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Beautiful Magnificent Leroy
- Thread starter Plumeria
- Start Date
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- #22
It’s been over 2 weeks since my son passed away and I feel like my grief is back to square one. Leroy meant the world to me. Like Timmer, I don’t have family I’m close to. They all live in Japan and I’ve lived away from them for most of my life. To me, Leroy was the one family member who was physically here for me. I was planning to leave everything to him if something happened to me by wiling my estate to his legal guardian aka my live-in boyfriend.
Last Friday, I counted the hours then minutes until 2pm, when Leroy drew his last breath exactly 2 weeks ago. I was racked with feelings of guilt and anger for failing him so miserably. On Saturday, I lost it. I kept breaking down in the car while running errands. When I made it home, I curled up in bed and bawled for hours. Seeing myself in the mirror afterwards was a fright. My undereyes were all puffed up Only Leroy can bring me to my knees like this. I think it took this episode to realize that Leroy wouldn’t want to see his mommy like this. We cared about each other. When I got upset, he would get upset and start meowing. When he got scared, sick, anxious, hurt, it broke my heart.
People may think I’m crazy but I ordered a custom cat pillow and a cuddle clone in his likeness. Can’t wait to receive them. What I wouldn’t give to hold him and shower him with kisses again.
Last Friday, I counted the hours then minutes until 2pm, when Leroy drew his last breath exactly 2 weeks ago. I was racked with feelings of guilt and anger for failing him so miserably. On Saturday, I lost it. I kept breaking down in the car while running errands. When I made it home, I curled up in bed and bawled for hours. Seeing myself in the mirror afterwards was a fright. My undereyes were all puffed up Only Leroy can bring me to my knees like this. I think it took this episode to realize that Leroy wouldn’t want to see his mommy like this. We cared about each other. When I got upset, he would get upset and start meowing. When he got scared, sick, anxious, hurt, it broke my heart.
People may think I’m crazy but I ordered a custom cat pillow and a cuddle clone in his likeness. Can’t wait to receive them. What I wouldn’t give to hold him and shower him with kisses again.
- Joined
- May 17, 2018
- Messages
- 24
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- 35
Crazy believes the pillow is real. Grief seeks comfort. And your choice is quite literally comforting. Well done.
I am so sorry for your loss, but also so happy that you got to spend some special time with him before he passed (as sad as it must've been for you to see him like that). I've recently lost my cat very suddenly, so I understand your pain and will be thinking of you.
I think the custom cat pillow and cuddle clone is an excellent idea! People may think I’m crazy also because I sleep with one of Whiskas’ favourite toys, that still smells of him, and when my husband is working away I place Whiskas’ beautifully boxed ashes next to me when I go to bed.
Just as VBG said, grief seeks comfort. I hope things get a little easier for you. I must admit, it has been a little over two months since I made the toughest decision of my life and I still cry everyday; It is normally in the car on the way to work. I try to remind myself that there are many people that are hurting just as much and what really calms me is knowing that we are all here for one another on TCS. Thinking of you X
Lovely post Tabby. This forum has helped me to process things in a better way in the short time I’ve been a member and it’s nice to be there to support others going through the same bad times, knowing we all understand each other and our love for our cats!
I am the same. I have to bring my Sooty’s ashes downstairs in the day and put them on my bedside table at night.
I have her fave mouse on her little pot and smell it to feel close to her in some way. Last week, i stupidly carried the pot and mouse down with a pile of washing and lost ‘mousey’ en route. I was crying thinking it’d gone in the washing machine and I’d lost Sootys smell forever. Then, I found it.. under the cushion of her bed (dont know how it got there). Was so happy!!
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- #28
Thank you all so much
Finding out that we all do the same things makes me feel so comforted and happy. I would love to see your cuddle clones and/or pillows if any of you end up getting them as well 
I, too, cry in the car during my commute and sleep with the towel he last touched that still has his scent on it. I don't know if I could ever wash his favorite sherpa throw, on which he lay when he took his last breath. Placing Leroy's ashes at his favorite spots around the house is a must - by the window overlooking the backyard, on the soft blue blanket on the couch, by the pillows on my bed. I hope one of these nights I can see him again in my dream.
Finding out that we all do the same things makes me feel so comforted and happy. I would love to see your cuddle clones and/or pillows if any of you end up getting them as well I, too, cry in the car during my commute and sleep with the towel he last touched that still has his scent on it. I don't know if I could ever wash his favorite sherpa throw, on which he lay when he took his last breath. Placing Leroy's ashes at his favorite spots around the house is a must - by the window overlooking the backyard, on the soft blue blanket on the couch, by the pillows on my bed. I hope one of these nights I can see him again in my dream.I put Sooty’s pot in her favourite sunny spot yesterday and wondered if it was a bit odd of me, so also happy to hear someone doing the same!Thank you all so much
I cant bring myself to wash her favourite covers either!
Hope you get to see him in your dreams
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- #30
Dearest Baby Leroy,
I've been waiting to tell you this all day. Work is finally finished and now I can. Today marks exactly 1 month since we had to say goodbye. Not an eternal goodbye, as I still feel you here with me, in this house. And when I cross the bridge we'll be on the same side again. I had every intention of going to work today, but I started crying the moment my eyes opened around 5:30am. My alarm doesn't go off till 7:30am. But ever since you got sick and then ended up across the bridge, I wake early and am too sad to go back to sleep, so I come back to this site or read blogs written by other grieving mothers and fathers until it's time to get ready. Anyway, I was too much of a mess today so I worked from home. Remember how we would sleep in on the weekends? That was the highlight of my life. You would purr and lay on mommy's legs or tummy. You would get so affectionate, knead, meow in that so cute baby voice of yours, and mommy would lazily watch Lifetime movies on my ipad. You'd sneak off to snack on kibble, then return right back to bed. Then when you couldn't wait for your breakfast (wet food) anymore, you would paw my face and down the stairs we would go to the kitchen. After breakfast, I would let you out into your favorite backyard while I settled down on the couch with tea and bread, so I could keep an eye on you through the sliding glass door. With a full time job and graduate studies at night, spending time with you was my prize. Mommy doesn't sleep in anymore. Once I wake, I am too sad to close my eyes again. Or to stay in bed. I love you so much.
I can't believe it's been a whole month since our last day together on this side. It feels like it was only yesterday that we said goodbye. Perhaps that's because I keep you so close to me. I think of you every minute of everyday. I don't know how I survived a whole month without you. As you know, your 20x30 photo canvas arrived yesterday. Daddy said you look like a model
But of course you do. You're a handsome stud! That's why Lilley (my old housemate's 2 year old female cat) fell in love with you. Your pillow and cuddle clone are also in production now, so they should be coming soon. 
Baby Lee, I really wonder if you are here. 5 days after our goodbye, I was elated to find your whisker in my car. I had just pulled into work and reached over to the passenger seat to grab my work bag. And there it was....your whisker just sitting there near my bag. Could've sworn it wasn't there before. I figured it fell off my clothing (though they were just washed), and put it in my sweater pocket. I still have it in my bedroom. Later that evening, when I got back home, I noticed the motion light we had installed for you in the basement entrance kept turning on and off. I opened the basement door wider and looked around but didn't see anything. But then, the light, installed very low on the wall (Leroy's height - so he could see down the steps when he went down to use the litterbox), turned on, then off again. Was that you? (By the way, we ended up leaving the basement light on 24/7 for him because motion lights turn on then off very quickly). And then there was your nail randomly sitting on the kitchen counter earlier this week. Hm? I kept that too. Then a couple nights ago, I was crouching on the floor cleaning the newly adopted kittens' litterboxes when I felt one of them rub up against my right side. But when I looked up, both of them were in the kitchen with my boyfriend. So I looked down to my right and saw....nothing. Hm? Was that you?
I love you and wish I could have you back. I don't like this new normal. But know I don't have a choice but to keep going.
I've been waiting to tell you this all day. Work is finally finished and now I can. Today marks exactly 1 month since we had to say goodbye. Not an eternal goodbye, as I still feel you here with me, in this house. And when I cross the bridge we'll be on the same side again. I had every intention of going to work today, but I started crying the moment my eyes opened around 5:30am. My alarm doesn't go off till 7:30am. But ever since you got sick and then ended up across the bridge, I wake early and am too sad to go back to sleep, so I come back to this site or read blogs written by other grieving mothers and fathers until it's time to get ready. Anyway, I was too much of a mess today so I worked from home. Remember how we would sleep in on the weekends? That was the highlight of my life. You would purr and lay on mommy's legs or tummy. You would get so affectionate, knead, meow in that so cute baby voice of yours, and mommy would lazily watch Lifetime movies on my ipad. You'd sneak off to snack on kibble, then return right back to bed. Then when you couldn't wait for your breakfast (wet food) anymore, you would paw my face and down the stairs we would go to the kitchen. After breakfast, I would let you out into your favorite backyard while I settled down on the couch with tea and bread, so I could keep an eye on you through the sliding glass door. With a full time job and graduate studies at night, spending time with you was my prize. Mommy doesn't sleep in anymore. Once I wake, I am too sad to close my eyes again. Or to stay in bed. I love you so much.
I can't believe it's been a whole month since our last day together on this side. It feels like it was only yesterday that we said goodbye. Perhaps that's because I keep you so close to me. I think of you every minute of everyday. I don't know how I survived a whole month without you. As you know, your 20x30 photo canvas arrived yesterday. Daddy said you look like a model
But of course you do. You're a handsome stud! That's why Lilley (my old housemate's 2 year old female cat) fell in love with you. Your pillow and cuddle clone are also in production now, so they should be coming soon. Baby Lee, I really wonder if you are here. 5 days after our goodbye, I was elated to find your whisker in my car. I had just pulled into work and reached over to the passenger seat to grab my work bag. And there it was....your whisker just sitting there near my bag. Could've sworn it wasn't there before. I figured it fell off my clothing (though they were just washed), and put it in my sweater pocket. I still have it in my bedroom. Later that evening, when I got back home, I noticed the motion light we had installed for you in the basement entrance kept turning on and off. I opened the basement door wider and looked around but didn't see anything. But then, the light, installed very low on the wall (Leroy's height - so he could see down the steps when he went down to use the litterbox), turned on, then off again. Was that you? (By the way, we ended up leaving the basement light on 24/7 for him because motion lights turn on then off very quickly). And then there was your nail randomly sitting on the kitchen counter earlier this week. Hm? I kept that too. Then a couple nights ago, I was crouching on the floor cleaning the newly adopted kittens' litterboxes when I felt one of them rub up against my right side. But when I looked up, both of them were in the kitchen with my boyfriend. So I looked down to my right and saw....nothing. Hm? Was that you?
I love you and wish I could have you back. I don't like this new normal. But know I don't have a choice but to keep going.
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- #31
Those little signs, the whisker, the claw, the motion sensor, they were all his spirit, I have no doubt in my mind about that, he is still with you and always will be..... 
This post brought tears to my eyes. What a handsome chap he truly was! Leroy is with you, he loves you. I really feel your pain and you are absolutely right in that the new normal doesn’t feel right but we have to continue.Dearest Baby Leroy,
I've been waiting to tell you this all day. Work is finally finished and now I can. Today marks exactly 1 month since we had to say goodbye. Not an eternal goodbye, as I still feel you here with me, in this house. And when I cross the bridge we'll be on the same side again. I had every intention of going to work today, but I started crying the moment my eyes opened around 5:30am. My alarm doesn't go off till 7:30am. But ever since you got sick and then ended up across the bridge, I wake early and am too sad to go back to sleep, so I come back to this site or read blogs written by other grieving mothers and fathers until it's time to get ready. Anyway, I was too much of a mess today so I worked from home. Remember how we would sleep in on the weekends? That was the highlight of my life. You would purr and lay on mommy's legs or tummy. You would get so affectionate, knead, meow in that so cute baby voice of yours, and mommy would lazily watch Lifetime movies on my ipad. You'd sneak off to snack on kibble, then return right back to bed. Then when you couldn't wait for your breakfast (wet food) anymore, you would paw my face and down the stairs we would go to the kitchen. After breakfast, I would let you out into your favorite backyard while I settled down on the couch with tea and bread, so I could keep an eye on you through the sliding glass door. With a full time job and graduate studies at night, spending time with you was my prize. Mommy doesn't sleep in anymore. Once I wake, I am too sad to close my eyes again. Or to stay in bed. I love you so much.
I can't believe it's been a whole month since our last day together on this side. It feels like it was only yesterday that we said goodbye. Perhaps that's because I keep you so close to me. I think of you every minute of everyday. I don't know how I survived a whole month without you. As you know, your 20x30 photo canvas arrived yesterday. Daddy said you look like a model
Baby Lee, I really wonder if you are here. 5 days after our goodbye, I was elated to find your whisker in my car. I had just pulled into work and reached over to the passenger seat to grab my work bag. And there it was....your whisker just sitting there near my bag. Could've sworn it wasn't there before. I figured it fell off my clothing (though they were just washed), and put it in my sweater pocket. I still have it in my bedroom. Later that evening, when I got back home, I noticed the motion light we had installed for you in the basement entrance kept turning on and off. I opened the basement door wider and looked around but didn't see anything. But then, the light, installed very low on the wall (Leroy's height - so he could see down the steps when he went down to use the litterbox), turned on, then off again. Was that you? (By the way, we ended up leaving the basement light on 24/7 for him because motion lights turn on then off very quickly). And then there was your nail randomly sitting on the kitchen counter earlier this week. Hm? I kept that too. Then a couple nights ago, I was crouching on the floor cleaning the newly adopted kittens' litterboxes when I felt one of them rub up against my right side. But when I looked up, both of them were in the kitchen with my boyfriend. So I looked down to my right and saw....nothing. Hm? Was that you?
I love you and wish I could have you back. I don't like this new normal. But know I don't have a choice but to keep going.
What we would do to just have our loved ones back for one minute. I strongly believe we will see them again and that’s what helps get through each day.
I think of you often, take care x
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- #34
Thank you. I’ve been seeing red cardinals as well. I used to get excited seeing one once in a blue moon! Today, I was holding Leroy’s urn to my heart to let him know I love him, opened the window overlooking the backyard, and 2 red cardinals appeared and perched on the fence. Felt like I got my responseThose little signs, the whisker, the claw, the motion sensor, they were all his spirit, I have no doubt in my mind about that, he is still with you and always will be.....
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- #35
Tabbytastic
Thank you. I often wonder how you are doing as well. Your experience resonated with me so much I think we can really relate. In the early days, I had you and @Timmer’s threads open on my iPhone 24/7 for strength and comfort. I hope all our beloved boys have met across the bridge and are getting along
A couple of days after Sooty left, I found 2 white feathers in the garden- just beyond a flower we had bought in her memory. I saw that as a sign her and our other cat who passed away 4 years previously, were together again. The next day, a robin visited the garden and stayed for a while. In the 9 years ive lived in my house, I’ve never seen a robin here (or white feathers anywhere). I also asked her a for a sign and a white feather fell down past the window. I wasnt necessarily a believer in all this originally!Thank you. I’ve been seeing red cardinals as well. I used to get excited seeing one once in a blue moon! Today, I was holding Leroy’s urn to my heart to let him know I love him, opened the window overlooking the backyard, and 2 red cardinals appeared and perched on the fence. Felt like I got my response
Your post above made me cry, I am completely relate to you feelings. Hope you are OK
White feathers are most definitely a sign from Heaven and someone or some animal who has passed, when my best friend passed in 2007 we got them constantly and in places there was no way they would be in there like in our kitchen cupboard lol! Definitely a sign from above and that they are happy and just fine.....A couple of days after Sooty left, I found 2 white feathers in the garden- just beyond a flower we had bought in her memory. I saw that as a sign her and our other cat who passed away 4 years previously, were together again. The next day, a robin visited the garden and stayed for a while. In the 9 years ive lived in my house, I’ve never seen a robin here (or white feathers anywhere). I also asked her a for a sign and a white feather fell down past the window. I wasnt necessarily a believer in all this originally!
Your post above made me cry, I am completely relate to you feelings. Hope you are OK
And also white pigeons, whenever we would see one which isn't often soon after someone or something would die, and right before we had this horrible issue with Sugar (there's a thread about that) we saw 2, one all white and one mostly white but with brown on it, so we were very worried about that, but she made it through and is doing well and we wonder if the presence of a second pigeon meant something different?
Wild stuff, but very true and meaningful!!!
Oh my goodness, I have goosebumps! I found these little white feathers on my back lawn this morning and I thought maybe some bird had been attacked but there are just feathers, and they are all white.
Since Whiskas passing in March, I haven’t seen any signs that he is still near to me. Maybe, at long last, this is a sign from him x
If they were from a bird that was attacked I am sure that you would have seen some darker ones and larger ones, we unfortunately see that in our yard at times, all the feathers that we ever got were all white and really "billowy", not of this Earth, little "Angel's wings", and from what I see in that picture it looks like that is what you have there!
I think it is Whiskas visiting and saying "hi, I am fine, thank you for taking care of me and I love you...."
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- #40
Tilly206
Thank you, I’m trying to hang in there. How about you? I’m so glad Sooty and your other cat left you signs. It’s a relief to know that your beloved babies are ok and that they still love you. How is your new baby Coco? My 2 new babies - a boy (Lanai) and a girl (Sanoe) are doing good. The girl looks like Sooty. 
les26
I didn’t know white feathers and some birds held special meaning from above until I came to this forum and read your posts. Now I’m racking my brain wondering if I found white feathers anywhere, and I think I did. In my car! Just 1 random feather. But I threw it out not knowing its significance. Sorry Leroy 
Tabbytastic
Yey!!! I knew your precious Whiskas was right there with you all along. Why wouldn’t he be? He loves you, the house, and his garden.
