When You Fall For A Cat That's A Bad Match?

[narelle]

Today I visited my local shelter that I very much love, to check in and play with my kitty friends there.

This visit, though, I fell in love with a cat. You know how sometimes an animal comes into your life that you just click with? It was instant.
There was a new cat that wasn't there last time I made it in for a visit. She made such a strong impression that if I had no cats of my own, I definitely would have filled out an application for her right there on the spot.

But the problem is that she is not a great match for my existing cat, Astrid.
This shelter cat, Hazel, is very posessive. When other cats tried to get near me, while I was giving her attention or not, she smacked them in the head to make them leave. No other aggression, no claws, but she made her point clear, every time.
My existing cat, Astrid was feral, and is still shy and not 100% socialized. My plan was to pick a cat FOR her once we got her settled and comfortable after our move (next month). She just screams cat social to me, I think she would greatly benefit from a confident, better socialized companion that could give her more confidence of her own. Another cat social cat that she could bond with.

So you can probably see my conundrum. Hazel actually would be a perfect match for Astrid, if she got along better with other cats. She checks off all of my other boxes. Maybe she'd do better with only one cat to live with, that she is carefully introduced to and has a chance to bond with. But if things didn't go well between the two, I'd be afraid Astrid would retreat even more.

Regardless, I won't be able to bring another cat into my life for at least a month, if not longer. It would be a big deal to come back for this particular cat, and with so much personality, there's a good chance she'll be adopted by the time I could make the trip. I can live with that. She deserves a good home. But if she's available when I'm looking, I don't know if I could knowingly pass her up.
I haven't been able to get her out of my mind since I left the shelter. So I want to think this through ahead of time, and what better way to do that than ask all my fellow cat lovers on the cat site for their advice and opinions? What do you guys think? My head says she's not a smart match, but my heart says she picked me and we clicked in a way that doesn't happen every day. Its hard to ignore that.

Above all, it's important to me that I do what's best for both cats. So whatever comes of this fateful encounter, I need to make sure all possible outcomes have everyone's best interests in mind.

 

[maggiedemi]

Does Hazel play with the other cats at the shelter at all? I would go back and observe her a little bit more and see how she interacts with the other cats. Would they let you take her home for a trial so you could see how it goes?

 

[abyeb]

If Hazel is new at the shelter, she might just be stressed. Especially if the shelter staff just threw her into a room filled with other cats without an introduction process. I agree with Maggiedemi, go back and observe how she adjusts over these next days. I don't know how your shelter works, but you might be able to fill out the adoption application and have the shelter "hold her" for you for a couple days, to give you time to learn more about her personality, and how she interacts with the other cats.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

I agree with other posters here, that if you've only observed Hazel in one visit, that's probably not enough to get a full sense of her patterns and tendencies.

However, I get the impression from the things you wrote that Astrid's home life and adjustment is very important to you. Your head has already laid out a plan... you've already thought many things through...

... But the problem is that she is not a great match for my existing cat, Astrid.
This shelter cat, Hazel, is very posessive. When other cats tried to get near me, while I was giving her attention or not, she smacked them in the head to make them leave. No other aggression, no claws, but she made her point clear, every time.
My existing cat, Astrid was feral, and is still shy and not 100% socialized. My plan was to pick a cat FOR her once we got her settled and comfortable after our move (next month). She just screams cat social to me, I think she would greatly benefit from a confident, better socialized companion that could give her more confidence of her own. Another cat social cat that she could bond with. ...

Regardless, I won't be able to bring another cat into my life for at least a month, if not longer. ...

I really respect that you've thought a lot of things through, and that the last thing you want is for your heart to lead you to a situation that could be disruptive both for Astrid and what Astrid has developed with you relationship-wise at home, but also IF Hazel is actually a really "possessive-of-my-human" cat that could possibly be aggressive towards Astrid in the long run.

...
I haven't been able to get her out of my mind since I left the shelter. So I want to think this through ahead of time, and what better way to do that than ask all my fellow cat lovers on the cat site for their advice and opinions? What do you guys think? My head says she's not a smart match, but my heart says she picked me and we clicked in a way that doesn't happen every day. Its hard to ignore that.

Above all, it's important to me that I do what's best for both cats. So whatever comes of this fateful encounter, I need to make sure all possible outcomes have everyone's best interests in mind.

 

[narelle]

Thank you all for the responses and suggestions, I really appreciate it!

I ended up at the shelter at nap time, so most of the cats were asleep and not terribly interested in socializing with anyone. There were maybe 5 or 6 cats at a time that were up and about with us? She woke up when I read her name out loud and was glued to us after that point, so I'm not sure how much more she might interact with the other cats when there are more awake and her attention isn't so focused on her visitors. While we were there, she pretty much ignored them unless they came up to one of us looking for attention, which is when she chased them off with a smack.

Unfortunately, in this case, I don't think they'd really let me do a trial with her. She and I are about to move 16 hours away, and the current living situation isn't the best for introducing cats because most of the space is occupied by the family cats, which are still separate from Astrid. (It's been a long socialization process - by the time she was far enough along to consider integrating her into the household, we were close enough to moving that it seemed better to just wait.)
I did double check that I'd be able to potentially adopt a cat and then fly halfway across the country with them, and they said that would be okay. My family's here, so this doesn't necessarily have to happen before I leave, when I'm trying to transport Astrid (which is stressful enough). I can fly back and forth any time I'm off, as long as she's still available..

I might have exaggerated Hazel's newness. I follow the shelter on facebook, so I can keep tabs on when my cat friends get adopted, and I thought I'd seen her ad posted very recently. She has apparently been there since the beginning of April. So either its been longer than I realized since I managed to make it in for a visit, or she was one of the ones sleeping and hiding out last time I was in, so I just missed her.

I probably should visit again if I'm seriously considering this. (Which still isn't smart, on the logistics of moving alone, but who wouldn't be willing to jump through hoops for a really great cat?)

I've put a lot of thought into exactly the kind of cat that would be the best match for Astrid, I feel like falling for a not terribly cat social cat is sort of throwing that out the window. ^^;;