Why does my new cat hate me such much?

[babyyboo21]

We just bought a 8 month old kitten home 4 days ago. We've put her in her own room with food, water and her litter tray. It took a few days but she's finally eating and using the litter tray. She started out hiding in a corner but has finally come out and is now hiding in our wardrobe at about eye level. My partners approach to her is to push her boundary's a little, see what he can and can't do. Where as i prefer to sit and talk to her and let her come to me. Now my.partner, with chicken in his hand can get super close to her and pretty.much stroke her. But i cant move anywhere from the opposite side of the room! The second i look up at her she hissed and growls. I'm the one that feeds her and brings her treats. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or whether she just prefers my partner?

I have tried his approach but honestly i am a little scared around her just because i don't know whether she's going to be unpredictable and just lash out without warning. Also, she stares at me, i guess to try to figure me out but it makes me really uncomfortable, it doesn't matter whether it's pets or humans it just freaks me out. I know she can sense all that and it may be making her more scared of me.

I'm really at a loss on what to do

 

[Ladewyn]

So, first thing to remember is that she's in a new home, with new people, who are also big scary potential predators. It's not that she hates you, she's just scared. I dont know your gender or sex, but if you're a woman, it's also possible shes afraid of women for whatever reason. Cats actually can feel differently about men and women.

Now, the first thing I suggest is trying to get over your fear of her. The worst she can do is scratch and bite you, which sucks, but it's really not that bad once you get used to it (I know because my cat is awful for biting)
Now, cat behaviour itself is not my strong point, so definitely wait for advcie from others on the forum, but it's possible that a more direct approach is better. You don't have to go fast like your partner did, but getting a bit closer everyday may help. Find out approximately where her threshold is, and then little by little, inch closer each day. Drop some treats any time you're close and she doesn't hiss. Most importantly give her time. She'll get used to the now home and you eventually, but it could take a few weeks before she's ready to come out of her shell.

 

[di and bob]

You are right, for some reason she is scared of you and we must find out what it is. It takes a long time to get a new cat used to a new environment, they absolutely hate and are terrified of change. You must approach her slowly and quietly, that is why most cats are terrified of children, they are too loud and too quick.  Sit in the room quietly and just talk to her. Bring and offer treats, lay them a short distance from you, Bring a wand toy and try to entice her closer, or try to interact with her when you bring her food, food and treats are a powerful enticement to cats. Try not to be scared of her, she can sense this and be scared herself. Never stare into her eyes, that is taken as a threat to a cat, just act normal and kind of ignore her, read a magazine by her or text on your phone. Time will bring her around, but cats can prefer one person over another. do not ever try to grab her or corner her, that will definitely bring out aggression and fear, let her come to you on her own, she will eventually. All the luck, and bless you for trying to get her to love you, she will! 

 

[moorspede]

I'm wondering if you use perfume or something similar? Have you been in contact with other animals? If not, I think she's probably picking up on your feelings. She's a kitten, no doubt she doesn't know how to parse them. I wouldn't hold eye contact, it can be seen as a sign of aggression, you may in fact be subconsciously seeing it that way. 

Grab a wand toy, the treats and play with her, you don't have to pet her for the moment, just take your time to get used to her and feel comfortable with her. Soft words do help it's just that she's stressed and confused at the moment.  

 

[gpk57]

If its only be 4 days, don't worry, cats take a while to overcome all their fears in a new home. My cat Sam spit in my face when I first got him and another, Twiggy, would jump up and scratch my chest. Eventually they both decided I was ok enough to sleep on my chest.

But it can take a while, weeks, months... so have patience and watch carefully what you think scares her. Maybe its your voice, your perfume, or just that you startled her when she first came home. 

Good luck!

 

[kitsune85]

the first week i got my kitten, he was not receptive to me or members of my family. he was a little nervous and will eat but not approach us. then we spend more time in the room we housed him in and just get him used to being around us. now he's totally chill. he would not leave my side lol he will just latch on to one person and another. 

 

[orange&white]

It may be easier said than done, but try to get over your fear of her.  You need to be confident and calm.  She needs to trust that you are able to keep her safe and secure.

Spend as much time in the room as you possibly can.  I brought home a 4 month feral kitten February 3 and I kept her in the bathroom for about 9 days before letting her have run of my bedroom.  When I was home, I sat down on the bathroom floor for 15 minutes every hour.

Talk to her.  Read out loud.  Or just sit quietly.  When you enter the room, put a treat on her shelf and say "Good kitty" then go sit down.  No eye contact.  Arm yourself with treats and a variety of toys.  Gently toss a treat or toy in her direction every few minutes between her and you.  (I say "gently" because you don't want her to think you are throwing things "at" her.)  If you can get her playing with a toy on a string, or playing by herself with a fuzzy mouse or ball, she will at least momentarily forget that she is afraid of you.

Play either soft classical music or talk radio at a low volume 24 hours a day so she gets used to human voices.

We are a lot less intimidating to cats when we are lying down.  If you have a sofa or bed in the room, lie down on it...or take a pillow and lie on the floor for a bit.

Number one thing:  don't worry.  Cats get stressed in a brand new environment, some more than others.  She will come around soon enough and love you for taking care of her.