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- Apr 6, 2006
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My mom just e-mailed me. She talked about a bunch of stuff, and at the end of it, she mentioned, "Oh, by the way, your uncle F. died a few days ago."
This is her sister's husband, a man we saw every Christmas and Thanksgiving as long as I can remember. We lived in the same neighborhood for three years and saw each other what must've been every week.
"By the way"?
Is my mom being cold? Does she not like him? Or is it just that she's put her foot in her mouth, and doesn't mean it? Does she think *I* don't care?
He was only in his early fifties... too young. He was courageous, too--an army man, the first and only black person to marry into our family despite my grandma hating him. His two daughters, my cousins, are happy; one is married and in the Marines and the other graduated from film school. I hope they're OK. Well, no, they aren't OK... but... I hope they will be. My dad died when I was two and then my stepdad when I was nine; but I think it would be much worse if a dad you had all your life died.
I wish Mom would have told me. I wanted to know. I couldn't have afforded to go to his funeral, because I can hardly afford food; but... I would've wanted to know as more than a "by the way".
I don't know if I'm exactly grieving. I don't feel things very deeply as a matter of course; but all the memories of my uncle are coming back, and I'm trying to fit my mind around the idea of not ever seeing him again. Maybe that's what counts as grieving to a very logical, left-brained sort of person. I've only ever cried for my cats.
This is her sister's husband, a man we saw every Christmas and Thanksgiving as long as I can remember. We lived in the same neighborhood for three years and saw each other what must've been every week.
"By the way"?
Is my mom being cold? Does she not like him? Or is it just that she's put her foot in her mouth, and doesn't mean it? Does she think *I* don't care?
He was only in his early fifties... too young. He was courageous, too--an army man, the first and only black person to marry into our family despite my grandma hating him. His two daughters, my cousins, are happy; one is married and in the Marines and the other graduated from film school. I hope they're OK. Well, no, they aren't OK... but... I hope they will be. My dad died when I was two and then my stepdad when I was nine; but I think it would be much worse if a dad you had all your life died.
I wish Mom would have told me. I wanted to know. I couldn't have afforded to go to his funeral, because I can hardly afford food; but... I would've wanted to know as more than a "by the way".
I don't know if I'm exactly grieving. I don't feel things very deeply as a matter of course; but all the memories of my uncle are coming back, and I'm trying to fit my mind around the idea of not ever seeing him again. Maybe that's what counts as grieving to a very logical, left-brained sort of person. I've only ever cried for my cats.