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- Sep 16, 2018
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Hi everyone,
Sorry in advance for the long post but I'm in a situation with my cat that's incredibly stressful and I'm hoping someone has some wisdom to share!
So about a month ago, I moved into a new apartment with my cat. It was really the best thing for my own sanity because in my previous apartment, I had 4 (honestly 5) roommates, and a tiny bedroom with no window--I could hardly think straight or sleep at night, but I lived there for two years because it's all I could afford. My roommates and I had three cats between us, including mine (and a bearded dragon, not mine), and a covered porch and backyard where the cats could go outside and lounge, though it always made me nervous when my own cat went out and I kind of wished I could just keep her inside. The problem is that she was already USED to the porch, because she was originally a stray kitten in a litter taking shelter on the porch, and I took her in. My roommate took in a another of the cats, who was already full-grown and probably related to mine-- not her mother, but we think maybe her aunt. (PS, we found homes for all the kittens.) At first my cat seemed pretty feral and like she would only do well as an only cat, so I thought in a broken-hearted way that I wouldn't get to keep her, but then it turned out that she that she got used to the other cats, and played/was affectionate with them sometimes, though she was still always pretty independent.
Meanwhile after a grueling search, I was lucky enough to land a new job that I genuinely enjoy (my old job was also terrible so that didn't help anything), and that pays enough for me to move out of the old place and live by myself, which is what I always dreamed of doing but thought I could never afford here in NYC. So now I've moved into my own studio apartment (there is a separate kitchen, bathroom, and hallway though, and three closets, so it's not just one big square, and I have a loft bed so it feels like there's plenty of space). The new apartment is so much better for me personally, but I'm so worried about my cat! Because to make things worse, the new job is full-time, 9-5, so she's alone all day until about 6pm. When she first got here she absolutely freaked out, meowing all the time and following me around, and the first two days I came back from work to find her hiding/sleeping under a pile of clothes in the closet--I almost had a heart attack when I couldn't find her at first!
The thing is, I feel incredibly guilty about separating her from the other two cats but it was really inevitable; all the cats belonged to different people and it's not like I could live with my roommates forever. And I thought the sooner I separated her from them, the better, so that she could hopefully get used to it while she was still young (she's 2). Everyone keeps saying I should get another cat but my landlord and downstairs neighbor would not like that, and the landlord probably wouldn't even allow it --I had to get special permission to even have one cat, and apparently the downstairs neighbor complained a lot about the previous tenant's cat running around so I have to watch out for that. My cat has been quiet but if there were two, they would definitely run around and chase each other, and my landlord warned me before I signed the lease that if the cat is "a serious problem" I can't keep her. (Obviously I would keep her; I'd just have to move out, which would be a nightmare.) I also don't think I could handle the extra responsibility and expense of another cat--my cat also has FLUTD, which cost a small fortunate at the vet's to figure out, and now that's another thing I have to always monitor, and pay extra for prescription food--and I don't think there's really space here for two cats anyways. I've also read that getting one cat just for the sake of another cat is a bad idea, because for one thing, what if they don't get along and never get used to one another?
Anyway, I'm trying to make the best of the situation for her; I got her a window hammock, which she loves, and I put bird feeders by two of my windows, but the birds in this courtyard still haven't noticed them. I wish they would, because she sits by the window, looking for birds for hours and getting so excited if a pigeon flies by, like, once a day.
I also play nature videos for her on my TV while I'm at work (I alternate nature videos with a black screen so they're not just playing all day, because I figure if they play all day, she'll get bored with them), which she likes. I bought an aquarium too, thinking some fish might keep her entertained, but when I put it together yesterday, I realized the humming sound of the filter would drive me nuts, and I could just get her a fake aquarium; there are some realistic ones and she won't know the difference, and it'd be way less work for me. I really don't want any more pets of any kind.
I also installed a cat pheromone diffuser (can't tell if that makes a difference), and a little pet security camera so I can log into an app on my phone and see what she does during the day; she pretty much just sleeps on the couch, sometimes watches the nature videos, and sometimes sleeps on my loft bed, which is not too different from what she does when I'm here. I also try to play with her a lot when I'm here (on the couch so the neighbor downstairs doesn't hear it) and have gotten her all kinds of toys, plus a little cat cube/condo thing that I haven't assembled yet.
Sorry to go on and on but basically my point is, I'm almost out of things to try, and I'm still so worried that she's miserable. She still follows me around the apartment (though not quite as much as before), and wakes me up meowing every morning, but she doesn't even want anything -- her food bowl is full, and I'll put on a nature video but she's not interested--beyond me being awake. Once she sees that I'm awake, she'll settle down and look out the window, but if I fall back asleep she starts meowing again. So that's messing with my sleep too, when one of the whole reasons I moved out of my old apartment was that it was so noisy with all the people and animals, and I couldn't sleep! The building I moved into is miraculously quiet, but if she's always meowing at me, it doesn't even matter. It's messing with my social life too, because I feel guilty leaving her alone more than I have to, so I've been passing up opportunities to hang out with people after work, or doing things on the weekends, because I just want to be at home and make sure she's okay.
Which is all to say, does anyone have any thoughts or advice on her behavior, or if there's anything else I can do besides getting another cat? Is it too much to expect her to adjust to such a different situation after only a month? This is stressing me out so much because I really love my cat and I just want her to be happy, but I also couldn't stay in a living situation that was making me miserable. People keep telling me that if I'm happier, she'll be happier, but so far it doesn't seem like it.
Thanks in advance to anyone who even got to the end of this, or even skimmed it!
<3 Emily
Sorry in advance for the long post but I'm in a situation with my cat that's incredibly stressful and I'm hoping someone has some wisdom to share!
So about a month ago, I moved into a new apartment with my cat. It was really the best thing for my own sanity because in my previous apartment, I had 4 (honestly 5) roommates, and a tiny bedroom with no window--I could hardly think straight or sleep at night, but I lived there for two years because it's all I could afford. My roommates and I had three cats between us, including mine (and a bearded dragon, not mine), and a covered porch and backyard where the cats could go outside and lounge, though it always made me nervous when my own cat went out and I kind of wished I could just keep her inside. The problem is that she was already USED to the porch, because she was originally a stray kitten in a litter taking shelter on the porch, and I took her in. My roommate took in a another of the cats, who was already full-grown and probably related to mine-- not her mother, but we think maybe her aunt. (PS, we found homes for all the kittens.) At first my cat seemed pretty feral and like she would only do well as an only cat, so I thought in a broken-hearted way that I wouldn't get to keep her, but then it turned out that she that she got used to the other cats, and played/was affectionate with them sometimes, though she was still always pretty independent.
Meanwhile after a grueling search, I was lucky enough to land a new job that I genuinely enjoy (my old job was also terrible so that didn't help anything), and that pays enough for me to move out of the old place and live by myself, which is what I always dreamed of doing but thought I could never afford here in NYC. So now I've moved into my own studio apartment (there is a separate kitchen, bathroom, and hallway though, and three closets, so it's not just one big square, and I have a loft bed so it feels like there's plenty of space). The new apartment is so much better for me personally, but I'm so worried about my cat! Because to make things worse, the new job is full-time, 9-5, so she's alone all day until about 6pm. When she first got here she absolutely freaked out, meowing all the time and following me around, and the first two days I came back from work to find her hiding/sleeping under a pile of clothes in the closet--I almost had a heart attack when I couldn't find her at first!
The thing is, I feel incredibly guilty about separating her from the other two cats but it was really inevitable; all the cats belonged to different people and it's not like I could live with my roommates forever. And I thought the sooner I separated her from them, the better, so that she could hopefully get used to it while she was still young (she's 2). Everyone keeps saying I should get another cat but my landlord and downstairs neighbor would not like that, and the landlord probably wouldn't even allow it --I had to get special permission to even have one cat, and apparently the downstairs neighbor complained a lot about the previous tenant's cat running around so I have to watch out for that. My cat has been quiet but if there were two, they would definitely run around and chase each other, and my landlord warned me before I signed the lease that if the cat is "a serious problem" I can't keep her. (Obviously I would keep her; I'd just have to move out, which would be a nightmare.) I also don't think I could handle the extra responsibility and expense of another cat--my cat also has FLUTD, which cost a small fortunate at the vet's to figure out, and now that's another thing I have to always monitor, and pay extra for prescription food--and I don't think there's really space here for two cats anyways. I've also read that getting one cat just for the sake of another cat is a bad idea, because for one thing, what if they don't get along and never get used to one another?
Anyway, I'm trying to make the best of the situation for her; I got her a window hammock, which she loves, and I put bird feeders by two of my windows, but the birds in this courtyard still haven't noticed them. I wish they would, because she sits by the window, looking for birds for hours and getting so excited if a pigeon flies by, like, once a day.
I also play nature videos for her on my TV while I'm at work (I alternate nature videos with a black screen so they're not just playing all day, because I figure if they play all day, she'll get bored with them), which she likes. I bought an aquarium too, thinking some fish might keep her entertained, but when I put it together yesterday, I realized the humming sound of the filter would drive me nuts, and I could just get her a fake aquarium; there are some realistic ones and she won't know the difference, and it'd be way less work for me. I really don't want any more pets of any kind.I also installed a cat pheromone diffuser (can't tell if that makes a difference), and a little pet security camera so I can log into an app on my phone and see what she does during the day; she pretty much just sleeps on the couch, sometimes watches the nature videos, and sometimes sleeps on my loft bed, which is not too different from what she does when I'm here. I also try to play with her a lot when I'm here (on the couch so the neighbor downstairs doesn't hear it) and have gotten her all kinds of toys, plus a little cat cube/condo thing that I haven't assembled yet.
Sorry to go on and on but basically my point is, I'm almost out of things to try, and I'm still so worried that she's miserable. She still follows me around the apartment (though not quite as much as before), and wakes me up meowing every morning, but she doesn't even want anything -- her food bowl is full, and I'll put on a nature video but she's not interested--beyond me being awake. Once she sees that I'm awake, she'll settle down and look out the window, but if I fall back asleep she starts meowing again. So that's messing with my sleep too, when one of the whole reasons I moved out of my old apartment was that it was so noisy with all the people and animals, and I couldn't sleep! The building I moved into is miraculously quiet, but if she's always meowing at me, it doesn't even matter. It's messing with my social life too, because I feel guilty leaving her alone more than I have to, so I've been passing up opportunities to hang out with people after work, or doing things on the weekends, because I just want to be at home and make sure she's okay.
Which is all to say, does anyone have any thoughts or advice on her behavior, or if there's anything else I can do besides getting another cat? Is it too much to expect her to adjust to such a different situation after only a month? This is stressing me out so much because I really love my cat and I just want her to be happy, but I also couldn't stay in a living situation that was making me miserable. People keep telling me that if I'm happier, she'll be happier, but so far it doesn't seem like it.
Thanks in advance to anyone who even got to the end of this, or even skimmed it!
<3 Emily
