and I so know your grief. From all you've told us, he had a good life with you, and you were both better for it.

Thanks so much. We had such a long time together, and I am just broken but I’m glad it was peaceful

 

[FeebysOwner]

The cat site staff will tell you, if you want, to post on the Crossing Over forum - whatever you want to post. Whenever you're ready, please do so and include all the pics you want. RIP Wamba.

 

[stephanietx]

I'm so very sad for you, but know you did the most loving thing for Wamba. He was well loved. May you find comfort in the many years of memories you have of him.

 

[bootsm]

I'm so very sad for you, but know you did the most loving thing for Wamba. He was well loved. May you find comfort in the many years of memories you have of him.

Thanks so much, it helps so much to hear that, as I feel so bad he was sick and of course second guessing myself.

 

[FeebysOwner]

A true pet lover/owner, like yourself, will always second guess themselves (me too). But what is done is done, can't be undone. Think instead about all the good things that will better honor him.

 

[m3rma1d]

Thanks so much, it helps so much to hear that, as I feel so bad he was sick and of course second guessing myself.

You'll second guess it for a long time, possibly forever.
I still wonder "What if I'd had more money?" when it came time to let my Delia go almost 4 years ago... What if I did? More tests? Then what? My mind just gets to spinning around and going back & forth. So I simply have to comfort myself and realize, she couldn't live forever, and I gave her an awesome life while she was here. I did what I could reasonably do for her toward the end, and I held her as she left.... Shit, well now I'm crying now with you...

It sucks dude. But I hope you can find a little comfort knowing that you helped your little guy live a very long, happy life. So many kitties aren't as lucky as he was. You did a great job. Please know that. <3

 

[bootsm]

You'll second guess it for a long time, possibly forever.
I still wonder "What if I'd had more money?" when it came time to let my Delia go almost 4 years ago... What if I did? More tests? Then what? My mind just gets to spinning around and going back & forth. So I simply have to comfort myself and realize, she couldn't live forever, and I gave her an awesome life while she was here. I did what I could reasonably do for her toward the end, and I held her as she left.... Shit, well now I'm crying now with you...

It sucks dude. But I hope you can find a little comfort knowing that you helped your little guy live a very long, happy life. So many kitties aren't as lucky as he was. You did a great job. Please know that. <3

Thanks so much and sorry for your loss as well. your words mean a lot

 

[m3rma1d]

Thanks so much and sorry for your loss as well. your words mean a lot

It's ok, it's been a while, but as you can see it can come right back up again and bite sometimes. <3 Personally I honor Delia's life by volunteering at a cat shelter and paying the love forward. And also doting on the 3 kitties I've gotten since she's been gone. Doing stuff for other kitties always makes me feel a lot better. I even hold her urn sometimes and tell her about the goings on.
Take care of yourself and its totally normal if you completely lose it for a while.

 

[bootsm]

m3rma1d I have another cat left though she is getting older too, she's 13. And good idea about volunteering. I donate to ASPCA but should take it a step further. And interesting about the urn, I was going to scatter his ashes in the park but now I'm going to rethink that.

 

[m3rma1d]

m3rma1d I have another cat left though she is getting older too, she's 13. And good idea about volunteering. I donate to ASPCA but should take it a step further. And interesting about the urn, I was going to scatter his ashes in the park but now I'm going to rethink that.

Take extra good care of your other kitty, don't forget that she's going to be grieving too, not to mention she'll know you're upset. Maybe some high end food would be nice for her as a little treat? Or a new blanket. Or a simple new-to-her cardboard box. And definitely extra cuddles will help you both.

 

[doomsdave]

B bootsm , so sorry to hear.

The sad irony in all this is we love and take care of them, then they get old and die.

I have an old cat, don't know exactly how old, but it's clear she's old. Great Great Grandma seems to be getting along with the young kitten I just got (unlike the other cats) but you can see and feel how bony she is.

So far, she's okay, but time will run out. I also have some other cats past the 10-year mark, so their times are coming, too.

Thanks for sharing and let us know the progress of your recovery.