Why won't he stop attacking her!?

[katie joy]

I really need to rant and any encouragement and advise is appreciated.

Currently I have Jimmy in isolation. We are reintroducing the cats, like they have never known each other. It's difficult because he is meowing and scratching at the door. (It breaks my heart!)

When we first adopted them in January, both cats got a long fine. Well, so we thought. Now these cats are NOT friends. They tolerate each other. Why the shelter insisted that these cats want to stay together is beyond me.

So basically Jimmy started playing rough with Duchess. He would suddenly pounce and chase, she would growl and hiss and run away, and if Jimmy was lucky enough he would bite her rump and/or tail and pull fur out. This behaviour started getting worse. He has even tried to mount her. So it's like he has a mixture of rough play/sexual aggression/territorial aggression.

Most of the time they tolerate each other, they can be in the same room with no conflict. But the sudden "attacks" are getting worse and more frequent.

Jimmy is male 7, Duchess is female 5. They are not related.

I have read so many articles on what to do. NOTHING so far has worked.

I have more than one litter tray, in different locations.
I have plenty of feeding stations.
I feed them only wet food at meal times.
I play with them both, separately and together and reward them with treats.
I reward them with treats when they are nice together.
I play even more with Jimmy to get him tired.
I have feliway diffusers (note plural! Biggest waste of money)
I have felifriend spray (another waste of money)
Both cats are neutered and spayed.
I have high spaces and low spaces in ALL rooms and plenty of them so they don't have to share.
Jimmy now wears a collar with a bell on, so Duchess knows where he is.
I have taken them both to the vet. They are fine.
I have done timeout with Jimmy when he displays bad behaviour towards her.
I have tried all kinds of distractions, toys, laser lights, treats, even physically standing between them, clapping my hands, throwing a pillow, hissing, stomping my feet, a stern NO, water to make him stop. He basically ignores me now.
I feed him first.
I greet him first.
I pet him first.

I am at my wits end. I just want them to stop fighting.

Jimmy is currently in the spare room. I have to feed both cats at either side of the closed door. Then tomorrow Duchess will be confined to the room.

I really didn't want to do this, Jimmy was crying most of the night and I couldn't sleep. But it's my last resort. *sigh*

 

[katie joy]

Well so far that technique has ended in a disaster. Both cats are out roaming free. Duchess basically forced herself into the room whilst I was trying to get out,  I tried moving one cat another one follows. It's so frustrating.

So I will have to try again during the weekend when my partner is here to help me with the two cats.

So far Jimmy has tried to stalk and pounce on Duchess a few times. So now I am using the time out technique. He is currently locked away in the bathroom. 

Each time he has tried to pounce her I have picked him up, calming walked to the bathroom, placed him in there and left him alone. After 10 -15 minutes I let him out with smiles, sweet talk and affection. 

Hopefully he will understand soon that his behavior towards Duchess isn't acceptable. 

Anyone else use the time out technique? 

Or can give me advice????????????????????

 

[katie joy]

Well so far my time out technique is working.

I clearly wasn't doing it right previously.

When he makes any attempt to stalk/pounce her I grab him, and calmly take him to a boring bathroom and leave him there. I wait till he has stopped meowing and scratching the door and until he is calm. I let him out with a calm, high praising voice and I pet him. He has sat down next to her without swatting her and he hasn't chased her after using the litter tray. He is a quick learner.

I have so far, only put him in the "sin bin" a couple of times. He doesn't meow or claw the door no more, but I still wait 10 minutes. He comes out happy and calm.

It will be an effort though, I have to be really on top of it and consistent as much as possible. Hopefully this will work as it's much easier and I feel less guilty than leaving him in a room all day.

 

[katie joy]

I give them treats when they are together, so they associate each other with pleasurable things. Including playtime. At one point today they were both on the sofa eating treats and receiving my praise. They say next to each other grooming themselves. Jimmy made an attempt to groom her but she hissed/growled and went to another chair. She has done this a lot after Jimmy has made attempt of affection.

Is there anything I can do to make her trust Jimmy? I don't blame her though, the amount of bullying Jimmy has done I wouldn't want him grooming me either!

 

[MoochNNoodles]

It sounds like patience and consistency are what it's going to take.  Sometimes it really feels like trial and error and trial again is what it takes to get things figured out.  

As for the 2 getting along again; that's another thing that will take time.  He's going to have to prove himself.  Keep doing things to associate being together as something positive (treats and that sort of thing) too.

Good luck and keep us updated! 

 

[theresa31]

That's good that it's working.

 

[katie joy]

Well so far, we have had no punch ups. We have had lovely grooming time together, They still haven't groomed each other yet. But grooming them selves on the sofa together is a good thing! I have had so far, only had to put Jimmy in the 'sin bin' three times today. To be honest, he wasn't being too aggressive. He wanted to play with her, she didn't and he cornered her and  I knew right then it would turn into a fight, so Jimmy was immediately teleported into the boring 'sin bin.' Duchess still occasionally moans when he gets too close for her comfort, But as soon as that happens the treats are gone. 

I have played with them together in areas they tend to chase and fight. The upstairs hall way for example. So I will have to work on that area more today. 

Hopefully I won't have to do this for too long, both my cats are quick learners. They both sit on command and wait for their dinner and treats for example. Jimmy now doesn't meow and scratch at the 'sin bin' door, he knows he will be let out when he is calm. I open the door and he is sitting on the toilet and waits a few moments before coming out to greet me with purrs and thrills. 

Just got to keep it up!

 

[katie joy]

So far Jimmy has good and bad days. He really does get a bee in his bonnet and goes after her, nothing distracts him.

We did have them sleeping next to each other on the sofa last night. So that's good.

 

[linda carella]

Hi Katie joy. You gave me good ideas with me trying to deal with my two cats. I feel guilty that I was putting my cat gwen in the bathroom for time out. She is much better but every one in awhile she start in with my cat bell. He is such a good boy . They do sleep together on the bed one on top of bed the other at the end of the bed. Bell was an outdoor cat for 8 years. I tired so hard to bring him in every winter. This winter he came in, he has been in since November . It is taking time but it is working. We gwen starts in with him I will give her time out like you do.

M