Very Aggressive Cat

[floofs]

Hi y'all. I'm at the end of my rope.

I moved in with one of my friends as a desperate attempt to get out of a toxic living space, and brought my spayed, 10 year old female cat with me (mostly because she acts as a therapy cat for me and seems to know when my problems start to act up and because if she went with my parents, she would die within a few days because of their negligence and where they live). I knew roommate has a 3 year old, unspayed female cat who has had two litters of kittens before roommate was given her.

I think one litter was when she was one years old, and the next was when she was two.

Roommate refuses to spay her, because she wants her to remain thin/small (she doesn't want her cat growing fat) and playful for as long as possible (and something about changes in hormones). However, since December (I've only been here a week and a half), her cat has gotten to be...very aggressive and whiny. If anyone tries to pet her, she's hissing and whining. She's a complete grouch, and has only gotten worse. Roommate goes for physical punishments, which obviously doesn't help and is inconsistent with how she wants to reward her cat (leashes and throws her cat outside for either good or bad behavior, does the same for her kennel) and unfortunately, I don't know how to reward good (wanted) behaviors with her outside of giving her treats each time she doesn't growl or hiss or try to scratch.

And my arrival, and my cats arrival, did not help in the slightest. I keep my cats stuff in my room, mostly until they get used to each other and outside of some growling from my cat (which is dealt with by me by flicking water at her), it's mostly her cat. She's increased with scratching, hissing, attempts at biting and tonight, she peed on some of my stuff while staring at my cat.

If she doesn't have her harness on, she's much, much worse. Destroying things, trying to escape the apartment, run of the mill yowling if in heat. Very agitated and very moody. She's got a clean bill of health, and I know part of this is just because there's another cat here but the home she came from, had five other cats (I know the person she got the kitty from, and I really wish I could report her for running a weird breeding mill. What she does is, breed the cats when they're at the youngest they can breed, keep them for about a year, get rid of the parent cats, and repeat with the kittens. If that makes sense.) and they both insist she was a sweet and chill cat until, again, December. We don't know what changed. Though previous owner also did admit she'd attack the male cats, and refused to acknowledge her second batch of kittens and even tried to kill them.

I'm convinced this could be fixed if she spayed her, and didn't go for physical punishments but instead, reward her good behaviors instead since she's not a dog. Roommate insists that she knows what she's doing since she's had five outdoor cats growing up.

Since I'm alone with both cats tonight, I gave her cat a treat for each time she let me pet her (until the agitated tail twitch started, and then I backed off and wait an hour, came back, did the kiss finger thing and pet her for a few minutes and gave her a treat, so on and so forth).

At this point, I don't know what to do. I'm not willing to give up my cat, roommate admitted she's sort of sick of her behavior but ultimately doesn't care or makes excuses. I don't know how to really convince her this could be solved by spaying her or to not physically hurt the poor cat. And moving out is not an option.

Help?

 

[talkingpeanut]

She needs to understand the health and behavior risks involved with not spaying. Letting her outside as such will surely result in more litters and possibly sexually transmitted disease. She sounds like an immature, stubborn, and uncaring pet owner.

Can you explain to her clearly and calmly the risks?

Cats do not respond to physical discipline. It honestly sounds to me like abuse and neglect; she is exacerbating any behavioral issues that her cat has.

Until this is resolved, please keep your cat separated.

 

[talkingpeanut]

And you should report the other person for running a breeding mill. She is also abusing her cats. You can report her anonymously.

 

[Norachan]

@floofs  If I were you I would just coax the cat into a carrier the next time your room mate is out take her to the vet to be spayed myself. All of the behavior you've described is typical of a female cat being driven crazy by her hormones.

There is no way an intact female will accept another female cat in her space. You need to keep your cat away from her until she has been spayed, there really is no point in trying to go any further with the introductions while your roommates cat is going through heat cycles.

Here are a few articles  you could let your room mate see.

 [article="0"]Spay And Neuter Your Cats​[/article]  

 [article="0"]Kittens To Good Homes​[/article]  

It sounds as if you already understand the importance of spaying a cat and of rewarding good behavior rather than punishing "bad". I just hope you can convince your room mate.

 

[floofs]

She needs to understand the health and behavior risks involved with not spaying. Letting her outside as such will surely result in more litters and possibly sexually transmitted disease. She sounds like an immature, stubborn, and uncaring pet owner.

Can you explain to her clearly and calmly the risks?

Cats do not respond to physical discipline. It honestly sounds to me like abuse and neglect; she is exacerbating any behavioral issues that her cat has.

Until this is resolved, please keep your cat separated.

I've tried, she refuses to budge on the issue. I told her that the expenses for kittens are even more than spaying her cat, and that the humane society is willing to cover about thirty dollars for it too (they cover vet expenses here, or at least some of it). She gets...not well if someone disagrees with her. Her moods definitely don't help with the poor cat, and I'm worried that if this cat has to be taken away (and if someone reports an unspayed cat, we can lose the apartment and with it, our pets), she won't be able to be re-homed (but I also volunteer at the humane society, so I could probably easily pull strings to get the cats but can't take care of both of them).

I definitely agree, but she won't take to any explanations and in the end it's, "Well, she's my cat."

While I can only meagerly approach her cat for just a few minutes, and reward her good behavior with treats, it's too inconsistent and I have no idea if roommate wants to try to change that. I'm currently trying to replace scratching at me or even growling with a toy that she likes (it's fish shaped, makes crinkly noises and has feathers) and it diverts her attention pretty well.

I don't know how I could do that. Her cat isn't allowed in her room, as a "safe space" for any of her friends who are allergic to cats (which is actually pretty nice of her) and my room is free range for both of them because I don't want to lock up my cat in my room because that's just cruel too (her food, water and litter are in here, she's got her own nesting of my stuffed animals and fleece blankets.) and it's a small-ish apartment. I'm just hoping I'll have enough funds to move out in a month or two, since I just got a raise, increase of hours and put in a new area.

As for reporting the person, I only know the city she lives in and not her address since I barely speak to her but I think the cops in the area would be able to locate her. Her last name is pretty unique.

 

[floofs]

 
@floofs  If I were you I would just coax the cat into a carrier the next time your room mate is out take her to the vet to be spayed myself. All of the behavior you've described is typical of a female cat being driven crazy by her hormones.

There is no way an intact female will accept another female cat in her space. You need to keep your cat away from her until she has been spayed, there really is no point in trying to go any further with the introductions while your roommates cat is going through heat cycles.

Here are a few articles  you could let your room mate see.

 [article="0"]Spay And Neuter Your Cats​[/article]  

 [article="0"]Kittens To Good Homes​[/article]  

It sounds as if you already understand the importance of spaying a cat and of rewarding good behavior rather than punishing "bad". I just hope you can convince your room mate.

How can I do that? She could get seriously upset, and I'm not sure if I want to know what she could potentially do. I could keep hinting at it, and have even suggested bringing her into the vet, "to find out what's going on because she could be seriously sick! A lot can change quickly, you know!" because I know the vet will, in the end, suggest fixing her.

Part of this is my fault, I wasn't thinking this as through as I should have. I was a little too excited at the idea of getting out of my situation, and into a healthier environment that I wasn't connecting that her cat might not react so nicely to mine.

I volunteer at the humane society, and have owned cats for a good portion of my life! So I'm aware of what to do and what not to do

 

[Norachan]

Getting the vet on your side might be a good way to solve this. You mentioned that the cat has already peed on your stuff. Could you tell your room mate that this is a sign that something is wrong with the cat and then go to the vet with her, explain everything you've said in your first post to the vet? I'm sure the vet will suggest getting the cat spayed too.

Is there any one else that she will listen too? A close friend that you could as to talk to her about the situation?

Her reasons for not getting the cat spayed don't make any sense at all. Her cat won't get fat after spaying, as long as she's fed the correct amount. It doesn't sound as if she's a particularly playful cat now, she'll be much more affectionate and chilled out once she's fixed.

What does she say when you tell her there is a chance that you'll lose the apartment and both cats over this?

 

[juleska]

I concur with everyone else though I'm afraid it doesn't help your problem. There is simply no way to correct or adjust her behavior without having her spayed. If she's that obstinate you may have to resort to reporting her anonymously, though that's not likely to help because she'll probably know you did it, and then there's all the other baggage that comes with inviting any kind of authority into your personal lives.

I like the suggestion of trying to get the vet on your side. Maybe you should talk to her vet yourself, before you try and convince her to take her cat in.

Absolute worst case scenario? You may have no choice but to move if she refuses to do anything about it.

Her poor kitty. My Cookie was a MONSTER before she was spayed but she is my sweetest baby now. Super loving, super playful, and definitely not fat. I know, I know....preaching to the choir, eh?

 

[Anne]

You may also want to print out this article and let your friend read it - 

 [article="32493"]The Dos And Donts Of Cat Behavior Modification​[/article]  

 

[ginny]

 
@floofs  If I were you I would just coax the cat into a carrier the next time your room mate is out take her to the vet to be spayed myself. All of the behavior you've described is typical of a female cat being driven crazy by her hormones.

I respectfully disagree with this advice!  This could cause big trouble.  First of all, she's not your cat, so you don't have the right to assume ownership, even if she is neglectful.  What if she dies in surgery?  Even if she came through with flying colors, your roommate would find out and she might kick you out of her house.  I agree with all the rest of the advice given.  About all you can do is hope she will listen to reason.  Maybe you could ask  her if you could take her to be spayed?  Maybe she doesn't want to spend the money.  

 

[Sarthur2]

Can you purchase and plug in a Feliway diffuser in the meantime? They emit pheromones that calm cats, and in most cases, work wonders! It could make a big difference while you sort through the situation.

 

[zed xyzed]

Does your friend know that an unspayed cat has a much greater chance of dying from many illness include cancers? It is a known fact that spayed cat live longer lives https://www.petfinder.com/blog/2013/05/report-says-spayed-and-neutered-pets-live-longer/

 

[red top rescue]

I agree that spaying would be the best thing for HER cat and you got plenty of good advice already.  I do disagree with you, however, that it would be cruel for  you to confine your cat to YOUR room.  If your room becomes a "safe space" for  YOUR cat, this will make both cats happier.  Your 10-year-old cat would much prefer a room of her OWN with her own clean litter box and her own food & water to sharing the house with a hormonal younger female.  She can sleep with you when you are there, and will be safe from the other cat's annoyance when you are NOT there, and this should make the other cat happier as well.  Since this is not a permanent living situation for either of you, it will work better.  After all, you do have a separate bedrooms, so the cats don't have to share space. 

I feel badly for the other cat as well, because even though she is in a better situation than the one she came from, she was used to having her OWN house and suddenly once again she is being forced to share with another cat.  Yes, she is speaking VERY CLEARLY by peeing on your stuff while staring at your cat.  Her hormones are part of her aggravation, but mostly it is your cat's presence in HER territory, and SHE has no place to call her own anymore, and females, even spayed ones, are territorial by nature.  I have had a lot of experience housing many cats over the years, and the females much prefer having their own room or sharing with a relative like a sister or daughter.  They tolerate each other in shared space, but even then they each have a chosen place to sleep and a chosen place to eat, and they defend that territory with growls and challenging stares.

You said, "Her cat isn't allowed in her room, as a "safe space" for any of her friends who are allergic to cats (which is actually pretty nice of her) and my room is free range for both of them because I don't want to lock up my cat in my room because that's just cruel too (her food, water and litter are in here, she's got her own nesting of my stuffed animals and fleece blankets.) and it's a small-ish apartment."  Actually that is NOT cruel, I think she will show you that.  Once she knows it is "hers" and the other cat is not allowed in, she will probably stay there and even defend the space if the door is accidentally left open.  I have seen that time and again in my home full of rescue cats.  Try it and see for yourself.  When the cats are happier, you and your roommate will be happier, and all of us here on The Cat Site will be happier knowing this! 

 

[Norachan]

 
I respectfully disagree with this advice!  This could cause big trouble.  First of all, she's not your cat, so you don't have the right to assume ownership, even if she is neglectful.  What if she dies in surgery?  Even if she came through with flying colors, your roommate would find out and she might kick you out of her house.  I agree with all the rest of the advice given.  About all you can do is hope she will listen to reason.  Maybe you could ask  her if you could take her to be spayed?  Maybe she doesn't want to spend the money.  

You're right Ginny. I wrote this in exasperation after reading about the situation. Hopefully floofs will be able to convince her roommate that being spayed is the best thing for the cat. It breaks my heart to think of her stuck with a neglectful owner, going through heat cycles and producing kittens that just end up in the shelter (or worse!) and then eventually developing cancer.

I'm sure floofs is only too aware of what may happen if the cat isn't spayed. Let's hope she's able to persuade her roommate.

 

 

[ginny]

 
You're right Ginny. I wrote this in exasperation after reading about the situation. Hopefully floofs will be able to convince her roommate that being spayed is the best thing for the cat. It breaks my heart to think of her stuck with a neglectful owner, going through heat cycles and producing kittens that just end up in the shelter (or worse!) and then eventually developing cancer.

I'm sure floofs is only too aware of what may happen if the cat isn't spayed. Let's hope she's able to persuade her roommate.

 

I understand the frustration.  Believe me, I would want to do the same thing, but sure as I did the cat would die in surgery and I'd have a huge problem on my hands.  

 

[floofs]

So I read all of your responses and want to say thank you for your guys' advice! I suggested the Feliway thing to my roommate and she said she'll think about it.

The reason I said keeping her in my room is cruel is because my work schedule as of this week is about 11-12 hours per day until my co-worker gets back from vacation as I'm the only one currently trained in his section of our store (the other person walked out) so I'm pulling double shifts to cover his and my shifts (from open to close, pretty much) and then it's back to the usual eight hours, when in the past, I used to work shorter hours but I also lived alone with my cat. I feel guilty for keeping her cooped up for so long without much attention. My friend has a copy of my key though, and she comes over sometimes to kiss and snuggle my kitty. M cat has become quite spoiled because of her and for that, I'm glad . She has fresh water, food, I give her the Purina Tuna stuff once a week, a scratching post and some forms of entertainment that has feathers on it and makes a sound kind of like paper/plastic bag but is in the shape of a fish (unfortunate is she plays with it sometimes at night.   i woke up to  it on my pillow and a smug cat next to  me)

As for roomies cat, I think there may be more going on. Her gums, that were normally a bright pink, has gone pale, as well as her nose. She's been smacking her lips, and has gotten more agitated. I think she may be sick more than anything. I did talk to my roommate again, and she said that she's just gonna let nature take its course (and then the following conversation was incredibly hypocritical of her). I mentioned about a day later she should at least get her cat checked out, since her cat gave roomie a pretty bad scratch and I'm worried for her health. She said she'll think about it, and I really didn't give her much of a choice. I told her that if her cat is  having health problems, such as liver or kidney failure and she's now trying to tell us something is  wrong and something does  happen, I will report her for animal negligence. She said she'll make an appointment by next paycheck.

So, in April, if there's no vet appointment, I will report her. At this point, I'm not so much worried about her being spayed as I am for her health. I don't want her to get taken away, because I don't want her to potentially have a bleak future. But I wouldn't be able to take care of her.

She's been having good days and bad days. I have found, outside of reinforcing her wanted behavior, she does become friendlier if her owner isn't around or it's later at night. She was sleeping near my cat on the couch the other night and was even kneading on her for a little bit, before curling up with her paw on my cats. She got grouchy the next day, kind of back to her usual behavior. Of course, she's now back and tends to huddle herself underneath the couch and gets mad if anyone walks near the couch. She got into the cabinet last night and got very mad when I removed her blocked her from getting in. I just hope this isn't what I think it is, and it can all be fixed by being spayed but I have a gut feeling that's not the only problem at this point. Let's hope she does follow through with making a vet appointment.

 

[sprin]

I agree that it isn't cruel to close the door of your room, especially since you will move out within a couple months. Your cat would probably prefer feeling safe and spending time alone in your room, than to feeling stressed that the other cat could jump out at her at any time and that she doesn't have a space of her own. She'll have everything she needs, and your friend and any housemate who wants to can come in and visit her. That will probably help both cats chill out some, plus if the other cat is sick with something that adds another reason. You don't want your cat to catch anything. If the cats are still fighting and the other cat is being territorial, I would go ahead and keep your cat separated at least for a while.

 

[Norachan]

 
So I read all of your responses and want to say thank you for your guys' advice! I suggested the Feliway thing to my roommate and she said she'll think about it.

As for roomies cat, I think there may be more going on. Her gums, that were normally a bright pink, has gone pale, as well as her nose. She's been smacking her lips, and has gotten more agitated. I think she may be sick more than anything. I did talk to my roommate again, and she said that she's just gonna let nature take its course 

It sounds like she could be anemic. Lip smacking and hiding under the couch suggest nausea. I think you're right, she really needs to take her cat to the vet.

What does she mean by "let nature take it's course"? She's not going to let the poor cat just die if she's sick, is she?

This is a very sad situation. I hope you're able to have some positive influence on your room mate.

 

[red top rescue]

Another reason to keep the cats separate.  Her cat might have something contagious, like leukemia.  If they do contact each other and do not share food & litter boxes, it will not be passed.  As much as you want to help her cat, it seems you cannot.  Aside from moving out as soon as you can, there is nothing you can do except protect YOUR cat, by keeping her in your room.  You could also get her a leukemia shot if she has not had one already, just in case.  In fact, make sure all her shots are current.

 

[floofs]

I agree that it isn't cruel to close the door of your room, especially since you will move out within a couple months. Your cat would probably prefer feeling safe and spending time alone in your room, than to feeling stressed that the other cat could jump out at her at any time and that she doesn't have a space of her own. She'll have everything she needs, and your friend and any housemate who wants to can come in and visit her. That will probably help both cats chill out some, plus if the other cat is sick with something that adds another reason. You don't want your cat to catch anything. If the cats are still fighting and the other cat is being territorial, I would go ahead and keep your cat separated at least for a while.

It's mostly her cat being territorial, my cat is old and is pretty much uncaring about the presence of another animal. The most reaction she gives is some annoyance towards my parents' puppy before I took her (long story), otherwise the most problems she causes is trying to follow my roommate into the bathroom and sometimes hissing at the other cat. I've been trying to keep her in my room, at least when I'm gone. My goal is to give both cats an equal amount of attention as much as possible.

 
It sounds like she could be anemic. Lip smacking and hiding under the couch suggest nausea. I think you're right, she really needs to take her cat to the vet.

What does she mean by "let nature take it's course"? She's not going to let the poor cat just die if she's sick, is she?

This is a very sad situation. I hope you're able to have some positive influence on your room mate.

I didn't even think of anemia. Here I was just thinking gum or possible liver problems. Let's just hope she does.

She will.

Unfortunately, with people like her, I don't think I will be able to. The only way for her to straighten herself out is when she'll have to face the reality of it all, and unless I can get her cat removed for some time, it might get her to understand the consequences of her actions. The only influence I have had is that she's stopped physically punishing her cat, and instead, started to reward her wanted behavior. The most she does now, if her aggression gets to the point where even she  can't handle it, she leashes her cat and puts her on the deck (somehow, she's leashed trained her cat and I want to know her secret to doing that. Putting a collar on my cat results in her acting like it's the end of the world and I've put weights on her because she flops over, doesn't move outside the agitated tail twitch until I take the collar off). It does calm her cat down, but I can't tell if setting her outside, leashed, is a good idea or not since it's still cold outside but she's usually out for maybe ten minutes and calmer when brought back in (and sometimes even whines if my roommate tries to bring her inside).

 
Another reason to keep the cats separate.  Her cat might have something contagious, like leukemia.  If they do contact each other and do not share food & litter boxes, it will not be passed.  As much as you want to help her cat, it seems you cannot.  Aside from moving out as soon as you can, there is nothing you can do except protect YOUR cat, by keeping her in your room.  You could also get her a leukemia shot if she has not had one already, just in case.  In fact, make sure all her shots are current.

Sometimes, if my roommates friend is over, she'll go in my room to chill with my cat for me (she really loves cats and she's really  good with them) and I know she's mentioned her cat pooping in my cats litter and never thinks much of it. As for my cat using hers, I have no idea. I know she does drink from her cats water dish if she's out and about when I'm there to keep an eye on her. 

I don't think she's had a leukemia shot, I don't think my vet required it (I know she's up to date on all of her other shots because I'm an overprotective parent of my furbaby), so next paycheck (since this one has to go towards rent and groceries) I'm gonna look into getting it done. The moving out bit, I'm working on it. A lot of places are awfully expensive here, for a city of 50k, most being starving college students or farmers.