Advice Please! Colds And Funerals

[marmoset]

Our out of state relatives passed a mean cold to us on Christmas. Everyone got it and now the cold has spread to infect a third state! I got sick right before New Years and am still sick sick. I haven't gotten to the messy stage of the cold where it starts to break up and you need boxes and boxes of tissues. I'm still in the miserably sick part. Right now I'm not leaving the house and only doing the minimal (feeding cats, doing litter boxes once a day instead of twice etc) because I'm trying to rest as I'm prone to ear problems and vertigo after I get colds.

My good good friends father died two days ago. I feel like I must go to the memorial service. I only met her father once but I'd like to be there for her and to see her other family members again as well.

But I'm anxious because I'm definitely still in that contagious stage. I don't want to get anyone sick- there will be a lot of elderly there and I'm also worried that my coughing will disrupt the service. But I really want to go.

What is worse not going or going and getting people sick? How much physical contact happens in the line? Do I need to shake people's hands? Is it normal not to? My instinct would to be to hug my friend. Should I avoid that so to not get her sick? The last thing she needs now is to get sick while she's doing all the planning and helping her mother acclimate to a new way of life.

 

[NY cat man]

Were it me, I would go - briefly- but I would be wearing a good surgical mask to contain any droplets from my nose or mouth, also, after arriving, the first thing I would do is wash my hands thoroughly, then offer my condolences to your friend, and then LEAVE.

 

[verna davies]

I would not risk going, not only because you could easily pass on the cold, the elderly are more susceptible to catching infections, but also you could make yourself worse.
Phone your friend and explain, she will understand. There are always lots of visitors and things to do right up to the day of a funeral and then everything is quiet after. Plan something with your friend and her mother after the funeral, that is when your company will be appreciated.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I hope you feel better soon! This is spreading far and wide in the US, and I can vouch for my state and for the state of Colorado, too, in people getting this fierce but fast-moving cold or virus. It seems like it's everywhere! And we haven't been sick like this in literally years. My husband got it in Colo. visiting family, and brought it back to me. So it started for me around Dec. 31st, and now it's working into my chest. ugh.


I agree with verna davies-- best to not transfer it to other people if you can help it.

 

[betsygee]

I would not risk going, not only because you could easily pass on the cold, the elderly are more susceptible to catching infections, but also you could make yourself worse.
Phone your friend and explain, she will understand. There are always lots of visitors and things to do right up to the day of a funeral and then everything is quiet after. Plan something with your friend and her mother after the funeral, that is when your company will be appreciated.

I think this is all very good advice.

I hope you feel better soon!

 

[m3rma1d]

Pop a Pseudoephedrine (the good kind behind the pharmacy counter that they have to scan your ID for) which will dry up the snots, and go to the funeral. (when is it, by the way? You're less contagious every day ..)

Wash your hands a lot, try to not shake hands or hug anyone. (be kind and explain you've got a nasty cold, of course) Tell them verbally how much you love them, and that they can count on you for whatever they need after you've recovered.

 

[di and bob]

I would go briefly wearing a mask. Advise them you are sick but wanted to convey your condolences and then leave. Bring a bottle of sanitizer. Cold and flu germs are passed on through droplets from lungs and nose and those on your hands from touching them. you should have that covered through taking those precautions. Most are the most contagious before you even know you are sick. No temp. for 24 hours means you are less apt to be extremely contagious too. Meeting her father once or twice doesn't require your presence, but it is the living that need to know you are there for them. Of course it depends how YOU feel too, don't take unnecessary risks to your own health if you are dizzy, or feel extremely weak.

 

[rubysmama]

Sorry you're sick. I hope you're getting lots of rest, and will feel better soon.

As for the funeral, I think you should stay home. If you can, call your friend, and offer your condolences and explain why you can't attend. I'm positive she will understand, as the last thing she'd want is for her mom, another elderly relative or friend, or even herself to get sick.

 

[Kieka]

Having gotten the full-blown cold and getting over a smaller round two, I vote for staying home. This year's cold is nothing to take lightly and passes around extremely easy. My brother even got it this year and he has worked in a hospital for the last 15 years which has built upon immune system that rarely let's him get sick. It also lingers forever and really sucks if the person has asthma already.

If you decide you absolutely must go, face mask, don't touch anything/one and leave quickly. Otherwise, Skype your friend is ith your condolences or ask someone you do know who is going to video call from the funeral so you can give your long distance condolences.

 

[AbbysMom]

I would not risk going, not only because you could easily pass on the cold, the elderly are more susceptible to catching infections, but also you could make yourself worse.
Phone your friend and explain, she will understand. There are always lots of visitors and things to do right up to the day of a funeral and then everything is quiet after. Plan something with your friend and her mother after the funeral, that is when your company will be appreciated.

 

[foxxycat]

I wouldn't go. I think sending a message to her or facetime for your friend would be ok. I wouldn't want to go. Stay in bed and make plans after when you feel better...she probably overwhelmed with all the people right now..she will understand...

get better soon!! this cold is a doozer...some of us at work have round #2....

 

[Kflowers]

I agree going is actually dangerous for your friend's father's friends. Older people are more susceptible to illnesses and suffer more extensive damage from them. People who are grieving are also more susceptible to illnesses. Your friend will understand.

 

[rgwanner]

I agree that you should not go. You do not want to over-exert yourself and prolong your illness. You do not want to make vulnerable people sick. There will be a lot of people there to be with the family. Call your friend and explain. If she is a good friend she will understand and appreciate your reasons. Then when you are better, you can visit. She will need support after the funeral, too, after all the activity has died down, and the reality of his death starts to set in.

 

[Winchester]

Nope, nope, nope. I get that you want to pay your respects. But this is super, super contagious and you're probably going to end up infecting a lot of people. The elderly, children, etc. are really susceptible and honestly? It's not worth it.

I really like the idea of setting something up with your friend (and her mother?) after you're feeling better. They're still going to be hurting, so maybe a nice luncheon or something similar would work.

Do send a card, perhaps some flowers. A small contribution to whatever charity he appreciated. But please, do yourself, and others, a huge favor and stay away from the funeral.

 

[marmoset]

I took the advice here and am really grateful I did. I told them we really wanted to go but it's tomorrow and I'm just constantly coughing. I really don't want to get anyone sick. Since there's no one in the house to keep an eye on my girlfriend's mother it's just better that no one get sick right now. And this is no mild little cold.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I think you did the right thing. I would be so upset with myself if I got other people sick. You can do something to show you care another time. It's likely in the next few weeks and months that it will mean the most to her too; once everyone else has moved on but the family still grieves. That's the best way you can be there for your friend.

A couple winters ago I was sick but pushed through to have my DD's birthday party as planned thinking I was on the mend. I crashed afterward and ended up so sick my doctor wrote a note for DH to stay home from work for a full week to take care of me. Even making a bagel to eat was so exhausting I was shaking. They thought it had turned into pneumonia but thankfully x-rays showed it hadn't. It was another 3 weeks before I felt better and 6 before I was about done with the cough. I never want to taste cough syrup again. Especially that codeine kind. The worst part was one of DD's friends had a newborn sister who was at the party! Thankfully no one took home my germs and the mom was SO understanding. I felt so terrible that I'd exposed a little tiny baby!

 

[Winchester]

Wow, MoochNNoodles I'm glad you didn't get that this year! I'd give you a hug, but I'm still really contagious! The Grands and I did air-hugs last week; I told them to stay at least 3 feet away from me....just in case.

marmoset You did the right thing. Good job!

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Wow, MoochNNoodles I'm glad you didn't get that this year! I'd give you a hug, but I'm still really contagious! The Grands and I did air-hugs last week; I told them to stay at least 3 feet away from me....just in case.

Me too. DH won't come anywhere near me when I have a bug and that makes me cranky. Not like how we shared strep throat just before we got engaged.

 

[marmoset]

Wow I guess it really is going around! Reading Mooch's story really made me grateful I didn't go. I don't know if little infants would be there but gathering all the family together especially since the mother just got out of hospital herself from flu, well for them to catch something from me- the girl they only met once years ago at a party...that'd put a black mark on me for sure.

 

[Winchester]

MoochNNoodles Yes, Rick won't touch me when I'm sick either. He won't kiss me goodbye when he leaves the house. Nothing. And I get it. I do. I don't like being sick either. But it's still depressing. And when he leaves and I get no kiss, it's always sad.

We did kiss on NYE, though. We've managed almost 48 years and, by God, we made up our minds we weren't screwing it up now. At that point, we were both sick anyway, so it really didn't matter.....at least that's what we told ourselves.