don't know what to do :( cat pooped on sofa and boyfriend wants to get rid of cat

[huyi]

it's his place so i can't tell him to take a hike, my cat is going through middening stages right now with stress (hes pooped a total of 4 times on the rug and sofa) and he doesn't understand, his mind is set in stone that he wants to sell it, i have no say in the matter even when i've exhausted all reasons, i love my boy and i don't want him to go and i am too attached to him, i've had him since he was a kitten, he's 2 and a half now.

i've said i would make compromise and try to contain him in the hallway till his toilet habits get better and keep an eye out but he says that is not enough, the reason why my cat bastin is going through middening  right now is because we argue in front of him and it obviously causes stress, it's also mainly my boyfriend who screams at him, i tell him to stop doing it and i've warned him so many times not to scream at the cat because he will get stressed but he doesn't care and does it anyway, now look where we are and because of this he is getting rid of it? it doesn't seem fair at all, he is mainly the cause for this.

i said to him what if we had kids and they wet the bed or pooped themselves would you get rid of them too? he said no but i know he would never be able to handle it, if he can't take on the problems of this cat, how can he cope with a child?

my mum is on his side too but no surprise there because she hates animals (even when i was a kid she hated animals) and has always said to get rid of him for a long time now, no one is on my side so i can't fight back, i am posting on here for some advice on what to do now.

there are many reasons why he would never be suitable with someone else, he is only used to me he hisses any anyone else, he's a indoor cat only, if the new owner does not know this and sends him outside the cat would harm himself outside or even worse get run over, i don't want that, my cat only likes dry food, the new owner may not even buy that for him and might buy him cheaper horrible brands that may do him more harm than good, i know that is nitpicking but i know what is best for my cat, some guy that my boyfriend will sell him to will have no idea how to look after him.

so that gets my anxiety up even more, i've been admitted to hospital for panic attacks and fainted (i'm serious) but my boyfriend doesn't seem to care at all and even told me at the hospital that he is still getting rid of him, he can be really nasty sometimes.

so what are my options right now? (if any, i've given up all hope) he's so eager to sell that cat he's going out every day to get rid of it, once something is set in stone he never stops.

 

[callista]

It probably isn't my place to say, but... Why are you still with this guy? You argue all the time and he's trying to make you get rid of your cat; that doesn't sound like a happy relationship at all. But I don't know you or your BF and maybe I don't know what I'm talking about in that respect. I just know that you must be just as stressed out as your cat with all the arguing.

Is your cat purebred and worth money? If not, your boyfriend won't be able to sell him to anyone for anything--cat overpopulation is a big problem, and the only possible way to get rid of an adult cat with no particular breed (or even a purebred of pet quality with no particular worth as a show cat) would be to take it to a shelter. That... well, it doesn't end well.

My first impression is that the cat isn't the problem; the boyfriend is. He yells at you and yells at the cat despite your having asked him not to. It's your cat and yet he's trying to force you to get rid of the cat. When you were in the hospital and needed support, he just told you he was getting rid of the cat. Honestly, that sounds abusive to me. What he's doing is wrong. Nobody deserves it. You wouldn't deserve to be treated that way even if you were the worst girlfriend ever.

It's presumptuous to say this, I know--but my advice is to take your cat and find yourself a different place to stay, one that doesn't have a resident scumbag to drive you both up the wall. If you think your boyfriend may hurt you or the cat if you do this, then look in the phone book and find a local women's center, and call them to get help--advice, contacts, maybe just someone who'll listen to you while you work out what your next steps are going to be. You don't mention that he's hitting anyone, so I'll assume he's not, but what he's doing is stil wrong and you and your cat shouldn't have to take it.

 

[stealthkitty]

Why are you still with this guy? You argue all the time and he's trying to make you get rid of your cat; that doesn't sound like a happy relationship at all.

With all due respect, your bf doesn't seem to care at all about how you feel, and he doesn't respect the bond you have with your dear cat. People with those traits generally do not make good long-term partners. A person who doesn't like cats (or some other type of animal) will at least accommodate the feelings of a loved one who does. It's worrisome that he will not.

How would you feel if you came home and the cat had been replaced by a wad of cash in his pocket? If you can answer that question, then you already know what you need to do.

 

[di and bob]

I agree with all of the above. You must be young, because nobody older and wiser would put up with any of that. Believe me, it's NOT going to get better. I myself would not stay with ANYONE who cannot control themselves enough to not yell at a defenseless animal. A boyfriend should be concerned and loving if you are in the hospital, and there IS a loving one out there! Please, please find your cat AND you a new loving home, it's never easy, but well worth it. God bless and help you.

 

[keycube]

So, let's see what the linescore is...

Your boyfriend (and, by extension, you) is causing your cat stress, which is manifesting itself in the cat's bathroom behavior.

And yet, the boyfriend continues to blame the cat.

Boyfriend looks as though he treats you like crap as well.

Your boyfriend is a huge tool.  Huge.  If you get rid of your cat, you'll regret it forever; because I guarantee that this guy will never be by your side - through good times and bad - like your kitty will.

That said, if you're not capable of being strong enough to advocate for your defenseless animal, please please please find him a more suitable home where he will be loved unconditionally.

 

[huyi]

good news guys, he decided to give him another chance, i'm so relived he may be mean sometimes but at least he gave the cat a chance so i will give him credit for that, i just have to be careful that he doesn't do it again, changes have to be made because the cat can't be left alone, at least till the cats behaviour gets better anyway, main things is i am happy now.

Your boyfriend is a huge tool.  Huge.  If you get rid of your cat, you'll regret it forever

you can say that again, i would have never been the same again.

 

[three cat night]

Huyi. I am wondering if your cat is neutered ? If not , cats will show behaviors like not using the litter, hissing etc.. Also you need to keep the litter box very clean, clean it at least twice daily . Cats hate a dirty litter box.(just as we humans do) I am worried that this boyfriend will harm the cat or do something like taking the cat outside and telling you he does not know what happened to him. I doubt you will be able to "sell" your cat. Shelters are full of homeless cats and the potential adopters might pay a fee to the shelter but this money includes neuter/spay , microchipping, full vaccinations and a checkup from the staff vet. Don't take him to just any SHELTER, get on the web and search for rescue/ no kill places. You can also ask your vet to recommend a decent shelter or rescue org.
If he isn't neutered , DO THIS IMMEDIATELY . he'll be happier. Yelling doesn't work with animals and does not work on humans. Change his litter box, maybe he needs a deeper/bigger box so he can dig in it. Have you recently moved in with your bf? Did your cat have this problem over the 2 years you have had him?
Please keep us posted, and good luck.

 

[goholistic]

I am also sorry to say this, but I would diss the BF. It didn't take me long to realize that the man in my life needed to love me and love my cats just as much as I do (and also not be allergic to cats). Otherwise, it would never work. They're out there, and I'm going on 8 years strong with my SO who loves cats and treats them well.

IMO, it sounds like stress is the main culprit here. If there is continued yelling in the house, you may not see any improvement. This is not to say that you should ignore other causes of litter box aversion, such as a dirty box, hooded box, location of the box, feel of the litter, scent of the litter (should be unscented), not enough litter, etc. If he's peeing in the box, but not pooping in the box, this could also be a sign of pain or discomfort in the rectum caused by an underlying medical issue. This would need to be checked out by a vet.
 

 

[callista]

good news guys, he decided to give him another chance, i'm so relived he may be mean sometimes but at least he gave the cat a chance so i will give him credit for that, i just have to be careful that he doesn't do it again, changes have to be made because the cat can't be left alone, at least till the cats behaviour gets better anyway, main things is i am happy now.

"I just have to be careful that he doesn't do it again"... That scares me a little that you said that, that you imply that you have to make sure your cat doesn't mess up again--that somehow you have to make your boyfriend happy, instead of your boyfriend stopping his behavior. The trouble with trying to change yourself (or your cat) is that no matter how much you try to placate your guy, try to make him happy, try to be the person he wants you to be, it's not going to change who he is, and in the process you'll give away your own freedom. You aren't the one who should be apologizing and saying you should do better. Most people who mistreat their families are mean only "sometimes". They use the times that they're nice to keep you coming back for more, to make you think they're really not such bad people. And then once you're complacent, they start to treat you bad again. It's a nasty, nasty cycle. YOU are the one who has the right to decide what happens to your cat. Your boyfriend should not have any say in the matter. Yes, he could break up with you over it if he wanted, but he still does not have the right to force you to give up your cat. It really worries me that you feel like you have to be the one to make sure your cat doesn't mess up, that you're the one who'll be at fault if he decides to get rid of the cat. Nobody should have to feel responsible for somebody else's choices like that.

 

[stealthkitty]

HUYI, this is a huge red flag. Your bf is the one who has the problem (he overreacts to the cat's perfectly natural and treatable behavior) but instead of him adjusting, he makes you bend over backwards to make him happy. This is controlling behavior. This is not healthy and will not get better. You deserve better than a guy like that.

 

[ldg]

This thread is just heart breaking in so many ways.

Sadly, the problem here is not the kitty's behavior, it's your boyfriend's. Kitty can't change. Boyfriend won't.

Sure, there may be issues as discussed by Three cat night. But those are not the root problem. Your cat is trying to tell you there is a problem. Please, please listen. :heart2:

In the end, your boyfriend is forcing you to choose between him or the cat.

Here's what may happen if you do nothing: http://www.lifewithcats.tv/2013/03/...ife-turns-him-in-for-abuse-of-the-family-cat/

Hun, whether or not you want to acknowledge it, you are in an abusive relationship.

If you choose to take this "reprieve" to make arrangements to change the course of your life for you and your cat, here are some resources that may help:

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_a...ency_accommodation_if_homeless/womens_refuges

If nothing else, hun, I suggest you seek counseling. :heart2:

 

[katluver4life]

Aside from the issues with your BF, lets address what could be causing your kitty's toileting problems, though stress between you and your BF could certainly be the problem, so could other things. How recent is this move into your BF's place?  Have you changed litter types? Have you tried adding a second litter box? Some cats prefer 1 pan to pee in and a second to poop in

I would also have him checked by the vet to rule out any medical issues. Cats are not vindictive or spiteful, he's not doing this on purpose, there is an underlying problem, just have to figure it out. I had a kitty who used to use my kitchen throw rug as her poop place until I learned she needed another pan. Where the pans are placed is just as important for some kitties.
 

As others have already advised, you need to get out of that relationship. It's time to walk away and move on

 

[tjcarst]

Have you changed litter brands lately?  This is something that is easy to change back.  A friend's cat stopped using the litterbox when she changed litter.  Took her forever to figure it out, but now all is back to normal again.

Taking in a cat is a life long relationship.  Your cat relies upon you.  I have to agree with others that if your BF is already controlling an aspect of your life that is very important to you, you need to re-asses things now.  I can only assume that he does not value the relationship you have with your pet and most likely the one you have with him.

 

[huyi]

Huyi. I am wondering if your cat is neutered ? If not , cats will show behaviors like not using the litter, hissing etc.. Also you need to keep the litter box very clean, clean it at least twice daily . Cats hate a dirty litter box.(just as we humans do) I am worried that this boyfriend will harm the cat or do something like taking the cat outside and telling you he does not know what happened to him. I doubt you will be able to "sell" your cat. Shelters are full of homeless cats and the potential adopters might pay a fee to the shelter but this money includes neuter/spay , microchipping, full vaccinations and a checkup from the staff vet. Don't take him to just any SHELTER, get on the web and search for rescue/ no kill places. You can also ask your vet to recommend a decent shelter or rescue org.
If he isn't neutered , DO THIS IMMEDIATELY . he'll be happier. Yelling doesn't work with animals and does not work on humans. Change his litter box, maybe he needs a deeper/bigger box so he can dig in it. Have you recently moved in with your bf? Did your cat have this problem over the 2 years you have had him?
Please keep us posted, and good luck.

no, hes not neutered, i clean the litter box as soon as he goes to toilet, he has a very big litter box, i had to remove the lid in the past though because he didn't like it.

i wouldn't let that happen if he decided to sell him, he wanted to sell to people he knew like friends, i know what the shelters are like, no, we haven't moved and he has stayed in the same apartment since we got him.

i've looked at the pros and cons of neutering and from what i can see some people said that their behaviour didn't change after they neutered in fact their cats got even worse, maybe you can give me some good reasons to neuter him?

 

[huyi]

Have you changed litter brands lately?  This is something that is easy to change back.  A friend's cat stopped using the litterbox when she changed litter.  Took her forever to figure it out, but now all is back to normal again.

Taking in a cat is a life long relationship.  Your cat relies upon you.  I have to agree with others that if your BF is already controlling an aspect of your life that is very important to you, you need to re-asses things now.  I can only assume that he does not value the relationship you have with your pet and most likely the one you have with him.

i use wood shavings litter it's un-scented, i wash the box out every week with water and then give it a good clean every month, i don't wash the box with soap every week because the scent of the soap would put him off using it.

i don't want you guys to worry over me that is why i was hesitant to post i know you are all concerned about me.

i have considered taking him to the vets for a checkup but he says that it costs money, i said to him there is a vet that helps people with low income for treatment but he just wasn't interested.

the cat has started to poop in the litter box again which is good, but it gets exhausting having to watch him all the time when he is moving about the front room and thanks again for the support guys.

 

[three cat night]

Huyi, About the neutering , for one thing it is going to give him a healthier life, many studies have shown that male cats , unneutered have urinary problems and a higher chance of male organ .cancers. Also, they are prone to have behaviors that disrupt the household like marking their territory
By pooing and spraying outside the litterbox, and getting more aggressive from the hormones . I would recommend this as soon as possible, really. In my area , shelters have a spay/neuter day once a month and it's real cheap, and only requires a few hours(females require more time & money) he will be much happier and so will you. It's really important . It is understandable you are stressed out making sure he does not do anything that could upset your BF. Hang in there and keep us posted, ok?

 

[franfontana]

My guess is, your boy pooped on the sofa where your bf normally sits.... That said, your cat is letting you know he does NOT like your bf.   Not considering your feelings is selfish. 
 

 

[ldg]

Neutering him will make him a MUCH happier cat. In addition to all the reasons Three cat night listed, you might want to take a quick peek at this thread: http://www.thecatsite.com/t/254617/binky-is-officialy-neutered

 

[callista]

Hmm. No vet care, no neutering... Kitty needs both, really. At the least, a rabies shot, because it's illegal not to have one in many places. (In some US states it is required. There are some countries where rabies is not a problem, like the UK where it's been eliminated.) Don't give up on that just because it costs money and your BF doesn't want you to spend money. (How much does he control your money? Can you save enough for the cat's vet visit?) There are some low-cost options, especially if you are low-income yourself. My cat Tiny got neutered for very little--I think $20--and he was groggy and tired, but otherwise quite fine. His personality didn't change at all; he's the rambunctious cat he was when I first rescued him, and has slowly become more friendly and trusting; his history as a stray made it hard for him to trust me at first. If you can get shots and neutering done all at once, it'll only cost for one visit.

 

[three cat night]

Huyi,
Have you been able to check out any shelters for neutering , I realize you are tight for money at this time. Hope things change for you very soon. Try calling some places and just share your situation they
May help you out.