When you don't want to say goodbye

PeeWee111

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My Baboo and I have been inseparable since he was six weeks old.

Baboo has always been the kitty that changed people’s minds about cats. Though he’s been a fierce protector, running to the door and growling when someone knocked, he never met a stranger once they stepped inside. He loved people, and people loved him. He loved other cats, and they loved him.

Over the years, he’s been dubbed “Tub Boy” (from his habit of jumping in the bathtub and demanding we turn on the tap for him), “Flabboo” (when he got chubby), “Vacoom Boy” (he’s the only cat I’ve ever known that actually likes to be vacuumed) and “Lap Boy” (self-explanatory).

He’s always been a happy, healthy cat, until several years ago. He developed diabetes, which we got under control with a special diet. He also started to have ear problems, which we fixed with several courses of meds, but in the process, he was found to have a tumor in his inner ear, and eventually became deaf.

And now he is having breathing problems - I suspect it’s due to cancer, as he has a bulge on his left side. He also has numerous skin tumors, has trouble with balance and walking (possibly due to his ear condition), and has little stamina. His “lap time” has gone from over an hour to maybe 5 or 10 minutes - I believe he just isn’t comfortable, as he spends most of the day under our bed, stretched out on his right side. He complains when I pick him up, no matter how carefully I try to do so, which indicates that it’s painful for him. And sometimes he wakes me up in the night, crying softly. He often seems confused, like a very old man.

Yet he still eats, and uses his litter box, though I had to switch him back to clay litter as he tends to step in his pee puddles and no longer cleans his feet. In fact, he does no grooming whatsoever. He still manages to climb the pet stairs to our bed, and likes to snuggle for a few minutes before returning to his normal spot for the night.

All of the signs are there. My beloved kitty is sick. He’s probably in pain. And the only glimmer of joy I see in his eyes is when I bring him the special puree of Fancy Feast beef that I make for him every day, or during the first few minutes in my lap when I cuddle him, and call him my Baby Baboo.

He has been my constant companion for 18 years. We’ve been through a lot together, and he has always been loyal, faithful and loving. He is my best friend. I know in my mind that the best way to reward him is to give him a peaceful end to his suffering, but my heart doesn’t want to let him go. I don’t want to say goodbye.

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Meekie

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I'm sorry. Baboo is a handsome fellow.

I went through a similar thing last March. Aniki was about three weeks when I got him and lived to be just three months shy of seventeen. Kidney disease. He also had lifelong neurological problems that weren't degenerative but nevertheless got worse near the end.

I don't think I ever loved a living creature as much as I loved that cat. He was my baby and we had the tightest bond I could imagine.

What helped me was telling myself that he was a cat and cats have a lifespan and that's it. I told myself I should be thankful he had sixteen good years. Before he fell ill, his two housemates had passed away and he got to enjoy 100% of my attention for that last year. I know for a fact that he appreciated that.

What more could I ask for? He had his run in life, and it was a good one. Sounds like the same can be said for Baboo. Take comfort in the fact that you gave him a good, healthy, happy life. Not all cats enjoy 18 good years.

Take care.
 

Maria Bayote

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(he’s the only cat I’ve ever known that actually likes to be vacuumed)
reminds me of my Bourbon. She loves, loves to be vacuumed.

I am very sorry you are going through this. May you have the strength to come up with the decision that will be best for your cat. It does hurt to let go, but sometimes letting go is not actually goodbyes. Baboo will always be with you in heart.

Hang in there.
 

FeebysOwner

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Hi. I don't know how anyone draws any concrete conclusions about when it is time. Every cat and every situation is so different. Feeby, who will be 'declared' 18+yo next month (she is at least 18), is suffering from hyperthyroidism, CKD, arthritis, and may have lymphoma, which I think I will treat if possible. She is also on an appetite stimulant, which helps with her eating. I could go on and on about her issues, but that is not really the point.

The main difference is that I now have her on pain meds (gabapentin) to help with whatever may be going on with her. It does seem to help. I am not suggesting that this could work for you, but if you think your sweet Baby Baboo could benefit from pain meds, that might at least help him for the interim.

FWIW, I don't want to say goodbye to Feeby, either. I feel like we have lived a lifetime together, so many routines that are not entirely lost yet, she 'gets me', she is just part of me and I her.
 

r-kins

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My heart is breaking for you. In the past, I received the advice that it's better to put them to sleep too early than too late. That said, putting pets to sleep is the hardest decision because they are rarely ever able to tell you it's time. I hope you're able to make the best decision for your sweet little Baboo. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.
 

Furballsmom

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Hopefully you have a vet who can come to the house?

His quality of life is gone. You have to find a way to be strong--as strong as you've ever thought you could possibly be, for him. He gave you everything. We are lucky in that we have the incredible opportunity to have several pets throughout our lives, but he has just you.
I know in my mind that the best way to reward him is to give him a peaceful end to his suffering,
 
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di and bob

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You might try a pain med to make his last days bearable, cats are the last ones to display any signs of pain and often are hurting pretty bad. Make sure you have a strong one available to administer orally or with an injection when the time comes, I have waited too long and it is horrible to see them in pain......
I second trying to get the vet to your house, it does make it a little less scary for your little one, but please try to remember that your love is already firmly entrenched in his heart and he will always be tied to your soul. He feels your love and concern, and that is all that matters to him right now. I pray he can go quietly and in his sleep, at home as we all want for our end.....Bless you, for loving that sweet boy so much.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Know this...Baboo lives, breathes and has his being wrapped in your love. And you will, when the time comes, send him on his way with your love beside him. That is all that matters...and where there is love, an eternity with the beloved is not enough. Allowing our beloved pets to step through that Gate between This Adventure and their Next Great Adventure is the hardest, but most humane, thing we ever do. But they do not fear death, they simply...do what comes next. And rest assured, he will send his love, translated and purified into Love, back to you when he reaches That Place Where All Things Are Known.
 
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PeeWee111

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Thank you all so much for your kind words and suggestions.

I took a few days off and went to the mountains by myself, to think and prepare, and I also thought that some time away would provide a more objective viewpoint of his condition when I returned home - and it did. When I came back, Baboo seemed to have stabilized and even improved a bit. He certainly hasn't gotten any worse, and in fact, his appetite is better, and he's eating more than he has in a long time. He's also more outgoing, leaving his "cave" multiple times a day instead of just once or twice - and he actually jumped into my lap last night, instead of waiting to be picked up. That was a real shocker.

Well, all of that helped me to think that perhaps he'd just had a bad week or two, and is on the rebound - or at least as much of a rebound as he can have at his age. And I now know that, absent any sudden medical crisis, decision time will be most likely be imminent if he ever stops eating, as he relishes his frequent mealtimes and is happiest when he's presented with his little dish of beef. In the meantime, I'll ask the vet about pain med options, should Baboo start to go downhill again, and we'll take it one day at a time.

Sometimes the simplest answers are right in front of us, but heartache clouds our vision.

Thanks again, everybody. Y'all are the best. :)
 
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