Why Doesn't My New Cat Like Attention?

[bpenniman]

I took in my brothers cat a month ago. She's a little over a yr old. She's a beautiful Maine Coon. She doesn't like attention very much. She will let you pet her for 5 seconds, then she'll walk away. Only once has she laid on my lap. Shes very sweet. She likes to be around me and my other cats. She just doesn't care to be pet or held. She likes playing with my other 2 cats. My brother got her from a shelter when she was a baby kitten so I'm sure she was socialized. But all she wants to do is play. She plays rough with me too. Almost like wrestling. But I don't get why she doesn't like attention/being pet. My brother said she's always been like that. I'd love to snuggle with her like I do my other two cats but if I try she either walks away or tries to play. I don't get it.

 

[RajaNMizu]

I would say part of it may be that she is still settling in if she has only been with you a month. It sounds like she's doing great! If she is adjusting well to you and to your other cats, playing, eating and letting you pet her a little she's made a great adjustment and it just may take more time for her to want to snuggle. On the other hand, I have a kitty that really isn't a snuggle bug. She's perfectly happy and follows me around all day needing to know what is going on but she is never the one to curl up for a snuggle. She has become more affectionate over the year (in fact she is insisting I rub her under the chin right now instead of type!) but I refer to her as "Slinky" sometimes because she will slink her body out of the way if she isn't in the mood for any mushy stuff.

I'd continue to play with her and let her seek you out on her terms. Playing is often the key to their heart.

 

[rubysmama]

It could be that she'll never be a snuggly, cuddle-bug. She does, after-all, have her new feline buddies to keep her company. And the fact that they all get along is a GREAT thing!

You may have already read this, but here's a TCS article on 14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me that might have an idea or 2 on how to get her to pay more attention to you.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

She's young yet, not really fully grown...kinda in that "late teens" period. And she's acting like it. She'd just rather play with her buds than hang out with the parental units. Kids, right?

Look, every cat is different. Some are more affectionate that others. Some thrive on being RIGHT ON TOP OF YOU, some prefer a bit of distance. Doesn't mean that they dislike YOU, but they aren't fans of a lot of touching. Just like people, really. And like people, they can change over time. My Hekitty was very stand-offish for the first two years and a bit. Then slowly, she became more affectionate. Now, well...she still does NOT like to be picked up, but if I wait on her, I'll have a lapfull of purring happiness. Patience. It's early days yet.

 

[Kflowers]

There is a good chance your brother encouraged her to play rough without realizing it. New house, new person, new playmates, new rules. Play with her, but be gentle. When she's too rough put her out of your lap, or walk away. She'll learn. Learning is what cats are all about.

 

[Saber_Wing]

Some cats are just like that. They have different likes and dislikes, much like humans. Like others said above, part of it may be just that she's still adjusting, but some cats just aren't very touchy. My cats love to be with me. Two of them like to cuddle sometimes, but definitely let them come to you. Forcing it might stress her out unnecessarily, and she'll be put off cuddling you in the future.

 

[sargon]

Age is a big part of it. 1 year is still a kitten in a lot of ways, especially a Maine Coon (they don't finish growing until 3-5 years, as I recall.)

With that said, you can train most cats to be a bit more physically affectionate. The key is patience and making the experience pleaasant and non-threatening.

In addition to the usual stuff, if you don't let your cat in your bed at night, do so. Most cats like to join humans in bed, often sleeping by their feet. it is a good bonding experience, and helps your cat to associate cuddling you with positive things.

 

[Maria Bayote]

My cat, a maine coon mix, is so like the same. She is sweet and all, but she does not want to be petted. And she also plays rough. Because of her size, when she plays it feels like there is a tremor in the house. Lol. If she needs anything, she will swat me in the face, jump on my stomach like a child on a trampolene, or breath so close that I sometimes think we would swap faces. I guess that like humans, some specific cats or even some specific breeds have distinct personalities that set them apart from the rest. But mind you, maine coons are friendly. They just do not want to be held or petted that much.

 

[danteshuman]

I think a lot of it may be her age &a it being a new home.

I had a cat that hated to be held or petted when he was a kitten. I used to sneak in a few seconds of petting between play sessions. Flash forward 5 years later and that same cat was glued to my lap all the time. He never grew to like being held, he did increase his chin/ear scratching sessions overtime to 10-20 minutes. *if a cat gets on my lap they get 15 minutes of lap time with or without petting depending on what they want.

My point is even if she is not as uggle bug, she still may be a lap cat.

 

[Animal Freak]

I agree completely with what's already been said. She's fairly young and in a new home. Honestly, it sounds like she's adapting really well and for now I would focus on appreciating that and learning about what she does like. I brought my third cat in as a kitten when the other two were three years old. The resident cats never lashed out at the kitten, but it still took a few weeks to a couple of months for them to be okay with her. Even now, four years later, there are changes in their relationships. And it took a year for them to adjust to the dog.

Every cat is different and it is entirely possible that she'll never be a snuggly cat, but that's okay. We just have to accept them for what they are. However, don't be surprised if you find she changes later on. It took over six years for one of my cats to lay on my lap. Six years! And it was only recently (over seven years since getting him) that he's actually turned into a lap cat. I've had him since he was a kitten, got him from a breeder.

I will say, be careful what you wish for. I always wanted a lap cat, but could never seem to get one. Now I have three and can't sit down for five minutes without ending up with a lap full of cat. The other day I actually had all three of them on me and the dog next to me.

 

[daftcat75]

A lot of cats don’t like to be picked up. In nature, unless it’s mama, being picked up is a prelude to being eaten.

It may also depend on how you’re petting her. A lot of cats get over stimulated with the full body stroke. Many cats like a good scratch on the rump in front of the tail, on the head, behind the ears, and when they’re willing, they like rubs on the cheeks and forehead. Mine will accept the walk-by or drop-in scratch but slink away from any kind of petting. But then she’ll come around on her own and sit in my lap or Sphinx on top of me. When she does that, she usually likes a bit of the super-villain full body pets. But she still prefers head and the occasional rump.

Every cat is different. I would say give her space for her to settle in. If she climbed into your lap once, she’ll likely do it again. As someone who was formerly allergic to cats and thus would frequently avoid them, cats hate to be ignored and they will always seek out the one who cares the least about them. So maybe just let her be and watch her come around on her own terms in her own time.

 

[daftcat75]

And just to echo everyone else, her temperament will mellow and her preferences will change with age. Just be patient with her.