I used to have two littermates, Marble and Mia. They would have been 7 this upcoming March. They weren't terribly close as they got older...they more or less did their own thing. On Dec. 6th, Marble passed away from mouth cancer. I tried to help her as much as I could but eating was getting difficult for her. It was heartbreaking for me to watch her effort as well. After Marble passed, Mia was twice given the opportunity to see Marble's body as I had read that helps with the mourning process. However, she refused to look at Marble and only sniffed her leg briefly, so I don't think she took in what had happened. Since then, Mia (who has always been vocal to begin with) walks around the house every few hours around the clock wailing. She never used to do it to this degree before Marble passed, so I think she's looking for Marble. It's getting to the point that I am losing sleep and getting to be grumpy/sleep deprived because she wakes me up several times, crying, every night for the past week or two. It's particularly bad after she eats her dinner of canned...one of the few things they used to do together every day their entire lives. I've tried to give her extra attention, distract her with games/toys and keep the routine as similar as possible to no avail. Getting her another friend is not an option right now. My mom suggested getting her on some medication but I think it's too soon for that. She doesn't have any other obvious symptoms of grief...her appetite is very good. What else can I do to help her? Thanks
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What can I do to help my mourning cat?
- Thread starter auchick
- Start Date
I'm so sorry for your and Mia's loss of Marble.
From what you've written, it does not seem like Mia is doing too badly overall. You also sound like you're doing everything right to help her with this passage. It does not sound to me like she would benefit from medication; I think she just needs more time to acclimate to the change in the household. Even though they may not have been best friends at this stage of life, Mia is still used to Marble being there as part of her daily routine. It would make sense that she would exhibit at least some change in behavior.
Being as it's only been barely 3 weeks since your loss, the scent of Marble is still probably around the house, and Mia could be responding to smelling her companion, but, not seeing her. I'd imagine this would be somewhat confusing to her. Probably, the best thing you can do for her now is doing exactly what you are doing already - keeping her routine stable, and allowing her the time to grieve in her own way.
As for her keeping you up at night, if you haven't already done so, you might want to try using some Feliway plug-ins around the house, particularly in your bedroom. Most people see decent results with these, although it could take up to a week or so for it to fully work (if it does). If they work for her, they will help in calming her down, and hopefully not have the need to awaken you so many times.
It can take quite some time to deal with that loss - just as it does for you. Patience will be required, but I do think as long as she is eating, using her box and drinking, she is reacting normally given the circumstance. She just might need more time to figure it all out and get to a new routine which does not include Marble as part of it which includes how you are reacting to the loss as well.
There are many members here that have first hand experience. Hopefully someone else will come along to help who has more experience than I do with this.
Again, my sincere condolences. It's a rough time of year to have such a loss, my heart goes out to you and sending good vibes to you both
From what you've written, it does not seem like Mia is doing too badly overall. You also sound like you're doing everything right to help her with this passage. It does not sound to me like she would benefit from medication; I think she just needs more time to acclimate to the change in the household. Even though they may not have been best friends at this stage of life, Mia is still used to Marble being there as part of her daily routine. It would make sense that she would exhibit at least some change in behavior.
Being as it's only been barely 3 weeks since your loss, the scent of Marble is still probably around the house, and Mia could be responding to smelling her companion, but, not seeing her. I'd imagine this would be somewhat confusing to her. Probably, the best thing you can do for her now is doing exactly what you are doing already - keeping her routine stable, and allowing her the time to grieve in her own way.
As for her keeping you up at night, if you haven't already done so, you might want to try using some Feliway plug-ins around the house, particularly in your bedroom. Most people see decent results with these, although it could take up to a week or so for it to fully work (if it does). If they work for her, they will help in calming her down, and hopefully not have the need to awaken you so many times.
It can take quite some time to deal with that loss - just as it does for you. Patience will be required, but I do think as long as she is eating, using her box and drinking, she is reacting normally given the circumstance. She just might need more time to figure it all out and get to a new routine which does not include Marble as part of it which includes how you are reacting to the loss as well.
There are many members here that have first hand experience. Hopefully someone else will come along to help who has more experience than I do with this.
Again, my sincere condolences. It's a rough time of year to have such a loss, my heart goes out to you and sending good vibes to you both
How sad and difficult this must be for all of you.
I had 2 tabby sisters from about 9 weeks through to just before their 18th birthday, one was frail with severe arthritis and the other wa still very active and fit but suddenly became ill and after an initial visit I took her back to the vet 3 days later to cross the RB. I felt a huge loss but at the same time massive comfort from still having her sister. Then her sister started the endless calling and searching and my stress levels and emotions went all over the place as I am sure yours have done too. Her sister was initially presenting very much as you describe, calling and looking around the apartment in search of her sister. However in my household it became increasingly aparent how much my susrviving cat had been dominated and bulied by her sister in later years and after about 1 to 2 weeks she settled and her personality took a rapid and amazing transformation. She started to feel safe and comfortable knowing that her sister was not about to appear and torment her and she relaxed completely. She had 4 years of peace in her life for which I am very grateful. I adored them both but it felt right that she had this time alone.
I believe cats do search and understand when a close companion is no longer there but they will look, and if they want that companionship they will grieve and find it difficult to settle. Anything like Feliway that will help your cat settle and calm would be a positive thing. I have also attached a link to bereavement information on another site, formerly FAB cats, now International Cat Care. One surprising thing for me is how it suggests not giving your cat a different level of attention as this in itself may be stressful. I hope the article is of some help for you.
http://www.icatcare.org/advice/problem-behaviour/feline-bereavement
I hope Mia finds comfort soon and that you are all able to find comfort in your remaining family.
I had 2 tabby sisters from about 9 weeks through to just before their 18th birthday, one was frail with severe arthritis and the other wa still very active and fit but suddenly became ill and after an initial visit I took her back to the vet 3 days later to cross the RB. I felt a huge loss but at the same time massive comfort from still having her sister. Then her sister started the endless calling and searching and my stress levels and emotions went all over the place as I am sure yours have done too. Her sister was initially presenting very much as you describe, calling and looking around the apartment in search of her sister. However in my household it became increasingly aparent how much my susrviving cat had been dominated and bulied by her sister in later years and after about 1 to 2 weeks she settled and her personality took a rapid and amazing transformation. She started to feel safe and comfortable knowing that her sister was not about to appear and torment her and she relaxed completely. She had 4 years of peace in her life for which I am very grateful. I adored them both but it felt right that she had this time alone.
I believe cats do search and understand when a close companion is no longer there but they will look, and if they want that companionship they will grieve and find it difficult to settle. Anything like Feliway that will help your cat settle and calm would be a positive thing. I have also attached a link to bereavement information on another site, formerly FAB cats, now International Cat Care. One surprising thing for me is how it suggests not giving your cat a different level of attention as this in itself may be stressful. I hope the article is of some help for you.
http://www.icatcare.org/advice/problem-behaviour/feline-bereavement
I hope Mia finds comfort soon and that you are all able to find comfort in your remaining family.
