Anti-social terrified awkward cat

[kittenfish]

I have never posted a thread here so I'm sorry if this is in the wrong area. I'm looking to get some help for my cat Grim.

Grim is 3 years old now, I've had him since he was a kitten, he was put in a pet store from a shelter in hopes he would be adopted. He is a Chantilly and I think he was maybe 4 months when I got him, maybe less but he seemed large for a kitten. He is still intact and his issue is that ever since I adopted him, he has been completely terrified of just about everything.

If guests come over to the house, they don't see him and barely realize he exists after 3 years. He will spend most of the day hiding either in the very back of his cat carrier that is left out or in a cupboard in my tv cabinet. He climbs in through a hole in the back and stays inside with the doors shut. I don't force him to socialize because he will panic and become terrified near people. I had tried in the past and he wasn't able to handle it.

When left alone with me, Grim is very very affectionate but extremely awkward. I have a persian who is spayed and he always tries to rub his head into hers but she leaves when he does because he's a very strong cat. When he wants to be affectionate with me, he headbutts me and holds himself against my body, mainly standing and just pushes into me. I've never had a cat act like this, when he is pushing in it's almost painful when he puts his weight in and if you try to move him he is very heavy and will just immediately run back in almost a panic. He only does this with me. He basically needs to be sitting near my face or neck at all times to remain calm.

If I move or need to get up, he begins panicking again and runs and hides. He never scratches and he doesn't spray on anything or mark his territory even with another cat in the house.

I don't think this behaviour is normal for the Chantilly breed, or cats in general having had them my whole life. I'm just wondering if there's anything I can do for him, or if he is okay being awkward like this. I feel bad when he's so terrified all the time and I can't do anything to make him feel more comfortable when other people are there.

Sorry for the very long thread. I wanted to be as detailed as possible. Also this is an image of Grim

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• kittenfish
• Oct 22, 2012

 

[kittenfish]

I'm so sorry that this posted 4 times. Every time I hit post it told me an error had occurred and to try again. I had no idea it was posting each time.

 

[sevenwonders]

Hi Kittenfish, welcome to TCS! 

I'm sure we can come up with some ideas to help Grim.

Oh, before I forget, the thing where he pushes his head to you and to the other Kitty is normal -

I call that a Kitty Hug  

  I have a few who do that as well.

It sounds to me like Grim needs to build some confidence.

Does he have a perch or Cat Tree where he can get high up off of the floor?

The back of the couch is just not high enough for some Kitties.

It doesn't have to be elaborate - one of my Kitties used to act very skittish.

I made a simple shelf for him and covered it with a little padding and a soft cloth

and hung it up on a wall for him. I put him up on it and talked nice and petted him a lot -

now he loves that thing, and he spends a lot of time there instead of under the couch.

Another thing that I think would help Grim is what I call a "Feather Toy." (not sure if that is the commonly accepted term)

At any rate, it is a feather attached to a thin elastic string which is attached on the other end to a plastic stick.

You can hold the stick and flip the toy back & forth or in circles around the room, and most Kitties absolutely LOVE it.

Not only will it provide some healthy exercise, it will help him to become more confident as it simulates "The Hunt."

A word of caution - try to do this in short sessions - some Cats will go all out and end up breathing so hard it will scare you.

I'm no expert on Feline Cardiovascular systems, but I'd recommend taking it slow until he gets used to running.

Well, I hope you will give these ideas a try, and please let us know how it is going  

 

[kittenfish]

Hi SevenWonders! Thank you for your reply.

Two things I can note -- I do have quite a few elevations in the house for cats. Other than him I have one girl who is a mix and my persian. The girl specifically loves being high and as such all around the house there's places for them to rest, all the way up to 6 feet high. Grim however tends to be terrified the higher he is. 

The other thing would be the feather toy. I have one for my persian. She loooooves to play with it. I've tried bringing it out near grim and he seems to be terrified of feathers in general. Even if it's on a hat or just a decoration, he won't go near it. I tried just a ball on a string with a bell, or cat nip toys, and they all seem to scare him as well. (My mixed kitty isn't allowed near the feather toy as she gets a bit too enthusiastic and tries eating all the feathers haha).

 

 

[sevenwonders]

Hi SevenWonders! Thank you for your reply.

Two things I can note -- I do have quite a few elevations in the house for cats... Grim however tends to be terrified the higher he is. 

The other thing would be the feather toy... he seems to be terrified of feathers in general.

Poor Grim!

What about a ball made of a half sheet of plain white paper?

If he will play with that (or anything else) I'd try attaching that to a string and see if you can get him to play.

I'll keep you & Grim in my mind...

If I can think of any other ideas, I'll let you know! 

 

[kumitekat]

I wonder if Grim would like one of those electronic toys that are very predictable?

It is possible he is frightened by the toys because he doesn't know what they are going to do. In fact, I believe that is the definition of fear.

Something that performs a motion that is the same over and over again would likely be best for him.

You could simulate this as well with the feather. Just keep moving it back and forth at the same rhythm across the floor.. Even if he doesn't go for it at first. If he just watches it for awhile and doesn't run away then that is progress.

 

[kittenfish]

Hi there!

Well if there's anything I've noticed Grim likes playing with, it's small crawling bugs. In the basements here sometimes we get house centipedes and he will chase them. He doesn't like flying bugs though.

I have not tried an electronic toy, but I know that if it makes a noise, it will scare him. He is afraid of the heater we have which makes a quiet buzz and he will run if it's turned on.

Something again to note that is important is that people above all scare him. When I picked him up at the pet store, they were amazed he would let me hold him or anything. He openly licked my hand and he had been terrified of everyone else who had came, including the friend who accompanied me. Since then he has been terrified of everyone but me, and will not leave his hiding spots if there is someone out. He hides before they can even get close. I have tried in the past pulling him out, holding him close and letting people pet him but he freezes up and becomes completely terrified. If I put him down, he's gone like a bullet out of the room and back into his kennel to hide.

 

[bastfriend]

Some cats are just scared of anyone who isn't their special person - that in itself is not a problem really could just be how he is.   Being scared so easily of things when it is just you though is concerning....two ideas.   Feliway and Rescue Remedy (they make a pet version put a few drops in the water bowl).   Both should help a lot!
 

 

[missymotus]

He's a domestic, not a Chantilly/Tiffany. Perhaps he was never properly socialised when a young kitten, have you tried Feliway, Rescue Remedy or any other calming remedies?

Neutering can help calm him, no need for a cat not part of a registered breeding program to remain entire.

 

[kittenfish]

According to the papers that were given with him when he was purchased he is a Chantilly. They had the pedigree on it. I've moved several times in the past 3 years and the papers are *somewhere* in my possessions but I don't know where at the moment. I legally can't breed him even though he is intact though. Either way, I'm not sure why he would have been sold with the pedigree if he wasn't a Chantilly from a rescue.

My Persian was also from a rescue and she also has her papers. The only cat who doesn't have any is my DS cat who is just a mutt girl. But it's not the first time I have taken a shelter cat in and it had papers companying it.

I have never heard of the cat calming remedies. I assume my vet can tell me about them but is there any more information you could give me here?

 

[p3 and the king]

Here's a link from feliway's site so you can see what it is and does. http://www.feliway.com/gb/Feliway-Where-to-buy/What-is-Feliway-How-to-Use

Why is he still intact?  Why not have him neutered?  It will take care of many of his issues for sure.  If you don't plan to breed him it is much healthier for him to be neutered, too. 

 

[kittenfish]

I've always felt that it was better for them to be fixed until my last female was. It was a terrible experience for her and her personality changed dramatically. I knew in the case of females that it can prevent certain cancers and infections getting them spayed, but I wasn't aware that it would benefit the male much. The vet seemed to think he'd be fine intact since my cats are all indoor cats and my girls are both spayed. 

But if it's healthier I could look into it more... it was just so traumatic for my girl Sabby that I was afraid of doing it for Grim.

The Feliway sounds interesting. When I think about it, Grim really never rubs against anything but myself and the other cats. He never marks his smells anywhere around the house as far as I've seen. 

And to address something I meant to before, since someone said it's not a problem for him to be afraid of people. My biggest concern here is that he is okay. I've had cats all my life and if nothing is wrong with him, I would leave him as he is. But he does seem incredibly stressed when he's afraid and it hurts to see him like that. 

If it is coming down to him needing to be fixed to feel safer and more confident, then I'll do it.

 

[orientalslave]

Neutering a male cat is a tiny op - they are only out for a few minutes.  It's not an invasive one like neutering a girl is, and it's very unusual for there to be problems.  It might help - he will be full of hormones at present,

 

[kittenfish]

He is a bit odd in the sense he doesn't go into heat as far as I know. Never had any of the usual signs of it. No howling or affection or spraying. His urine smells strong but it's always in his litter box. The cats each have their own and he tends to just use his.

 

[p3 and the king]

Ok, I hope you don't take offense to this, but I must say that so far I am not impressed with your vet.  Telling you that you don't need to have him neutered?  Not suggesting any calming remedies that can help you?  These are all big red flags to me that this is a vet that doesn't really know, understand, or even like cats.  It happens sometimes.  It's silly a person goes into the vet field and doesn't like certain animals that they will commonly come in contact with but it does happen a lot more frequently than it should.  I would suggest finding another vet and one that specializes in felines.  Ask other cat lovers for their suggestions or just look it up online. 

It sounds to me like this cat has the highest level of anxiety along with depression.  This just isn't normal and he needs a vet that understands cat behavior.  Get him neutered, find some feliway/comfort zone and put it all through your house and really try to encourage him to come out and join you.  Like I said, this isn't normal and he may require actual anxiety medication if it's really that bad of anxiety/depression.  It's gone on for a super long time so I would go as far to say that he is a chronic sufferer.  But find a vet that knows and likes cats first.  That is key.  Your current vet does not seem to.  Best of luck.  I hope the feliway helps.  It can but for something like this, like I said chronic, it may require actual medication.

 

[orientalslave]

Male cats don't have heats or calls in the way female cats do.  They will always be interested in a receptive female.  However he might have a low libido or one that only kicks into action if he comes across a female in call.  However that's not a reason to leave him unneutered. 

 

[kittenfish]

I don't take offence to that at all P3. I think you may be right about the vet and I will start looking into a new one. This vet I had gone to for years for my shots, checkups, and spays (Grim is the first male cat I've had). I was feeling anxious about how traumatized Sabby was after her surgery anyway. 

And OrientalSlave, as I mentioned before I didn't leave him intact because he doesn't go into heat or have a low libido. I left him intact because I was concerned after my last cat got spayed and how negatively she reacted to it, but I haven't taken into consideration how females have a much different procedure than males.

He might be depressed. It's just hard to imagine when he's so affectionate and chirps so often when he's just with me. But either way I will look for a new vet and get him fixed. I've never left a cat intact before so it might explain why I've never had a cat with these behaviours.

Thank you everyone for your help. I've gotten a lot of useful information here and I will give an update after Grim has been fixed and I give some time to see if he can be feeling more confident/less anxious.

 

[charless]

If your cat is not part of a breeding program everyone in your home will be much happier if he is neutered. Males don't go into heat, only the females do. Males are ready any time day or night, and only need a female who is receptive. At three years old inside of a house with spayed females, hormones raging, he probably does not know what to do with the impulses and energy he has. If he was not well socialized as a kitten, neutering will not fix all of his problems, but it will turn the volume down somewhat. It might actually make him calm down enough to be receptive to learning socialization skills, even as an adult.

We had a three year-old semi-feral neutered and he has calmed enough to almost be a pet. I rescued a 7 year-old intact male once, and had him neutered to make him more adoptible. He is a beautiful cat and had a real attitude problem. About six weeks after neutering he began to to calm down and his behavior improved steadly over the next couple of years. He is a very sweet indoor fairly well behaved cat at 10 years old now.

One of our males is skitish with strangers. He is sweet and loving with the family. He was neutered at 3 months old by the shelter we got him from. 3 months is a little young for that procedure, but according to our vet is not unacceptable. It is more difficult to do at that age because the testicles are not decended. Neutering may not fix all of your cat's issues, but that it the best place to start.

As the eariler poster said, any vet that recomends not neutering an indoor cat would raise the hair on the back of my neck. That is poor advice from a vet.

Charles   

 

[kumitekat]

Most cats personalities improve when spayed or neutered. It is unfortunate that you and your other cat went through such a traumatizing experience.

LOVE the advice from P3 and the King! The vet was likely responding to your questions about not getting him neutered by trying to make you feel ok with the decision you were wanting to make to not get him neutered. But your vet should have pushed you harder and spoke to you of the benefits of sterilization so that you could make an informed decision. 

Grims personality will likely change after being altered. But in this case, it will change for the better. It will help him relax.

 

[kittenfish]

It has been a while but I wanted to give sufficient time to see the effects of Grim being Neutered before I posted a response. 

As my for my update, Grim was neutered shortly after I got the advice from everyone. I did, in fact, switch vets to a different one that seems to care a lot about animals. They thought his behaviour was definitely strange. They had not encountered a cat quite this afraid or skiddish and immediately asked if he was a shelter cat. The vet had said that he can't pinpoint what is causing him to behave like this.

After being neutered... Grim had no changes. His personality has not changed at all. He still chirps only for me, he is still terrified of people and his own shadow, and he still cuddles against me when no one is around at night. I'm not sure if his awkward behaviour will ever go away but the vet didn't seem to think medically it was going to be an issue. He'll just have to re-define scaredy cat for the rest of his life.

But yes I wanted to update everyone that my boy has been neutered and he's still the awkward sweety he was. Oh here's a pic of him with his cone after his neutering (he wasn't too happy after it)

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• kittenfish
• Mar 12, 2013