Unsure about rehoming 5 yo cat...need second opinion

[sweetyana]

Hi all,

I am new to the group and wanted to share my situation, as I am at my breaking point and unsure of what to do. I adopted my Winter baby on Feb. 28, 2022 from my local animal shelter. He is neutered, and declawed, up to date on all vaccines. When I first got him, I knew he was anxious about his new environment so he would urinate outside of the litter box, hide, excessively groom, etc. I knew it was him just trying to get used to his new environment. I purchased a cat water fountain, lots of toys, a cat tunnel, sensitive-paw cat litter, etc. At the beginning, I was getting maybe 2-3 hours of sleep a night. It was affecting my relationships, and even how I performed at my job.
Things got so bad to where he was excessively licking below his neck which created a bald spot that was red and infected. I immediately called the vet and she recommended hydrocortisone cream and an e-collar. I tried both for about 10 days and they seemed to help him a lot. The redness went away and his behavior was a lot better. I purchased a Feliway diffuser, as I heard it helps stressed/anxious cats and I believe it is working. I bought the diffuser about 2 weeks ago.
A few days ago, Winter managed to get the e-collar off multiple times, and after speaking with the vet, she explained that as long as Winter did not excessively groom the wound again, he would be fine to be off the collar. I took the collar off of him and he seemed really happy, purred a lot and cuddled up to me in bed.
Winter and I have good and bad nights. Sometimes, he will curl up right on my belly or on my legs even, and I may wake up once around 2am. Other nights, he knocks things over, excessively meows, paces back and forth and will not lie down or relax. Last night was one of those nights, and it was my breaking point.
Winter and I fell asleep at about 9:30pm, then he woke me up at 11am, pacing back and forth, meowing excessively. I get up to check his litter box and it is fine, his water fountain is fine, and I checked his neck wound which looked a lot better. I went to lie back down and he would not stop pacing back and forth so I went ahead and played with him and went to go lie down. At around 2am, he wakes me up again, and at this point I just want to cry because I rarely have a good night's rest with him. It is maybe once a week that I do. At around 2am, he is still pacing back and forth, meowing excessively. I get really frustrated and pick him up and place him in the bathroom and yell at him. I feel super guilty about this...
Please note I live in a studio apartment so it is all open concept, and there is not really a place for me to put him and close the door besides the bathroom. After placing him in the bathroom, I lie down but he is meowing and scratching at the door so I get up and let him out, still feeling really guilty. I try to fall back asleep but he is still pacing back and forth, so much that it caused me a lot of anxiety. At around 3am, I had a mental breakdown. I woke up to the strong smell of urine and Winter had urinated on the bed, right by my feet. I usually don't wake up until 4:30am, so I spent a good 45 minutes cleaning and scrubbing the urine from my mattress, all while crying and trying not to freak out. By then my alarm goes off and I have gotten maybe 2-3 hours of good, solid sleep. I have been taking melatonin lately just so I can sleep at night because of my cat.
I suffer from depression and anxiety and wanted to get a cat for the purpose of helping me with my mental illness, but it has done just the opposite. I am stressed all the time and worried about him when I am at work. I try to provide enough stimulation for him when I'm not home, but since I live alone I have to be cautious about opening windows. When it is warmer out, I will usually crack the window, but lately, with me working 10 hour days from 6am-4:30pm, it has been too cold in the mornings to open the window, and I live too far from work to come home on my lunch break and play with Winter.
I feel like a horrible cat parent. I am so stressed, losing sleep, and it is really starting to affect me. I have seriously considered rehoming my cat, to see if living elsewhere with possibly more cats, or with an owner who is home more, will be better for him. I really wanted this to work out, and it is so heartbreaking to write this. Please, I need advice on what to do...

 

[silent meowlook]

Hi
I will try to write more later as I have to get to sleep to work swing shift later today.
Your cat is beautiful. Is he deaf?
I am sure you adopted him already declawed, right?
Since you are using a soft litter, I am sure you have learned about the issues declawed cats have.

So, first off, he is trying to tell you something and it isn't what you think. Cats live in the now moment. They don't plan ahead or think of the past. They are very special animals but often misunderstood.

The scratching and sore spot on him is something that has to be investigated. Putting a topical cream or anything on a cat isn't a good idea because they will always lick it off. Living with an E Collar on is not humane. I think that if your vet suggested that as an option without diagnostics to discover the cause of this skin condition he has, then you need another veterinarian. I would look for a feline only veterinarian. It isn't stress causing him to over groom. Although there is a condition called psychogenic alopecia, it can only be assumed once every other cause has been ruled out. Ruling out other causes of hair loss and overgrooming would involve extensive lab work and allergy testing with possibly several months of antigen injections, if they were warranted. Psychogenic alopecia is very rare in cats and often a misdiagnosed allergy.

It is also worth investigating your house and seeing if there is anything that could be setting off skin issues such as a change in laundry detergent, dust, household cleaners, essential oils, incense, perfume, anything you can think of. Do you have any plants? If you do it is best to get rid of them or put them outside to avoid him getting into them as many if not most plants and flowers are toxic to cats.

The urinating outside the box is him being ill. He isn't doing it for any other reason than that he has a health issue. He may be suffering from a bladder condition or chronic cystitis or worse. That really needs to be evaluated by a veterinarian that specializes in cats.

The crying out at night can be a sign of various internal problems like hyperthyroid (unusual in a cat so young) or kidney disease.

What are you feeding him? If he is eating dry food you need to do your best to switch him to canned food. It is much better for him. Most cats do not do well on a dry diet due to all the carbohydrates.

When you get up at night and play with him you are reinforcing that if he makes enough noise he will get to play with you. So it is important to play with him before you go to bed with a wand toy and play until he is tired. Then feed him and then hopefully you can get some sleep. You need to play with him at the same time every night. Cats need a routine. It may take a week or so before he gets into a routine.

It is important that you don't punish him in any way as cats just don't understand and it will make them frightened of you and stressed. I know you said you felt bad for yelling at him. I have yelled at my cat before and it just doesn't work and then I feel like crap. So, i understand what you are saying there.

Cats are allot of work sometimes but so worth it. He will be able to be a wonderful best friend for you if you can stick it out with him. Remember nothing worth it is ever easy. You will be amazed how much putting in the effort will teach you about yourself and improve your life. So please don't quit on him. The other thing is a cat like that won't get adopted again.

So first thing to do is get him in with a feline only veterinarian to see what is going on medically with him.

Hope things work out.

 

[sweetyana]

Hi
I will try to write more later as I have to get to sleep to work swing shift later today.
Your cat is beautiful. Is he deaf?
I am sure you adopted him already declawed, right?
Since you are using a soft litter, I am sure you have learned about the issues declawed cats have.

So, first off, he is trying to tell you something and it isn't what you think. Cats live in the now moment. They don't plan ahead or think of the past. They are very special animals but often misunderstood.

The scratching and sore spot on him is something that has to be investigated. Putting a topical cream or anything on a cat isn't a good idea because they will always lick it off. Living with an E Collar on is not humane. I think that if your vet suggested that as an option without diagnostics to discover the cause of this skin condition he has, then you need another veterinarian. I would look for a feline only veterinarian. It isn't stress causing him to over groom. Although there is a condition called psychogenic alopecia, it can only be assumed once every other cause has been ruled out. Ruling out other causes of hair loss and overgrooming would involve extensive lab work and allergy testing with possibly several months of antigen injections, if they were warranted. Psychogenic alopecia is very rare in cats and often a misdiagnosed allergy.

It is also worth investigating your house and seeing if there is anything that could be setting off skin issues such as a change in laundry detergent, dust, household cleaners, essential oils, incense, perfume, anything you can think of. Do you have any plants? If you do it is best to get rid of them or put them outside to avoid him getting into them as many if not most plants and flowers are toxic to cats.

The urinating outside the box is him being ill. He isn't doing it for any other reason than that he has a health issue. He may be suffering from a bladder condition or chronic cystitis or worse. That really needs to be evaluated by a veterinarian that specializes in cats.

The crying out at night can be a sign of various internal problems like hyperthyroid (unusual in a cat so young) or kidney disease.

What are you feeding him? If he is eating dry food you need to do your best to switch him to canned food. It is much better for him. Most cats do not do well on a dry diet due to all the carbohydrates.

When you get up at night and play with him you are reinforcing that if he makes enough noise he will get to play with you. So it is important to play with him before you go to bed with a wand toy and play until he is tired. Then feed him and then hopefully you can get some sleep. You need to play with him at the same time every night. Cats need a routine. It may take a week or so before he gets into a routine.

It is important that you don't punish him in any way as cats just don't understand and it will make them frightened of you and stressed. I know you said you felt bad for yelling at him. I have yelled at my cat before and it just doesn't work and then I feel like crap. So, i understand what you are saying there.

Cats are allot of work sometimes but so worth it. He will be able to be a wonderful best friend for you if you can stick it out with him. Remember nothing worth it is ever easy. You will be amazed how much putting in the effort will teach you about yourself and improve your life. So please don't quit on him. The other thing is a cat like that won't get adopted again.

So first thing to do is get him in with a feline only veterinarian to see what is going on medically with him.

Hope things work out.

Hi silent meowlook,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am going on about 2-3 hours of sleep, so I apologize for not including some pertinent information to answer your questions. I am not sure if he is deaf, that was never clarified at the animal shelter where I got him. Yes, he was already declawed when I got him, poor baby. I know declawed cats may exhibit behavioral issues, so that may have something to do with how he has been acting lately. I feel so guilty because I am away from home upwards of 10-12 hours a day, and I worry that Winter is becoming bored and not getting the stimulation and attention he needs. I haven noticed closer to my bedtime that he will jump up on my lap and fall asleep, which causes me to fall asleep with him, but yes, I agree that playing with him before bed will help a lot. Is there a way I can enforce playtime before he tries to fall asleep on my lap?
As far as his diet goes, yes, I do feed him a combination of dry and wet food and I lay some cat treats around my apartment for him to hunt so he does not become bored. I just want him to be happy, and I am unsure that I am doing everything I can in order to provide the very best life for him. This is so heartbreaking.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Your cat is declawed and therefore, crippled and probably in pain. Declawing a cat is like cutting the fingers off a human. A declawed cat is forced to walk in an unnatural position placing stress on the front legs, shoulders and spine. This can bring on the early onset of arthritis.

Cats need to scratch for good physical and mental health. They need to stretch and exercise their shoulder and spine muscle as well as to express themselves and relieve stress. When declawed, they are denied this necessary outlet. It’s like being a passionate pianist with your fingers cut off. Is it any wonder your cat is frustrated?

Right now, your cat needs your compassion and understanding. He needs your help dealing with a situation that’s beyond his comprehension and not of his choosing. I know this isn’t what you signed up for, but neither did your cat.

In addition to your cat being crippled and in pain from have his natural posture altered, it’s possible the surgery was botched. Some declawed cats have nail regrowth in painful ways. Often the surgery is sloppy leading to complications. Take your cat to a knowledgeable and caring vet and have his paws thoroughly examined.

If you must rehome your cat, find a good family to take it in. Returning it to the shelter increases its chance of never being adopted out.

 

[sweetyana]

Your cat is declawed and therefore, crippled and probably in pain. Declawing a cat is like cutting the fingers off a human. A declawed cat is forced to walk in an unnatural position placing stress on the front legs, shoulders and spine. This can bring on the early onset of arthritis.

Cats need to scratch for good physical and mental health. They need to stretch and exercise their shoulder and spine muscle as well as to express themselves and relieve stress. When declawed, they are denied this necessary outlet. It’s like being a passionate pianist with your fingers cut off. Is it any wonder your cat is frustrated?

Right now, your cat needs your compassion and understanding. He needs your help dealing with a situation that’s beyond his comprehension and not of his choosing. I know this isn’t what you signed up for, but neither did your cat.

In addition to your cat being crippled and in pain from have his natural posture altered, it’s possible the surgery was botched. Some declawed cats have nail regrowth in painful ways. Often the surgery is sloppy leading to complications. Take your cat to a knowledgeable and caring vet and have his paws thoroughly examined.

If you must rehome your cat, find a good family to take it in. Returning it to the shelter increases its chance of never being adopted out.

Hi Cat McCannon,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I feel guilty for feeling so frustrated, and I am trying my best to give him the life he deserves. I am unsure of who declawed him, but I know that he hates it. He will use a scratching post and will meow excessively, as if to tell me that the post isn't working. It's truly heartbreaking. I hate being away from home from him for so long, but I am unable to work from home and finding another job with my current pay has been extremely difficult. Is there anything I can purchase to help with his paws at all? I know the cat litter is helping, but is there anything else I may have overlooked? Thank you kindly.

 

[Cat McCannon]

Please, stop feeling guilty. It’s a waste of time and energy that could be put to better use finding a solution. Focus on what’s best for your cat. (It’s ok to vent. Get it out so you can clear your mind. Just don’t take it out on your cat or yourself.)

You have to work to pay the bills and feed the kitty. Be sure to greet your cat when you come home. Do this every time you come in from being away. It goes a long way in forming a bond with your cat which in turn, reduces behavioral problems and help your cat adapt to the hours you’re gone.

Catify your home. If you’re not sure what that means, look it up. This will give your cat things to do and places to explore while you’re away. Set up your windows so your cat can see what’s going on outside. We call it CAT TV and most cats love it.

I wish I had suggestions for you, but I have no experience dealing with a declawed cat other than to talk to someone who does. It’s time to put on your investigator hat, observe, take notes and figure out what works and what doesn’t.

One thing you can try is to play with your cat and give it a meal about an hour before bedtime. Play burns off the energy and the snack is part of the hunt, catch, kill, eat cycle that makes a cat feel like it’s done its job.

Stop free feeding. I know, you’re gone for a ten hour stretch. But when your cat knows food comes from you instead of just magically appearing, your cat will work harder to please you. Your are the Keeper of Tinned Mice. Make sure your cat knows it.

With your schedule, i suggest feeding the cat in the morning. I like to brush Belle and play with her before she gets breakfast. Then, feed your cat when you get home and fix your own supper. Then play with and feed your cat again an hour before bed. I don’t think it’ll hurt your cat to wait for its meal until you get home from work. In fact, it help you become your cat’s favorite person. But every cat, every situation is different. You have to do what’s best for your household.

I hope you can find the answers you need. Please be patient with your cat. It needs you now more than ever. We’ll always be here for, sometimes with helpful suggestions, sometimes to give you a shoulder to cry on.

 

[ArtNJ]

Cats in studios can be very difficult. Unfortunately, if you were to try again with a kitten you would have some of the same issues. So if you return the cat, you should likely table the concept for a while.

Generally speaking, the best way to get a cat to stop making a racket at night (after you have made sure there is no hunger issue and modified feeding times if needed) is to not provide the cat with any attention at night. That can be exceptionally hard in a studio, but right now you are providing lots of nice attention at night, which will make sure the behavior does not stop.

It hasn't been very long, and its still possible the cat will settle in. But you do need your sleep, and it sounds like that is reaching a critical point. I also think your quite handicapped in dealing with the nighttime issues because of the studio situation. While millions of people successfully live with cats in studios, there just isn't a lot of margin to deal with problem situations. So I don't think its unreasonable to start thinking about rehoming the cat, for example if you come up with a new plan but it doesn't help within a couple of weeks.

 

[danteshuman]

He needs a better vet and a full work up. He might be itchy from allergies. He might be stressed (behavior & maybe prozac) but it needs to be diagnosed and treated. He needs to cure his disease not treat his symptoms! The pee? Again veg first! Some claws get awful arthritis from declawing/defingering that the avoid all boxes. If he has arthritis you can treat it with a joint supplement and acupuncture.

There was an episode of “my cat from hell” where one cat had severe arthritis from being declawed, wouldn’t use a box & kept getting rehomed! They wound up giving the cat a puppy pad mat. Then over weeks adding one low side to the mat (you can use carfboard) and a tiny handful of sand like litter (unscented.) they eventually got her up to 3 sides & some litter. She started using her old box again. (They were treating her arthritis with joint supplement and acupuncture during this process.) In another “My cat from hell” a cat was declawed and they well butchered the job. You could not touch thd cat’s paw without hurting them! So you really need the vet to make sure your cat doesn’t have a UTI or bladder crystals anc if he doesn’t then you need to X-ray your cat to make sure when they declawed him that he isn’t suffering permeant damage from it! Cats peeing out of the box is a huge health wise!

all pee needs to be cleaned with an enzyme cleaner like nature’s miracle. If you clean cat pee with any other cleaner your cat (& dog) can still smell their “pee here” mark! If you buy a small hand held black light you can see every where he marks. If it glows use enzyme cleaner.

The waking you up? Training, catfication, routine & play/feed/quiet time/sleep bedtime routine. Put a litter box, food, water & some toys in your bedroom. When thd cat wakes you up, calmly put them in the bathroom and keep them in there until your morning alarm goes off, no matter what. Run fans and music, wear ear plugs but do not crack! A bad couple weeks or the cat doing this for life!

Knocking stuff off shelves? Put small or breakable things in cabinets with glass or clear plastic doors. Give your cat a cat tree or two. (& I would give your cat a shelf.) They make these tall narrow cat trees with a pole on top that fits against the ceiling, great for small places! Plus cat trees that attach to the door (I have one in my Amazon wish list!) Jackson Galaxy (the cat daddy) has a YouTube channel and a few videos on how to catify small spaces. That may help!

Please tell us what the vet says. After the health issues are resolved you can address the behavior.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

You've gotten great advice already, and I don't have a ton to add -- just a few things, one being a reiteration of how routine and the stability derived from that can really help a stressed or nervous cat. It can even help a cat who might feel constant, low-grade pain (if from his declawing issues, if any).

The main routines are for play - food - sleep, but also from him learning your own human patterns, while you are at home.

I also recommend, like others, that a focus more on wet food is better than dry food. But if you do have to feed at least some dry food, I'd suggest not ever giving it to him at night, before bed. Dry food tends to increase the blood glucose more than (a good) wet food, so he may go through more pronounced cycles of hunger at night, if he's given dry food before you two go to sleep. He may wake up more frequently, feeling hungry. If it were me, and I had chosen to feed a bit of dry food along with wet food... I'd feed a good amount of wet food for his breakfast, leave a portioned amount of dry food out for him just before leaving for work (in a dish dedicated to dry food only), and then feed him only wet food for the evening meal(s). Some cats eat a meal, then about 30-60 minutes later, want to finish off their meal, or have another snack, if their dish is empty. This could be happening to him at night, so you want to make sure that evening meal is big enough for him to feel full through most of the night. Don't set out dry food at night... that could just set off a 'glucose cycle' of him feeling hungry most of the night. Wet food is more efficient and could make him feel more full and content.

If he doesn't yet have a good pattern for his meals and the types of food, it could take a week or two before he recognizes the reliability of that. Once he does, he could help him calm down a bit more at night, in the long-term.

 

[danteshuman]

I have a one bedfoom and a loud cat. The problem was I couldn’t let him cry ig out because I live in a retirement community apartment. So I did it the very hard way of just ignoring him.

So I ignored my 3 month old kitten. H playing dead of blowing a puff of air on him if he got near my face, then hiding under a blanket. I woke up every morning to toys on top of my comforter for a month!

It took longer but he learned. I gave him a bed near my pillows. I never rewarded him with food (he had plenty!), attention or play for waking me up. It was hard 2 weeks,,,, then a less tough month until he finally started to settle in those last 2 weeks. All in all it took 2 months. I also wouldn’t play at all in the bedroom to try to make it extremely clear that the bed is for sleeping not play.

Now my guy knows the nighttime routine. When it gets dark he comes in (if he is out.) I feed him dinner. I play with him in the evening after I eat. He nurses on his binkie m (blanket) around 8 or 9 and naps. Around 11 he is usually in his bed waiting. At 11 pm or 12 I feed him then get ready for bed. Then I watch tv for about an hour while petting him and go to sleep. He knows the routine and knows he will not be fed wet food until the sun rises (he has a small bowl of dry food out 24/7.) I give him 4 small meals of 1/2 a fancy feast can or 1/2 if a 3oz pouch. He eats very little dry. For dry food I feed him blue Buffalo wilderness which I think evens out their sugar a bit but I'm not sure. I know wet is better than dry (cats are carnivores not omnivores.) However if you live in the USA please know trying to find a can of fancy feast tuna is near impossible atm!

I hate rehoming cats but sometimes it doesn’t work out. I rehomed one cat (was told she was a indoor cat, she wasn’t) & my x-husband senior (14 yo at the time) didn’t want to move with me... he just shut down. I was never his human, my x and then my stepdad are his humans. So I arranged for him to stay at my mom’s for the rest of his life (we were living with her.) Sometimes doing the right thing for the cat is letting them go by finding them a better fitting home.

So I’m not judging you if you decide to rehome him. If you can take him to a vet and find out what is going on with him before you return him that would be ideal. His behavior may change drastically when he is feeling better to.

 

[PushPurrCatPaws]

sweetyana - You have to remember, too, that if your new kitty is 5 years old (as per the title of your thread?), then you are not only dealing with the two of you getting used to each other, but you are also combatting his 5 years of whatever life patterns he had prior to you! That may take some time to change. It seems obvious that he was used to being somewhat active at night. It's hard to tell, though! Do you know anything about his life before you met him? Sometimes the animal shelters do have some of the cats' histories, and they can maybe give you a few clues in regards to possible foods, life styles, whether there were other animals in the home, or if he had spent a ton of time in a caged, shelter setting.

 

[sweetyana]

sweetyana - You have to remember, too, that if your new kitty is 5 years old (as per the title of your thread?), then you are not only dealing with the two of you getting used to each other, but you are also combatting his 5 years of whatever life patterns he had prior to you! That may take some time to change. It seems obvious that he was used to being somewhat active at night. It's hard to tell, though! Do you know anything about his life before you met him? Sometimes the animal shelters do have some of the cats' histories, and they can maybe give you a few clues in regards to possible foods, life styles, whether there were other animals in the home, or if he had spent a ton of time in a caged, shelter setting.

Hi PushPurrCatPaws,

Thank you for your reply. Luckily, when I adopted Winter from the animal shelter, they provided me with documentation on his history, including the date of his declawing surgery (July 2020). In reading the documentation, it appears as though Winter has exhibited anxious behaviors, and from the vet's comments, he did not like being petted and would hiss at anyone in the vet's office. The previous owners commented that the reason for them declawing Winter was because he was clawing at furniture and would not stop. The animal shelter also noted that he is an over stimulated cat. I hope this information helps, as it has definitely helped me in getting down to some of the root causes of the problem. Kindly, Yana.

 

[cataholic07]

Hi PushPurrCatPaws,

Thank you for your reply. Luckily, when I adopted Winter from the animal shelter, they provided me with documentation on his history, including the date of his declawing surgery (July 2020). In reading the documentation, it appears as though Winter has exhibited anxious behaviors, and from the vet's comments, he did not like being petted and would hiss at anyone in the vet's office. The previous owners commented that the reason for them declawing Winter was because he was clawing at furniture and would not stop. The animal shelter also noted that he is an over stimulated cat. I hope this information helps, as it has definitely helped me in getting down to some of the root causes of the problem. Kindly, Yana.

What type of litter are you using? You should have multiple very low entry litter boxes with very soft litter only. Being declawed it's very possible he has arthritis in his paws. I would see a new vet who can help you figure out if he has allergies as well as arthritis. If he has arthritis he will need to be on pain medication. E collars are stressful on cats. Are you feeding hypoallergenic food?

You need to play him out before bed and give a big meal. If you feed some dry food you can leave some in a food puzzle for him. The most important thing is to completely ignore him at nights. It will be a crappy few weeks but will get better.

I wouldn't worry too much about the past info, to be honest. The furniture scratching can be lack of adequate scratching posts and cat trees. People don't understand you need very tall scratching posts (3ft tall) and the type they will scratch. My cats won't touch sisal at all. Lots of cats are aggressive at vets, but can be very nice at home. It's stressful and given the poor cat was declawed, he probably doesn't associate the vet with anything positive. And the same goes at the animal shelter. Many cats are super stressed at a shelter. My 3 would not do well in a shelter setting but are the sweetest at home.