Adopting a cat from a loving home that can no longer keep him. Help!

[debs0n]

Hi guys,

I'm new to the forum and I really need help with this situation. I had two cats, a female Siamese, Lilo (1 yr 9 mo old), and a male ginger cat, Freddie (1 yr 3 mo old). Freddie passed away 2 weeks ago. He was run over and Lilo and I are absolutely gutted. He was my baby and her partner in crime. He was not supposed to be an outdoor cat, but when he started going to my neighbors' yards I thought it should be alright since he was not on the street and the neighbors were cool with him there (I asked). I never realized he could make it down to the street on the other side. Had I known I would've put fences all over my house and avoided this tragedy.
Anyway, he is gone and we are depressed (the word doesn't even encompass how bad I am feeling). I was going to get a new kitten anyway because Lilo is an extremely social cat and as much as we try to play with her and fill those hours she spent with Freddie, she has let us known we are an inadequate substitute. I already have a kitten in mind, but they are very small still and we don't want to separate them from their mom just yet. However, two friends sent me a post on Facebook where a couple is looking to rehome their 2-year-old male cat because one of them is extremely allergic and no treatments have worked for them so coexisting with the cat has become too difficult. Now, I am not one to adopt adult cats because I really like bonding with them since they are little, but I thought, what the heck, I could take him. I know that especially where I live, getting older cats adopted is extremely difficult, and I just feel bad for this cat. He is another ginger male like my late Freddie so he just tugs at my heartstrings.
I am not sure how good of an idea this is though. I've tried to look for information on how this cat is going to deal with going to a completely different family/home when he already had a loving one but have not found anything useful. I have heard of cats running away from wherever they are to go back to their previous home. I also expect that Lilo would not be a problem, like I said, she is really social (she took to Freddie right away. We originally adopted him as a kitten after my elderly cat passed away and Lilo was also depressed. Poor soul had to go through this twice), but I worry about the other cat not liking her and not being able to co-exist with her. I've already talked with my family about cat-proofing the walls around my house. It's going to take some money investment on my part but that is preferable to more heartache and I am willing to do it. It is just not going to happen immediately, so I would have to really be vigilant about the cat not getting out. I am home most of the time (I work from home) but I do go out for a couple of hours most days. I would also get the other kitten I mentioned but that would be further down the road, like in a month or so. I also know how the introduction process goes so I wouldn't just put them in a room together, but I am scared it will still not work out even after that. I guess I am just looking for tips or any idea on how to go about this, or if I even should.

TL;DR I want to adopt an adult cat from people who can no longer keep him and I am worried he will not adapt to the new house/current cat/new kitten. If you have any input or tips it would be greatly appreciated!

 

[di and bob]

He WILL adapt and so will Lilo. It just takes time and lots of it. I hope you plan to keep them both inside, from one who has more little graves than I can count (people dumped many cats by my house) the tragedy of the streets does not stop with one......
They will have to be kept apart at first, blankets swapped, areas swapped so they get used to each other's smells, then visual with no interaction, a gate in the door, or a large dog kennel. The new cat will be most likely the most scared and the quietest, it will be Lilo who will most likely be upset. growling, hissing, and swatting are perfectly normal, I would have a stiff piece of cardboard handy to put between them if a tussle happens. she is the queen of her domain and will not give up an inch of it without a fight. but eventually, they will get along and be a family unit, she will love showing the newcomer the ropes and who is the boss. Bless you, for taking him on, now you will just have to have patience. With a little help from us, everything will come out alright, after all, 99% of what we worry about does not come true at all, remember that!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

He will adapt. And he will bond with you with no problem. It may take him longer, but...he'll be looking for love (in all the right places). AND he will be a bit easier on your sweet Lilo than a madcap kitten would be.

 

[moxiewild]

Welcome!

And I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you and Lilo

The fact that you are so concerned about all of this easily demonstrates what a great and caring owner you are!

First, as someone who works with and adopts a lot of seniors, adults, and kittens, there really is no difference in how they bond. Once a cat is bonded to you, it will remain so as long as you are in its life.

My “soul kitty” to this day is an old guy I adopted when he was 15. We only had four years together, but the bond I’ve shared with every other animal simply does not compare.

In fact, the two other cats that maybe come close I adopted when they were 9 and about 12 years old.

I absolutely love our cats we got as adults, young adults, and kittens, and my bond with each and every one of them is meaningful, special, and deep.

But it really comes down to compatibility - the down side of kittens is that you never know what their disposition will come to be, no matter how hard you work with them. But with an adult, you pretty much get what you see, and little is likely to change (aside from normal changes due to old age!).

So it will actually be a lot easier to determine whether the adult is going to be compatible with you and Lilo long term vs the kitten, whose personality and disposition will not be established for quite some time.

An adult cat leaving a family to go to a new one really isn’t different than adopting an adult cat from the shelter or from off the streets. Any guide on how to help a cat transition to a new home will be sufficient.

The only additional thing you might want to do is ask if his current owners would be willing to send him with something that smells of them to help comfort him in those first few days.

When I send my fosters to their new families, I wear the same plain T-shirt to bed 3-4 night in a row so it really smells like me, and that’s what I send with them.

Can I ask what you mean by “cat-proofing the walls”?

Unfortunately, there’s not a great way to know whether two cats will get along. Lilo might be social and like other cats, but it doesn’t mean she likes them all!

You can give their relationship the best chance of working out by following proper introduction protocol as closely as possible. Be patient, and be consistent!

If they don’t get along, then cross that bridge if/when you come to it. Members here would be happy to help

Are you planning on allowing this new cat outdoor access too? Hard to tell by some of your comments, so just wanted to clarify.

If he’s not going to have outdoor access, there is really no need to be concerned about him running away to find his old home (and after 4-6 weeks, we won’t even remember it enough to feel compelled to).

If he is going to be allowed access outdoors, then there are things you can do to reduce the risk of him running away.

But there are no guarantees when a cat is allowed outside, unfortunately, as you are now tragically aware

Do you have two spare rooms to work on all these introductions?

If you were to take the adult cat in tomorrow and adopt the kitten in a month, by the time the kitten is old enough for adoption, you may still be in the midst of the introduction process between the two adults.

These things can take time, so prepare accordingly and ensure you have the space to isolate two individual cats separately in their own rooms.

The good news is, adults usually adjust to kittens easier and quicker (even if a bit annoyed and aggravated by them at times!).

And if the kitten remains with mom and siblings until s/he is 12-16 weeks old, then they will have a very solid foundation for their “cat manners” they learned from their feline family - which means they’re more likely to respect the boundaries of other cats.

Just don’t see yourself up to be overwhelmed. Adopt the adult, but if it’s not the right time to add a kitten on top of it, then that’s okay. Those kittens will find other homes, and there is (rather unfortunately) an endless supply of kittens that will be in need of a home whenever you are ready.

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. To help this new cat adapt to your home, I hope you are able to bring all of his possessions (litter box, food/water dishes, bedding, cat trees/toys/etc.) with him. Then, the first order of business is to get him acclimated to one room in your home as his 'safe' place. Once you notice that he is adapting, you can then consider how to introduce the cats. Here are some TCS articles that you might find helpful.
How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home – TheCatSite Articles
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles

 

[danteshuman]

First off bless you for adopting him! He will adapt but he is losing his whole world & the people he knows. So expect it to take months.


Before you take him home: ask what food and treats he eats, so you can buy the exact same brand (until you slowly transition him to what you feed your cat.) I would also ask for his scratcher, favorite bed (or if you can borrow a towel or blanket he sleeps on for a week or two) along with a few favorite toys. Since they can’t have a cat live with them, taking home “his” things should be easy. Please ask for his litter box with his used (but scooped) litter in it. (Offer to pour it in a trash bag & tie it so you can carry it home.) All of these things will help make him feel like a person who is driving to a new apartment in a different state with their belongings in the car, instead of a refugee in a different country. Yes he will lose his family but at least he can take his some of his territory with him. You can set up all his stuff in his room. Cats equate security with territory.

Hang in there, he will get there eventually.

 

[debs0n]

He WILL adapt and so will Lilo. It just takes time and lots of it. I hope you plan to keep them both inside, from one who has more little graves than I can count (people dumped many cats by my house) the tragedy of the streets does not stop with one......
They will have to be kept apart at first, blankets swapped, areas swapped so they get used to each other's smells, then visual with no interaction, a gate in the door, or a large dog kennel. The new cat will be most likely the most scared and the quietest, it will be Lilo who will most likely be upset. growling, hissing, and swatting are perfectly normal, I would have a stiff piece of cardboard handy to put between them if a tussle happens. she is the queen of her domain and will not give up an inch of it without a fight. but eventually, they will get along and be a family unit, she will love showing the newcomer the ropes and who is the boss. Bless you, for taking him on, now you will just have to have patience. With a little help from us, everything will come out alright, after all, 99% of what we worry about does not come true at all, remember that!

Thank you so much. I plan on allowing them access to the yard (it is walled) but no more excursions outside the home. I will come here for help if I need it, definitely.

 

[debs0n]

First off bless you for adopting him! He will adapt but he is losing his whole world & the people he knows. So expect it to take months.


Before you take him home: ask what food and treats he eats, so you can buy the exact same brand (until you slowly transition him to what you feed your cat.) I would also ask for his scratcher, favorite bed (or if you can borrow a towel or blanket he sleeps on for a week or two) along with a few favorite toys. Since they can’t have a cat live with them, taking home “his” things should be easy. Please ask for his litter box with his used (but scooped) litter in it. (Offer to pour it in a trash bag & tie it so you can carry it home.) All of these things will help make him feel like a person who is driving to a new apartment in a different state with their belongings in the car, instead of a refugee in a different country. Yes he will lose his family but at least he can take his some of his territory with him. You can set up all his stuff in his room. Cats equate security with territory.

Hang in there, he will get there eventually.

Thank you for your advice! Yes, they are bringing everything over here as they won't have any cats anymore since the husband is very allergic. He will be staying in my room in the meantime. It's not the first time I introduce two cats so I am familiar with how stressful it can be, but I am willing to do it. They also agreed to a trial period to see if the cat will adapt or not so that is reassuring.

 

[debs0n]

Hi. To help this new cat adapt to your home, I hope you are able to bring all of his possessions (litter box, food/water dishes, bedding, cat trees/toys/etc.) with him. Then, the first order of business is to get him acclimated to one room in your home as his 'safe' place. Once you notice that he is adapting, you can then consider how to introduce the cats. Here are some TCS articles that you might find helpful.
How To Help A New Cat Adjust To Your Home – TheCatSite Articles
How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles

Thank you for those articles! Yes, the previous owner is bringing everything here so that is definitely going to help him.

 

[debs0n]

Welcome!

And I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you and Lilo

The fact that you are so concerned about all of this easily demonstrates what a great and caring owner you are!

First, as someone who works with and adopts a lot of seniors, adults, and kittens, there really is no difference in how they bond. Once a cat is bonded to you, it will remain so as long as you are in its life.

My “soul kitty” to this day is an old guy I adopted when he was 15. We only had four years together, but the bond I’ve shared with every other animal simply does not compare.

In fact, the two other cats that maybe come close I adopted when they were 9 and about 12 years old.

I absolutely love our cats we got as adults, young adults, and kittens, and my bond with each and every one of them is meaningful, special, and deep.

But it really comes down to compatibility - the down side of kittens is that you never know what their disposition will come to be, no matter how hard you work with them. But with an adult, you pretty much get what you see, and little is likely to change (aside from normal changes due to old age!).

So it will actually be a lot easier to determine whether the adult is going to be compatible with you and Lilo long term vs the kitten, whose personality and disposition will not be established for quite some time.

An adult cat leaving a family to go to a new one really isn’t different than adopting an adult cat from the shelter or from off the streets. Any guide on how to help a cat transition to a new home will be sufficient.

The only additional thing you might want to do is ask if his current owners would be willing to send him with something that smells of them to help comfort him in those first few days.

When I send my fosters to their new families, I wear the same plain T-shirt to bed 3-4 night in a row so it really smells like me, and that’s what I send with them.

Can I ask what you mean by “cat-proofing the walls”?

Unfortunately, there’s not a great way to know whether two cats will get along. Lilo might be social and like other cats, but it doesn’t mean she likes them all!

You can give their relationship the best chance of working out by following proper introduction protocol as closely as possible. Be patient, and be consistent!

If they don’t get along, then cross that bridge if/when you come to it. Members here would be happy to help

Are you planning on allowing this new cat outdoor access too? Hard to tell by some of your comments, so just wanted to clarify.

If he’s not going to have outdoor access, there is really no need to be concerned about him running away to find his old home (and after 4-6 weeks, we won’t even remember it enough to feel compelled to).

If he is going to be allowed access outdoors, then there are things you can do to reduce the risk of him running away.

But there are no guarantees when a cat is allowed outside, unfortunately, as you are now tragically aware

Do you have two spare rooms to work on all these introductions?

If you were to take the adult cat in tomorrow and adopt the kitten in a month, by the time the kitten is old enough for adoption, you may still be in the midst of the introduction process between the two adults.

These things can take time, so prepare accordingly and ensure you have the space to isolate two individual cats separately in their own rooms.

The good news is, adults usually adjust to kittens easier and quicker (even if a bit annoyed and aggravated by them at times!).

And if the kitten remains with mom and siblings until s/he is 12-16 weeks old, then they will have a very solid foundation for their “cat manners” they learned from their feline family - which means they’re more likely to respect the boundaries of other cats.

Just don’t see yourself up to be overwhelmed. Adopt the adult, but if it’s not the right time to add a kitten on top of it, then that’s okay. Those kittens will find other homes, and there is (rather unfortunately) an endless supply of kittens that will be in need of a home whenever you are ready.

I live in Mexico so the way houses are built here is basically one next to the other and completely walled all around. Because I have a backyard the back walls are only 1 story high and because we have things leaning against the walls (ex. the barbeque grill) they can climb on it and go to the neighbors' yards. My neighbors like cats and don't mind them being there (I told them that if they ever did to let me know and I would keep the cats in my yard) so I did not think much of it, thinking that they could not actually go to the streets. Well, I was naive in thinking that, and the worst thing that could happen happened. I plan on adding those inclined toppers that don't let them climb over so that they will still have access to the outdoors but only in the yard. I do have plenty of rooms for the cats to be separated for as long as they need to. I've done this before so it's not like it's my first rodeo. It was with a kitten though, so that was my concern. Anyway, they are bringing the cat over today so... fingers crossed!

 

[debs0n]

He will adapt. And he will bond with you with no problem. It may take him longer, but...he'll be looking for love (in all the right places). AND he will be a bit easier on your sweet Lilo than a madcap kitten would be.

Thank you! He is being brought over today so I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I read your beautiful post in the Crossing the Bridge thread. Hang in there. It will get better, both your grief and your relationship with your new cat. BOTH take time. We are here.

 

[debs0n]

Thank you so much. I am so greatful for the outpour of support I've received on the site. It's been difficult, but I am on my way to getting better.

 

[debs0n]

Guys, I have an update. Napoleon is going back to his family. I spoke with his mom this morning and she was also thinking of getting him back. I let her know that it was also hard for me, Napoleon and Lilo and that it was probably for the best. Thank you all for your support. I have a therapy appointment scheduled already to tru to heal this gaping wound in my chest. I hope I will be ready to open my heart again to another kitty soon!

 

[FeebysOwner]

I am glad he is going back to his old, familiar home! But, I am curious - how are they going to handle the husband's terrible allergy?? Did they by chance tell you?

 

[fionasmom]

I am very sorry for your loss of Freddie. As others have said, it can all work out with just about any other adopted cat. I only ever have brought strays or ferals into the house, most in situations of some urgency where any other resident animal was going to have to adjust, and vice versa. This has even included dogs and with the right preparation and steps taken it can definitely work out.

I also wondered what changed the serious allergy to a remediable situation....of course it is nice when people cannot bear to give up beloved pets.

 

[debs0n]

I am glad he is going back to his old, familiar home! But, I am curious - how are they going to handle the husband's terrible allergy?? Did they by chance tell you?

They said they would see another allergologist and try to keep Napoleon out of the husband's spaces. She told me he used to crawl into his closet to sleep. No wonder he was having allergies!

 

[debs0n]

I am very sorry for your loss of Freddie. As others have said, it can all work out with just about any other adopted cat. I only ever have brought strays or ferals into the house, most in situations of some urgency where any other resident animal was going to have to adjust, and vice versa. This has even included dogs and with the right preparation and steps taken it can definitely work out.

I also wondered what changed the serious allergy to a remediable situation....of course it is nice when people cannot bear to give up beloved pets.

The girl told me her husband basically saw how miserable she was without her cat and decided to keep trying with specialists for her. The way she told me the story was that yes, the husband had bad allergies but he was not really willing to do anything about it because he is kind of the whiny type of people that do not like to experience any discomfort.

What I think is that I could potentially adopt an adult cat in the future, even in Napoleon's situation, but I rushed into it before having healed from Freddie. But I think it was a good decision because that way Napoleon got to stay in his original home, which is the ideal situation for any kitty

 

[danteshuman]

Perhaps you could consider fostering? It would help give your resident cat some non threatening kitten love, do a good deed & help give you time to heal until you are ready to adopt? If bottle feeding is to much you could foster a mom & her babie. The kittenlady has all the instructional videos you need on YouTube. If you foster for a shelter, they pay for supplies & vet care.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

I have a therapy appointment scheduled already to tru to heal this gaping wound in my chest. I hope I will be ready to open my heart again to another kitty soon!

I think you are wise to go into therapy for a while. I'm sure I'll need it when I have to bid my precious girl goodbye.

Fostering is an excellent idea, and with COVID, shelters are crying for fosterers. And who knows...at some point, when the time is right, one of your little fosters may win two hearts...yours and Lilo's.