Unadoptable - Help!

[littlemuse3]

I have a 9 year old Siamese-mix who has always had some social issues. My boyfriend and I moved into together a year ago. He brought his older cat (11 years) and I brought my Siamese. They have fought ever since and it has increasingly gotten worse. I have been trying to find a good home for her in which she would be the only cat, but I have had trouble. She is extremely shy and rarely comes out to visit even those who live with her. I have tried to find a home for her for several months, but I have to make a big move soon. She has not taken kindly to meeting new people and has even bit one person thinking of adopting her (and me, which she has never done). I think the stress of the new people puts her over the edge and people do not want her because she is older and too shy. I don't want her to waste away in a shelter to be traumatized by all the other strange people and animals and never get adopted. Is euthanasia the right option?

 

[Willowy]

Would you be OK with killing your cat (or abandoning her at a shelter) over this? I think I would be wracked with guilt forever :/. Obviously I can't condone either option. Although if you really could live with yourself, euthanasia would be kinder than dumping her at a shelter, unless it's a true sanctuary that caters to older cats in a homelike setting.

Is there a way to divide the house so that each cat has a separate area? Perhaps one cat in the bedroom, one in the living room, etc. Or maybe an outdoor enclosure? What steps have you taken to try to introduce the cats?

Is the other cat more adoptable? Although it's very hard to find a new home for any adult cat, so that might not work either.

 

[LotsOfFur]

I agree with Willowy. Evaluate how you introduced the cats... start over. Let your cat have a "safe room" and put a feliway diffuser in there.

Is she social with you? Depending on the effort you are willing to put in, you may need to go back to basics and get her comfortable and confident in her space and with her guardian, you.

Have you had her since she was a kitten?

Unfortunately, most potential adopters want a cat that is sociable with no "bad habits". A lot of the people who would be qualified to integrate her into their home probably already have multiple pets... that's how we get there.

I know it's hard when you want what's best for all involved. If you came here for advice and support you've come to the right place. There are a lot of very knowledgeable people willing to give you the benefit of their experience and expertise if you are willing.

We are here for you and your cat.

 

[littlemuse3]

Unfortunately, we live in a one bedroom apartment, so locking them in separate rooms really wouldn't be feasible.

The cats were introduced very slowly for three months. At the time, my boyfriend and I were living with his parents and they had a large home. We kept the Siamese in her own room and over the course of several months gradually introduced her to the older cat. They never fully warmed up to each other and we had to move out for school and thus they are in the apartment together now and have been for the last year. They had been alright at first, staying away from one another, but have been fighting more and more lately - waking us up at night to separate them.

I have been looking for someone who would be patient with her shy tendencies, but she has been lashing out at the new people and thus it has been even more difficult. She has always seemed to have some neurological/development issues since she was a kitten. She is still the size of a 1-year old cat with very petite legs and narrow hips. In the past year, she occasionally has had symptoms similar to small seizures, where she is unable to move and howls like something is biting at her. She usually quickly recovers and doesn't seem to be in any pain afterwards. She eats normally, goes to the bathroom etc. Sadly, my boyfriend and I are just out of college and can't afford a mountain of medical bills to get her diagnosed/treated. ):

 

[littlemuse3]

Thank you, LotsOfFur. It is a very tricky situation and I am looking for advice from experienced cat owners. I have had plenty of other animals; cats, dogs, horses, snakes - you name it. As I mentioned in my reply above, I have had her since she was a handful of fluff. She has always been shy and had minor development problems, but has been alright. It is just hard to see the two cats my boyfriend and I love, fight all the time and be unhappy. And in our current situation, just starting out in life and being stuck to the cheap apartment lifestyle, difficult to accommodate her. I have been searching for a good home with an understanding guardian, but it has been hard to find.

 

[IndyJones]

Are there any no kill rescues or sanctuaries in your area? If you are comfortable maybe one of our staff can help you locate one if you tell us your location.

 

[kittens mom]

I'm going to point out the other side of the stress you are going to encounter if you give her to a shelter or euthanize and that is the demon called resentment. Assuming you're a normal human being putting down or surrendering a cat to a kill shelter that you raised is going to rear it's ugly head in as many ways and some much more destructive to your relationship than trying to find a way to get them to cohabitate with each other.
If the cats are fighting when you are not supervising them alternate spaces and with time and lower stress levels every one may have that happy ending. Think of this as your first challenge as a couple and that is to successfully integrate all four of your lives.
Some no kill rescues might take your cat but they generally charge a few hundred to cover vetting and some of the costs which is only fair and an obligation you should do everything you can to fulfill if rehoming is really the only option. She gave you 9 years and deserves more than to be put down or dumped in a shelter where she may end up dying.
One highly successful tactic in small spaces is to create an abundance of vertical spaces where there are no dead ends that one can get cornered and get rid of covered litter boxes that become ambush stations.

 

[mysugarcat]

How is euthanasia even an option? She is not even sick. She is stressed out, and I think the stress is being caused by her owning little to no territory in your tiny apartment. You need to "catify" your apartment by adding some cat furniture or shelves for her to climb on. She may also need a space of her own where she feels like she has control.

Also, it is possible that she may have health problems that are making her act this way. There are also some fragrances/scents that can calm cats down, such as Spirit Essences: Spirit Essences for Cats at Only Natural Pet Store ,

As for her biting her potential adopter--where did the person meet your cat? Did the person come to your home? Many cats are afraid of strange places, so it makes sense that she was aggressive outside of the home.

And to reiterate my concern for you considering euthanasia: would you kill your child, if you couldn't afford to take care of them? Cats are living, cognizant beings that are capable of love and emotion. Do not murder your cat.

 

[talkingpeanut]

Have you tried a simple anti-anxiety medication?

I think abaondoning her in either capacity is cruel and not worth considering.

 

[littlemuse3]

How is euthanasia even an option? She is not even sick. She is stressed out, and I think the stress is being caused by her owning little to no territory in your tiny apartment. You need to "catify" your apartment by adding some cat furniture or shelves for her to climb on. She may also need a space of her own where she feels like she has control.

Also, it is possible that she may have health problems that are making her act this way. There are also some fragrances/scents that can calm cats down, such as Spirit Essences: Spirit Essences for Cats at Only Natural Pet Store ,

As for her biting her potential adopter--where did the person meet your cat? Did the person come to your home? Many cats are afraid of strange places, so it makes sense that she was aggressive outside of the home.

And to reiterate my concern for you considering euthanasia: would you kill your child, if you couldn't afford to take care of them? Cats are living, cognizant beings that are capable of love and emotion. Do not murder your cat.

Hi mysugarcat,

We have multiple cat structures in our home, scratching posts, caves, box fort, toys, etc. She only every uses the posts to scratch, but never climbs or plays with anything else. I don't know if this is due to the other cat or that when she lived with my mom while I was in college, she never had those things. She hates to be far from the floor (the opposite of most cats I have known or had in the past). She has always hid away under beds, behind furniture, closets, etc. Even when she was the only cat, she always hid away.

Anyone that has been interested in adopting her has always come to our home and the other cat has been locked in the other room as to avoid any added stress.

 

[littlemuse3]

Are there any no kill rescues or sanctuaries in your area? If you are comfortable maybe one of our staff can help you locate one if you tell us your location.

Hi IndyJones,
There is at least one no-kill shelter I know of in our area, however it is always full and has no openings for new arrivals. /:

 

[littlemuse3]

I agree with Willowy. Evaluate how you introduced the cats... start over. Let your cat have a "safe room" and put a feliway diffuser in there.

Is she social with you? Depending on the effort you are willing to put in, you may need to go back to basics and get her comfortable and confident in her space and with her guardian, you.

Have you had her since she was a kitten?

Unfortunately, most potential adopters want a cat that is sociable with no "bad habits". A lot of the people who would be qualified to integrate her into their home probably already have multiple pets... that's how we get there.

I know it's hard when you want what's best for all involved. If you came here for advice and support you've come to the right place. There are a lot of very knowledgeable people willing to give you the benefit of their experience and expertise if you are willing.

We are here for you and your cat.

Thank you, LotsOfFur. It is a very tricky situation and I am looking for advice from experienced cat owners. I have had plenty of other animals; cats, dogs, horses, snakes - you name it. As I mentioned in my reply above, I have had her since she was a handful of fluff. She has always been shy and had minor development problems, but has been alright. It is just hard to see the two cats my boyfriend and I love, fight all the time and be unhappy. And in our current situation, just starting out in life and being stuck to the cheap apartment lifestyle, difficult to accommodate her. I have been searching for a good home with an understanding guardian, but it has been hard to find.

 

[littlemuse3]

Would you be OK with killing your cat (or abandoning her at a shelter) over this? I think I would be wracked with guilt forever :/. Obviously I can't condone either option. Although if you really could live with yourself, euthanasia would be kinder than dumping her at a shelter, unless it's a true sanctuary that caters to older cats in a homelike setting.

Is there a way to divide the house so that each cat has a separate area? Perhaps one cat in the bedroom, one in the living room, etc. Or maybe an outdoor enclosure? What steps have you taken to try to introduce the cats?

Is the other cat more adoptable? Although it's very hard to find a new home for any adult cat, so that might not work either.

Unfortunately, we live in a one bedroom apartment, so locking them in separate rooms really wouldn't be feasible.

The cats were introduced very slowly for three months. At the time, my boyfriend and I were living with his parents and they had a large home. We kept the Siamese in her own room and over the course of several months gradually introduced her to the older cat. They never fully warmed up to each other and we had to move out for school and thus they are in the apartment together now and have been for the last year. They had been alright at first, staying away from one another, but have been fighting more and more lately - waking us up at night to separate them.

I have been looking for someone who would be patient with her shy tendencies, but she has been lashing out at the new people and thus it has been even more difficult. She has always seemed to have some neurological/development issues since she was a kitten. She is still the size of a 1-year old cat with very petite legs and narrow hips. In the past year, she occasionally has had symptoms similar to small seizures, where she is unable to move and howls like something is biting at her. She usually quickly recovers and doesn't seem to be in any pain afterwards. She eats normally, goes to the bathroom etc. Sadly, my boyfriend and I are just out of college and can't afford a mountain of medical bills to get her diagnosed/treated. ):

 

[kittens mom]

BTW I had to go on a waiting list to get my stray into a rescue. We owed this cat nothing but there is something that makes your soul content when you do the right thing even when it's really hard. As per good old Jackson Galaxy is your cat acting like prey ? What sets off the fights ?

 

[littlemuse3]

BTW I had to go on a waiting list to get my stray into a rescue. We owed this cat nothing but there is something that makes your soul content when you do the right thing even when it's really hard. As per good old Jackson Galaxy is your cat acting like prey ? What sets off the fights ?

Hi kittens mom,

Thank you for the information. I will look into a waitlist.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what sets off the fights. Sometimes they will be in the same room and everything is fine (they keep their distance from one another). Other times, if they merely pass each other they start to get into it. At first, the older cat was the sole aggressor in most scenarios, but now it seems that she has begun to start the fights too.

What do you mean by acting like prey exactly?

 

[kittens mom]

Hi kittens mom,

Thank you for the information. I will look into a waitlist.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what sets off the fights. Sometimes they will be in the same room and everything is fine (they keep their distance from one another). Other times, if they merely pass each other they start to get into it. At first, the older cat was the sole aggressor in most scenarios, but now it seems that she has begun to start the fights too.

What do you mean by acting like prey exactly?

Cats are hunters. So if one cat acts like prey , running and maybe even the hiding it can trigger that response. Go to a dollar store and get a piece of that foam poster board to use as a sight block when they start to confront each other. Keeps your hands out of the mix.
Do you have interactive play time ? I know both cats are older but there is the play , eat , sleep that can work and hunting that wand toy can do a lot to release stress in both cats.

 

[littlemuse3]

Cats are hunters. So if one cat acts like prey , running and maybe even the hiding it can trigger that response. Go to a dollar store and get a piece of that foam poster board to use as a sight block when they start to confront each other. Keeps your hands out of the mix.
Do you have interactive play time ? I know both cats are older but there is the play , eat , sleep that can work and hunting that wand toy can do a lot to release stress in both cats.

I do actually have a piece of foam board that may work for that purpose.

The Siamese has never been very playful actually. When she was younger, I would try to play with toys with her, chasing strings, rolling balls, and the like - but she never cared for them. The older cat will still occasionally play around with things, like most cats do. I haven't really found a way to engage the Siamese in much else but petting her during the rare times she comes out wanting attention.

 

[FriendOfTheCatBoys]

Pathetic.

The rest of you may want to play diplomat here, and while I understand the desire to want to keep all topics here civil, and admire the restraint it probably takes to try and give some practical advice to this person,there comes a point when entertaining opinions such as these is an exercise in futility and I wonder why you bother engaging with these type of individuals.

Individuals who have such little regard for their pets life that they consider ending it. Not because the pet is sick. Not because the pets life is nearing its end and to try and mininalize any suffering.

They want to end their poor pets life because it has become an inconvenience for them. That through their own ignorance and want of foresight, has put he poor animal in an undesirable living arrangement.

I grew up with my dog. He was my friend up until he died at the age of 15. He was put to sleep because we didn't want to see him suffer anymore. It is a hard decision to make but it is the right decision to make when here is no more quality of life to be had.

This stupid thread is an insult to the poor animals that have we humanely put down to ease their suffering.

If you can be so thoughtless about your pets life as to post a pill wondering you should kill it or not, I wonder what possessed you to become a pet owner in the first place. I just cannot understand your thought process.

The cat is your responsibility. Make some adjustments. You have a small place? Boo boo. Enthusing a pet that isn't sick because of your own lack of ability to manage it is appalling.

 

[littlemuse3]

Pathetic.

The rest of you may want to play diplomat here, and while I understand the desire to want to keep all topics here civil, and admire the restraint it probably takes to try and give some practical advice to this person,there comes a point when entertaining opinions such as these is an exercise in futility and I wonder why you bother engaging with these type of individuals.

Individuals who have such little regard for their pets life that they consider ending it. Not because the pet is sick. Not because the pets life is nearing its end and to try and mininalize any suffering.

They want to end their poor pets life because it has become an inconvenience for them. That through their own ignorance and want of foresight, has put he poor animal in an undesirable living arrangement.

I grew up with my dog. He was my friend up until he died at the age of 15. He was put to sleep because we didn't want to see him suffer anymore. It is a hard decision to make but it is the right decision to make when here is no more quality of life to be had.

This stupid thread is an insult to the poor animals that have we humanely put down to ease their suffering.

If you can be so thoughtless about your pets life as to post a pill wondering you should kill it or not, I wonder what possessed you to become a pet owner in the first place. I just cannot understand your thought process.

The cat is your responsibility. Make some adjustments. You have a small place? Boo boo. Enthusing a pet that isn't sick because of your own lack of ability to manage it is appalling.

I understand your distaste at the thought of putting down an animal that is not clearly suffering. I have put down the two dogs I grew up with due to cancer and hip dysplasia in their old age. I have also watched another beloved family dog die slowly and painfully in front of my eyes due the inability of my mother to let her go. I do not mean to lessen or insult those situations which euthanasia is used to end physical suffering.

I am trying to find the best scenario for my cat at this current time. That does not necessarily mean euthanasia. I am simply trying to create a soundboard for ideas. I do not have the money for her vet bills if her odd behavioral issues are due to an underlying neurological problem. No, I did not think of the possible financial burden when I first brought her home when I was 12 years old. I know that is my own shortcoming. However, at this time she is living a life in constant anxiety and her behavioral patterns have worsened. I do not wish to keep her in a household where she lives this way, and the same problem arises if I try to find a home for the other older cat. Both are old and unlikely to be adopted. I am just facing the reality that I cannot find her a home on my own and surrendering her to a shelter, merely for her to be traumatized before she is deemed "unadoptable" by the shelter and then euthanized, is lengthening the same end.

 

[kittens mom]

I do actually have a piece of foam board that may work for that purpose.

The Siamese has never been very playful actually. When she was younger, I would try to play with toys with her, chasing strings, rolling balls, and the like - but she never cared for them. The older cat will still occasionally play around with things, like most cats do. I haven't really found a way to engage the Siamese in much else but petting her during the rare times she comes out wanting attention.

Da Bird ?
Be the bird!
How violent are the fights, fur, puncture, biting ?
VCA hospitals offer the first exam free. Many public shelters have low cost veterinarians.
Redirection is useful if you become observant for when a conflict is in the making. Changing the behavior pattern.
Clicker training is becoming more popular with cat owners.
You have not been getting the right kind of potential adopters.
I would never try and pick up an adult cat the first time we met. Someone would need to visit multiple times to establish some kind of trust.
It's hard to work on behavior if you don't know if there is an underlying medical issue. Not everything costs thousands to diagnose or treat.
As far as I can see you have a lot of things you can try before even putting euthanasia on the table.