Guilt is killing me

[mxphs]

Hi guys

I've been part of this forum ever since I had my baby Humphy in 2022. I've posted multiple times here about his behaviour, he's such a wonderful, lovely and gentle cat but ever since he was as young as 5 months, he's shown some really clear traits of anxiety, boredom and frustration and i've never been able to work out why/how to rectify it. He's now 2 years old and still showing this behaviour.

I love him so much and I don't want to let him go, but every single day i question whether what I am giving him is fair. I really feel that he'd benefit from
1. Being in a bigger space, I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with no balcony and enough space for running around in but not really for an energetic cat
2. Being with another cat, not an option for me for reason above and also for financial reasons too

I got him as a kitten hoping i could wean him into being the cat I wanted, but I've since learnt that is a pipe dream. He's from a breeder, the only experience of living with other cats is simply being with his mother and his siblings until 3 months old. The reason i've been able to go this long with this whining and meowing is because despite it all, he has adapted to my schedule and he does show traits of being happy everyday.
I've put him on some anti anxiety meds in his earlier years but have stopped all o fthem due to side effects. Just got Zylkene today by suggestion of my vet so fingers crossed this will do something.

I'm not really looking for ideas as i've really done all of them besides the getting a new cat one. This could be the answer but I also live alone, and I am not prepared to deal with the back firing if this does not work as a single person living alone with no help. I cannot imagine the stress of dealing with two cats that do not get along, having to potentially rehome a cat i just got and the stress this would put on humphrey

I do love the experience of just having 1 cat, and i've seen it work for some people - its just such a bummer it didn't for me. Even though I did not get the type of cat I wanted, i still love and cherish Humphrey so so much, i don't want to let go of him. But I do think about how his quality of life would be imprved if he went to a better suited home all the time.

 

[tabbytom]

I love him so much and I don't want to let him go, but every single day i question whether what I am giving him is fair. I really feel that he'd benefit from
1. Being in a bigger space, I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with no balcony and enough space for running around in but not really for an energetic cat
2. Being with another cat, not an option for me for reason above and also for financial reasons too

I just read your other thread and it seems to me that Humphrey is just being chatty and like having conversations with you and I agree with the other replies.

Yes, he could be telling you something that he saw or wants you to get it for him. My boy is also very talkative and seek attention and keeps meowing if he wants something done or he just walk to the bathroom and start meowing and I'll go see what he wants and tell him there's nothing there for him and ask him to go to the hall where I am.
Have conversations with Humphrey and sought of 'reason things with him'. Cats understands things when we speak to them.

He also could be hungry and thus keeps meowing. Dry food does not keep them full for a long time. Wet food keeps them fuller longer.

You can make your home bigger for him. since he has a good big cat tree and a cat window, maybe make some runway for him so that he can go up higher and move around.

How To Make Your Home Bigger (at Least For Your Cats) - TheCatSite

He knows that you love him and I can say that he's just a talkative cat and also he loves you and that's why he keeps talking to you. Same as my boy.

 

[di and bob]

I agree with the above. I think you are projecting YOUR feelings onto him, and he is happier than you think. He is happy with YOU not his home, although having a home means a lot to him. He loves you and would live in a box on the street if he had to. Try to just enjoy him and make what he has work for him. He may have some siamese background and is naturally chatty and excitable. Make sure he has verticle space, shelves to jump to and a cat tree he can climb, get a corrugates scratch pad, and make sure he is not hungry, that is all he wants and needs. He would be completely devastated to have a new home, all he knows is you. Just forget your fears and relax, he is fine.......

 

[mxphs]

Do you guys really think so? I really value the opinions of people here because there are some hardcore cat experts that frequent this space so if you do agree and think there is something wrong with him, i really would like to hear that insight too.

The meowing is just soooo incessant though. He stands in this one corner on the rug (has never changed for like 2 years now) and just meows so desperately. It's baffling

 

[di and bob]

I really think he is trying to get your attention, and doesn't realize how annoying he is. throw a mouse or ball towards him, or try to ignore him. (I know, I know) I had a Flame Point Siamese that I dearly loved, (the one in my avatar) but he was SO annoying at times with his constant meowing and knocking things off of tables when he didn't get his way. He would knock things off, stare at you, and then take off running when you got up! I would give a lot to have him back with me......

 

[tabbytom]

Do you guys really think so? I really value the opinions of people here because there are some hardcore cat experts that frequent this space so if you do agree and think there is something wrong with him, i really would like to hear that insight too.

The meowing is just soooo incessant though. He stands in this one corner on the rug (has never changed for like 2 years now) and just meows so desperately. It's baffling

My boy will go to the bathroom and meow or to the main door and meow or to the bedroom to meow or run all over the house and meow, everyday. He talks a lot and when I reply and ask him what he wants, he meows and answer me (though I don't know what he meant ) but I just carry a conversation with him.

Is there something below he rug that he is trying to ask you to check it out? Sometimes they want you to check out something that they think they saw or suspect that there's something there, maybe a bug or something else? Usually I'll check it out with my boy and tell him that there's nothing there and once he's satisfied, he'll stop meowing at that area.

If he's meowing in pain, his posture will be different.

 

[tabbytom]

The meowing is just soooo incessant though. He stands in this one corner on the rug (has never changed for like 2 years now) and just meows so desperately. It's baffling

Just remember, you are the only one there he can talk to and that's why he keeps talking to you.

 

[di and bob]

My cats, every one of them, will dash into the basement or upstairs, and start 'yelling' really loudly. Never could explain it except maybe letting off a little energy, like the zoomies. They dash back up and act perfectly normal.

 

[Alldara]

Do you guys really think so? I really value the opinions of people here because there are some hardcore cat experts that frequent this space so if you do agree and think there is something wrong with him, i really would like to hear that insight too.

The meowing is just soooo incessant though. He stands in this one corner on the rug (has never changed for like 2 years now) and just meows so desperately. It's baffling

Magnus's meowing is incessant as well. Using AAC buttons has helped because now he can use those to tell me what he wants. There's simpler answers than you think sometimes. Sometimes he just wants me to come look outside with him. He wants to show me his joy and share it.

He purrs a ton, gets shaky tail and zoomies and is very attached to us. Two other cats went well and he plays with and cares for them, but I 100% ASSURE you that it has solved "the screamies" somewhere around 0%. His energy and destruction levels are just more manageable.

Daily, Magnus stands at the door and screams or howls. It's almost always that he wants something. It was so hard to figure it out when we didn't have the buttons and he was a kitten. It would be like 8 or 9 hours of screaming. He didn't care that we tried to play, brush or cuddle him. Now he only screams or howls when we have to tell him no.

But he still does screamies out the window at birds, passerby, especially people he likes. Sometimes at friend-cat or squirrels. He chats with us with various vocalisation, let's us know if a delivery has arrived....

 

[mxphs]

Just remember, you are the only one there he can talk to and that's why he keeps talking to you.

This is true. I don't mind the talking, its more the incessant, urgent and desperate meows when there is nothing seemingly urgent or desperate in our immediate surroundings to warrant that. But I get you, I am his only provider, entertainer, nurturer etc

He purrs a ton, gets shaky tail and zoomies and is very attached to us. Two other cats went well and he plays with and cares for them, but I 100% ASSURE you that it has solved "the screamies" somewhere around 0%. His energy and destruction levels are just more manageable.

It's reassuring to hear how getting more cats doesn't always curb the behaviour. I spoke to a dog owner tonight and she confirmed that it is a gamble and its chance whether your two cats or dogs for that matter will get along. She got a second dog who does not care about her resident dog evn though the resident dog absolutely loves the new dog and wants to be friends

 

[tabbytom]

This is true. I don't mind the talking, its more the incessant, urgent and desperate meows when there is nothing seemingly urgent or desperate in our immediate surroundings to warrant that. But I get you, I am his only provider, entertainer, nurturer etc

Yes, being that, he's very close to you and therefore, if there are anything that he needs or want, there's no one else but you.

My boy is the same. He's very close to me and he ask things from me because I'm the one that feeds him, play with him all the time and he sleeps on my bed next to me every night.

Whenever he calls and I'm busy at that time, I'll ask him to wait for awhile. They get the message too. The more you communicate with them, the more they understand. Sometimes my boy gets too loud, I'll say to him 'Hey, no noise'.

 

[Alldara]

Whenever he calls and I'm busy at that time, I'll ask him to wait for awhile. They get the message too. The more you communicate with them, the more they understand. Sometimes my boy gets too loud, I'll say to him 'Hey, no noise'.

This exactly.

And do consider at least a couple buttons if you're up for it and have the space. It helps to give them a "voice" in a different way to reduce crying. I started with music, hungry, pets and play.

I get it. It is frantic and sad for Magnus too. But I also think not many people would put up with his vocalness. That makes me grateful that he's with us.

Does having some music on help?

 

[tabbytom]

But I get you,

Also if he is behaving or keeping quiet, give him lots of praise and tell him he's a good boy. Do more slow eye blinking with him.

 

[Kwik]

Hi guys

I've been part of this forum ever since I had my baby Humphy in 2022. I've posted multiple times here about his behaviour, he's such a wonderful, lovely and gentle cat but ever since he was as young as 5 months, he's shown some really clear traits of anxiety, boredom and frustration and i've never been able to work out why/how to rectify it. He's now 2 years old and still showing this behaviour.

I love him so much and I don't want to let him go, but every single day i question whether what I am giving him is fair. I really feel that he'd benefit from
1. Being in a bigger space, I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with no balcony and enough space for running around in but not really for an energetic cat
2. Being with another cat, not an option for me for reason above and also for financial reasons too

I got him as a kitten hoping i could wean him into being the cat I wanted, but I've since learnt that is a pipe dream. He's from a breeder, the only experience of living with other cats is simply being with his mother and his siblings until 3 months old. The reason i've been able to go this long with this whining and meowing is because despite it all, he has adapted to my schedule and he does show traits of being happy everyday.
I've put him on some anti anxiety meds in his earlier years but have stopped all o fthem due to side effects. Just got Zylkene today by suggestion of my vet so fingers crossed this will do something.

I'm not really looking for ideas as i've really done all of them besides the getting a new cat one. This could be the answer but I also live alone, and I am not prepared to deal with the back firing if this does not work as a single person living alone with no help. I cannot imagine the stress of dealing with two cats that do not get along, having to potentially rehome a cat i just got and the stress this would put on humphrey

I do love the experience of just having 1 cat, and i've seen it work for some people - its just such a bummer it didn't for me. Even though I did not get the type of cat I wanted, i still love and cherish Humphrey so so much, i don't want to let go of him. But I do think about how his quality of life would be imprved if he went to a better suited home all the time.

I hope you don't mind me asking what exactly is " the cat I wanted"? A cat that doesn't Meow? I'm not sure where Humphrey had fell short of your expectations- he has only one language " cat" and it's the only way he knows how to "talk" to his person

What you perceive to be desperate crying is highly likely just a conversation for Humphrey,you might be sending off some pretty negative vibes that cats most definitely pick up on and it might be encouraging him to talk to you even more- trying the only way he knows how to say " I know your not happy about something,tell me what to do you make you feel better,is there something I can say or do to let you know I understand something is bothering you and blah blah blah"..... see what I mean

I can't tell you how many people complain about " behavioral issues" saying " my cat is always CRYING..... yes,it surely does sound like crying to a human but " meowing" is solely for the benefit of communicating with humans- its like asking a psychologist to stop their little children from asking questions..... 9 times out of 10 if a cats " human" would just answer them it's satisfactory and they stop " asking"

Pigs squeel,horses whinny,roosters crow and cats meow- they are being what they are and unfortunately they can't be anything else that anyone might like them to be

Now please don't misunderstand what I'm saying,I'm not trying to be sarcastic or condescending in any way -I am in fact trying to assure you there is nothing wrong with Humphrey and he does not have any behavioral issues that need be modified AND I want to encourage you to try to take a different perspective and look at this glass half full( not half empty)

Your boy loves you,you are the center of his world,his world revolves around YOU- hes excited to tell you things,like " look I'm sitting in my favorite spot,I really like this rug,wanna come see it or feel how nice it is under your paws"? .... Whatever intrigues him about that particular spot he wants to share...... look through Humphries eyes,see what he sees and be inquisitive as well instead of annoyed (,Eg: what is it boy,what do you want me to see? Good boy,,yes very nice) it should satisfy him and your positive energy will reduce his stress if the opposite brings on anxiety

Our kitties are hugely affected by our emotions-he wants your attention and that should be a good thing that you receive it well and satisfy his need for your acknowledgment-just change the script a little and I do believe Humphrey is trying very very hard to be the cat you had hoped for

Everyone has contributed much here - listen and make those adjustments that will benefit both you and your little boy- And I don't really support medicating kitties because they are talkative so I'm glad you've stopped giving them- if he's a high energy cat then help him to expel thst energy with a positive & constructive outlet- how about lead training,going for strolls together? Play tunnel & interactive learning toys - teach him how to fetch or jump up on his tree on command-is he motivated by treats or praises? Someone mentioned vertical space- a few shelves and teaching him a jumping routine is lots of fun for a high energy cat and they LOVE to please and get rewards

I've got a Bengal- wanna talk about energy and talking up a storm? Lol He let's me know if he's bored ( which btw is almost always!) And 5 or 6 fetches with tucker him out for a while .....I had disability that stopped our walks outside & just had surgery so he complains alot as he plops his leash in front of me and meows at the door so I TALK to him and explain " I'm sorry Sami,Mommy can't walk right now but we can do something else blah blah blah".... he doesn't know what the heck I'm saying but he does know I've acknowledged his need for my attention..... and thsts really all it takes

 

[mxphs]

I hope you don't mind me asking what exactly is " the cat I wanted"? A cat that doesn't Meow? I'm not sure where Humphrey had fell short of your expectations- he has only one language " cat" and it's the only way he knows how to "talk" to his person

What you perceive to be desperate crying is highly likely just a conversation for Humphrey,you might be sending off some pretty negative vibes that cats most definitely pick up on and it might be encouraging him to talk to you even more

I don't send off negative vibes to my cat, I don't really appreicate you just assuming that either. I am attentive, make the effort and always show my affection to him. This has been the case since he was a kitten, it's because of this that makes the behaviour so confusing.

The cat I wanted was an independent one that was quiet and wouldn't harrass me like Humphrey does. I guess everyones limits are different. I live in a small apartment with him, so yes that means every single thing he does affects me and would to him as well. He's my first cat, and so there was no other experiences I could draw from before I got him.
And the 'cat that doesn't meow' comment is just silly, there's a marked difference between meowing and excessive meowing that doesn't stop. It's great you are able to withstand the energy and meowing a Bengal demands.

 

[Kwik]

I don't send off negative vibes to my cat, I don't really appreicate you just assuming that either. I am attentive, make the effort and always show my affection to him. This has been the case since he was a kitten, it's because of this that makes the behaviour so confusing.

The cat I wanted was an independent one that was quiet and wouldn't harrass me like Humphrey does. I guess everyones limits are different. I live in a small apartment with him, so yes that means every single thing he does affects me and would to him as well. He's my first cat, and so there was no other experiences I could draw from before I got him.
And the 'cat that doesn't meow' comment is just silly, there's a marked difference between meowing and excessive meowing that doesn't stop. It's great you are able to withstand the energy and meowing a Bengal demands.

Well ,I don't know you & thsts why I didn't "assume " anything and did in fact say " you MIGHT be sending off negative vibes -certainly there's no way to do an in person assessment to determine what is "excessjve" so all we can do is give suggestions " IF"

I already said I hope to encourage you to try and look through a different lens- it can often help to re- evaluate a situation and try a different approach- and no ,you don't know me either -Im not able to withstand excessive meowing nor can I currently keep up with the high energy of my Bengal plus 4 others in my multi cat household since having to deal with my own serious health issues but thought I'd share with you that I do understand and since I can no longer satisfy the need to expel his energy I had to change the script to address his vocalization so it doesn't drive me bonkers

You think Hunphrey is deliberately harassing you,I think hes talking to you ( no matter how excessive thst might be)so theres our difference-theres a root cause for his vocalization in any event and the resolve is " why" ..... you find a cure by addressing a "cause" ,not the symptom

I'm very sorry you completely misunderstood my reply,it was intended to offer help to you

Good luck to you

 

[tabbytom]

I don't send off negative vibes to my cat, I don't really appreicate you just assuming that either. I am attentive, make the effort and always show my affection to him. This has been the case since he was a kitten, it's because of this that makes the behaviour so confusing.

The cat I wanted was an independent one that was quiet and wouldn't harrass me like Humphrey does. I guess everyones limits are different. I live in a small apartment with him, so yes that means every single thing he does affects me and would to him as well. He's my first cat, and so there was no other experiences I could draw from before I got him.
And the 'cat that doesn't meow' comment is just silly, there's a marked difference between meowing and excessive meowing that doesn't stop. It's great you are able to withstand the energy and meowing a Bengal demands.

I guess Kwik is not just assuming. She is just stating some examples and explaining some scenarios which may be the possibilities and nothing else as she has many experiences with her many cats.

 

[Hellenww]

The picture in your other post looks like you have a balcony. Can you put up a bird feeder?
Put on "cat TV" in the other room. You can find videos on youtube.
The idea is to get him distracted.
Many cats don't like to play with "dead" toy (things that don't move) and get bored with most of the electronic ones.
Hexbug keeps my Leo interested for about an hour. Luna only 5min.
Amazon.com
I've had better luck with a mouse on wheels (car). Luna, my very hyper girl, will watch it for at least an hour then sleep.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B09W2GYD13/?tag=thecatsite
I only put these out about once a week so they don't get bored of them. The car is kept in it's box in a drawer. Luna can open the box without ripping it to take the car out herself.

Most cat make different sounds for different things. Some take long to figure this out. Sqeeker, my avatar, was a very vocal cat but not the brightest. Until about 5y he'd stand in the middle of the floor and scream the same sound when he wanted anything. Around 5 he started leading us to what he wanted. It was a few more years before he made different sounds for different things and finally lowered his volume. He wasn't crazy about people so he it was only a few times a day.