Ugh! I am so tired of people!

[meezertorbie]

I feel a little like venting today. First of all, I am really tired of people constantly asking me when I am going to get married when they know I am not even dating anyone. It is really no one's business, and it is, in my opinion a rude and nosy question to ask. Anyway, am I supposed to be a psychic and know the answer? Why does there have to be something wrong with me just because I am 39 and never married? Does this make me some sort of leper to society? I have even had people ask me outright if I am gay! Talk about rude. If I do decide that I ever want to get married and find a man that will have me, I am eloping!

The second thing I find extremely annoying is the way people react when they find out that I am single AND, God forbid, have cats! How dare I! Why is it that a single woman who lives alone and has cats has to automatically be a crazy cat lady? I bet that people would think nothing of it if I had dogs. Why the stereotype?

I really needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading.

 

[margecat]

What rude people! The best reply: "When I'm ready, and you'll be the first to know!".

 

[meezertorbie]

That's a good response, MargeCat. I usually just reply with "I don't know" while I'm steaming on the inside. Kind of lame, I know.

 

[natalie_ca]

I used to tell people "Probably never; I love being single."  Everyone has since stopped asking.

 

[catlover19]

That's the most annoying question to be asked. I used to get asked that all the time before I got married and I was only 22 when I got married. It's because we had been together 7 years by that point so people liked to ask a lot. Then once you are married it's "when are you going to have a baby?"....then you have a baby and everyone asks when you are having another one....

It's a never ending cycle of annoying questions...people need to just mind their own business.

 

[MoochNNoodles]

I'm pretty good at squelching these sort of questions right away.

For the married one my answer would be "When you get a wedding invitation." 

For the baby one I always said 2010 (I got married in 2003 at the age of 20).  Interestingly enough; my first was born in January of 2010.

After that people really don't ask me too many annoying questions.  When people ask about having a second or beyond they've been pretty nice about it; not asking in a "nosy" manner.  I think people kind of "get" me by now.  I don't think people push a 3rd baby as hard as they do other things.  I've never gotten the "so your done now RIGHT!?" sort of comments I've heard others talk about.

 

[peaches08]

I'm 39 years old, never married, no children, and have cats.  Therefore I'm the crazy cat lady.  I just roll my eyes usually.  Most people aren't asking out of nosiness but out of conversation's sake.  However, I can't stand some of the people's reactions to my answers.  So, depending on who's asking and giving me a hard time for my answers, I have turned the tables on some of them.  I tell these insightful few people that I don't need to marry someone I don't like to fulfill my parents' wishes or some life landmark, same response with kids. Or my favorite, after they make a face at me for giving a polite "no" response to the marriage question and then ask if I have any kids with hopes that I'll say yes so that I can redeem myself to them, I make a horribly disgusted face and exclaim "Good grief no!" and leave them embarrassed for asking.  That's mean, I know but I really don't care.  I equate the face-making they make at my polite responses as rude.  Like I said, I think most are just making conversation, but I do get the occasional jerk who thinks very highly of their own opinion.  And really shouldn't because no one cares but them!

Generally I respond that I just haven't met the right person yet and that's enough. 

 

[meezertorbie]

I like the "Good grief, no!" response. That is funny. I can just imagine people's reactions. I might get frowned on if I say that though, since I'm a teacher!

 

[peaches08]

I like the "Good grief, no!" response. That is funny. I can just imagine people's reactions. I might get frowned on if I say that though, since I'm a teacher!

One of my clinical instructors always tells me that I'm really an OB nurse at heart.  I used to think, "do WHAT?!" 

 

I guess depending on who's asking, you can always say something like, "I get enough kiddo time at work"??

 

[di and bob]

I often wonder why people think they have to ask personal questions. It's YOUR life and your choice. I guess if you don't have a husband and kids there's this need to know why. I for one admire you! I would go on and on about how great being single is, that might shut them up. You have cats because they are independent like you, not slobbering and dependent. Just start talking about your cats, THAT will get rid of them!

 

[kookycats]

People just don't think before they open their big mouths with rude questions. I know some people think we're crazy because we don't have kids and love our cats unconditionally. Paul's answer about not having kids is always "cats don't talk back". But you shouldn't have to justify decisions made in your life. It's just nobody';s business but yours.

 

[stewball]

People are rude and insensitive especially when it comes to children. Besides the fact that one may not want any there's also the fact that some can't have any.
I love the 'good grief no' reply.
Any case were I to live my life over again and know what I know now I'd never get married. Sorry folks. That's how I feel. Of course that's my marriage.

 

[angels mommy]

I like all of the responses!    I too am 44 & single. I will be 45 in August.  People don't bother me too much about it. I think by now, they know I am not going to settle. I have dated some great guys, but the timing was just not right, so I take it as they were not "The ones."  I always say, I would rather be single, content & happy with my life than settle, & not be happy at heart. 

I did always want to be a mom when I was younger, but right now, I would not want to start all of that at my age, if it could even happen w/ healthy results. I no longer have that kind of energy!!

I have said that if I am meant to meet someone, it will happen when/ if it's supposed to happen. 

To tell you the truth, it would be nice sometimes, but after living alone for 15 years, (after living w/ a boyfriend in MN for 6 & 1/2 yrs.),  it would be hard to live with someone else. 

I also have said, & feel that  if I am not meant to marry, then as long as I can be comfortable enough financially, to be able to have/ do things I want to do, etc... (at the least, if I'm not going to have a husband & family of my own), so I can enjoy my life, I am fine.  I will just always have fur babies!  

 

I have to say, the only thing that I sometimes can get sad about, if i think about it, is who will be there when I'm old, sense I won't have children. 

 

[fhicat]

 
I like all of the responses!    I too am 44 & single. I will be 45 in August.  People don't bother me too much about it. I think by now, they know I am not going to settle. I have dated some great guys, but the timing was just not right, so I take it as they were not "The ones."  I always say, I would rather be single, content & happy with my life than settle, & not be happy at heart. 

I did always want to be a mom when I was younger, but right now, I would not want to start all of that at my age, if it could even happen w/ healthy results. I no longer have that kind of energy!!

I have said that if I am meant to meet someone, it will happen when/ if it's supposed to happen. 

To tell you the truth, it would be nice sometimes, but after living alone for 15 years, (after living w/ a boyfriend in MN for 6 & 1/2 yrs.),  it would be hard to live with someone else. 

I also have said, & feel that  if I am not meant to marry, then as long as I can be comfortable enough financially, to be able to have/ do things I want to do, etc... (at the least, if I'm not going to have a husband & family of my own), so I can enjoy my life, I am fine.  I will just always have fur babies!  

 

I have to say, the only thing that I sometimes can get sad about, if i think about it, is who will be there when I'm old, sense I won't have children. 

Love the answer, Kelly!

Mostly I get "teases" from my parents. I say "teases" because although they say they are teasing, I feel that deep down it is only a half-tease. I haven't had a relationship in a long time, and am happy being single. Would I want a girl to settle down with? Maybe, but at this time I'm more concerned with my career aspirations. I've got great goals after graduation that I want to work towards. I'm also working towards getting a US citizenship, and since that is not a sure thing, it's cumbersome to start a relationship here and then have to leave the country.

My parents ask when I'll get married. I tell them I have no plans currently, because of the above reasons, and because the right girl isn't here yet. I'm in no hurry. 

Then they inevitably weave in their wishes to have grandchildren. I tell them they may have to expect that from my siblings instead. At this time, I don't see myself having kids. I'm too much of a carefree bear that kids would just... tie me down. I can't stand kids anyway. I can't stand myself 10 - 15 years ago.

"Oh, you'll change your mind once you have children."

Um, no, I won't. Stop presuming to know what I think.

I haven't had Jed for long, but when I talk about a cat tree, a special blanket for him, a room with toys, my sister was the first one who said, "You sound like a 50-year-old single woman."

"Why, because I am capable of loving a helpless creature?" 

"No, because that's what crazy cat lady is."

"So, it's okay for you to use inaccurate stereotypes to judge others, but you don't like it when someone stereotypes you as a typical foreign Asian girl?"

I suspect in the coming months, I will get more "you don't look like a cat person", or what it really is, "you're a guy." I will dare them to say one unkind word about my cat.

 

[swampwitch]

Whenever you are asked an awkward question, it's good to reply with a question. Hit the ball back to their court. When someone asks when you are getting married, having a baby, changing jobs, etc. I really like the reply, "When do you think I should?" LOL

 

[betsygee]

 
That's the most annoying question to be asked. I used to get asked that all the time before I got married and I was only 22 when I got married. It's because we had been together 7 years by that point so people liked to ask a lot. Then once you are married it's "when are you going to have a baby?"....then you have a baby and everyone asks when you are having another one....

It's a never ending cycle of annoying questions...people need to just mind their own business.

And then when you're over 50, like I am, it's "So do you ever regret not having kids?"    

   I have never understood why people ask questions like that.  

 

[stewball]

Love the answer, Kelly
Mostly I get "teases" from my parents. I say "teases" because although they say they are teasing, I feel that deep down it is only a half-tease. I haven't had a relationship in a long time, and am happy being single. Would I want a girl to settle down with? Maybe, but at this time I'm more concerned with my career aspirations. I've got great goals after graduation that I want to work towards. I'm also working towards getting a US citizenship, and since that is not a sure thing, it's cumbersome to start a relationship here and then have to leave the country.

My parents ask when I'll get married. I tell them I have no plans currently, because of the above reasons, and because the right girl isn't here yet. I'm in no hurry. 

Then they inevitably weave in their wishes to have grandchildren. I tell them they may have to expect that from my siblings instead. At this time, I don't see myself having kids. I'm too much of a carefree bear that kids would just... tie me down. I can't stand kids anyway. I can't stand myself 10 - 15 years ago.

"Oh, you'll change your mind once you have children."

Um, no, I won't. Stop presuming to know what I think.

I haven't had Jed for long, but when I talk about a cat tree, a special blanket for him, a room with toys, my sister was the first one who said, "You sound like a 50-year-old single woman."

"Why, because I am capable of loving a helpless creature?" 
"No, because that's what crazy cat lady is."
"So, it's okay for you to use inaccurate stereotypes to judge others, but you don't like it when someone stereotypes you as a typical foreign Asian girl?"

I suspect in the coming months, I will get more "you don't look like a cat person", or what it really is, "you're a guy." I will dare them to say one unkind word about my cat.

Whenever you are asked an awkward question, it's good to reply with a question. Hit the ball back to their court. When someone asks when you are getting married, having a baby, changing jobs, etc. I really like the reply, "When do you think I should?" LOL

 

[stewball]

Whenever you are asked an awkward question, it's good to reply with a question. Hit the ball back
to their court. When someone asks when you are getting married, having a baby, changing jobs, etc. I really like the reply, "When do you think I should?" LOL

Or ask 'why?' In s puzzled manner.

 

[peaches08]

 
And then when you're over 50, like I am, it's "So do you ever regret not having kids?"    

   I have never understood why people ask questions like that.  

I'm only 39, but I've given the puzzled look and "No, why would I?" response. 

 

[swampwitch]

If you ask someone "why?" they will give you loads of reasons.

Asking them to make the decision for you turns things around. Think about it, if someone asks you when they should get married (or pregnant) your first thought is, "How could I possibly know that? That's none of my business!"  BINGO.