Very Scared Kitten

[sarah0315]

On december 3rd, I lost my darling Siamese to Cancer. She only lived 1 week after being diagnosed. We were very, very close. I felt empty inside, and extremely depressed. I still do. I know that time heals all wounds, but sometimes I feel like this feeling won't go away, anywho this isn't the point of this thread.

My concern is our new kitten. We got two actually, from different litters. One kitten opened up right away, no problem. The other, is extremely scared. She never growls or hisses, but she wants nothing to do with humans. She did't come from an abused home (that I know of, you can't be too sure what happens behind doors) The person who had the litter this scared cat came from, had other cats that were very very friendly. I haven't seen her in a while. Somehow she got out of the room we were keeping her in until she got comfortable. Now we can't find her. She's not vocal, and won't come when you call her, so I'm at a loss of what to do. I may have traumatized her even more though, because the other day she got into the wall in our basement. I had to get her out, I couldn't leave her in there. I boarded it up right away.

We have 4 other grown cats, but they are sepearated from her. Will she every come around? Am I just freaking out for no reason. My heart breaks, because she is identical to my Chow (Siamese that died to cancer) I just want to love her, I would never hurt her, but she doesn't know that. My stress is through the roof. Advice?

Sorry if there are some spelling errors, and probably grammar errors, I just don't really feel like reading this over

. Thank you for reading my post.

 

[rad65]

Some cats take to a new enviornment better than others. It can take weeks for some cats to open up and start acting how they will forever. I wouldn't worry too much since you just got these kittens, just spend as much time around her as you can, and make sure you are being particularly quiet and don't make sudden moves. She will come around.

 

[stephanietx]

Do you have Feliway running in your home? It will help calm everyone down. As for the kitty, give her some time and treat her like you would a feral cat. Don't approach her (once you get her back in her room), don't attempt to pick her up, speak softly and calmly to her, sit on the floor and read to her, don't rush her progress, play the radio for her during the day, use wand toys to entice her to play with you. Don't leave food out 24/7. If you take food in to her, she'll start associating you with food, which is a good thing.

 

[my4llma]

I'm very sorry about Chow.

When you catch your kitten again and get her back to her room. Don't reach for her, or pick her up. Just talk very nicely to her. Each time you go in there, just sit on the floor and talk to her. Call her over. Offer her food, toys, and treats. Start by just giving her quick gentle pats. Let her come to you. That's kinda what we had to do with Luna who was abused before she came here. She's afraid of men. My father started off talking gently to her, patting her very softly, letting her come to him by offering her food, and toys. Now my father is her favorite person.

 

[motoko9]

I'm sorry about Chow. It sounds as if you had a special bond with her.

One of my cats (who also happens to be a Siamese) was very shy and fearful when we brought him home as a kitten. We don't know why; like your kitten, he came from a caring household, and his brother, who came with him, didn't have nearly as much trouble adjusting. It took a month or so, but he finally figured out we weren't going to kill and eat him.

Although my vet said she thought he would always be shy around strangers, we've even seen progress in this area. I'd say he's still a bit high-strung, but believe me, he loves his mom!

I hope that with love and time, your kitty will come around. You've probably figured this out, but the key, of course, is patience - despite the temptation, don't try to rush things. Chances are, he'll soon realize that you're the source of all that is good.

 

[sarah0315]

I have found her. I'm not sure if she will be in the same place by tomorrow or not. Do you suggest I put her in her own room or leave her where she is? No we don't have feliway in our house. She's also crying a lot. I'm just so stressed!

 

[mrblanche]

I would suggest you put her in a small room, like a bathroom, where she can feel safe. Then go in and just visit with her. Don't stare at her, but talk to her, so she can get used to your voice.

A big new house can be scary even for the most balanced of cats, and for a kitten it can be downright terrifying.

You might be surprised; this kitten may turn out to be your personal cuddle buddy.

And, to repeat something I've said before, every cat that leaves us leaves a hole in our heart exactly the shape of that cat. No other cat can fill the hole perfectly, but it can help to ease the pain of the wound.

 

[sarah0315]

All of our cats are great around people, kids, and noise. But this one I fear will never come around. I may just be saying that because I feel like a worried mother. I saw her yesterday sitting really high on top of a lot of things in our "Junk room", I know that trying to find her and grab her is gonna be tough. I'm still not sure how she got out of the room she was in when she first got here. I did stare at her when I saw her, but I was blinking very slowly, and talking in a sweet voice. I also read to her for about 15 minutes 3 times a day. Even if she can't see me I know she is in the room. I will never get rid of her, even if she is a scaredy cat. I just wish she would accept our love. We've got a lot to give.

 

[tigganat]

Do you know any hiding spots in the house? Try to look in them, big enough for her to fit threw, under the bed and try to find her/ Don't touch her but talk to her happily and try to give her a treat if she comes out from under the bed, then pet her a little, then give her a treat. She might be seeing you as a threat if she was abused before, but you need to get to get used to you.

I hope you find chow.

 

[sarah0315]

I just can't seem to find anyone with the same problem as me. I know where she generally is. She somehow got into our "Junk Room" It's in the basement. There are so many hiding spaces in there it's rediculous. Does anyone have any advice for me in this area. I know I'm not supposed to touch her, but everyone says she needs to be in a small room. I'm sure trying to find her will traumatize her even more.

 

[ldg]

I'm so sorry.

It is stressful when you're not used to this. I'm also sorry for the loss of Chow.

Actually, it isn't unusual for scared kitties to hide - some people just didn't realize how easy it would be for kitty to get up into the ducts or the ceiling or something. Your baby escaped her room and is now in a maze.... she is eating and using a litter box?

I'd treat this kitty like a feral rescue, really. I see little difference when it comes to socializing a feral or socializing a scared kitty.

While she may be scared of strangers forever, the bond you'll have with her will be amazing. It will help you a lot if you work on de-stressing and change your thinking from "mom" to "caregiver," at least for now, and just completely forget about counting days. I know you feel hopeless right now, but she WILL come around.

Your best option to get her back into a "socialization" room is to trap her.

Any local rescues or does your vet have a trap you can rent or borrow?

As it's Christmas, I'm sure you won't even be able to start finding one until Sunday or Monday. So in the meantime, I'd get a t-shirt really good and sweaty, and I'd put her food down on that. If you don't already have Feliway running (spray or plug-in. If you can afford the plug-in, I'd go that route), I'd call around to pet stores on Sunday to find one that carries it (the large chain stores usually do). Or you can order it online, even though that'll take longer, at least it'll get there at some point.

And I'll go look up some links for you. There are a LOT of threads about socializing kitties.

For a few starting articles... (the socialization process in these is the important part!)

http://www.thecatsite.com/Care/27/Ha...eral-Cats.html
http://www.straypetadvocacy.org/soci...feral_cat.html

Hang in there!

 

[ldg]

Here's a thread I think you'll find helpful, and it has other links in it as well.

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=210849

 

[sarah0315]

We ended up getting her out of that junk room today, thank goodness! We now have her in our room. She still hides, but comes out everyonce in a while. Weve had her fpr 4 days now. She cries a lot. Im not sure what to do about that. I will also check those links. Thank you very much everyone, you have no idea how comforting this is to me. Also, i picked her up (against her will) she fought a little as i picked her up but just layed in my arms. A little stiff, and ate out of my hand, but then she goes off to hide again. The support here is great, please dont stop!

 

[carolina]

Hi, sorry you are going through that, I know it can be frustrating, but she will come around in time... One important thing to understand, is that she needs to come to you on her time - you going to her will be counter productive... For more that you want, try to not pick her up, that will work against you.
Sit on the floor, read a book work on your laptop reading outloud with a soft voice as you type... Lay on the floor and just stay there... Do this as many times as you can throughout the day.
If you want to pet her, get a little wand toy, and pet her on her cheek. If you can get close to her to pet her face, give your hand for her to smell first, then try to pet her cheek... then try moving to her head.
Always let her come to you...
My cat Lucky came to me very shy - it probably took me a good month to even touch her... Today she is the most loving cat in my house - she demands love and attention. But it took time and patience, and it was definitely on her time, not mine.
Gracie, a 12 yr old outside cat that I recently rescued, is also extremely shy and defensive - loud hisses and all... I use this technique constantly and she has become very attached to me in less than 2 months she has been here. Today I was laying on the floor close to her, and the next thing I know she was laying on my chest

For many many days she would hiss at the sight of my hand.
So be patient, especially if this is a younger cat, things will get better!

 

[ldg]

I'm so glad you were able to find her and carry her without too much trauma! That's wonderful!

Carolina's right! Spend as much time as you can around her - mostly NOT trying to interact with her. Trust me, we ALL know how hard that is! But the more patient you are able to be, the more you let her do things in her own time, the more trust she will ultimately have. It took 8 months for Tuxedo to decide to headbump us - but once he got to that point, he ultimately became the most demonstrative (and fearless) kitty we have. He loves new places, new people, and though he's not a lap cat (yet - he's almost there 8 years later), he loves to be petted. He'll grab our heads and rub his head all over us. We just say his name and he starts purring.

And for now, when you look in her direction, look at her forehead, or over the top of her head, not in her eyes. This is a sign of aggression.

Also, I believe it was LoveWhiskers who pointed out - when you want to hold a hand out to her, do it with your hand in the form of a fist. It looks like kind of like a cat's head, and isn't nearly as intimidating as an open hand (cats are totally the opposite of dogs in this!).

You may also want to purchase the Harp of Hope - VERY calming for scared kitties! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...AG7M4V3F50EY3C

 

[stephanietx]

Originally Posted by sarah0315

We ended up getting her out of that junk room today, thank goodness! We now have her in our room. She still hides, but comes out everyonce in a while. Weve had her fpr 4 days now. She cries a lot. Im not sure what to do about that. I will also check those links. Thank you very much everyone, you have no idea how comforting this is to me. Also, i picked her up (against her will) she fought a little as i picked her up but just layed in my arms. A little stiff, and ate out of my hand, but then she goes off to hide again. The support here is great, please dont stop!

You can get her a small stuffed animal to sleep with or drag around to be her "companion". She's crying because she misses her siblings and/or other kitty friends. You can also give her an old dirty washrag or towel. She just wants something comforting. Once she gets used to your home, the crying should subside.

When you are in the room, even if she's hiding, talk to her so she'll get used to your voice. Be sure to have toys, water, food, and a litter box for her to use. Don't put the food and water near the box, though. Lots and lots of patience will win her over.

 

[lovewhiskers]

How wonderful for you to have given this kitty a home

It will work out, it will, but SHE will decide how long it will take, just like everybody else already mentioned. We used to spend lots time with Sweet Pea in his room (at least 3 hours a day) just being there, reading to him (cat books), and we used to pretend that we were washing our faces. Also, we did a lot of heavy sighing. All this is very comforting and friendly in the cat world. I remember the puzzled look on Sweetsie's face while we were doing all these things, something like "you act like a kitty BUT you are STILL SCARY"

Just keep spending time with her and you will gain her trust eventually...

This is a fabulous site with wonderful cat lovers, I am glad you found it and I vividly remember how glad I was when I found it!!!

 

[sarah0315]

If the kitten doesn't SEE us feeding her, or putting food out for her, does she still know its us?

 

[rad65]

Yes, your smell is all over the food dish after you set it down

 

[bastetservant]

So sorry about the loss of your beloved cat a few weeks ago. It's very sad, and hard, and painful. I know.

You've gotten a lot of great advice here regarding your new kitten. I just want to add that I've brought home a couple of real scaredy cats the last few years. And they weren't even kittens. The last one stayed under a bed, out of sight, the first week. The second week she would come out and look at me (I spent time in her room reading, reading aloud, etc.) The third week she would come close enough for me to pet her. By the fourth week she was getting in my lap.

The point is, these things take time. Go slow, be patient, and try not to worry so much.

Robin