Some of you may remember that DH & I have been having a world of trouble with our DD. She turned 21 a few days ago, but has been acting like a 12 year old. After her alcoholic fiance broke up with her in May, she began (the very next day) dating a boy who later got fired from their mutual place of employment for (in his boss's words) 'being a pot head.' She then started dating a guy who is from one of the worst families in our town. I know that may sound judgmental, but the parents both have long arrest records for really small matters---which is a sure sign that the police are keeping an eye on them. They've been sued repeatedly for not paying their bills, one of their daughters has an order of protection against her, and one of their sons (not the new bf, but they all live together) was arrested recently on gun-running charges! When the police raided the family home they seized ammunition, cannabis, and drug paraphenalia. And this is the family DD now wants to be part of.
DH and I told her after she'd only been out with the new bf a couple of times that we simply couldn't handle the drama of her being involved with a guy from this particular family. We told her she had to choose between a guy she'd gone out with twice or her family. She let us know that she couldn't choose---which pretty much told us what her choice was. My family knows about the situation, and most of them have written her off for the time being. DH's family isn't aware of the situation yet, but we know what their reaction will be. DD has basically thrown away her entire family.
To make things even worse, while her Dad and I were sleeping Saturday night she packed most of her clothes, her laptop, her tv, etc. into her car. She went to work early Sunday morning and never came back---not so much as a "oh by the way, I'm moving out." Once we discovered her things were gone, and that she'd snuck out in the middle of the night like a coward, we changed the locks on our doors. I know she tried to come back in the house last night sometime after midnight because she left our gate open. After a really long, really sleepless night (during which DH drove by some of her friends' houses at 3 a.m.), we both did another drive thru town looking for her car. Would you believe she ended up across the alley, at the home of a 16 year old girl? I'm livid that she involved the girl's 70-something year old Dad in the middle of her drama.
I know she has to come back at some point because her savings book is here, as are her bc pills. (oh, great!) DH & I have decided the house will be locked at all times, even when we're home; there is no way she's going to waltz in and start removing things again. At this point, we don't trust her as far as we can throw her. Throw her extremely questionable bf into the mix, and it's actually scary.
Just after she started dating this new guy, there were 2 mornings when I could tell someone had been in our yard during the night because they left our gates open. There was another night when we got a phone call at 10 p.m., asking for DH by name. When he said 'hello' the guy on the other end said 'wrong number' and hung up on him. We don't feel safe in our own home, and it's all because our DD has gotten involved with the wrong people----again.
So many people have told me to kick her out and make her find out just how easy she's had it. In a way, I'm relieved that she's gone. In another way, I'm scared to death about what stupid mistakes she's going to make next.
I know there's really nothing anyone can do or say that's going to make this any better. I think I just needed to get this off my chest,and maybe have someone tell me that DH and I are doing the right thing by not letting her back in unless one of us is here to keep an eye on her. Someone please tell me we're not being terrible parents.
DH and I told her after she'd only been out with the new bf a couple of times that we simply couldn't handle the drama of her being involved with a guy from this particular family. We told her she had to choose between a guy she'd gone out with twice or her family. She let us know that she couldn't choose---which pretty much told us what her choice was. My family knows about the situation, and most of them have written her off for the time being. DH's family isn't aware of the situation yet, but we know what their reaction will be. DD has basically thrown away her entire family.
To make things even worse, while her Dad and I were sleeping Saturday night she packed most of her clothes, her laptop, her tv, etc. into her car. She went to work early Sunday morning and never came back---not so much as a "oh by the way, I'm moving out." Once we discovered her things were gone, and that she'd snuck out in the middle of the night like a coward, we changed the locks on our doors. I know she tried to come back in the house last night sometime after midnight because she left our gate open. After a really long, really sleepless night (during which DH drove by some of her friends' houses at 3 a.m.), we both did another drive thru town looking for her car. Would you believe she ended up across the alley, at the home of a 16 year old girl? I'm livid that she involved the girl's 70-something year old Dad in the middle of her drama.
I know she has to come back at some point because her savings book is here, as are her bc pills. (oh, great!) DH & I have decided the house will be locked at all times, even when we're home; there is no way she's going to waltz in and start removing things again. At this point, we don't trust her as far as we can throw her. Throw her extremely questionable bf into the mix, and it's actually scary.
Just after she started dating this new guy, there were 2 mornings when I could tell someone had been in our yard during the night because they left our gates open. There was another night when we got a phone call at 10 p.m., asking for DH by name. When he said 'hello' the guy on the other end said 'wrong number' and hung up on him. We don't feel safe in our own home, and it's all because our DD has gotten involved with the wrong people----again.
So many people have told me to kick her out and make her find out just how easy she's had it. In a way, I'm relieved that she's gone. In another way, I'm scared to death about what stupid mistakes she's going to make next.
I know there's really nothing anyone can do or say that's going to make this any better. I think I just needed to get this off my chest,and maybe have someone tell me that DH and I are doing the right thing by not letting her back in unless one of us is here to keep an eye on her. Someone please tell me we're not being terrible parents.