Attempt #2 - I feel like giving up.

[str3ssed0ut]

This is Day 1 of my second attempt to introduce my cat Clara (4 yo), to my boyfriend's cats (two 1 yo). We had to stop the first time, bc after several days of calm, they started attacking each other and we couldn't reset the introduction process at the time bc we'd be leaving to travel soon.

We're back now, several months later, and retrying. She's got everything she needs set up in the bathroom, but has been crying non-stop four hours to be let out. Obviously, I can't, bc she's still growling and hissing at his kitty's constantly, just through the door. I want this to work, but I also need to sleep. I don't know what to do, and I already feel like giving up again.

Did anyone else's experience start out this way? Is there hope?

 

[silent meowlook]

A few questions:
How old are all the cats?
Male, female, spayed, neutered?
Who’s house? What cat moved?
How many rooms?
Any health concerns with any of the cats?
How long have you had your cat?
How long has your boyfriend had his?
Do your boyfriends cats get along?

 

[KittyCatChela]

First off I would just like to say hang in there it can get better. I currently have 6 cats, three are adults and three are kittens that will be going to their forever homes in two weeks. My oldest cat midnight was our first cat and was alone with no other pets in our house for about a year-and-a-half. We then took on three kitten strays when their mother abandoned them. (We eventually gave one away and ended up keeping the other two) now what our cat midnight did not like this, he would always hiss at them. And when he did that I would tell him to go away or shoo him off. He eventually after some time got used to them. Fast forward to my girl cat having kittens, midnight again did not like them. He would always hiss at them (the kittens). But just like that first time it took some time and now he plays with those kittens. Both times did not happen and one night or two nights or even a week. It took time for him to realize that these newcomers we're not going anywhere. So please don't give up, it can be done. ( and just too stressed my point even more about how much I believe in the fact that you can do this and that it can be done, I made this account specifically to reply to your post) lol Good luck! And hang in there. Don't give up.

 

[str3ssed0ut]

A few questions:
How old are all the cats?
Male, female, spayed, neutered?
Who’s house? What cat moved?
How many rooms?
Any health concerns with any of the cats?
How long have you had your cat?
How long has your boyfriend had his?
Do your boyfriends cats get along?

Mine (F) is 4, his are both 1 (both M). It's his house, 2 rooms, and my cat is the one who's moved. They're all fixed. No health concerns. We've each had the cats since they were young kittens. And his cats are brothers; they're very close, no issues between them.

The reason I decided on the bathroom was bc the other two rooms are the office and bedroom. His cats often hang out in the bedroom, and I didn't want them to feel alienated. And my cat is a wire chewer/carpet shredder, so I didn't want to risk her destroying my boyfriends expensive computer or carpet while I'm at work and can't supervise closely.

I don't know if I made the right call. I just feel bad for her. She's eating, and will accept pets when I'm in there with her, but as soon as I leave it's back to crying... LOUDLY.

 

[str3ssed0ut]

First off I would just like to say hang in there it can get better. I currently have 6 cats, three are adults and three are kittens that will be going to their forever homes in two weeks. My oldest cat midnight was our first cat and was alone with no other pets in our house for about a year-and-a-half. We then took on three kitten strays when their mother abandoned them. (We eventually gave one away and ended up keeping the other two) now what our cat midnight did not like this, he would always hiss at them. And when he did that I would tell him to go away or shoo him off. He eventually after some time got used to them. Fast forward to my girl cat having kittens, midnight again did not like them. He would always hiss at them (the kittens). But just like that first time it took some time and now he plays with those kittens. Both times did not happen and one night or two nights or even a week. It took time for him to realize that these newcomers we're not going anywhere. So please don't give up, it can be done. ( and just too stressed my point even more about how much I believe in the fact that you can do this and that it can be done, I made this account specifically to reply to your post) lol Good luck! And hang in there. Don't give up.

Thank you so much for the encouragement, it's really nice to hear. I'm definitely going to keep trying.

 

[silent meowlook]

Ok. Thank you for answering.

Your cat is obviously feeling intimidated and overwhelmed. The boys have a hostile intruder. Your cat is suddenly dropped in a war zone. This will take time. It is doable with patience. The best you should hope for is a peaceful co existence.

Try to figure out another area for your cat to be in. A bathroom is to small and she has to spend to much time alone there. Perhaps you can close the boys into the bedroom and let her have the run of the house when you are home. Then maybe when you aren't home you can let the boys have the house and have her in the bedroom. The object is to let each live in the other ones area with all their smells etc. and get used to knowing there is another cat there without actually seeing one another. You can do this for a couple of weeks or months depending on how smoothly things are going.

Once there is no cat drama and they are all used to a routine of swapping living spaces daily, you can move on to the next step. That is feeding them on opposite sides of a closed door. Get them used to knowing the other cat or cats are there, but happy stuff, food, happens around the other cat or cats. It is a gradual process and can take months or maybe only weeks.

From that point you put up a baby gate and feed them on opposite sides of it from a distance and if all goes well slowly move the feeding station closer to the gate. This takes a while. Once there is no hissing or growling and they accept that they are fed looking at the other cat, or cats, you can try play time together with a wand toy. Cats are much less likely to fight if they are engaged in play. Still even at this point all interaction or hopefully there is no interaction still should be supervised. Gradually work up to the point where they can relax after play time and not upset each other.

You have to be careful to not use any sort of negative type response to anything with the cats. If things go south be sure not to yell at them or react, just break out the wand toy or food to distract.

It can take a year for cat introductions to work out. Just be patient. There are also medications that your veterinarian can prescribe to help with your cat's anxiety. I would consider that a last resort.

I would start there. And remember. if you are stressed she will be stressed.

I hope some of this helps.

 

[di and bob]

It is definitely doable, especially since his cats are boys, which females love to boss around. Her hissing, growling, trying to act ferocious is all normal. It takes time, but eventually, everyone will coexist and form a family unit. Do what was explained above, if you don't have another bigger space to keep her in, get a large wire dog crate and put her in there (and exchange them at times) to keep her from being lonely, and to get her used to them in her new surroundings. They can be found cheap at sale sites on Facebook. Make sure you have a small box with a blanket and a hole cut in it for a door for her to hide in, you don't want her to feel exposed. Females absolutely love to put the boys in their places, and they will definitely learn quickly that she is boss. They are young enough that they are too full of energy right now which will be very annoying to her, but that means they will also learn quickly. Just don't move too quickly, I know this is a big pain right now, but you don't want anyone to get really hurt. There may be a few skirmishes with hair flying, but there shouldn't be deep bites that draw blood. my cats still roll around and scream, and they are mother and two sons!

 

[str3ssed0ut]

Ok. Thank you for answering.

Your cat is obviously feeling intimidated and overwhelmed. The boys have a hostile intruder. Your cat is suddenly dropped in a war zone. This will take time. It is doable with patience. The best you should hope for is a peaceful co existence.

Try to figure out another area for your cat to be in. A bathroom is to small and she has to spend to much time alone there. Perhaps you can close the boys into the bedroom and let her have the run of the house when you are home. Then maybe when you aren't home you can let the boys have the house and have her in the bedroom. The object is to let each live in the other ones area with all their smells etc. and get used to knowing there is another cat there without actually seeing one another. You can do this for a couple of weeks or months depending on how smoothly things are going.

Once there is no cat drama and they are all used to a routine of swapping living spaces daily, you can move on to the next step. That is feeding them on opposite sides of a closed door. Get them used to knowing the other cat or cats are there, but happy stuff, food, happens around the other cat or cats. It is a gradual process and can take months or maybe only weeks.

From that point you put up a baby gate and feed them on opposite sides of it from a distance and if all goes well slowly move the feeding station closer to the gate. This takes a while. Once there is no hissing or growling and they accept that they are fed looking at the other cat, or cats, you can try play time together with a wand toy. Cats are much less likely to fight if they are engaged in play. Still even at this point all interaction or hopefully there is no interaction still should be supervised. Gradually work up to the point where they can relax after play time and not upset each other.

You have to be careful to not use any sort of negative type response to anything with the cats. If things go south be sure not to yell at them or react, just break out the wand toy or food to distract.

It can take a year for cat introductions to work out. Just be patient. There are also medications that your veterinarian can prescribe to help with your cat's anxiety. I would consider that a last resort.

I would start there. And remember. if you are stressed she will be stressed.

I hope some of this helps.

Yes, some of that is for sure helpful. I like the idea of putting the boys in the bedroom when I'm home. I wouldn't have thought of that, so thank you. I don't think keeping her in the bedroom at night will work for me, bc she's still going to be crying to get out, but I can keep her there during the day. I'm sure she'll feel better about that too. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

 

[str3ssed0ut]

It is definitely doable, especially since his cats are boys, which females love to boss around. Her hissing, growling, trying to act ferocious is all normal. It takes time, but eventually, everyone will coexist and form a family unit. Do what was explained above, if you don't have another bigger space to keep her in, get a large wire dog crate and put her in there (and exchange them at times) to keep her from being lonely, and to get her used to them in her new surroundings. They can be found cheap at sale sites on Facebook. Make sure you have a small box with a blanket and a hole cut in it for a door for her to hide in, you don't want her to feel exposed. Females absolutely love to put the boys in their places, and they will definitely learn quickly that she is boss. They are young enough that they are too full of energy right now which will be very annoying to her, but that means they will also learn quickly. Just don't move too quickly, I know this is a big pain right now, but you don't want anyone to get really hurt. There may be a few skirmishes with hair flying, but there shouldn't be deep bites that draw blood. my cats still roll around and scream, and they are mother and two sons!

I just might try the dog crate if all else fails. Thank you for the encouragement!

 

[str3ssed0ut]

Ok. Thank you for answering.

Your cat is obviously feeling intimidated and overwhelmed. The boys have a hostile intruder. Your cat is suddenly dropped in a war zone. This will take time. It is doable with patience. The best you should hope for is a peaceful co existence.

Try to figure out another area for your cat to be in. A bathroom is to small and she has to spend to much time alone there. Perhaps you can close the boys into the bedroom and let her have the run of the house when you are home. Then maybe when you aren't home you can let the boys have the house and have her in the bedroom. The object is to let each live in the other ones area with all their smells etc. and get used to knowing there is another cat there without actually seeing one another. You can do this for a couple of weeks or months depending on how smoothly things are going.

Once there is no cat drama and they are all used to a routine of swapping living spaces daily, you can move on to the next step. That is feeding them on opposite sides of a closed door. Get them used to knowing the other cat or cats are there, but happy stuff, food, happens around the other cat or cats. It is a gradual process and can take months or maybe only weeks.

From that point you put up a baby gate and feed them on opposite sides of it from a distance and if all goes well slowly move the feeding station closer to the gate. This takes a while. Once there is no hissing or growling and they accept that they are fed looking at the other cat, or cats, you can try play time together with a wand toy. Cats are much less likely to fight if they are engaged in play. Still even at this point all interaction or hopefully there is no interaction still should be supervised. Gradually work up to the point where they can relax after play time and not upset each other.

You have to be careful to not use any sort of negative type response to anything with the cats. If things go south be sure not to yell at them or react, just break out the wand toy or food to distract.

It can take a year for cat introductions to work out. Just be patient. There are also medications that your veterinarian can prescribe to help with your cat's anxiety. I would consider that a last resort.

I would start there. And remember. if you are stressed she will be stressed.

I hope some of this helps.

Question for you. Once/if I get to the baby gate stage, does that stay up at all times, or only when feeding them?

 

[silent meowlook]

Only until they are comfortable eating in front of each other.

 

[walli]

You do seem pretty stressed out, I have experience with that! ha ha!
since you are "ready to give up" and if you can afford it a behaviorist in your area might help.
I think your going to be ok, you just need the skills to do this, read all the articles here about introductions
getting them to a point of getting snacks together is where you want to get, somehow cats like to eat with each other.
and I agree Get the cat out of the bathroom as much as you can.
You can do this!!!

 

[str3ssed0ut]

You do seem pretty stressed out, I have experience with that! ha ha!
since you are "ready to give up" and if you can afford it a behaviorist in your area might help.
I think your going to be ok, you just need the skills to do this, read all the articles here about introductions
getting them to a point of getting snacks together is where you want to get, somehow cats like to eat with each other.
and I agree Get the cat out of the bathroom as much as you can.
You can do this!!!

I'm not ready to, I just feel like it Really though, I do badly want to make this work. The frustrating part is we did a ton of research, went through all the steps, had them eating with eachother, and they were fine commingling for two days. THEN, things went south quickly, with my cat attacking his two (seemingly) unprovoked. Hopefully this time goes more smoothly. I'm going to go even slower, even if it seems like they're ready, just to be sure. I really appreciate you and everyone else who's responded. Definitely helping me feel more confident that things will work out eventually. So thank you!

 

[Flybynight]

str3ssed0ut
Hi,
Have you tried calming products like Feliway friends or Rescue Remedy for pets?

 

[str3ssed0ut]

str3ssed0ut
Hi,
Have you tried calming products like Feliway friends or Rescue Remedy for pets?

Yes! We have two diffusers plugged in.

 

[walli]

did anyone get hurt during the attack?
I'm actually tempted to let a fight play out and see what happens with my situation.

don't do this unless you know what your doing tho
I'm thinking of muzzling the aggressor (he's a biter)
maybe the hierarchy needs to be established-who knows.

fyi I have cats separated in 2 different parts of the house

 

[str3ssed0ut]

did anyone get hurt during the attack?
I'm actually tempted to let a fight play out and see what happens with my situation.

don't do this unless you know what your doing tho
I'm thinking of muzzling the aggressor (he's a biter)
maybe the hierarchy needs to be established-who knows.

fyi I have cats separated in 2 different parts of the house

No, not that we could tell anyway. I definitely don't plan to let anything play out with that between ours.

 

[walli]

well that is a really good sign! yeah I have been doing this awhile I have an aggressive cat. He hates cats!
I think your going to do ok, just do the introduction practices, baby gates would be great.
you can stack them so they can see each other etc..
Hang in there!
fyi they can feel your stress which can cause an incident, try and be chill around the cats. I know it's hard.

 

[silent meowlook]

Hi. Cats have set backs for various reasons. Allot of their communications are through eye contact and smell and even pupil size. Outside cats they can smell or see can also play into them having issues.
it takes many good experiences to cancel out a bad experience.
Sounds like you are doing well and have done your research. Just remember your cat‘s feelings are valid and if she is attacking the boys, she is reacting, not thinking or planning out anything.

I recently introduced 2 year old stray cat neutered male “ Ohmypaw” to my 12 year old established spayed female with health issues, “Cheetah”.They are coexisting, which is all I can hope for. It took about 8 months and they still have setbacks.
As you can see by Cheetah’s expression, she isn’t thrilled with the good natured team player, Ohmypaw.

 

[walli]

Get off my chair!