Adopting a pair of kittens vs. a single adult cat

[minnaloushe]

I hope this is the right topic area for this post -- I am seeking some advice on how to best "sell" the idea of adopting a pair of kittens to my partner who I live with, who stubbornly refuses to listen to reason this.

This is made a bit more complicated in that, going against my better judgement, we recently adopted and ended up having to rehome an adult male cat after a less than a month because the cat had some rather serious behavior problems (play aggression) that, while I was coping, my partner couldn't deal with. (I've chronicled a bit of this in a post on the behavior forum for anyone who is interested in the extra background.)

I'm still pretty shaken up and upset about having to rehome a cat -- but ultimately it was the best decision for everyone involved. My partner and I are going to take some time to ourselves before looking to adopt again, and maybe foster a sick cat or two from the shelter in the meantime, but I've lived with cats for most of my life and can't really imagine not eventually having my own cats in my life.

My own personal philosophy, which has been reinforced from this bad experience with a single adult cat, is that cats are best when they have a friend. If I lived by myself and didn't have to take his opinion into consideration, I would have adopted a pair of 3-5 month old kittens already or an older bonded pair.

My boyfriend -- who isn't a cat person but is okay with dogs -- absolutely REFUSES to even consider adopting two kittens.

I've tried the usual angles -- that a pair of cats will keep each other company while we are away at work, it will minimize other behavior problems, and when we are sleeping, they can play with each other and not wake us up. I've sent him articles and resources, but he thinks everything is written with a "crazy cat lady bias" and dismisses them out of hand.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? How can I convince him that a pair of cats, rather than a single cat (which didn't work out for us and I don't think I could handle again), is the way to go?

 

[dillydolly]

If you figure out how to convince him please let me know!

Me and my boyfriend have an 11 week old kitten and she's been getting bad with play biting recently. After reading and asking some advice on here, I realised that a second kitten would be the best thing for her. My boyfriend doesn't agree though! He wants to wait until she's older to get another cat. Although that kind of defeats the point of getting another one!

 

[fhicat]

I've sent him articles and resources, but he thinks everything is written with a "crazy cat lady bias" and dismisses them out of hand.
 

If that's the kind of attitude he has, I'm not sure there's much, if at all, you can convince him with. What's his reasoning at all? Does he just not like kittens? Do you have friends who have more than one cat who can share stories with him? 

 

[minnaloushe]

Getting a cat at all really did push him out of his comfort zone as he really isn't a cat person, but it really does bother me that it seems like he's not listening to me at all in terms of "two cats are actually less work than one - surprising but true!" His attitude is basically that he's concerned that if we get two cats, they are just going to end up hating each other and fighting all the time.

We also live in a one bedroom apartment and he's worried that if we get two cats, they are just going to completely take over the space. I understand that to a point, but I don't really see the difference between one and two because they are going to need the same equipment (cat trees, litter box, etc -- the only thing we might add is a second litter box.)

All of our friends with two cats have been encouraging him to consider it, but he dismisses them as well.

 

[artem]

Maybe offer to try fostering a pair of cats or kittens.  Or, if he'll go for it, even an entire litter (preferably one that still has a mother, to make things a bit easier on you two).  It is kitten season so there should be no shortage and I know my local kill shelter prefers fostering out young kittens as they feel at that age they really need to be in a private home.  You can then see how the two of you like having a pair of cats around without committing to it.  You really can't force him, particularly it sounds like he doesn't really even want one cat, but you can ask him to at least try it for a short period of time.

Alternatively, you could try compromising.  If he's more of a dog person, maybe get a dog-friendly cat and a cat-friendly dog, preferably both adults who have lived with the other species before.  If you get a puppy, I'd look for a purebred with a predictably low prey drive as it's hard to judge in puppies but if you get an adult you can just cat-test the individual dog.  I know plenty of people IRL for who this has worked out nicely and it may make you both happy while ensuring your cat has plenty of company.

Also, do you know if your failed adoption lived with other cats before?  I remember when I was first looking for a cat, I originally wanted to adopt a retired breeder or a failed show cat and was steered away by my vet, who warned me that she'd likely have trouble adjusting to being an only cat if she's used to a busier household.  I then wanted an older kitten but he'd been living with a brother since birth and the vet pretty much told me to only get him if I was willing to take both.  Which, ironically, is how I ended up with a single kittten (although I will get him a friend if he starts developing behavioral problems).

 

[minnaloushe]

Sadly, we live in the city and our apartment building does not allow dogs (even though it allows up to two cats) otherwise I would definitely consider it.

The failed adoption cat was very social with other cats, but he was found as a stray so his full history is unknown, but he definitely gets along with other cats and is doing well in his new situation in a home with another cat and the shelter admits it was a mistake for him to go into a home as an only cat. I suppose we could consider a cat that the shelter wanted to place solo, but in my heart I really just think that it would be better for both us and for the kitties if there were two of them, either kittens or an adult bonded pair. (I'm leaning towards kittens, but an adult bonded pair with the right temperaments could also be awesome.)

I will bring up the fostering idea. I've dealt a lot with the foster coordinators at our local shelter, so it would not be difficult to get on the list for placement. I'm not sure about fostering a nursing mom though -- it seems like it would entail a lot more work that I have time for as I work full time.

 

[fhicat]

... but in my heart I really just think that it would be better for both us and for the kitties if there were two of them, either kittens or an adult bonded pair. (I'm leaning towards kittens, but an adult bonded pair with the right temperaments could also be awesome.)
 

Don't leave your boyfriend out either... if he ends up resenting you, it's not a good thing either. Personally I like bonded adults, because they're sweet and often get overlooked.

So glad I'm single.

 

[minnaloushe]

Very true! It's been frustrating, and generally the boyfriend is really wonderful, I just wish he was more of a cat person!

 

[lamiatron]

i think you have been given great advice regarding fostering two cats or kittens. I hope your partner agrees to this, and this way, the two of you can experience first hand what it's really like having two cats.

Being someone who had only one cat at first, to two months later having two cats, i can agree and disagree with the claim that having two cats is actually easier than one.

yes both my cats get a long, and yes they keep each other busy when i'm sleeping or at work and they love each other, and i love them and i couldn't imagine my life without the both of them in it..., but you also have to weigh in any negatives. what if your cats don't get along? your bf has a point with worrying about two cats taking over the apartment. that is a possibility if your cats don't get along because you always have to keep them away from each other. . I live with room mates, and sometimes my kitties don't get a long. Logically you would keep them separated, but in my situation, i can't really do that. 

play aggression can exist even with two cats in the household, and you should also consider redirected aggression. Sometimes one of my cats will see something outside of the window, and head for my other cat and attack; case of redirected aggression. 

cost is a HUGE factor to consider. just because you are getting two cats, does not mean they will share everything. i have two of everything for my cats (toys, diff types of food, scratching posts). and forget about the vet bills and costs for food and litter. if financially you guys feel the strain from having had 1 cat, then you have to consider doubling that, when getting a second cat.

at the end of the day, i don't regret my two cats. and my bf, who is a self proclaimed dog person, and who wasn't crazy about cats to begin with, and was TOTALLY AGAINST me getting a second cat after having my first cat for only two months, Now he loves them. he has come around and i think he's a crazier cat lady than I am.

Try to foster a couple kitties and see how it works out for you. Also just remember, Cats are not like humans. Humans for the most part are social creatures, cats on the other hand, are not (unless there is a different/certain circumstance such as former show cat, or former breeding cat, etc). You might be able to find that one cat that is perfectly happy with just the two of you and not need any other cat to keep him/her company.

I wish you good luck in convincing your bf. 

 

[fhicat]

 
Humans for the most part are social creatures, cats on the other hand, are not (unless there is a different/certain circumstance such as former show cat, or former breeding cat, etc). 

While I don't agree with this at all (probably just a semantic argument), it's something to consider. Cats are completely fine on their own, they aren't pack animals like dogs are. They ARE sociable animals (they need human companionship), but they are NOT pack animals (a solitary cat won't die of loneliness like we would).

My point is, if you want two cats, you should go about it very carefully. While there are a lot of happy tales of cats living as best buddies, there are equally as many stories about cats who don't get along, and can only live in opposite ends of the house. Introduction is not an exact science. 

And no, a cat can be completely happy living alone. As I mentioned earlier, I like bonded adults, because they will very likely get along and be best buddies for the rest of their lives... whereas with kittens you can't say for sure.

 

[momto3cats]

You might be better off trying to find an adult cat who prefers to be the only cat in the home - they're really pretty common in my experience. Even a former show or breeding cat might have this kind of temperament (sometimes that's why they are for sale). Or, the earlier suggestion of a cat and dog who get along together might make you both happy. 

It isn't always true that two cats will entertain each other and therefore be less work. I've had siblings we adopted as kittens grow up to hate each other; I've also had a pair of siblings who were very close, but one of them couldn't stand another of my cats. The two cats I have now get along well enough, but one of them is MUCH more playful than the other, and spends more time playing with the dog than hanging out with the other cat. 

 

[micknsnicks2mom]

I hope this is the right topic area for this post -- I am seeking some advice on how to best "sell" the idea of adopting a pair of kittens to my partner who I live with, who stubbornly refuses to listen to reason this.

This is made a bit more complicated in that, going against my better judgement, we recently adopted and ended up having to rehome an adult male cat after a less than a month because the cat had some rather serious behavior problems (play aggression) that, while I was coping, my partner couldn't deal with. (I've chronicled a bit of this in a post on the behavior forum for anyone who is interested in the extra background.)

I'm still pretty shaken up and upset about having to rehome a cat -- but ultimately it was the best decision for everyone involved. My partner and I are going to take some time to ourselves before looking to adopt again, and maybe foster a sick cat or two from the shelter in the meantime, but I've lived with cats for most of my life and can't really imagine not eventually having my own cats in my life.

My own personal philosophy, which has been reinforced from this bad experience with a single adult cat, is that cats are best when they have a friend. If I lived by myself and didn't have to take his opinion into consideration, I would have adopted a pair of 3-5 month old kittens already or an older bonded pair.

My boyfriend -- who isn't a cat person but is okay with dogs -- absolutely REFUSES to even consider adopting two kittens.

I've tried the usual angles -- that a pair of cats will keep each other company while we are away at work, it will minimize other behavior problems, and when we are sleeping, they can play with each other and not wake us up. I've sent him articles and resources, but he thinks everything is written with a "crazy cat lady bias" and dismisses them out of hand.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? How can I convince him that a pair of cats, rather than a single cat (which didn't work out for us and I don't think I could handle again), is the way to go?

may i ask -- did your boyfriend grow up with animals/pets as part of his family? i ask because some people who haven't grown up with or have next to no or no experience even being around cats (or dogs) are very uncomfortable around them as adults. it's sad really, because they've never known the love they can feel for or receive from cats (or dogs, or other pets).

could you ask your boyfriend to research online himself about kittens, cats, only-cats and multiple cat homes, and especially integration of cats? maybe by doing research himself, and learning about it all from several (or more) sources he'll be able to see the benefits of integrating two kittens vs two adult cats, and etc. he would become knowledgeable on these subjects. but it would be helpful if he could realize that he may not be the most knowledgeable about cats right now, and take the attitude of wanting to learn from those who do have much knowledge about cats. and when you eventually do adopt, whether it be a cat or kittens, your boyfriend will be somewhat knowledgeable about cats and their care, and will hopefully have found websites he finds helpful on the subject. so if something comes up, he (as well as you) can check the website(s) for info on the topic and get some insight into causes and what might help the situation.

i wonder though, if there may be some other reason(s) that your boyfriend may not be quite comfortable discussing this topic. for instance, if he never grew up with pets or has no experience even being around them. would it be possible to talk with him about his reasons/reasoning? but in such a way that you're not trying to change his mind or try to convince him about anything related to pets, just that you're wanting to understand his point of view and understand why he feels/thinks the way he does. knowing what your boyfriend thinks and why may go a long way in helping you both to come to an agreement about adopting a cat(s) or kitten(s).

i also think it would be a very good idea to include your boyfriend in adopting the cat or kittens, when that time comes. something you can do is to watch very closely how the cats/kittens react to your boyfriend. it is said that cats/kittens choose their people, and i've found this to be true. if you meet a cat at a shelter that seems to really gravitate to your boyfriend, then i'd definitely consider adopting that cat. cats have a way of gently helping their chosen people to realize that they really are "mommy/daddy". sometimes a cat you meet at a shelter will come right up to you with an attitude of "oh! there you are mommy/daddy. i've been waiting for you to get here and bring me home!"

 

[minnaloushe]

may i ask -- did your boyfriend grow up with animals/pets as part of his family? i ask because some people who haven't grown up with or have next to no or no experience even being around cats (or dogs) are very uncomfortable around them as adults. it's sad really, because they've never known the love they can feel for or receive from cats (or dogs, or other pets).

You have a good point -- his sister is allergic to both cats and dogs, so he never grew up around animals. He's more comfortable with dogs because friends and family had dogs, but he never has really bonded with a cat.

I think your suggestion of letting him be the one to find a cat at the shelter (or in a foster home -- after a very disappointing first failed adoption, I think we are going to do a ton of research into a cat's personality before adopting again) is the right one. I can also try to see if I can get him to take the lead on doing any of the research or looking for adoptable animals himself to see if that gets him more interested.

 

[lamiatron]

 

 
may i ask -- did your boyfriend grow up with animals/pets as part of his family? i ask because some people who haven't grown up with or have next to no or no experience even being around cats (or dogs) are very uncomfortable around them as adults. it's sad really, because they've never known the love they can feel for or receive from cats (or dogs, or other pets).

You have a good point -- his sister is allergic to both cats and dogs, so he never grew up around animals. He's more comfortable with dogs because friends and family had dogs, but he never has really bonded with a cat.

I think your suggestion of letting him be the one to find a cat at the shelter (or in a foster home -- after a very disappointing first failed adoption, I think we are going to do a ton of research into a cat's personality before adopting again) is the right one. I can also try to see if I can get him to take the lead on doing any of the research or looking for adoptable animals himself to see if that gets him more interested.

great idea from @mickNsnicks2mom  

definitely get the bf involved in the process. 

when it came time to adopt my first cat, the bf was less than interested. he really thought i wasn't going to go through the process until we were standing in the middle of the shelter surrounded by cat cages. He got more into the whole idea of having a cat after i left him interact with the cats that we met, and ultimately, he had about 30% of the say on which cat we ended up getting, the other 70% came from the cat actually choosing him!

I think maybe you should look more into an adult kitty, one that matches your and the bf's personality. two kittens or bonded cats might not work out for you and the situation (small apartment). Although getting two cats, whether it be from the same litter, or two young unrelated kittens sounds like a good idea, and is recommended by many, but @Fhi09  is right, as they get older, its difficult to tell how the relationship with develop. my cats currently are both under 1 year of age, and their relationship has drastically changed from how they used to be towards each other before (when they first met) to how they are now, and it continues to change on a week to week basis.