Tumor / SCC: Defying the Odds with Hospice Care - Living with a Terminally Ill Loved One, I share w

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2Cats4everLoved

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Simon's Diary:  "Our Bittersweet Journey...the long goodbye"  Hour by Hour

June 5th, 2016

Once again, Simon has amazed me.  I'll post more later but I just wanted you all to know.  Simon is relaxing on this Sunday morning.  He's attempted to make it to his litter box, but needs help.  Simon is extremely quick at times and thinks he can spring right up but his legs tell him otherwise.  I think the cancer effected his bones.  Could be the Buprenex also, I'm not sure what the long term side effects are for that drug.

He's extremely wobbly but by the powers at hand, his mind for the first time in a few days seems sharper than ever,  I know time is limited but at least he'll leave this world as Simon.

I'll write more later.  My sweet boy wants water and the homemade Pedialyte.

Below, Simon just after his early morning feeding and dose of pain meds.


Simon's Journey continues...  so far.
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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hoping you get another day with your baby-he looks very happy laying there.
Thanks, he's passed out now due to the pain meds.  But the birds are seeking refuge under our air conditioner and you can see his ears fixated on them chirping.

As long as he's content, I'll wish for another day.  Although, body and mind aren't working hand in hand.  

His breathing is normal considering the obstruction in his throat and the med's.  I suppose that's a good sign.  It's been dark and rainy so he's napping, as a kitty should on a day like today.
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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 my heart breaks for you-I know you would only allow him to stick around if he is content-do you have a home service to help if the need arises? Simon is a very blessed little man. Praying he has many more days.
Yes, @foxxycat- I have all numbers on standby.  After all we've been through for these past 4 months, the last thing that would break me is knowing his last hours were painful.  He's been great at letting me know what he want so far.  So I'll take his lead.  His body is warm, breathing normal.  And he wiggles his tongue when he wants to feed. The water is going down easy, if it continues I'll try the watered down baby food again.

Thanks for the prayers.
 

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Originally Posted by 2Cats4everLoved  

Yes, @foxxycat- I have all numbers on standby.  After all we've been through for these past 4 months, the last thing that would break me is knowing his last hours were painful.  He's been great at letting me know what he want so far.  So I'll take his lead.  His body is warm, breathing normal.  And he wiggles his tongue when he wants to feed. The water is going down easy, if it continues I'll try the watered down baby food again.

Thanks for the prayers.
it's just amazing how the two of you communicate
.  The wiggling of the tongue to signal time to eat is precious.  Do you still have the rag in the tub, or is that not working at all for him at the moment? 

Too bad it's raining again in your neck of the woods.  Was hoping for sunny days for Simon's last days.  Sweet, sweet Simon 
.  How's Chestnut doing with the latest turn?  
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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it's just amazing how the two of you communicate
.  The wiggling of the tongue to signal time to eat is precious.  Do you still have the rag in the tub, or is that not working at all for him at the moment? 

Too bad it's raining again in your neck of the woods.  Was hoping for sunny days for Simon's last days.  Sweet, sweet Simon 
.  How's Chestnut doing with the latest turn?  
Funny you should ask about my sweet girl Chestnut.  She knows something's up.  Yesterday Simon sighed at the water dish, which was her water dish, the blue one in the pictures, and in the past would have no problem knocking him out of the way to belly up, this time she's observing from a distance and is giving him space.  She was quiet all day yesterday, then decided to just hang out by her food.  

I felt bad for her yesterday, I didn't give her much attention, but today she's hanging with me on the sofa.  While Simon lays on the other sofa which is her spot.  Both are napping at this moment.

Simon loves days like this too.  Like us humans, it gives him a reason to hunker down.  

Last night June 4th...

Simon's biggest issue is when he wakes up, he still thinks his body can move just as fast as his mind and he springs up and goes to leap off the bed, chair etc...

I went to bed thinking I may have taken my last picture of him.  But around 1:00am I felt him step on my face to get down from the bed.  I put a box next to it to make it easier, but he thought he could leap and make it out the door as he always has in the past.  This time, I heard a thud, I woke up and found him laying near the door.   He leaped about 5 feet, landed in the doorway and couldn't get up.  When I turned on the light, he was looking at me like, "what the heck"...

He hobbled his way to the bathroom, took care of business then wanted to go in the tub.  I placed him in and went back to bed, but I thought, I don't want him dying in the tub.  I then took him out and we hung out, I watched a movie as he watched the fish.

At around 4am we went back to bed, only this time I moved his blanket fort up to the head of the bed that way he couldn't just leap down, he'd have to wake me up first before leaping, we slept until 6ish.  The he wanted his water dish, so I put him on the sofa and fed him the liquids.  He'll turn his head when he's had enough.

You know, at the beginning of his life, when I first found Simon I wasn't working, which is why we were able to connect and bond so deeply.  And now my schedule allows me to be with him in the end of his life, forming a new everlasting connection, one I will cherish forever.  I suppose you can say, we have come full circle.

Simon's Journey continues...
 

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I have been following this thread about your precious Simon, not really knowing what to say. My heart truly feels for both you and Simon. You are both amazing!! He is a real trooper, so brave and strong. You are taking wonderful care of him. You two have a very special bond that will never be broken, no matter what the future holds. You will always be together in your hearts. I pray that Simon has many more days of life, and that you get to share many more special moments together.
My heart is with you and Simon.
Praying for the best.
Give Simon and Chestnut lots of hugs from me.
 

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Simon is so, so lucky to have you for a mommy, and you for having him in your life. I completely understand having a bond that is completely unlike any other with your babies. It's not something that is conscious, but it's on a deeper level. My heart is breaking for you right now, but trying to keep positive as you are right now, taking things one day at a time.

Sending you lots of hugs from Chicago...
 
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2Cats4everLoved

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Simon's Diary:  "Our Bittersweet Journey...the long goodbye"  Hour by Hour

Monday, June 6th - Its a good morning here...  When I went to sleep last night I wasn't sure what I would wake up to find.  Simon slept up by our heads in his fort so we could keep track of his movements,  I didn't want him trying to jump off the bed and breaking a leg or something worse.  

After a night of much needed sleep, I woke up to this little guy tapping at my head, wanting his water and watered down food. 

I'm still prepared for the inevitable, but it was nice to wake up and see this looking back at me.

Below, Morning View...


Changes in Simon tell me the end is just around the corner.  And I may have to make that decision if the powers at hand don't make it for me.  I pray, it won't come to that.

Last night, he lost the mobility in his legs and it's hard for him to keep his head up for too long, he's like a new born.  I think the tumor is now effecting his motor skills.  His paws, nose and tongue are a nice pink and his body has a nice warmth to it.  His breathing is steady and calm, no difference except every so often he takes a deep breath, which usually happens after the pain med's start taking effect.

When he hears familiar sounds, such as hubby's keys, the door, water running, he starts to move really quick, only to not be able to move and drops.  Walking is not happening, yet his will and determination is not stopping him from trying his darndest.  

Simon's mind is 100% sharp and with it, he gets loopy from the pain med's, but that's 4 hours after the dose is administered, other than that he knows exactly whats going on around him and our in the streets.

I don't know the long term effects of the Buprenex and Clindamycin, but I'm sure it's the tumors effect.  

I'm trying to keep things normal for Simon.  When he expresses he wants to walk to his water dish, I help him then pick him up and I set up an area to syringe feed him.  When he hears the neighbors, I'll stick him in the window on the bed.  When he hears the birds on the fire escape, I put him in the window.  

Below, Simon dozing to singing birds on a Monday morning...


Below, Simon watching his fish mates...  his favorite pastime, that is besides his "girlfriend"


Below, Last night, June 5th - Simon watching "fish t.v." while I watched Game of Thrones.


Thanks again @MaggieMay   The Pedialyte recipe is working out pretty good.  He let me wash his "bib" chest hair last night and he's no longer grey and smelling like metal.  It was such a strange odor.  I know Simon feels better for not having to smell that smell.  It was so strong and nauseating.  Could be what made him sleep good last night, being clean.  He always took pride in his hygiene.

One sad thing for me this morning was, I cleaned out his litter box and took it out of the bathroom to make more room for us and Chestnut.  He can't walk there on his own, and at this point I don't see him urinating too much anymore.  He attempted to go yesterday but hardly released any liquids.

I started to clean up the empty med bottles and 100+ syringes to throw out and uneaten food to go back to my neighbor for the feral's - then stopped myself.  It felt wrong cleaning up before hes gone. 

When hubby gets home this evening, we'll assess and discuss what we should do. 

As of now, Simon is on the chair dozing off looking at the fish, there's a beautiful breeze and for once, the neighborhood is quiet.  No planes, motorcycles, garbage trucks or loud neighbors.  Very peaceful setting for a lounging, sick kitty.

Simon's Journey Continues...
 

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Changes in Simon tell me the end is just around the corner.  And I may have to make that decision if the powers at hand don't make it for me.  I pray, it won't come to that.

Last night, he lost the mobility in his legs and it's hard for him to keep his head up for too long, he's like a new born.  I think the tumor is now effecting his motor skills.  His paws, nose and tongue are a nice pink and his body has a nice warmth to it.  His breathing is steady and calm, no difference except every so often he takes a deep breath, which usually happens after the pain med's start taking effect.

When he hears familiar sounds, such as hubby's keys, the door, water running, he starts to move really quick, only to not be able to move and drops.  Walking is not happening, yet his will and determination is not stopping him from trying his darndest.  

Simon's mind is 100% sharp and with it, he gets loopy from the pain med's, but that's 4 hours after the dose is administered, other than that he knows exactly whats going on around him and our in the streets.

I don't know the long term effects of the Buprenex and Clindamycin, but I'm sure it's the tumors effect.  

I'm trying to keep things normal for Simon.  When he expresses he wants to walk to his water dish, I help him then pick him up and I set up an area to syringe feed him.  When he hears the neighbors, I'll stick him in the window on the bed.  When he hears the birds on the fire escape, I put him in the window.  

Below, Simon dozing to singing birds on a Monday morning...


Below, Simon watching his fish mates...  his favorite pastime, that is besides his "girlfriend"


Below, Last night, June 5th - Simon watching "fish t.v." while I watched Game of Thrones.


Thanks again @MaggieMay   The Pedialyte recipe is working out pretty good.  He let me wash his "bib" chest hair last night and he's no longer grey and smelling like metal.  It was such a strange odor.  I know Simon feels better for not having to smell that smell.  It was so strong and nauseating.  Could be what made him sleep good last night, being clean.  He always took pride in his hygiene.

One sad thing for me this morning was, I cleaned out his litter box and took it out of the bathroom to make more room for us and Chestnut.  He can't walk there on his own, and at this point I don't see him urinating too much anymore.  He attempted to go yesterday but hardly released any liquids.

I started to clean up the empty med bottles and 100+ syringes to throw out and uneaten food to go back to my neighbor for the feral's - then stopped myself.  It felt wrong cleaning up before hes gone. 

When hubby gets home this evening, we'll assess and discuss what we should do. 

As of now, Simon is on the chair dozing off looking at the fish, there's a beautiful breeze and for once, the neighborhood is quiet.  No planes, motorcycles, garbage trucks or loud neighbors.  Very peaceful setting for a lounging, sick kitty.

Simon's Journey Continues...
I'm so glad he's clean again, the smell is gone, and that the Pedialyte recipe has helped a bit.  That sweet, sweet face of his just grabs my heart!  He does have good color in his nose and pads.  This is a decision only the two of you can make, and I am praying so hard for Simon and you and your husband to have incredible peace, whatever you decide.  Simon is the most amazing boy, and he has fought with the heart of a lion.  Yes, I've been where you are, and my boy who lingered for months went so peacefully, between one breath and another.  It was so very gentle and it was a blessing.  I am praying for such blessings for Simon and for you.  You have done everything humanly possible for this little boy, and he is fully aware of the love he has been surrounded by.  Simon has an incredibly beautiful, shining spirit and that will NEVER be gone.  Stay strong, sweetie.  Much love and many thoughts and prayers are all around you.
 

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@2Cats4everLoved  Thank you for your message - and it may surprise you to know that I saw that very same sunset after that incredible rain last night as I took the A train to JFK. I'd been virtually off the grid for a week travelling in the States so I was wondering how you and Simon were doing as I made that journey, esp as I know you are both New Yorkers.

Eddie is doing well thank you. I agonised over whether or not to take this trip. I booked it back in Jan after a shitty 12 months, thinking to myself what could possibly go wrong! Eddie seemed to be doing so well post tail amputation. Little did I know what was around the corner.

But closer to the time of departure, once I'd given myself about a million talkings to, I could see that he is genuinely stable. Bar something dramatic happening - heart or kidney failure, which realistically could happen at any time - it felt, it not easy, at least right to step aside for a break (leaving him in the most capable of hands of course). I felt like I'd become an ineffective carer, I was so stressed by recent events and sure enough, I feel more prepared for the journey ahead now and most importantly, I have come home to a happy cat. There is a bit less of him physically as he is much pickier with his food in the last month but he's chirpy, toilets well, still loves sitting in the garden and gave me the biggest of welcomes home this morning. The tumor on his nose has also all but disappeared and he's not snotty anymore so the steroids are helping big time.

But my mind is mostly on how you and Simon are doing. Like many, scrap that, *ALL* the people on this thread, I continue to be touched and inspired by your journey together. I know all pets are special but Simon really does look like king of the cats. I echo everything that other commenters have said above....I'm thinking about you all and hope you are getting to enjoy more special moments together....
 
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