My little Pumpkin died today

[iPappy]

I read through Gareth's post about when the time comes for us pet parents to let go of our babies, and this part really got to me:

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He spoke of being proud of those who've made that decision but I am not proud of myself, I've always been hyper-critical of myself. I've always felt unworthy of being loved. Maybe it's because of being raised in an abusive environment. I always, since childhood, preferred the company of animals to people.

I always examined myself with a fine tooth comb, questioning my every move. When Pumpkin died, I asked myself (more than before he died) was I REALLY good enough for him? Did I truly deserve the blessing of having him in my life? I had many physical and mental health issues to deal with over the years and I just wanted him to know how much I loved him, I said this to him every single day, multiple times each day because as a child, I rarely heard those words.

As a child, I was determined that if I was to have my own children (I never did, cancer took that choice away from me) I would tell them as often as possible how much they were loved. Pumpkin wasn't my human child but I still thought of him as my baby.

Even as often as I'd get stressed out over things that were out of my control, I still loved him with all of my heart. I wish I could tell him this one more time. I need to hug him once more. Snuggle once more. Say "I love you" once more.

There I go again, I feel like I'm rambling. I am still a hot mess. I miss him.

An abusive environment while growing up can intensity that feeling of having to use a fine toothed comb to examine everything you do. And 100% of abused people blame themselves for something that happened to them that was not their fault.
If you knew someone you cared about, and they had a cat they loved with all their hearts that was experiencing the same problems as Pumpkin, what would you say to them? This helped me when I was dealing with my pets I've lost, because I was so critical of myself for not being the perfect owner all my life, and for not being able to cure them. I knew if anyone else was dealing with the same thing with a beloved pet, I would feel intense empathy and support for them.
While I didn't always have the strength to reply, I read quite a few posts here on the crossing the bridge forum. I read stories from people who were feeling the same pain and helplessness I felt. It helped me understand that I wasn't alone.
You are not rambling. And there is no harm in saying goodnight to his urn, his photos, and reminding him that you love him. Something he already knows very well.

 

[dianajune]

An abusive environment while growing up can intensity that feeling of having to use a fine toothed comb to examine everything you do. And 100% of abused people blame themselves for something that happened to them that was not their fault.
If you knew someone you cared about, and they had a cat they loved with all their hearts that was experiencing the same problems as Pumpkin, what would you say to them? This helped me when I was dealing with my pets I've lost, because I was so critical of myself for not being the perfect owner all my life, and for not being able to cure them. I knew if anyone else was dealing with the same thing with a beloved pet, I would feel intense empathy and support for them.
While I didn't always have the strength to reply, I read quite a few posts here on the crossing the bridge forum. I read stories from people who were feeling the same pain and helplessness I felt. It helped me understand that I wasn't alone.
You are not rambling. And there is no harm in saying goodnight to his urn, his photos, and reminding him that you love him. Something he already knows very well.

What about my physical and mental health issues? I kept worrying throughout his life and even now that he's gone, that I may have had a negative impact on his life. I feel horrible

 

[Alldara]

What about my physical and mental health issues? I kept worrying throughout his life and even now that he's gone, that I may have had a negative impact on his life. I feel horrible

All we can do in life is keep growing and learning and healing. For ourselves and for our loved ones (human and furry loved ones alike).

Your concern says how much you loved Pumpkin. Fostering is a great way to learn more and also, it will mean you have support in caring for them.

 

[Kwik]

My pain seems to be getting worse. I can't stop crying. There is no one else I can turn to for help (I'm not referring to here but in person.) I am scared of living alone. Pumpkin is literally all I had for over 11 years and now he is gone.

Please tell me this will get better. Please.

Oh how I wish I could tell you it gets better ,it's been 7yrs since I lost my beloved Cheech after being together 24/7 for nearly two full decades- I cry and grieve losing my best friend in the world just as hard as the day I had to say" good bye my love" but the thing is you do learn to deal with the loss better in time and some days you can look fondly at his photos and be happy with all the beautiful menories you shared - just not right now as I'm sure its way to painful ,it never gets better but you get stronger and able to accept this great loss-I promise you,you will get better

Everyone grieves in their own way,you are not a burden to anyone here - if it were possible we'd love nothing more than to hold you in our arms to comfort you

I wish I had words to comfort you but all I have is prayers to ask you be Comforted and the love in my heart -may my deepest sympathy touch you and embrace you

I know it's impossible to even think about another kitty but there are so many that need to be loved and all thst pain you are feeling is becsuse there's still so much love inside of you that's there because of Pumpkin-no one will ever take Punpkins place but someone would help you to get through those lonely days and nights -someone who needs to give and receive LOVE......

God Bless you ,I'm so sorry for your loss- RIP sweet Pumpkin

 

[dianajune]

Oh how I wish I could tell you it gets better ,it's been 7yrs since I lost my beloved Cheech after being together 24/7 for nearly two full decades- I cry and grieve losing my best friend in the world just as hard as the day I had to say" good bye my love" but the thing is you do learn to deal with the loss better in time and some days you can look fondly at his photos and be happy with all the beautiful menories you shared - just not right now as I'm sure its way to painful ,it never gets better but you get stronger and able to accept this great loss-I promise you,you will get better

Everyone grieves in their own way,you are not a burden to anyone here - if it were possible we'd love nothing more than to hold you in our arms to comfort you

I wish I had words to comfort you but all I have is prayers to ask you be Comforted and the love in my heart -may my deepest sympathy touch you and embrace you

I know it's impossible to even think about another kitty but there are so many that need to be loved and all thst pain you are feeling is becsuse there's still so much love inside of you that's there because of Pumpkin-no one will ever take Punpkins place but someone would help you to get through those lonely days and nights -someone who needs to give and receive LOVE......

God Bless you ,I'm so sorry for your loss- RIP sweet Pumpkin

Thank you so much! I am still hurting. A lot.

I got up extra early today even though I am horribly sleep deprived, showered and went to the laundromat. Fortunately it wasn't busy at all. Only one other person besides me. When he chose one side of the laundromat for his dryers, I chose the other side on purpose. I didn't want to be too close to anyone. Once I got my clothes in there, along with a couple of Pumpkin's blankets, I started crying by eyes out. Even simple tasks like wash - which I normally enjoy doing - are hard for me.

I emailed the manager of this apartment bldg about whether they'd allow me to foster a pet and she said yes, but then she checked her files and found that I never did the reasonable accommodation form for emotional support animals. So, I have to go through all this red tape before I can foster a pet. As if losing Pumpkin weren't bad enough.

I hope this won't take five years.

Sorry....I am an absolute mess. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Pumkin, dream you deep. Your purr echos in someone's heart forever.

First, the practical bit:

I emailed the manager of this apartment bldg about whether they'd allow me to foster a pet and she said yes, but then she checked her files and found that I never did the reasonable accommodation form for emotional support animals. So, I have to go through all this red tape before I can foster a pet. As if losing Pumpkin weren't bad enough.

I have a 504 accomodation for an emotional support animal. They tend to move quickly on things like this. It may not be the chore you are dreading. Find out exactly what you need to do. I imagine, as I did, you will need a letter from your therapist, or your primary.

Now, onto what really matters. Pumpkin lived, breathed and had his being wrapped in your love, and he passed through the Gate between this adventure and his Next Great Adventure with your love beside him to guide his way. Now, from his home in That Place Where All Things Are Know, he knows how you wanted to fight for him, and he knows that sometimes, letting go is the only way to fight that battle. He understands it all now, and he sends his love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk with you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

 

[Kwik]

Thank you so much! I am still hurting. A lot.

I got up extra early today even though I am horribly sleep deprived, showered and went to the laundromat. Fortunately it wasn't busy at all. Only one other person besides me. When he chose one side of the laundromat for his dryers, I chose the other side on purpose. I didn't want to be too close to anyone. Once I got my clothes in there, along with a couple of Pumpkin's blankets, I started crying by eyes out. Even simple tasks like wash - which I normally enjoy doing - are hard for me.

I emailed the manager of this apartment bldg about whether they'd allow me to foster a pet and she said yes, but then she checked her files and found that I never did the reasonable accommodation form for emotional support animals. So, I have to go through all this red tape before I can foster a pet. As if losing Pumpkin weren't bad enough.

I hope this won't take five years.

Sorry....I am an absolute mess. Thank you for your kind words.

Believe me ,everything happens when it happens in the perfect time,right now just go through the motions of getting the paperwork in order plus it will help occupy your mind for the time being- because whoever the cat is that your supposed to foster isn't ready yet- there really is a reason for what we think are obstacles but then we usually see the reason later on

I'm glad you are doing your best to do daily functions and talking here too,with us..... of course youre a mess,you're not expected to be anything more or anything less,you don't have to apologize for how you feel- we understand completely .... that was huge to go out and do laundry this morning,staying busy is all you can do right now and you are stronger than you think

 

[dianajune]

Rest you gentle, Pumkin, dream you deep. Your purr echos in someone's heart forever.

First, the practical bit:

I have a 504 accomodation for an emotional support animal. They tend to move quickly on things like this. It may not be the chore you are dreading. Find out exactly what you need to do. I imagine, as I did, you will need a letter from your therapist, or your primary.

Now, onto what really matters. Pumpkin lived, breathed and had his being wrapped in your love, and he passed through the Gate between this adventure and his Next Great Adventure with your love beside him to guide his way. Now, from his home in That Place Where All Things Are Know, he knows how you wanted to fight for him, and he knows that sometimes, letting go is the only way to fight that battle. He understands it all now, and he sends his love, translated and purified into Love, back to walk with you down through all of your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides.

Thank you.

 

[dianajune]

Believe me ,everything happens when it happens in the perfect time,right now just go through the motions of getting the paperwork in order plus it will help occupy your mind for the time being- because whoever the cat is that your supposed to foster isn't ready yet- there really is a reason for what we think are obstacles but then we usually see the reason later on

I'm glad you are doing your best to do daily functions and talking here too,with us..... of course youre a mess,you're not expected to be anything more or anything less,you don't have to apologize for how you feel- we understand completely .... that was huge to go out and do laundry this morning,staying busy is all you can do right now and you are stronger than you think

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words, but I am not strong at all. I am struggling more and more with each passing day. I tried to message my brother few minutes ago about my pain and he just doesn't get it. I've been separated from him and Dad for several years because of the pandemic. Even now that it's over (mostly) I still haven't seen them

Pumpkin was all I had. He helped me get through the pandemic, other than everyone here. I've always felt like the black sheep of the family, I was raised as such.

The pain is getting to be really difficult to bear. I've been thinking about checking into the hospital for severe depression but I don't know if they will help me. I am not suicidal. But another concern I have is what if I do go....wouldn't that disqualify me from having a foster pet?

I am alone. My family doesn't care. Pumpkin was the only family member who truly cared about me.

 

[fionasmom]

Pet Loss Support Hotline | Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine
Pet Loss Resources and Support
Pet Loss Hotlines

The first two are pet loss support groups run by Tufts and Cornell veterinary schools. I have known people who called Cornell and I believe that the phones are manned by vet students. In the upper left hand corner of the last website, there is a directory by states.

In many states there are grief counselors who specialize in pet loss.

If you feel that you need help, please seek it.

It does not seem to me that seeking psychological support during a time of need should disqualify a person from fostering an animal. It is your personal business what kind of care you need for yourself.

 

[Kwik]

If you feel you need help and want to go to a hospital then by all means do that-your medical info( physical and/or mental) is personal and confidential ,you are not obligated to share that info with anyone.

I'm so sorry about your situation with family,all the more reason you should seek help at this time-I encourage you to make use of the info provided by fionasmom -they do " get it" and you need support

 

[dianajune]

If you feel you need help and want to go to a hospital then by all means do that-your medical info( physical and/or mental) is personal and confidential ,you are not obligated to share that info with anyone.

I'm so sorry about your situation with family,all the more reason you should seek help at this time-I encourage you to make use of the info provided by fionasmom -they do " get it" and you need support

Thank you. I may just have to do that after I went over the few medical records I have on hand for him. Here's a brief rundown of what I have for the past few months:

October 26th - Vet specialist appt did heart tests that confirmed Pumpkin's arrhythmia.
November 15th - followup with regular vet, at which point it was determined Pumpkin w/b watched carefully, no hearts meds prescribed
January 20th - had first "spell" where it looked like he collapsed, online emergency vet determined it was a transient stress episode
March 7th - Trip to regular vet's alternate office where she confirmed he still had the arrhythmia, bowels were ok, and given rabies booster
April 25 - lots of fluid round abdomen and lungs, had to be put down

Pumpkin's second "spell" happened sometime between January 20th and around mid-March.
When Pumpkin went to the appt in March, no fluid buildup was noted. I do not know his weight at that appt and will have to confirm this with his vet.

So the nearly one pound weight gain happened between Pumpkin's appt in March and his death last week. Is it possible that the rabies booster may have caused this?

He had one last mini "spell" about a week before he died.

Could I have caused him to have heart attack back in January when I snuck up on him to give him his meds?

Did his rabies shot lead to his death?

I feel like I should call his vet in the morning and ask for his records. I'm trying to figure out what went wrong. I'm wondering if that rabies shot may have been the last straw for his heart.[

I still feel like it's my fault. I was only trying to help him take his meds in January when he had that first spell. I did it many times like that before (I.e. sneaking up on him whilst he was sleeping) and he never reacted like that until January 20th.

I should have asked for an autopsy.

What should I do? I am devastated.

 

[Kwik]

No dear,there is nothing you have done to cause or exacerbate his heart condition or the fluid retention.....Pumpkin did not have a heart attack when you snuck up on him while he was sleeping,he did not pass away from cardiac arrest- you did everything possible to help Pumpkin and when there were no other options and nothing that could have been done to save his life you helped him to not suffer in the end .....You are not to blame for his heart condition or for any of the fatal symptoms that followed

I believe every creature on the planet,including us,has a time to be born and a time to die-an expiration date that cannot be altered by anything in the world- what is important is the time in between . You and Pumpkin had many wonderful years together,you Blessed his life and he Blessed yours-there was not one moment where you could have done anything differently that would have extended his life.

I would not focus on his medical records or the circumstances contributing to Pumpkins decline because it doesn't change anything that occurred in the chain of events but that is entirely up to you but you cannot keep blaming yourself because you are not to blame,no one is-an autopsy will determine cause of death ,cause of death will be documented as " euthanasia" and what is the point in that?

I hate to see you beating yourself up like this and I'm telling you I did the very same thing to myself because I tortured myself over the euthanasia ,over doing it and on the other hand not doing it soon enough and how I made him suffer- I was either blaming myself for killing him or blaming myself for prolonging his terrible suffering-Needlessly,it was his time to pass on over the Rainbow Bridge- we can be our own worst enemy.

Please,my friend- make some calls to try to focus on yourself right now,get help from grief counseling or check yourself in but don't continue in this way..... I wish I were nearby,you need support -may I ask where you are?

 

[dianajune]

No dear,there is nothing you have done to cause or exacerbate his heart condition or the fluid retention.....Pumpkin did not have a heart attack when you snuck up on him while he was sleeping,he did not pass away from cardiac arrest- you did everything possible to help Pumpkin and when there were no other options and nothing that could have been done to save his life you helped him to not suffer in the end .....You are not to blame for his heart condition or for any of the fatal symptoms that followed

I believe every creature on the planet,including us,has a time to be born and a time to die-an expiration date that cannot be altered by anything in the world- what is important is the time in between . You and Pumpkin had many wonderful years together,you Blessed his life and he Blessed yours-there was not one moment where you could have done anything differently that would have extended his life.

I would not focus on his medical records or the circumstances contributing to Pumpkins decline because it doesn't change anything that occurred in the chain of events but that is entirely up to you but you cannot keep blaming yourself because you are not to blame,no one is-an autopsy will determine cause of death ,cause of death will be documented as " euthanasia" and what is the point in that?

I hate to see you beating yourself up like this and I'm telling you I did the very same thing to myself because I tortured myself over the euthanasia ,over doing it and on the other hand not doing it soon enough and how I made him suffer- I was either blaming myself for killing him or blaming myself for prolonging his terrible suffering-Needlessly,it was his time to pass on over the Rainbow Bridge- we can be our own worst enemy.

Please,my friend- make some calls to try to focus on yourself right now,get help from grief counseling or check yourself in but don't continue in this way..... I wish I were nearby,you need support -may I ask where you are?

I live in CNY north of Syracuse.

like I said in a previous post, I feel like I'm being a burden or a pita to everyone I've been reaching out to for help or answers. Tbh, I am reluctant to call the vet again even though she told me I could if I wanted. But I can't get over how sudden it was. When I pieced together the last few months of his life late last night it dawned on me that the fluid build up came on faster than I thought.

I know that in the end, euthanasia is what killed him. I want to confirm the diagnosis of what led to this but of course, it's too late to order a necropsy.

 

[Kwik]

I live in CNY north of Syracuse.

like I said in a previous post, I feel like I'm being a burden or a pita to everyone I've been reaching out to for help or answers. Tbh, I am reluctant to call the vet again even though she told me I could if I wanted. But I can't get over how sudden it was. When I pieced together the last few months of his life late last night it dawned on me that the fluid build up came on faster than I thought.

I know that in the end, euthanasia is what killed him. I want to confirm the diagnosis of what led to this but of course, it's too late to order a necropsy.

You are not a burden and I'm not a professional but someone who has suffered through grief & losing a beloved pet so for myself snd many others here we would listen anytime of anyday,feel free to pm also only it's hard to know what to say that's helpful,trained professionals do know what to say to help you to get through probably the most difficult time of your life- the loss of a cat can be even more difficult than losing a human friend or family member for many of us- they are with us 24/7 and love us unconditionally throughout the best and worst of times,unlike people who have expectations of us and being human will often fail to meet our own expectstions

I found that in your area ( I hope it's close) the spca has trained volunteers that are avaliable to help with the loss of pets- also the VCA hospital can give you references- look to see who's nearby and what services and support groups they have available for you

Call your Vet if you feel so moved to do so,I'm sure they can answer some of your questions ,take them up on their offer

You are in my prayers to find Peace and Comfort,I do hope it helps to know we sincerely care about you and are here for you

 

[dianajune]

You are not a burden and I'm not a professional but someone who has suffered through grief & losing a beloved pet so for myself snd many others here we would listen anytime of anyday,feel free to pm also only it's hard to know what to say that's helpful,trained professionals do know what to say to help you to get through probably the most difficult time of your life- the loss of a cat can be even more difficult than losing a human friend or family member for many of us- they are with us 24/7 and love us unconditionally throughout the best and worst of times,unlike people who have expectations of us and being human will often fail to meet our own expectstions

I found that in your area ( I hope it's close) the spca has trained volunteers that are avaliable to help with the loss of pets- also the VCA hospital can give you references- look to see who's nearby and what services and support groups they have available for you

Call your Vet if you feel so moved to do so,I'm sure they can answer some of your questions ,take them up on their offer

You are in my prayers to find Peace and Comfort,I do hope it helps to know we sincerely care about you and are here for you

I spoke with the vet again a few minutes ago and she confirmed what you guys have been telling me, that this isn't my fault and that if anything, I helped prolong his life by doing everything I could to help him poop. His heart simply gave out It was his time and even after everything that I've been told here and at her office I still feel gutted and wish there was more that I could have done.

I told his vet about how cold my own brother has been about this. In fact, during one of our Twitter conversations I had with him last night I said to him he reminds me of Spock.

I can't just turn off my emotions like he does. I can't just set this aside like nothing happened, My brother doesn't get that. Pumpkin is literally all I had in my life for over 11 years. He gave me more love and support than the rest of my family including my own brother and father. What does that say about them?

If it weren't for everyone here and my cat's vet office, I would be truly alone with going through this loss and everything else that is wrong in my life.

My taxes weren't handled properly by the company I filed with. I found out just this morning that they will deposit my tax refund tomorrow but it looks like they doubled their fees. I had to file an FTC complaint against them not long ago. Poor Pumpkin witnessed my agony of not only going through this, but my constant worrying about his health and mine.

I am still horribly sleep deprived and had a panic attack last night. It wouldn't surprise me if I end up in the hospital. I have too much going against me.

Sorry my response is so very long.

 

[Kwik]

Don't apologize-your response is not long at all,I'm happy you are letting these things out here -its the very least we are able to do is lend a sympathetic ear- I personally feel privileged that you are sharing ,I mean that with all of my heart

This is not a time to be alone with your feelings,we are here for you -I only wish I knew about TCS when I lost my boy,we all love our cats just the same( if not more,honestly) as one loves a child ..... I don't know what it says about your brother but I do know what it says about you , your love for Pumpkin and the deep relationship you both shared

Guilt is a very normal part of the grieving process- I was reading the 7 stages of grief earlier-I can look for it again if you want to read it,maybe it will help you to know that what you are experiencing is very normal with such a great loss

It's funny how the people we would expect to be there for us are not and then some one completely out of the blue seems to come along with love and compassion- I don't know what you believe but I don't believe in coincidence or accidents- I believe God puts people in our lives for what,,when and how we need - some believe it's the universe and a power greater than ourselves- in any event ,you are LOVED ..... talk as much as you want or need to,I'm all ears - you are not alone

 

[dianajune]

Don't apologize-your response is not long at all,I'm happy you are letting these things out here -its the very least we are able to do is lend a sympathetic ear- I personally feel privileged that you are sharing ,I mean that with all of my heart

This is not a time to be alone with your feelings,we are here for you -I only wish I knew about TCS when I lost my boy,we all love our cats just the same( if not more,honestly) as one loves a child ..... I don't know what it says about your brother but I do know what it says about you , your love for Pumpkin and the deep relationship you both shared

Guilt is a very normal part of the grieving process- I was reading the 7 stages of grief earlier-I can look for it again if you want to read it,maybe it will help you to know that what you are experiencing is very normal with such a great loss

It's funny how the people we would expect to be there for us are not and then some one completely out of the blue seems to come along with love and compassion- I don't know what you believe but I don't believe in coincidence or accidents- I believe God puts people in our lives for what,,when and how we need - some believe it's the universe and a power greater than ourselves- in any event ,you are LOVED ..... talk as much as you want or need to,I'm all ears - you are not alone

Thank you! I can't tell you and everyone else here how much I appreciate the love and support I've been given!

My brother recently sought my help with some of Dad's issues - he had a medical emergency a few months ago and had a toe amputated because of an infection he let go for a very long time, My brother even asked if I would consider moving back to the family farm - which I haven't lived in since not long after I was born. But when I made clear to him that I am pretty much stuck in this wheelchair and would need Dad's house to be made accessible he got all quiet.

I also told him that since it's Dad's house, he would have to get permission from him for me to move there. Both of them have kept me at arms length for years. Since long before Covid.

Eventually I hope to get out of this chair. I started using them for pain reasons, not because I wasn't able to walk. I would need physical therapy to walk again because I used this for so long. And I need a massive hernia fixed before that. My brother and Dad knows about all this.

I've been treated like a burden and the black sheep of our family for most of my life even though they haven't come out and directly said so.

Again I want to thank you for much for you alive and compassion. It means a lot to me and I know that Pumpkin would be most pleased! <hugs>

 

[Kwik]

Thank you! I can't tell you and everyone else here how much I appreciate the love and support I've been given!

My brother recently sought my help with some of Dad's issues - he had a medical emergency a few months ago and had a toe amputated because of an infection he let go for a very long time, My brother even asked if I would consider moving back to the family farm - which I haven't lived in since not long after I was born. But when I made clear to him that I am pretty much stuck in this wheelchair and would need Dad's house to be made accessible he got all quiet.

I also told him that since it's Dad's house, he would have to get permission from him for me to move there. Both of them have kept me at arms length for years. Since long before Covid.

Eventually I hope to get out of this chair. I started using them for pain reasons, not because I wasn't able to walk. I would need physical therapy to walk again because I used this for so long. And I need a massive hernia fixed before that. My brother and Dad knows about all this.

I've been treated like a burden and the black sheep of our family for most of my life even though they haven't come out and directly said so.

Again I want to thank you for much for you alive and compassion. It means a lot to me and I know that Pumpkin would be most pleased! <hugs>

You are most welcome- I didn't know you are in a wheelchair,I just had total knee replacement surgery last week and already I can walk again without a rollator - I hope you can have that surgery and walk again too...... It sure complicates things, doesn't it.

It my absolute pleasure to talk with you,to listen and to be here with you - truly,anytime day or night my friend

You got a plate full and I'm so sorry you've so much to deal with,I'm really glad you feel the love here- there's a lot of really wonderful,special people here that feel exactly as I do with the same heart full of love for you- I don't know if looking at photos of Pumpkin will help or hurt ,I still can't look at my Cheechs photos only on rare occasion but if it helps then by all means post them but if not I understand.....

Are you eating? Please try to eat and stay hydrated - you have to try to take care of yourself.....I wish I could fix you some camomille tea or Celestial sleepytime to help you to rest your body......Does anyone come in to help you ,like an aid or you do it all yourself?

 

[lokipepperlove]

im so sorry i know your pain I cant promise it will get better right away it takes time Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it's important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold. Feeling sad, shocked, or lonely is a normal reaction to the loss of a beloved pet.