Cat adoption regret - afraid of not liking my cat

[Faetotem]

Greetings, everyone

Iam new here and to be honest, Iam not very used to searching for advice like this. Iam feeling terrible lately and apologize for this text being super, super, extra long and dramatic (and covered in bad English).

It's been four days since I adopted two cats from a rescue organisation in Rumania. The male is one to two years old and the female is seven month. I wanted cats for over a year now and although I never had one myself, I catsitted many times at the cat-crowded house of my boyfriends aunt for at least two weeks, each time moving into their place to care for all their animals.

I did a ton of research about owning a cat, the needs of cats, etc.. I brought expensive cat trees, toys, super high quality food and much more, because I was so excited. My boyfriend war raised with animals, cats, dogs, horses and more and although he is used to them, it was my wish to adopt cats, not his. He would not have adopted cats, but he is completely okay with them. We settled things, so that I would be the main carer for the pets and I was fine with that.

When I saw Fidelstein online and saw his NAME, I really wanted to adopt him. As soon as I talked about him to my boyfriend and he said yes, I filled out the documents for him and Navi, the second kitten, because we wanted to let them keep each other company.

We brought them home from the transport destination last weekend. I felt prepared.

At first I was happy about Fidelstein being super attached, cuddly and friendly. He was not very shy, but curious whilest Navi was hiding all the time, but that was okay. Shes getting better and they play with each other and they are getting used to the superfood. They are super, super approachable, used the litter box since they arrived here, didnt crush any of my things, they aren't very destructive, they eat, they drink - pretty much a super easy start, right?

Fidelstein was climbing up my rat cage and agonized my little babies, but I knew that this might be a challenge. But I could not handle the feelings that overwhelmed me then. After I saw my sweet ratmen vanish into their houses, not reacting to food or me calling them, I broke down in tears the first time, a short and intense start. My boyfriend and I moved the rats into our bedroom where the cats are no longer allowed and it was fine. Vomitting over my flour was fine. Pooping and not burrying it, was fine.

But the kitten adoption remorse hit me right in the face and now Iam switching between "Its okay, a bit longer" and "Oh my godness, I have to rehome them RIGHT NOW!" in MINUTES. I think it would be okay, if its just the overwhelming new situation, work and the feeling of responsebility.

Fidelstein likes to cuddle and rubs his NOSE and full head on my face and headbangs me, climbs on my lab, purrs, loves me and he is pretty much everything a cat-owner would wish for. Pretty much a decent cat. But every time he trys to climb on me, I get stressed out, I get annoyed and miserable. I dont get it myself, I dont understand why Iam such a shameful person, everyone would love his cat to do this after just a few days.

I was not prepared for the amount of avoidance I want now. I feel harassed, yet he does completely normal things, but for me it feels like every single meow is too much. Its not like I cant teach him to go away, If I have to work on my PC or something else. I can gently put him down and after a few times, he leaves and lets me be. He stops to meow and scratch at my bedroom door after a while. He plays with the toys. Honestly I dont get it, why I cannot love him. Iam stressfully waiting for his next attemption to approach me, I cant be more stressed and full of guilt when thinking about when I finally need to cuddle him to not damage his cute soul. Its not fair for him, not at all and I really, really dont want to punish him or damage his health with not cuddling him or cuddle him, but doesnt mean it. I can play with him and pet him on his head, but I dont want more. Iam so much afraid now. I found a lot of articles about how to get your cat ON your lab, but nothing about what I feel now and how to keep going.

I read so much about cat adoption remorse and I know that I have to give it some time, Iam willin to try it for a few weeks, but I feel more and more at my limit. I feel like a horrible person for being so incapable and for not liking what I first wanted. I know that Iam going to give this more time to sort things out, but I really am seeking for some advice on how to cope with this reservation Iam feeling towards his attachement. Like I said, its not that he will never leave my side, he is not THAT over attached. Iam feeling so silly and weird, as if my problem is nothing to cry about. I just feel like a horrible person, even to the point of not wanting to wait a few weeks to give everybody some new routine.

If anyone knows how to cope with the beginning of "not liking the adopted cat", please, please send some advice. I clearly understand how much a cat in a new home needs attention and love.



Sorry for the giant text wall and kind regards

 

[StanAndAlf]

I think you have answered your own question. Its been FOUR days. Give yourself some time. As long as his physical needs are being met, and you continue to engage him in play and pet him from time to time, he will be fine until you make your decision.

After a few weeks, he may have settled in better and be less clingy. Your feelings may have changed. If not, that is ok too. There is no shame in admitting you are not the right home, and it will be in his best interest to find him a home better suited to him.

I have had adoption regret with a kitten I rescued, a former feral. He's plenty affectionate and playful, but he's also SUPER destructive and vocal. It's been a nightmare honestly, but I do love him and I believe his home is with me. The little moments, when he comes to cuddle with me on the couch, when he woke up from a bad nightmare and snuggled into the crook of my neck for comfort. The little moments make the perseverance worth it.

I think you are a little overwhelmed right now, and the incident with your rats have triggered some remorse. I hope you understand why he targeted them, and have been able to forgive him. I cannot blame Alfie for his behaviour, its natural instinct, a fundamental part of being a cat. I hope you can see that with Fidelstien.

If he is not the right match, then it is ok to rehome him, but make sure you go about the process correctly. I honestly do think you need another two weeks at least to decide though, don't rush your decision. I think you have just reached the stage where the reality and gravity of your decision has truly hit home. Looking after pets is not easy.

What about the other cat? What are your feelings towards her?

 

[Faetotem]

Thank you very, very much for your words.
Yes, Iam very aware of the fact that the incident with my rats is NOT his fault at all. I know its normal cat behaviour, normal instinct and I thought that I also was prepared for that moment.
And truly, Iam overwhelmed, yes. Eventhough my brain tells me that this kind of remorse is common and normal, my feelings were very stressful.
Navi, the other cat was hiding until now. As soon as the couch was available she would run underneath, but Iam okay with that. I gave her time and didnt try to get her out. Just tried to give her a treat every now and then and she slowly gets less shy every day. I find her much, much more easy to handle, although she barely ate the first day and runs away every time I get too close. She carefully comes out of her shell now, I feel more relaxed with her and I think it is wonderful that each day she is showing more of herself, sitting at more "open" places. Truly only Fidelsteins behaviour scares me, which is so weird to say, since he is absolutely friendly.
But as I said, Navi didnt show much of her personality yet and of course she could be even more attached after warming up. I considered that, too.
You are also right, that the rat-moment triggered me. Now I feel forced into locking them into my bedroom, where the cats cant roam and where I barely show my face until I go to bed. They do need free roaming and playtime, too but I feel like the cats consume that time and everything thats left are ten minutes of cuddling before I go to sleep. I also feel terrible while writing this. I was the one wanting cats, I considered that I maybe had to separate rats and cats and my time with them and somehow in my brain it worked. It sounds like Iam such a dumb child, not being able to make adult desicions and taking responsebility. I really prepared for that for months and overthought everything so many times, that it feels awkward to me, too know.
But as you said, I answered my question by myself - the only way to find out is to wait and see. But I really appreciate your advice, thank you again.

 

[StanAndAlf]

No problem! Don't be so hard on yourself. This is your first time, you haven't experienced cats before and sometimes it can be very confronting. Its expected and completely understandable. You will get the hang of it, and if it was too soon and you decide to rehome him, then that is fine too. Don't feel trapped. You have options.

I own birds. I am also a wildlife carer. Learning how to balance spending time with my parrots and keeping the cats away from the orphaned or injured wildlife has been a massive learning curve. You'll figure it out and find a balance. Best of luck, updates and pictures are always appreciated!

And thank you for reaching out. Its always better than suffering alone. Don't ever be ashamed, we all struggle.

 

[Faetotem]

Oh, yes I can imagine that keeping them away from the birds was tough and stressful. Maybe it triggered me so much, because I already have a bond to the rats but not to the cats. Iam trying to adjust now and see if in a few weeks Iam feeling different. I thank you again for your advice, it helped a lot just being able to reach out and talk to other people than my poor boyfriend about this.

I also attached some photos of them to this. The white one is Fidelstein.

 

[Sylvia Jones]

Oh they are both gorgeous!