Being Loved By A Non Lap-cats Or Appreciation Post Of Non Cuddly Kitties

[Letta]

Hi,
Not all cats are lap cats, but that does not mean that they love us less than the cuddly kitties. I have the impression that we often misinterpret the non cuddly kitties for less "loving", while this is absolutely not true. And I wanted to share my experience with less cuddly cats and wanted to have yours.

I grew up with an extremely cuddly cat who would always be sleeping on me. I used to think that if your cat is not like that it means that you don't share a real bond with the animal. And then I adopted my current cat who is NOT a big fan of pets, cuddles and naps. I got her when she was 10 weeks old and spent hours and hours with her playing and bonding. I wanted to have the same relationship than with my previous cat and sometimes I would doubt her love for me and feel frustrated. This is not fair to her: She is loving! She has a real bond with me! Just in a different way. I had to re-learn everything I though I knew about cats.

Here is a small list of things she does to show me she loves mey:
1. She follows me everywhere
2. She always always try to engage me in doing something with her, always want my undivided attention
3. She does not care much about closed doors excepts if I am on the other side of it (she would then cry until I open)
4. If she is somewhere doing something and hear my voice somewhere else she would come running
4. She grooms me
5. She lets me pet her even if she is not a fan
6. she runs greeting me at the door and will run after me for while until I settle down
7. She is very loyal and only wants to play with me
ect...
And from time to time would come to curl up against my face.

What did she teach me:
1. That loves comes in many different way
2. That you cannot make anyone becomes something they are not
3. That they are thousands of games and things to do with your cat that is not petting
4. That if I want my freedom to be whoever I want I have to give it to others and to my animals
5. That I love her so much despite that the fact I always though I would only love "affectionate" cats
6. That a cuddle with a non specially cuddly cat can make you feel way more special, because you know that it is because it is you...

Do you have a non lap-cat but you know that he still loves you dearly? How? What do you appreciate the most about your cat that comes from it not being a lap cat? In a word: why is your cat the best just the way she is?

 

[betsygee]

I understand--I have always had affectionate cats, too. But now I have an older cat who will never be a lap cat, either. It took months to get her to just sit on my lap for a few moments. I've learned to love her for who she is. Her favorite way of getting attention is to lie on the carpet in her 'sea otter' pose, which means I can rub her belly--for a few seconds, anyway, until she's done.



She's affectionate in her own way--she follows me around, head butts my leg for head rubs, and purrs. She'll just never be 'snuggly'.

 

[daisyd]

We've had Gracie since 7 weeks - she bit and scratched us to pieces for the first 6 months. She's not a lap cat, hates cuddles , I pick her up and cuddle her when I get in from work - she hated it and used to struggle, now she lets me do it as she knows it's my greet to her ! She uses my lap to climb over not sit on.. however yes follows me everywhere , has to sleep by my side, greets me at the door everyday , chirps at me (never meows only to my partner ). I went away for 3 nights and I my partner said she just laid there and looked miserable , when I'm here she runs up and down the flat trilling and chirping - apparently didn't do at all when I was away ! Here she is laid on my legs the day I got home

 

[Letta]

Yes they love us very dearly just differently and it's sad to know that a lot of those cats are misunderstood and overlooked. They really are loving companions, but it's not always easy for us to accept that they don't want to be pet all the time. I think it's truly as much our loss than it is theirs, because they can be truly loyal, loving and can teach us to interact diffently with cats (for example more play, more adventure maybe ect...)

Yes daisyd it sounds like she truly missed you and that is love betsygee the is really cute in that pose and looks almost naughty

Another way luna shows me how much she loves me (that I forgot to mention): Is that she trusts me absolutely and whenever she is stressed I am the one she is looking to be with. Right now a friend is visiting and she was unsure about him so she came curl up next to me, looking at my reaction when he moved to know if I trusted him.
And when she got hurt by accident (once my bf closed a door without noticing her and her tail got trapped), I was not at home that day; she was scared of what happened and did not let anyone come next to her. But as soon asI arrived she came immediately out of hiding and jumped into my arms for comfort. She will usually not be cuddling but if she feels stress or is hurt I am her source of confort. And that is love

 

[melonie]

my cat vinny is definitely far from a lap cat! he's always been the alpha kitty of the household, it really is his house. the more time you spend around these types of cats, the more in tune you become to their behaviors. you get used to how they act.

i truly believe that the bond between a cat and its human is really special! you learn to communicate with each other in ways that just isn't the same when it comes to other pets like dogs. cats start to surpass "pet" status and quickly become friends and a member of the family.

cats—especially ones that aren't lap cats—have very special ways of letting their humans know they love them, and people that pick up on those bits of affection form great bonds with their kitties that last a lifetime. cats are special, i think it's amazing that those of us that have actually owned cats and are fond of them are able to understand when our cats love and appreciate us, and we don't mind that they don't lounge in our laps or climb on us all the time.

it hurts to see that some people are so hesitant to warm up to cats because of this. people are so quick to write cats off as being aloof, mean, and indifferent when that isn't the case at all! i'm so glad to see the love you have for your kitty!

vinny is very independent and aloof but every time he purrs when i pet him (even if it's very quiet) or brings dead birds to the front door (yuck) i'm reminded of all the little things he does to express his appreciation and i have no problem with him not being a lap cat! he's perfect the way he is and i love his company anyway.

 

[weebeasties]

I never intended to love Jasmine. That statement, though true, seems so unbelievable to me now. I took in this little frightened feral out of pity. I wanted her to be safe and fed (and spayed!) and assumed that she would keep to herself and essentially be a houseguest in our home. I never thought she would want more than that. Slowly this timid girl began to show a bit of a social side. I will never forget the first time she jumped up on the couch beside me! She kept to her own cushion, but she was close enough to reach out and touch her. I was amazed at such a show of bravery from this shy girl and I felt honored. A few weeks after we brought her in she gave birth to 3 little girls. (We kept them all! ) Jasmine would only leave the kittens if I was there to watch over them while she took a well deserved break. She trusted me with what she held most dear. Over the years she has shown her love and affection a thousand times over. She greets us as soon as we walk through the door, she talks to us, she loves to be petted, she rolls over and shows her belly evertime we walk by 'cause tummy rubs are the best. When I come home from work she has first dibs on my work clothes so she can wallow around on them for a few minutes. I love her dearly and I KNOW she loves me, but laps just aren't her thing. She has a fear of confined spaces and I think her lap avoidance has something to do with that. God knows what she went through before she came to us. I am just happy and grateful she is here now.

 

[solomonar]

My tomcat is not a lap cat at all. He is an wild creature and I like this side of him.

 

[Elfilou]

the more time you spend around these types of cats, the more in tune you become to their behaviors. you get used to how they act.

This! Elfie really taught me how to communicate with her. I believe we are in tune and know what we're "saying" to eachother. Clicker training has also helped, but outside of that I also believe we have a lot of ways to let eachother know what's up, what we want, or what we mean. It's hard to explain without sounding crazy.

I do think she has become a bit more affectionate over the past year, though, right after I started accepting that she was never going to be "the lap cat I always wanted". She lays against my chest (sometimes! and oh is it special when she does!) when I'm behind the computer. She'll lay between me and the keyboard. Also, she exposes her belly to me all the time and kneads the air when I give her a belly rub. She loves to play, greets me at the door, rubs against my legs and has countless of other ways, as an individual, to show me she loves me and is attached to me

 

[DreamerRose]

Mingo is very stand-offish, too. But he does love me a lot. He doesn't like to be petted and will run away if I try, but he does like to be scratched behind the ears. He's very loyal, following me around everywhere and looking into anything I'm doing. If I open a cabinet door, he's right there, peering in the door. He jumps up on my shoulder when I sit down to the computer and will purr and purr, head butting all the time. One time, he rubbed his head up and down my arm like he was petting ME! He's very sensitive to anything I say and can imitate my tone of voice and sometimes it even sounds like words. He chases Lily out of areas he considers his - the computer room and my bed. He sleeps every night on my feet, and if I move, he does too. He has to be touching me during the night.

This was very hard for me to get used to as I wanted a lap cat. But it's a good thing I am the one who took him as I don't know how many other people would have put up with him. It took a good two years to get to where he is now.

And then I got Lily. She is a lap cat and needy too. So I've got the best of everything - a fun-loving athlete and a snuggly lap cat.

 

[Boris Diamond]

I had a cat that was a grumpy biter. If i reached to pet him, I was going to get bit. If I tried to pick him up, I was going to get bit. I like picking up cats and cuddling, but I had to accept that would probably never happen. He would jump in my lap about once a month and let me pet him. I suppose he had needs. Whenever I walked by him, I would stop and give him a pet, but just for a few seconds or a bite was coming. I had not had that many cats and never one like that!

Progress was hard to see, but after a year, he settled down a bit. Also, I learned his triggers and I avoided them. He started to like belly rubs, and I learned that if he ran in front of me, stopped, flipped over on his back and chirped, a belly rub was being requested. He was very good when he requested belly rubs and did not claw or bite. In fact, he did not claw ever.

After three years, he would jump up on my lap several times a day and stay for an hour or so. That was great! Still, if I tried to pick him up, often he would whip his head around and lay his muzzle against my hand. I generally stopped at this point or I was probably going to get bit.

If I followed that cat's rules, he was a great cat. So much personality! If I was sad or unhappy about something, he would stand up with his paws on my leg and look closely into my eyes as if to say, "You OK, Jim?" He made things better. I came to truly love that cat. And he did things that made me think he felt the same about me. Despite the biting, I think he was a great cat.

Cats are quirky creatures. But if we accept them for who they are, they can be the very best of friends.

 

[Purr-fect]

Greg and Arnold are fraternal twins. They are different in temperment and affection. As I type this, Arnold has fallen asleep in my lap (after sleeping next to my head most of the night). He cant get enough cuddling.

Greg is in the living room on the carpet. If I pet greg now, he will probably roll over, stretch out, show me his tummy and purr. But he wont jump in my lap and wont cuddle for more than a minute or two. But he wants to be near me, talks to me and is affectionate to petting.

Two brothers, but quite different personalities.

Neither cat ever bites or scratches us, unless playing and even then its just very gentle nips.

 

[PippaRory21]

Aurora is very affectionate.... from a distance. She always has to be in the room with you, unless you are doing something boring(like sleeping) then she will go and hide. She likes to share, so she lets the other cats have me when she is bored