After years raising cats, I chose a difficult one

[Longtime_cat_parent]

After having raised other cats over years and having had good relationships with, I adopted a cat from a shelter a few months back, whom I am finding difficult to deal with. I realize she must have not been socialized and may have been mistreated in her first year of life and should have been a red flag being noted that her last adopters had her for only 11 days due to behavioral issues, but I guess I thought I might "make a difference". (Let me say, I had been mourning the loss of my previous cat a while and been depressed when I was motivated to adopt, so I think I was not feeling entirely rational at the time, having considered getting one who was older, yet feared the possibility of more ingrained problems).

This cat is young and thought we just needed to adapt, so I have hung in there - though beginning to think I have made a big mistake and considering giving her up. This is undoubtedly serious, and let me tell you, I never considered that sort of thing with any previous pet I had raised, none being pre-owned except one having been a foster.

This cat possesses such behavior that makes me worn out, not being used to:
* Hyperactivity, dilated pupils most times.
* Changeability, moodiness.
* Getting into things, having altered my surroundings for - climbing upon high cabinets and wanting to pull framed items off walls.
* Unprovoked sudden biting of hand or foot, scratching with claws around my ankles, having jumped upon my back.
* Disrupts her wet food dish and feeding area, scraping a lot before or after eating, even with something she has liked.
* Does not sleep fully when I am sleeping.
* Is not familiar or interested with being brushed, cat beds or most all cat treats.
* Is VERY picky about wet foods, my having wasted food and $.
* Though seemingly wanting to sit with me and liking attention, she will suddenly bite my hand.

I am spending a lot of time trying to correct things and making it work, but it is exhausting. As said, having had other cats prior, I never experienced such difficulties, having bonded with as babies and raised into an older age. I was seeking pet companionship again, not an out-of-control situation. Though it is suggested to hire a behaviorist and try medications, I see that it is not only expensive, but may not help. Having seen two Vets, once very early on for a "Free" exam, and later for another issue, my discussing these issues were not really considered or responded to. I have read something about Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome, which seems to be possible, If I thought I could really get help and not a run-around, I might try. (I cannot be wasting $$). Note: I have tried the Feliaway spray, but not the diffuser, for a few concerns, so have not considered.

What I have read is how it may be best to have one put down due to behavioral issues, rather than dumping at a shelter. I would be disturbed with doing either - but would always wonder what would have happened with her and likely would not be adoptable in her condition. Believe me, I just have wanted it to work out, but am finding we are not even really connecting, which saddens me and is not what I had been wanting. If I thought this could still work out, I will hang in, but I've become drained and not a young person, having other things to tend to besides, feeling my life is unnecessarily altered.

I haven't known how commonplace this kind of situation might be and wanted to know how relatable it is to others. Thanks -

 

[Margot Lane]

How long have you had her?

 

[Kflowers]

I've had several cats and my experience is a little different from yours. Let me just react to each thing you said your cat is doing.

* Hyperactivity, dilated pupils most times. - tell the vet about this
* Changeability, moodiness. - keep a journal include what happened right before the mood change
* Getting into things, having altered my surroundings for - climbing upon high cabinets and wanting to pull framed items off walls. totally normal for young cats. Be sure to lock dangerous things --medicines sewing needles threads away from her
* Unprovoked sudden biting of hand or foot, scratching with claws around my ankles, having jumped upon my back. - this can well be play from a cat brought up without litter mates. She doesn't know it hurts you. Hiss at her when she does it the instant she does it.
* Disrupts her wet food dish and feeding area, scraping a lot before or after eating, even with something she has liked. - it's possible she has been a bit starved in the past and is trying to protect save some she likes for later
* Does not sleep fully when I am sleeping. Cats tend to be awake at night, perhaps your other cats were better at amusing themselves and left you alone. She'll learn you aren't up for playing at night
* Is not familiar or interested with being brushed, cat beds or most all cat treats. I've never had a cat who liked or was willing to be brushed. It's almost an internet joke that cats don't like the beds you buy for them. Try a cardboard box just a little bigger than she is with a towel in it.
* Is VERY picky about wet foods, my having wasted food and $. Cats tend to be picky about foods, being suspecious of food is how they avoid being poisoned living in the wild, it's hardwired in them. If it smells funny best to leave it and live. Frustrating when the food is good. Keep looking you'll find something she likes.
* Though seemingly wanting to sit with me and liking attention, she will suddenly bite my hand. When you're petting her for a length of time it can over stimulate her when is why she bites to make you stop. It has nothing to do with you, just too much petting. You may have experienced similar feelings. Watch her eyes, the tension in her body and stop petting after a few minutes. This is a less is more situation.

She is still getting to know you and it sounds as though she really really loves you and you have a good future together. She's just different from your previous cats. Actually, in my experience she is pretty normal.

 

[VAMama]

Yeah this is normal for young shelter cats. That's likely why the vets didn't worry. She didn't get proper parenting. She has no idea, from a human perspective, what's a toy or not a toy. She has no idea what humans think is playful. She needs correction, firm but kind, on how to behave. She needs a steady hand that doesn't show anger, consistently directing her to proper activities.

You'd know if it was Feline Hyperesthesia Syndrome because you'd quickly notice she goes nuts when you touch a sensitive spot. Swatting at picture frames has nothing to do with that condition.

If you're really not up for the task to parent her, you could re-home her. But please don't tell people she has a behavior disorder. She's a confused young cat in need of a mama. That's it.

 

[Biomehanika]

I agree with what the two above posters have said… she honestly sounds like a normal young cat to me, not much different than my newest rescue, Moose, who is 10 months old. To me it doesn’t sound like she has any real behaviour problems at all, just high energy and maybe just some confused habits that need gentle correcting, such as the random biting.

You said you are mourning the loss of your previous cat, whom I will go ahead and assume was a senior. Is it possible that it’s just been so long since you’ve had a young high energy cat around, that you’ve confused normal young cat behaviour for behavioural issues? I had only senior cats for such a long time too, they are so calm and cuddly, so when my new young one got comfortable and started acting like a madman, zooming around for hours on end and getting into everything imaginable, his antics were really a shock, but that’s just because I wasn’t used to having a cat his age and had forgotten just how crazy the youngins can be. I am not sure exactly how old your new girl is, but 9 months-2 years seems to be the crazy teenage stage for most.

 

[iPappy]

I'll also ask, how long have you had her? And what was the introduction to your house like?
Some cats adapt well to having the run of the house. Some cats find it "too big" and become hyper-active and/or reactive. She sounds to me like a typical cat that probably had a rough start, and has absolutely no clue how humans vs. cats play, and has very little impulse control. I wouldn't jump to giving up on her just yet.

 

[fionasmom]

* Hyperactivity, dilated pupils most times. - tell the vet about this

If you think that any part of this is FHS, try to get a video for the vet. I have had one cat who most definitely had it, and now a second one whom I believe is on the same spectrum but presenting a little differently. There is medication for it and if your vet felt that this were part of the problem, it should not incur some huge expense.

I agree that you have a very mixed bag of symptoms or observations and that they don't all lead to the same conclusion.

 

[ArtNJ]

I agree with the advice above. I know you are experienced, but honestly it sounds like you might have been a little lucky with past cats, since the cat doesn't sound so unusual.

To add my two cents on the food issue -- I don't think its generally necessary to let a cat decide what they will and won't eat. Follow the advice to mix the old and new food. For example, Changing Cat Food: How to Switch Your Cat's Food. But just in general, if they don't eat that much on day 1 or even day 2, its not that big a deal. If its moist food, try and put small amounts down and take them up so they don't get browned. Or mix in a little more with a little water. But its not remotely harmful for them to eat browned food, and they will do it when hungry. Just try to minimize it, and certainly throw away any moist food that the cat didn't eat overnight.

All of that said, at times I have given in and abandoned unopened cans of something they just absolutely seem to hate. For example, I've had two different pairs of cats now, where none of the four cats would eat any "and cheese" flavors of moist food. I'll probably never buy that for any cat again, ever. But you can't tell when they are truly passionate about their hate if you don't push them to adapt a bit on their routine dislike of new foods.

 

[Longtime_cat_parent]

Hi, and thanks for all your replies, explanations and suggestions. I have read some of these remarks elsewhere online. I guess it is just tough, since having raised four other cats that had not had any of these problems mentioned and know they came from only their original care / litters /socialization, being 5-6 months old. Only one having been from being fostered elsewhere and had some issues, having to adapt to my two older males I already had. (When I think back to having had 3 cats at the same time in an apartment, I don't recall how I did that..?) Again, all being a learning experience.

However, I just never had one so out of control, and I believe it's is true that she must not have had any early training, having NO idea where / how being housed in her first year, (my getting her at 14 months, now being months later). As said, it was noted that the adopter prior had returned her after 11 days, due to this behavior.

It's just that she is so changeable, never knowing if she will bite / scratch me or not, after laying in my lap a bit. (1) I try not over-petting or at all, and she may still attack me. (She just came over here I was writing, sat and rolled around on me for about 5 minutes...then chomped down my hand, and was not petting).

(2) The food thing - she will either right away begin scraping the plate and tray, knocking it over, OR eat some, then knock it over, or possibly retuning later to eat. 🫤 I have kept notes with me on what she has liked, but become confused when seeing she is not eating a wet food she had liked. (3) The standing upon cabinets and stretching upwards to tap on mirrors, framed pictures -- I can't deal with, since they might fall and break. I have just put up some double sticky-sided sheets to deter her, and seems to have helped some.

My main complaint with this is how she is jumping in and out of the bedroom window during a.m. hours when I am sleeping, being her favorite space. I have it arranged for her to access between draperies, but she will jump down and try doing so on either end of the draperies instead - clawing fabric, scratching the wall, sometimes getting behind the bookshelf (having tried blocking behind) she jumps upon to reach the window... has knocked little belongings off a shelf. I cannot have anything of mine out, having made lots of adjustments, everything being altered.

As said, I just never had to go through this prior, though I know about cat-proofing to keep dangerous items out of reach. It's just that my other cats were pretty normal, having thru their later years...eating, playing, sleeping, cuddling with mama. I am not young, and knew getting a youngster could have been problematic, but feared that an older pre-owned pet might also have ingrained habits, health issues, which is why I was conflicted. I think that the only way to do is if having had real familiarity with the pet and owner, possibly.

There exists interactive playtime and found something she likes to play with independently, but is not enough of that. It's just that I am a bit worn and wanting things to "settle down" so the focus is not entirely upon this during all my waking / sleeping hours...my own needs being neglected.

 

[Margot Lane]

Agree with all the others, and just reiterating their advice. You have got a lively one! The commitment is love, it will always be about that. Are you up for the challenge? Because I personally don’t think this is an overnight thing. This is a kitty who needs consistency, to know you will always be there, even as she acts out and gets used to knowing -and realizing- you are the anchor in her life. It might require a nice set of leather gloves. It definitely will require time. But what you will be left with is a wonderful kitty, and who will, eventually, stop being an unpredictable biter. She just doesn’t seem to quite know what love is…yet. The switch will click in her brain and you (i think) will thank yourself for sticking it out and seeing it through. Love is a commitment to the big picture, the long haul—- to time well spent, despite everything, everything she throws at you in the beginning.

 

[Longtime_cat_parent]

I know...I have hoped so. She is young and having to grow and develop, again not knowing what has contributed in her past. I have just wondered about others having experienced this hyperactivity, changeability for a while, as I have for 5 months. It is unusual.

My experience with Vets so far has not been so helpful, seeing a guy I saw years before whom I had thought was kind and helpful before, as my first appt. (voucher from the shelter). I had only had her for 10 days when seeing him and when he checked her (in another room) he said she "seemed pretty healthy". As I asked him about some behavior, she said "There is always the water bottle deterrent", which I read later online to be a negative action, 🫤 though had tried. His assistant, though kind, seemed to be unaware.

The following Vet visit elsewhere for something else, I discussed with, again seemingly not being knowledgeable or helpful with the issue. It is seen that a behaviorist could help, which is very expensive, apparently. It would be nice to find someone who could actually give me some help, that could resolve and get onto the next phase. I know one here said something about that it may not be too costly if getting the right support and medication, possibly.

Anyway, thanks... just wanting my life to settle down and for kitty to be content, also.

 

[Kflowers]

If I understand what you said, when you had young ones before you had 2 or 3 at the time. When you have more than one they run a lot of the energy off with each other rather than with you or your furniture. Together they learn not to bite. Our current one, was a 5 week old rescue, she was a biter, until I hissed at her one day, she drew back and still wanting to bite, bit her own tail and screamed. To her biting was part of play. She had no idea it hurt. That was 10 years ago, she hasn't bitten since. Another cat would help your current one learn. However, another cat is a bigger commitment if you think you'll be taking them back.

If you do take them back, remember when you turn her/them in she doesn't have a behavioral problem. To say that might get her pts for being a normal cat. If you get another I suggest one over the age of 10 years. They might still be everything this one is, but they are less likely to be.

 

[VAMama]

14 months is teenager stage for a cat. They don't hit adult stage until at least 2 years old.

She just came over here I was writing, sat and rolled around on me for about 5 minutes...then chomped down my hand, and was not petting.

Classic sign of a bored cat. Wants you to stop typing and play with her. Rolls on you to distract you, that doesn't work, so bites you. Cats use biting for many purposes. Play fight, playful affection, energy release, or even to provoke a response. Part of parenting is to know what she's doing, meet her halfway, and teach her how to achieve her goals.

I have kept notes with me on what she has liked, but become confused when seeing she is not eating a wet food she had liked.

Reasons for this behavior may have nothing to do with the food itself. Cats get weird about their food and litter when they feel insecure. In the shelter, cats have communal food sources. They're often forced to take their share and physically put it on "their spot" on the floor. If they sense anger or conflict in the air, they may stall until it's safe. So your notes should include observations about recent arguments you had with her, recent sounds of a stranger nearby, etc.

If mealtime becomes a constant source of fussing about her behavior, it will perpetuate the behavior.

If it were me, I'd put her dish in a dark private space where she knows she's alone, and don't make any fuss about the mess. Over time she'll come to see the dish is all hers and you don't care how much she eats.

As for the window, it sounds like she hasn't mastered a jump to land directly on the sill in the center between drapes. Yes cats can do it but it's acrobatic nonetheless. Much easier to slide in from the bookshelf. But then she can't leave the same way she came, so she's awkwardly grabbing at things to help her down. It would be smarter to tie both drapes off to the side away from the shelf.

Everything she does makes perfect logical sense to a cat. These are the things a behaviorist teaches.

Does she enjoy laser pointer red dots? Those are a great tool to burn lots of cat energy while you sit on the couch. A five minute session of dot chasing can buy you an hour of peace to work on your laptop.

 

[VAMama]

My girl came from an overcrowded shelter. She got plenty of food, but she had to compete for the litter box, and that became a trigger for her. When she came here, she thought I took her poo in a power struggle for the box. She'd sit by the box to protect her poo, hissing and swatting at me when I went for it. If I responded in anger, it would confirm to her that this was indeed a power struggle. Instead I laughed about it, and gave off the vibe that I couldn't care less about the box. With a bit of positive parenting, we healed that fear, and now she's free.

Most of the "interventions" you need are free, simple, and effortless.

 

[Alldara]

For the biting, I'd suggest a high-pitched EEP sound rather than hissing. The high Eeep sound is close to what cats would actually make at one another when they accidentally hurt one another during play.

Without a video, it really does sound like hyper young cat who was kept in a small space for a long time and is not going a little nuts with the newfound freedom.

Really really normal behaviour from most young cats. Especially if they are an only-cat.

The first time it might sound like, "Eeep Eeep EeeP!" (Get more distressed sounding as you EEP if she continues).

Kicker toys - she likes to wrestle so especially if she's an only-cat she will need some kicker toys to fight and bite! I suggest ones long enough where you can wiggle it at her and not get hurt. Etsy is a great place for this.

Food - If you give any dry food, do it through movement like a treat ball. Get that energy out.

She might not be used to the bowls or she might want to hide her food from others.

 

[amethyst]

I currently have 11 cats, and their personalities are all over the chart, but a few do act similar, they are currently 4 years old and although they have calm down some they still often literally climb the walls. They are just higher energy cats, so I try to keep any picture frames in areas they can't physically reach, they have knocked them down and broken the glass in the past. You may be able to put them back up later once she is older. They regularly climb on the counters and cabinets, trying to change that is hard so personally I've just given up trying. It takes 2 weeks of consistent training to stop it, meaning you have to be right there every single time, if she goes up even once without correction you have to start all over at the 2 week mark. I just don't have anything breakable where they can get to, things I don't want damaged are either in a china cabinet or on high shelves near the ceiling with no way for the cats to reach.

The wide dilated eyes sounds very similar to the youngest cat I have, he'll be 2 in the end of June. He was rescued from a bad situation as a kitten where people were mistreating them. Most of the time he is fine now, but it took months and at first he was very paranoid. Even now it's almost like he has PTSD flashbacks sometime and suddenly his eyes dilate and his fight or flight instinct kicks in, and he acts almost like a feral. It makes me wonder if perhaps she wasn't treated well in her first year, which will stick with her for life, but with a calm consistent home she should settle down in time.

Some cats will adapt to sleeping at least some during the night, but not all do and I do have some cats that are not allowed in the bedroom with me at night for that reason. If closing the cat out of the room or in another room is not an option, you could to get a large dog crate, or better yet a cat cage, that you can put her in at night, with food, water, and some toys. I know it sounds odd but it may help teach her to entertain herself since waking you is no longer an option. Also make sure you are giving her a nice long play session before you go to bed, that way she is tired out, and then last meal of the day.

Pickiness with food is extremely common in cats, but also if they aren't exposed to a wide variety of food when they are young, like in their first few months, they can become much more picky. If she is eating it though, you can try giving smaller amounts more often, cats naturally have several small meals a day rather then just a couple big ones. If you aren't home enough or are too busy to give multiple meals then a timed feeder may be a good option. I have one cat that will eat her wet food, then try to bury it for later, she does come back and eat more later, so it could simply be her way of saying she is done for now. If you can maybe try picking it up when she does that and then offer it to her again later, maybe with a little warm water if it's getting dried out, there are pet bowls you can buy that come with lids too.

For the biting, is she actually biting or is it more pressing her teeth on your skin? Many cats play bite, and do it to show affection, it can sometimes hurt but shouldn't be hard enough to break the skin. Either way it hurts so when she does that act like she just bit your arm off, not just a little ouch, but a big OUCH or even a hiss and turn away or leave the room for a minute. The kicker toy mentioned is another good idea, even a small but long pillow can work, get a couple so you have one on hand to give her when she tries to bite.

 

[Longtime_cat_parent]

How long have you had her?

5 months. She will be two years old in August.

 

[Longtime_cat_parent]

For the biting, I'd suggest a high-pitched EEP sound rather than hissing. The high Eeep sound is close to what cats would actually make at one another when they accidentally hurt one another during play.

Without a video, it really does sound like hyper young cat who was kept in a small space for a long time and is not going a little nuts with the newfound freedom.

Really really normal behaviour from most young cats. Especially if they are an only-cat.

The first time it might sound like, "Eeep Eeep EeeP!" (Get more distressed sounding as you EEP if she continues).

Kicker toys - she likes to wrestle so especially if she's an only-cat she will need some kicker toys to fight and bite! I suggest ones long enough where you can wiggle it at her and not get hurt. Etsy is a great place for this.

Food - If you give any dry food, do it through movement like a treat ball. Get that energy out.

She might not be used to the bowls or she might want to hide her food from others.

Thanks. Yes, the wet food plate is what she scrapes over, tosses - either right at first, during or after having returned to eat some more. There is no rhyme or reason. As said, 4 prior cats had never done this, having eaten an array of wet foods, so it's new and is work for me.

 

[Longtime_cat_parent]

14 months is teenager stage for a cat. They don't hit adult stage until at least 2 years old.

She just came over here I was writing, sat and rolled around on me for about 5 minutes...then chomped down my hand, and was not petting.

Classic sign of a bored cat. Wants you to stop typing and play with her. Rolls on you to distract you, that doesn't work, so bites you. Cats use biting for many purposes. Play fight, playful affection, energy release, or even to provoke a response. Part of parenting is to know what she's doing, meet her halfway, and teach her how to achieve her goals.

I have kept notes with me on what she has liked, but become confused when seeing she is not eating a wet food she had liked.

Reasons for this behavior may have nothing to do with the food itself. Cats get weird about their food and litter when they feel insecure. In the shelter, cats have communal food sources. They're often forced to take their share and physically put it on "their spot" on the floor. If they sense anger or conflict in the air, they may stall until it's safe. So your notes should include observations about recent arguments you had with her, recent sounds of a stranger nearby, etc.

If mealtime becomes a constant source of fussing about her behavior, it will perpetuate the behavior.

If it were me, I'd put her dish in a dark private space where she knows she's alone, and don't make any fuss about the mess. Over time she'll come to see the dish is all hers and you don't care how much she eats.

As for the window, it sounds like she hasn't mastered a jump to land directly on the sill in the center between drapes. Yes cats can do it but it's acrobatic nonetheless. Much easier to slide in from the bookshelf. But then she can't leave the same way she came, so she's awkwardly grabbing at things to help her down. It would be smarter to tie both drapes off to the side away from the shelf.

Everything she does makes perfect logical sense to a cat. These are the things a behaviorist teaches.

Does she enjoy laser pointer red dots? Those are a great tool to burn lots of cat energy while you sit on the couch. A five minute session of dot chasing can buy you an hour of peace to work on your laptop.

Thanks. She does have access to the window sill from where the draperies part in the middle, jumping upon the bookcase and risers for her to reach. I won't understand why she is trying to access another way, scraping, clawing. Then, her getting up...then down...then up, then down repeatedly, as I end up getting out of bed several times to make adjustments, or tend to something she does, the light streaming through opening, while trying to go back to sleep.

My last cat for almost 16 years would just jump in between the two accordion shades that would just fall back together and keep the light out and did not continually jump up and down from. I realize they are all different personalities...it's just hard and was just seeking to have a companion once again.

 

[Margot Lane]

I’ve never tried the “Eeep!” method, which sounds excellent. I can honestly tell you it took years for our hellion to level out and be a sweetie pie/lap cat, but our method -probably much slower- was just to love him anyway, which worked, in the end. Let him be who he had to be, until he realized he didn’t have to to be that anymore. Do you have some cardboard boxes she could attack and work on? That might help. But to me it sounds as if what you are saying is: “Do I have the energy to deal with this?” And I can’t answer that— only you know, deep down, what that answer is. But I think all of us are here to help you every step of the way if the answer is yes. For me, the other vital question would be: “How would I feel if I returned this kitty? Would it seem as if I’m abandoning her and could I live with that?” Every kitty wants to be loved, it’s just, some of them need to process their new life for awhile….