Why are all of our cats afraid of my husband?

[yinyangkitti]

We now have 3 cats - one we've had 13 years, one for 6 years, and one a little over 1 yr. We did have 9 but 6 (mama and 5 kittens) were recently adopted. All of the cats have been acting fearsome towards my husband. They are fine when he is not home but they all duck and hide when he is around. He doesn't even have to make eye contact. If they just see him move or hear his voice they kind of freak out. The only one that was ok with him and actually wanted his affection was our 1yo male (the rest are female) until about a week ago. Now even he is doing the same as the others. My husband has never been aggressive to any of them. He even tries to bribe them with chicken or treats. They will accept the food and let him pet them until they finish then they run away. Our oldest cat (13yo) we've had since she was a kitten. She used to adore and demand attention from my husband up until about a year ago when she started acting skittish around him and would only come to him when he would look for her. Now she will hide and only go near him if I'm in the room. His job requires him to work away from home for days or weeks at a time. Last year he was away for nearly 3 months at one point, before coming home to leave again not long after. At first I associated it with him being away a lot plus her old age, but we also have other the cats that we haven't had as long. The one we've had 6 years sort of cycled thru our family members since she was a kitten due to moves and finally settled with us. She is very laid back and nothing ever seems to bother her. She has never been afraid of anything or anyone before until recently when she too started running away at the sight of my husband. The rest have all been strays that we (I) have taken in over the past couple of years. They all started off good with him but over time have became wary of him (this includes the ones that were recently adopted). I would joke with him saying he just has an intense alpha presence that intimidates them.. which I guess could make sense except for our male not being effected until recently and our others that have never had problems with him before.. I mean he hasn't become more intimidating or anything with in the last few years. He's still the same. He has always loved cats and has never harmed any of them. Plus my father lived with us until about a month ago and he is much bigger than my husband but they never had a problem with him. So I don't understand, why just him? And why only recently? My husband has become a bit distraught over it, especially since he likes to cuddle with them at bedtime but now no one will cuddle with him Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't like that my husband is feeling bad over this and I don't want the cats to only feel at ease when he is out of town. Thank you all for reading. I appreciate any help you can give.

 

[Maria Bayote]

I have a cat (Graham) who runs and hides whenever my husband speaks louder than usual, or when we two are having a loud argument. Then she would not approach him or both of us for hours. I may have missed some of your narration, but is your husband speaking in a loud voice? Some cats are afraid of that.

Also, since your hubby is always gone for quite long periods, the cats may not recognize his scent anymore when he comes home. When your hubby is home, how long usually does he stay and leave again? So maybe by the time the cats adjust to his scent again your husband is also off again to his work assignment someplace.

I suggest that when your husband is away try to put his used clothes around the house and let the cats sleep on them, so even when he is gone his scent remains as long as possible. Try to record his voice too, and let it play everyday for the cats to hear when he is away. I am not an expert, though. Some here may have additional inputs.

 

[ArtNJ]

You know those videos where the soldier comes home and his pets go crazy with excitement? Those are dogs.

With cats, 3 months is a long time. Hubby could be making that worse by acting as if the relationship is ready to resume, and trying to do the same things you do with the cats, rather than realizing he needs to back up 5 steps and go slow.

Hubby could also have a job as a travelling slaughter house inspector. I mean, you didn't say lol. Seriously though, he is likely bringing back some strange scents and doesn't smell exactly the way he did at home to a cat's amazing nose. This could be an issue the first few days at home for sure.

Hubby could also be louder than you, step heavier/quicker, or other random things.

 

[di and bob]

Many cats are just naturally afraid of men, they are louder, and give off an aggressive attitude. Being away a lot does not help either. My guess is that one cat is naturally afraid of him and the others take their cue from that cat and hide when it does. That he is trying to interact with them may be bringing on the opposite of what he wants. Cats go to people who are ignoring them because they are not threatening. When a human is intent on a cat, trying to get their attention, they instinctively think he is stalking them. I'm sure he smells different and may even talk louder than he means to when he first comes home. They are having their 'normal' routine disrupted when he comes home and will be naturally leary of him for a while. I would say put some worn T-shirts of his around when he is gone like mentioned above and have him ignore them when he gets home. He could enter the area they are hiding, talk softly for a minute, and leave treats when he leaves, that would help. You are the primary caregiver, you bring food and comfort. They will be loyal to you because of this. I often have all three cats on my lap and my husband has none. He often tries to coach them over but most times they won't. Treats will bring them over temporarily. Our little female goes to him once in a while, but not often. Loud voices send them scurrying. Until your husband can spend more time with them, I think you might have to accept that they will gravitate towards you. They see him as a visitor, not a family member, but like my cats will always prefer the one that feeds them and cares for them.

 

[gilmargl]

Just a thought:

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this problem as none of our cats "like" my partner. When I was a child, the family cat would go to any of us (6 children). As long as you were sitting down, preferably wearing a knitted jumper, the cat would be on your lap. When my children were living at home, our cats would make a fuss of them as well as all their friends. One of the cats was particularly fond of long hair and woe betide someone who disliked cats arriving here, out of the rain with long wet hair!

My partner hardly moves from the sofa. He's got the ideal lap - not like me, who's always getting up to do something. But, try as he might, the cats ignore him. As soon as I sit down, all 4 cats want to come up next to me, behind me, or on my lap. My partner cannot understand it.

My only explanation: my previous cats were normal pets. They had not experienced anything bad in their relationship with humans. During the past 20 years, I have only had strays and fosters. They attach themselves to me simply because I feed them. Many years ago my partner would have fed the cats while I was away on business. He always made sure that their water dishes were full and, when reading on the sofa, the cats would sit with him. Since he stopped caring for them, he is a second-rate human, on a par with unwelcome visitors.

Generally speaking: Our strays, fosters and abused cats have perhaps finally found someone who will care for them. The rest of the human race is uninteresting and to be feared. So long as your husband and my partner can't (or won't) take an active part in caring for them, the cats will make sure they keep their distance.

 

[di and bob]

I agree completely. It is not our husband/partners fault, it is simply a matter of their loyalty and devotion to who is caring for them on a regular basis.

 

[Sierra977]

Four adult humans in our house - two male and two female. Cats in our house somehow chose me (I'm one of the guys) to be their focus person. So yes every night at least three, if not all four, end up sleeping on or next to me. Want outside? - go meow at Daddy or claw his knee. In the home office right now, three of the Hooligans are keeping me company - two in their own chairs and the Tuxie kitten in my chair asleep behind me. Been this way since we got our first cat, the male Russian Blue, three years ago. It got started when I was the one who rough-housed with the Blue as a kitten. Since then they all gravitated to me. This to the chagrin of the lady of the house who now takes care of the ferrets and dog and takes offense when one of the kittens at night backs up against me and gently pushes her away from me.
And I do take baths frequently so that's not the issue...

(What's the hardest part of giving your cat a bath? - Getting those little hairs off your tongue...)

 

[game misconduct]

it could be just his smell like the type of aftershave /cream he uses etc what smells nice to us guys might stink to a cats nose. i had a bay rum shaving soap graycie didnt like the smell of and kept away everytime i used it

 

[arr]

We have two kittens we’ve had since they were born so they are normal well adjusted cats with no issues. I do all the feeding and caring for them and the giving of treats and they still prefer my husband. They always want to sit on his lap, not mine. If he goes outside they anxiously await his return and when they hear him come in, they stampede through the house to greet him at the door. They sit on the edge of the bathtub when he takes a bath. They carry their toys to him so he will play with them. So it seems there is no telling sometimes. Yes, sometimes it upsets me but I just remind myself, they are happy and not having issues. If the cats are happy, we’re all happy.

 

[Sierra977]

it could be just his smell like the type of aftershave /cream he uses etc what smells nice to us guys might stink to a cats nose. i had a bay rum shaving soap graycie didnt like the smell of and kept away everytime i used it

LOL Our cats seem un-offended by Bay Rum and Clubman. Can't say what their preference is tho'.

 

[game misconduct]

graycie likes sandalwood scents the best

 

[Danneq]

You know those videos where the soldier comes home and his pets go crazy with excitement? Those are dogs.

I've definitely seen at least one that was a cat. Way less common, though.

Cats dislike change. Having him there some times and gone at others throws off their schedules. It could just be as simple as that.

 

[maggie101]

Many cats are just naturally afraid of men, they are louder, and give off an aggressive attitude. Being away a lot does not help either. My guess is that one cat is naturally afraid of him and the others take their cue from that cat and hide when it does. That he is trying to interact with them may be bringing on the opposite of what he wants. Cats go to people who are ignoring them because they are not threatening. When a human is intent on a cat, trying to get their attention, they instinctively think he is stalking them. I'm sure he smells different and may even talk louder than he means to when he first comes home. They are having their 'normal' routine disrupted when he comes home and will be naturally leary of him for a while. I would say put some worn T-shirts of his around when he is gone like mentioned above and have him ignore them when he gets home. He could enter the area they are hiding, talk softly for a minute, and leave treats when he leaves, that would help. You are the primary caregiver, you bring food and comfort. They will be loyal to you because of this. I often have all three cats on my lap and my husband has none. He often tries to coach them over but most times they won't. Treats will bring them over temporarily. Our little female goes to him once in a while, but not often. Loud voices send them scurrying. Until your husband can spend more time with them, I think you might have to accept that they will gravitate towards you. They see him as a visitor, not a family member, but like my cats will always prefer the one that feeds them and cares for them.

I so agree with di and bob . Anyone taller than a cat and loud is a threat to them. When he gives treats can he do it sitting down not walking towards her/him?