Why doesn't my cat like me anymore?

[oreoandxena]

This is my first post and I've just found this site so I'm sorry if this get's asked a lot!

We got our cat (Oreo) just under a year ago, she's a regular domestic short hair I'm pretty sure and 6 months ago we got her spayed. Before her spay she was just a regular kitten, cuddly and a mega purrer, curious and loved to sit near you when you were doing something or on your lap when you were sitting down. I never paid any attention to people on the internet saying cat's behaviours change after a spay, I was sure it was a lie, and yet here I am!

Since her spay she has become less and less comfortable with us. She stopped sitting on our laps, would sit far away from us (albeit still in the same room though), and would spend a LOT of time sleeping. We were worried she was bored or sad so we got a new kitten (Xena) for her to play with. They fight like sisters but will happily chill together and play together, and overall Oreo's behaviour has changed but we can't decide whether it's for the better.

Nowadays she eats SO much, constantly wants food and screeches at you until she gets it (will also eat Xena's food whenever we're not looking so we've had to start spraying her with water which I hate to do as I feel like it makes her hate me more). She's also began spending more time than I'd like outside (could be due to lockdown as we're home all day to let her out whenever she wants (we don't have a cat flap, we live in a rental property)), we try to keep her in for an hour or two over lunchtime but she just sits at the door screaming until it gets too much for us and we let her out, and then to punish (??) us she's started coming home later and later, last night it was 1am, the latest she's ever stayed out. She never actually seems to spend time inside unless we force her to, in the morning she has breakfast and then immediately goes out, comes back for lunch and then immediately goes out unless we stop her, and then either comes back incredibly late or just early enough that she'll try and go back out again almost immediately.
Unfortunately we can't ignore her cries to go out as she's developed a new cheeky habit. If you're sat by the door we let her out of she'll jump on your lap purring up a storm like she used to when she was a kitten, we start giving her fuss and scratches and a good pet but once she knows she has our attention she immediately jumps off (never sits, hasn't sat in a while), and goes straight to the door and starts crying to go out again but this time she knows you're paying attention so will be 10x louder and wont stop.
I really don't know what to do, I love her to death but she seems to have a vendetta out to spend as little time with us as possible and when she is with us it's only to sleep really. I'm worried she thinks we love Xena more than her? They are two very different personalities (Xena's half Somali so is very adventurous and weird, she loves to play with toys (Oreo never really did) and is always up to chase you about) and I'm worried Oreo feels she's being shouldered out? How do I help her?
I'm also concerned the same thing will happen to Xena once I get her spayed, it would've already happened had it not been for COVID-19 and I'm really enjoying having a weird little gremlin following me about all day, I don't want her to change as well!

Sorry for the long post but this has been going on for a while and I've become very concerned about it.

 

[cataholic07]

Spaying doesnt make a cat less cuddly. At what age did you get her?

Kittens can change in personality especially once they hit the teenage phase. Sometimes they go back to normal after a year or more. Kitten Adolescence is a Real Thing | The Honest Kitchen Blog

My boy jethro was a massive lap cat as a kitten, once he hit 6 months old it was alot less, like very little. Now over a year old he's back to being quite the lap cat again. My one boy Fynn the only major time he is affectionate is when he's hungry and when you were gone all day. If we went out he tended to want to be with us more often and even a lap cat. So if thats what happened before quarantine and mainly happened after work or before work, yah that's why lol.

Cats will eat more when bored, so more play time with a wand toy can help with that.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Yep, your cat is now about the equivalent of a 15-year-old. Now, think about human girls of that age...how many want to stay home and cuddle with their family? And like human children, as they get older, those family ties begin to mean more to them again. Give her time. She's just being a typical teenager.

Other than that, cataholic07 gave you some great ideas to keep things going!

 

[Lillyenn]

I want to add, that you should ditch the water spraying, and just either fed Xena at times when Oreo is not inside, or feed them in separate rooms, so they can only eat their own food. I think that Oreo is just enjoying the slowly warming up weather, my cats also like being inside more when it's winter time. And as you said now you are there to always let her out. The water spraying is also not a good idea, because if she likes to be outside that much, but comes inside and instead of pets or some extra food she gets water in her face, she obviously isn't going to feel comfortable and welcomed inside and you will just make her want to go out even more.
Just try figuring out a routine. I have different rules for all of my cats based on their personalities. My older boy Kumi likes to go out for really long periods of time, but if I go outside and call for him, he usually senses me and comes home. My biggest rule with him is that he has to sleep inside, no nights out. I think that Oreo definitely still loves you and she is just being moody right now. If she is more of a jealous type but Xena is not, then try to cater to her a little bit more, she is going to love the attention and Xena isn't going to mind not being first if she is not the dominant type.
One more thing, I doubt that the spraying has anything to do with her behavior change. Out of my 4 cats 3 are sprayed (and the 4th one will be as well once it will be safe to take him to the vet) and their personalities haven't changed at all, they simply just became more comfortable with each other.