Cat Introduction Woes

[catlover73]

 
Yeah, she just sort of edged away. I praised him a lot, because I could see that he was immediately uncertain. Now they are playing a kind of tag through the house that looks like it is 70% game and 30% dominance play. 

Hopefully he can help teach her boundaries/manners, because dealing with her is wearing me down and my health is going to be an issue soon.

I understand exactly what you mean.  My Starbuck is now 9 years old. When I adopted her she was a six week old very under socialized kitten. She was separated from her siblings at around 4 weeks old that I know of.  It may have happened even earlier.  Some ass threw her out a car window when she was a baby.  A friend's family happened to be out walking their dog and took her indoors immediately. They could not  safely keep her because their dogs wanted to eat her. They brought her to my friend's house thinking another relative would adopt her. That person had recently had to put down their baby and she looked exactly like her.  They were still grieving and not ready yet.  My friends were going to try to keep her but one of their cats was trying to kill her. She would have had to live in their bathroom and I did not want her to do that.  I told them that I would adopt her if she got a long with my cats.  I had two senior males at the time. One of them was scared of her at first and just kept his distance. My other cat adopted her immediately.  He climbed me to sniff her and began talking to her. He had not climbed me like that since he was a young kitten.  I did set up a safe room for her since we both work and she was too small to navigate my stairs at first.  I only had to put her in her safe room when I was at work and my adult cat insisted on being locked up with her.  Once she grew enough to navigate the stairs when were not home I gave her full run of the house.  Tegato stepped and kitty socialized her.  She was very human friendly but I had to teach her that nose biting was not a form of communication with humans. I never had to worry about the boys not being able to get away from her since she is a munchkin kitty with short legs. The boys were jumpers and she is not.

One thing that helped me with Starbuck's boundless energy until Tegato taught her proper play was to do set lengthy one on one play time with wand toys. It really helped with her excess energy..  Once she was socialized better Claude also became good friends with her.  She walked in like she owned the place.  This was years ago before I knew about proper introductions and I was lucky everything just worked out.  I also did not share your food issue.  I just fed the boys where she could not reach their food.

Keep praising and rewarding Sinbad when he steps up. I did this with my Tegato even though he had the confidence to take on the role right away.  He put up with a lot from her.  She used to try to communicate she wanted to play by chomping on his head.  She would even do this to him when he was sleeping.  She never chomped hard enough to actually hurt him and I would have separated them if he did not step up to socialize her.

 

[losna]

Unfortunately she plays like Tempest, in a way that I'm completely unable to deal with. My husband can, but he's so irked with her that it's like pulling teeth to get him to interact with her. He's so determined to show our resident two that they are still important that he spends all of his cat time with them.  So her only play time is when Sinbad chases her around the house, or a bug gets in.   

 

She and Tempest both grab the wand toy in a death grip using teeth, claws and body mass, and I just cannot get it back - I've gotten determined a few times, and always end up snapping the wand. Sinbad realizes it's a game and if he doesn't let go the play ends so he chases catches and releases, but the two ladies treat it like it's food and I'm stealing their prey. So long as I am holding the handle or even visible, they will just sit there with the dangly captured like two little ferocious hunters.

Though it is looking like Sinbad wore her out. They've now stopped playing chase because she just flopped out and is hardcore napping. He is contentedly grooming nearby.  

 

He is very attentive to my health - he often chases me to bed when I'm pushing myself too hard, and a couple of times when I've had a real problem he's noticed and ran to get my husband to help me for example - so it could be that when I realized last night that Bêlit was wearing me down, he noticed it too and has decided he needs to step in. 

 

 

[talkingpeanut]

Unfortunately she plays like Tempest, in a way that I'm completely unable to deal with. My husband can, but he's so irked with her that it's like pulling teeth to get him to interact with her. He's so determined to show our resident two that they are still important that he spends all of his cat time with them.  So her only play time is when Sinbad chases her around the house, or a bug gets in.     

She and Tempest both grab the wand toy in a death grip using teeth, claws and body mass, and I just cannot get it back - I've gotten determined a few times, and always end up snapping the wand. Sinbad realizes it's a game and if he doesn't let go the play ends so he chases catches and releases, but the two ladies treat it like it's food and I'm stealing their prey. So long as I am holding the handle or even visible, they will just sit there with the dangly captured like two little ferocious hunters.

Though it is looking like Sinbad wore her out. They've now stopped playing chase because she just flopped out and is hardcore napping. He is contentedly grooming nearby.  :lol3:  

He is very attentive to my health - he often chases me to bed when I'm pushing myself too hard, and a couple of times when I've had a real problem he's noticed and ran to get my husband to help me for example - so it could be that when I realized last night that Bêlit was wearing me down, he noticed it too and has decided he needs to step in. :heart3:  

Do you think your husband is going to come around? That's the most concerning piece of all this, from what I can tell.

 

[Columbine]

Aww - good boy Sinbad :heart3:

Asha gets caught up with refusing to release the toy sometimes too...maybe it's a girl thing Have you tried using a 'reward toy' to get the original back? It usually works with Asha...and the feather reward toys I liked to are particularly good if it's a Da Bird type toy you're using to start with.

Asha loves this type of Da Bird attachment too...and the bonus here is that the loop to clip onto isn't metal, so they can double as reward/exchange toys as well as actual attachments.

Certainly for Bêlit, a little meaty treat (e.g. a single Purebite) might get her to release too...just thinking how food motivated she is It wouldn't hurt Sinbad to get one too, if he notices the bag come out It's not like they're high calorie, after all :lol3:

 

[belochka]

This is probably not what you would like to hear, but it's hard not to say it.
You've been a cat owner for 2 yrs prior to Belit. And you've been on this site for 2yrs as well - sufficient time to learn what diverse temperaments and personalities cats have, as well as all sorts of interpersonal cat dynamics there are. And all sorts of possible scenarios of having several cats that can unfold.
So if your health is so fragile, you should have considered all of the above before taking on a 3rd cat (whether permanently or to foster). It's just not fair to Belit to be rejected just for being a cat. Being returned/rejected does affect animals and not in a good way.
It is always wise and fair to the prospective animal to weigh all possible outcomes and one's capabilities, including physical and emotional.

 

[losna]

Do you think your husband is going to come around? That's the most concerning piece of all this, from what I can tell.

Yeah. He's just still recovering from stage 4 cancer, so his moods are on the cranky side currently. He's actually bewildered, he expressed puzzlement this morning that Bêlit keeps wandering over to nuzzle and comfort him, even though he largely ignores her. She power snuggles me for a half hour or so, then wanders over to him and expresses affection before returning to me for more snuggles. It's adorable. 

@Columbine  I've actually tried both of those ... and Bêlit and Tempest both refuse to budge. The dangly end of the wand toy is their hard earned prize, and nothing I can do will tempt them free. 

If  Sinbad wanders over and I shake another wand at him, Bêlit will let go of hers to grab his instead. But he's learned there's no play for him if she's around, so he avoids her when she's playing.

@belochka  I actually did consider carefully. It was months before we decided to adopt Bêlit - I first saw her in early April, and we didn't take her in until mid July - , and I spoke extensively with the rescue and her foster family about her personality and behavior beforehand (the rescue where we adopt cats does not keep cats on premises, all cats are fostered and only brought in on the weekends). The problem came when her behavior radically changed after starting the raw diet. She changed from constantly laid back and mellow to hyperactive in the span of a few days when she started eating raw. I had no idea such a thing was possible.

 

[losna]

My bad, it was early July. Has it really been a month already? 

IMG_9417.JPG

• losna
• Aug 4, 2016

He's just overprotective of Sinbad because Sinbad has confidence troubles. Worries that have decreased significantly today after Sinbad spent the morning putting Bêlit into her place while playing with her. 

 

[Kat0121]

This is Lilith and Sophie's all time favorite toy


When we play with them, Lily will grab the mouse with her front paws, pull it underneath her and lay on it. She does not want to share. Sophie gets irritated and leaves. Then Lily will release the mouse so we can wave it around and she can play by herself. Lily is bigger and stronger than Sophie so Sophie never bothers to try to get the toy when she is acting like that. We just play with it with her when Lily is eating or napping. Henry couldn't care less about wand toys. Totally unimpressed. 

He's just overprotective of Sinbad because Sinbad has confidence troubles. Worries that have decreased significantly today after Sinbad spent the morning putting Bêlit into her place while playing with her. 

Oh look at that smile. How sweet. She is beautiful. She loves her daddy 

 

[losna]

That bathrobe is a feline favorite. I put it on whenever I snuggle any of them as they all love it.

I really hope Sinbad continues standing up for himself. 

 If he keeps it up, the problems are pretty much all solved. Well, all except my lingering concerns about her health. But I can't do anything more on that score until Saturday.

 

[Kat0121]

That bathrobe is a feline favorite. I put it on whenever I snuggle any of them as they all love it.

I really hope Sinbad continues standing up for himself. 

 If he keeps it up, the problems are pretty much all solved. Well, all except my lingering concerns about her health. But I can't do anything more on that score until Saturday.

You could use the toy for that if you want. My girls are just obsessed with the mouse. I got that toy at Wal Mart. It was cheaper than Amazon. 

I think everything is going to be Ok. Once the pecking order has been established, things should calm down. My Lilith is queen of the house and most of the time she is sweet to Henry but sometimes she puts him in his place. Fortunately, he is the consummate gentleman and never fights back. He always gives her her way even when she hits him. She has been known to slap him across the face or give him a few good wallops on top of his head. She is such a diva 

 

[mservant]

All action in your home @Losna  , and you are doing amazingly well with these fur-guys.    I have to say, it is hilarious reading about Sinbad teaching Bêlit kitty manners.  

 

     Their capers sound pretty good to me other than when one of them freaks the other out - which happens unfortunately.  It does sound like they are working things out and I am so happy for you.  Got fingers and toes all crossed for you, and hope Bêlit's health proves not to be a problem.  I know how much thought you put in to taking Bêlit on in addition to Sinbad and Tempest, and the effect she seems to have had overall in the dynamics it would be awful if there  was something which stopped her being able to stay.  

That photograph of hubby giving Bêlit belly scritches is divine.  

   

 

[losna]

@MServant   What's funny is the way he did it was spot on  for how my husband disciplines Sinbad when he oversteps his bounds. Hubby uses one hand to knock Sinbad onto his side with a push into his center mass, and that's what Sinbad did to Bêlit; one paw slam. 

IMG_9427.JPG

• losna
• Aug 4, 2016

Belly rubs cause near complete brain melt. 

Thank you for the kind words @Kat0121   @MServant    We are trying very hard to make it work, even all of the kitties are doing their best. We are very lucky to have 3 such good natured and affectionate cats.  One of these days I will get a shot of the super cute picture of them all lined up in a row along the stairs. I'm still bummed I wasn't able to get a pic of Sinbad dragging Bêlit across the hall when she tried to stop him from leaving her for Tempest. 

@MServant   and @Columbine   are right, we really do need to get nanny cams to record them. 

 

[losna]

Dominance games continued last night up until bed time. The two most notable moments:

Sinbad decided at one point for reasons unknown to me that Bêlit was not allowed access to me. So he spent about 2 hours after dinner prowling the couch where I was sitting, smacking Bêlit every time she tried to climb into my lap. Which was pretty constant, she really wanted cuddle time. As the prize over which they struggled, I was not allowed to do anything but watch them - any time I tried to do some tatting or browse the net on my chromebook Sinbad would walk over and swat what I was doing.

He eventually decided he had made his point, and curled up against my feet to contentedly groom. Bêlit immediately climbed into my lap, and we stayed snuggling for a while.

Later, I was in the office, and Sinbad was sitting in his chair next to me. Bêlit jumped up. He began gnawing on her leg. She climbed onto the little office cabinet nearby, decided that wasn't where she wanted to be and returned to the chair. He began gnawing her leg again, then he put one paw/arm over her shoulders and forced her down. She settled against him and he began grooming her cheek. After a few minutes, she swatted at him, and he rolled around to begin grooming her hind leg. She swatted at him again, and he lost track of where the edge of the seat was so in the middle of rolling back around to face her he fell off.

This caused several minutes of Sinbad stalking her tail from underneath the chair. She eventually jumped down and ran away. he sprawled out contentedly beneath the chair to groom, and she snuck back into the office a few minutes later and curled up near the door.

When it was lights out and bed time, they both jumped on the bed for sleepy snuggles as usual.

 

[losna]

More grooming just happened while I was writing the last post! I got some pictures. I think this was going better ... he forced her down when she jumped up with him, but she stayed and let him groom all the way up her body, then rolled over onto her back. She let him groom her belly for about a minute, then swatted at him.

You can see though, that even though he is keeping her held down, their body language doesn't seem to be aggressive. 

9381bd645db9616dbc0967c2240af462.jpg

• losna
• Aug 5, 2016

1a51f7edde0037af1f8df36ff2f235d7.jpg

• losna
• Aug 5, 2016

I am feeling positive, thus far since yesterday morning when he started being bossy, she has seemed much calmer.  Here's to hoping it sticks and continues. While all this is going on, Tempest is getting some breathing room. I do find it interesting that she jumps out onto the landing and runs to the top of the stairs every time Sinbad and Bêlit start their swatting fests. 

 

[Columbine]

:hobbes:Good boy Sinbad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:hobbes:​

That is the best news I've heard all day :lovegrin2 Fantastic progress! Bêlit clearly just needed to be told who exactly was in charge in your house :nod:

Is Hubby feeling more relaxed about the whole situation now?

 

[losna]

Apparently she did! She's been much much calmer all day thus far. She did ponder climbing on Sinbad once, but he just cracked open an eye as she approached and looked at her, and she decided discretion was the better part of valor and went back to my lap. This has reduced Sinbad's stress as well, he's actually sleeping in his usual happy style on his back now. 

 

[Columbine]

I think this is what's known as success! :nod::lovegrin2 :lol3:

:blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul::blobgreen :blobturq::blobyello :hobbes::blobmir::blobpink::blobmul::blobblue::blobpurpl :blobred::high5::blobgreen :bigthumb::blobyello :blobmir:arty4::blobturq::blobpink::music3::blobmul:
​

 

[mservant]

Fantastic news.   The description of how Sinbad is pasting Bêlit down, paw holding her in place and then grooming her sounds just like a parent cat would do to one of their kittens.  

 

  

At the end of a rouwdy play session Mouse loves me getting down on the floor or kneeling on the bed with him, rolling him over gently on to his back and then rubbing his belly and pretend grooming him, esp if I nuzzle in to his neck.  I am sure it's because it reminds him of what his fur-mom used to do when she had had enough of his endless boy-kitten antics.   His fur-mom was an expert at flipping him on to his back, pinning him down and then locking jaws with him until he gave up the struggling - then she'd give him a good bath.  

 

 

[losna]

It reminds me of the way he used to groom his (now forgotten) cuddle stuffed animals.  Now that I'm thinking about it, he's stopped grooming the air purifiers, the broom, and the vacuum, too. I guess having a real living friend means he doesn't need his inanimate ones any more.

 

[losna]

Time for a downward dip of the cat introduction roller coaster ...

Bêlit just attacked Sinbad. Full on, on her back kicking/clawing with her hind legs attack. He's fine, thankfully, just scared and confused and in need of lots of love. He really has no desire to fight so fled. Tempest was on her way out in full combat mode, if Sinbad hadn't have fled it would have turned really nasty.

I don't know what sparked it, unfortunately.