Tough Time Dealing With Chotu The Stray

[Furballsmom]

to meet that kitty where they were.

and to the OP, I think you are working as hard as you can too

 

[tnrmakessense]

Thank you. And I have a special place in my heart and home for black cats too.

 

[Psybug]

I’m so sorry you are so stressed! Here’s my suggestion. I feel you are over thinking this. It’s great to plan ahead but it could be that you aren’t taking into consideration that sometimes when cats are traveling they become very quiet. I had to take 16 through an evacuation that took many hours. Most were in hard carriers or cages but a couple were in soft crates. They pawed at the soft crates a bit but when I talked in a calming tone to them, they stopped. If I had been able to I would have used hard crates for all but it just wasn’t possible. Cats that normally cried on the short ride to the vet did not cry. The 12 hour drive was silent. I talked to them in reassuring tones during the trip and a couple were nervous but over time they calmed and settled down. Most fell asleep. When we arrived at our destination they were still quiet. They were exposed to a dog for the first time and were kept crated while we were there with the exception of a few that had a private room. I did take them out to get exercise in the house but they were beautifully behaved. I was surprised! Like you, I had anticipated all kinds of issues in my mind. None of those things happened. The cats sensed that we were in a different environment and they used their instincts well. You know,a feral will be quiet and hide when confronted with something new. Even though these kitties had become used to me, they used their natural kitty instincts. They ate, slept a good bit, watched what was going on around them and went to the littter box. All my worrying was just my anticipation of problems. An airplane ride can actually be a relaxing thing. The quiet and vibrations may make kitty sleep a lot.
As for crate training, I always make crates a safe haven for my cats. It’s a place they go to for naps, play, treats and lots of attention. Brushing and letting happen their. Everything they like happens there during training. I leave the crates open for them to use as their own private house. I put something that carries my scent inside for them to lay on. It’s their happy and safe place.
Using something to help the kitty relax might help but you may find it isn’t needed. Try looking at this as a wonderful and fun adventure for you both. If you feel that way then your kitty will sense this. Positive thoughts and relaxation are important for you both. I fully believe you will both be fine.
Don’t worry about what comes after the move yet. One step at a time. Everything may be far different than you expect.
Anticipate great things!

chotu hates me now. he wont even stick around post eating food. hes very independent and doesn't want to stick around. covering windows etc. to keep him indoors only makes him more frustrated and cry louder to get out. i dont know about putting him in the crate for a full20 hours seeing as he is not happy at all in the crate for 20 mins. he has a new gash on his hind leg which he wouldnt let me clean.... this kitten owns me and is very resilient to not wanting to be around me... whats the trauma i will have to deal with by shocking him for a long plane ride? i had stopped his paperwork but am rethinking it and wondering about it all over again? i am so on the fence with this its not funny...and yes...to leave him behind will be terrible also - so am between a rock and a hard place here. thank you for the valuable feedback. it gives me hope and then it comes crashing down when i see the kittens apparent distrust and behaviour towards me...am absolutely mortified at my inability to see this through

 

[Psybug]

Are they letting him ride in the cabin of the plane with you instead of cargo?

cabin

 

[Jcatbird]

I understand that feeling of your heart dropping with sorrow but please hold on to hope. Chotu does not hate you. He is just confused and a little mad. When we take care of any other living creature, sometimes we have to do things that are hard. We do these things to give them the best care possible. I raised a child who was injured. My daughter had to experience some difficult things. It broke my heart to put her through surgery and wearing painful casts on her legs. She could not speak,but could cry. When she cried and didn’t want to eat I felt as though I had done the wrong thing. She would turn her face from me and I felt that she thought I had hurt her. It reached the point where, when she cried, I cried. I finally realized that I wasn’t helping her by crying with her and I managed to choke back my feelings. It was so hard. After many long weeks she she began to heal and grew stronger. The crying became less. One day she finally smiled again and I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from me.
I knew all along that the surgery was very necessary but self doubt had entered my mind. I did the right thing by making the hard choices for her good health. There were so many days that I felt hopeless and heartbroken but in the end, she recovered and was better off.
Kitties are a lot like children. They may not understand when we do what is best for them but they do understand love and they do forgive us.
I don’t know how much longer you have before your move but try to let Chotu relax some. You may sense some mistrust but I think that is a natural reaction to the changes of being shut in lately. Personally, I would treat Chotu as I had been before except for letting him out. Go back to your regular routine as much as possible and see if the behavior improves. I think you need to be able to check the gash on his leg. If this was a child and it insisted on getting it’s own way, would you teach it to listen to parental guidance or give in and let the child have it’s way? Patience, love and calm are key. In a way, you are the parent here.
I have worked with a large number of cats in my lifetime. Every time I brought one in and shut the door they were unhappy or scared at first. Every one of them ended up being grateful later for food, security, safety, love and attention. They all forgave me. Even the most ferocious male ( I thought he might try to eat me! ) loves being petted and cared for. That cat purrs and wants to stay in my lap now! He follows me around like a puppy dog! I know Chotus’ crying to get out breaks your heart. He may get mad at you, he may act resentful, but I would be much more concerned about what would happen if you left him behind. Would he be able to survive without you? I can tell you really love this kitty. Once you leave you won’t be able to go back for him. The decision is final. For your sake and the sake of Chotu, you just have to decide what is truly in his best interest and follow through on that. Being scared, mad or resentful are things that will pass. If I understand all you have said, he is a tame kitty now and needs you to survive. He is dependent on you for food and care. If that is correct then please reach deep into yourself and find whatever you need to get through the time between now and moving. Moving is stressful for you too but it will pass. I wish I could be there in person to help you but I send you my heart and all the support I can possibly put here. You are not alone. We will all be here to talk to you through everything. No matter what you decide, we all want the best for you and Chotu. You are really doing better with this than you may think. Take heart and hope and hold on to them. Write in here any time you feel stressed or upset. I know we all will be checking to see if you are okay.
I am going to try and send you a private message with some photos. I hope they will make you feel a little better.

 

[maggiedemi]

I would take him, if they let him fly in the cabin with you, it's much safer. You're lucky, Australia makes any cats coming into the country fly cargo.

 

[Psybug]

I understand that feeling of your heart dropping with sorrow but please hold on to hope. Chotu does not hate you. He is just confused and a little mad. When we take care of any other living creature, sometimes we have to do things that are hard. We do these things to give them the best care possible. I raised a child who was injured. My daughter had to experience some difficult things. It broke my heart to put her through surgery and wearing painful casts on her legs. She could not speak,but could cry. When she cried and didn’t want to eat I felt as though I had done the wrong thing. She would turn her face from me and I felt that she thought I had hurt her. It reached the point where, when she cried, I cried. I finally realized that I wasn’t helping her by crying with her and I managed to choke back my feelings. It was so hard. After many long weeks she she began to heal and grew stronger. The crying became less. One day she finally smiled again and I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from me.
I knew all along that the surgery was very necessary but self doubt had entered my mind. I did the right thing by making the hard choices for her good health. There were so many days that I felt hopeless and heartbroken but in the end, she recovered and was better off.
Kitties are a lot like children. They may not understand when we do what is best for them but they do understand love and they do forgive us.
I don’t know how much longer you have before your move but try to let Chotu relax some. You may sense some mistrust but I think that is a natural reaction to the changes of being shut in lately. Personally, I would treat Chotu as I had been before except for letting him out. Go back to your regular routine as much as possible and see if the behavior improves. I think you need to be able to check the gash on his leg. If this was a child and it insisted on getting it’s own way, would you teach it to listen to parental guidance or give in and let the child have it’s way? Patience, love and calm are key. In a way, you are the parent here.
I have worked with a large number of cats in my lifetime. Every time I brought one in and shut the door they were unhappy or scared at first. Every one of them ended up being grateful later for food, security, safety, love and attention. They all forgave me. Even the most ferocious male ( I thought he might try to eat me! ) loves being petted and cared for. That cat purrs and wants to stay in my lap now! He follows me around like a puppy dog! I know Chotus’ crying to get out breaks your heart. He may get mad at you, he may act resentful, but I would be much more concerned about what would happen if you left him behind. Would he be able to survive without you? I can tell you really love this kitty. Once you leave you won’t be able to go back for him. The decision is final. For your sake and the sake of Chotu, you just have to decide what is truly in his best interest and follow through on that. Being scared, mad or resentful are things that will pass. If I understand all you have said, he is a tame kitty now and needs you to survive. He is dependent on you for food and care. If that is correct then please reach deep into yourself and find whatever you need to get through the time between now and moving. Moving is stressful for you too but it will pass. I wish I could be there in person to help you but I send you my heart and all the support I can possibly put here. You are not alone. We will all be here to talk to you through everything. No matter what you decide, we all want the best for you and Chotu. You are really doing better with this than you may think. Take heart and hope and hold on to them. Write in here any time you feel stressed or upset. I know we all will be checking to see if you are okay.
I am going to try and send you a private message with some photos. I hope they will make you feel a little better.

hi, thank you so much for responding and the private message about the feral that you thought might bite you. so i have both chotu and his friend indoors - which is the only way to keep him inside - without the yowling and the frantic antics of the great escape. He is still mad but playing inside the carrier - although his friend likes to spend time in it - sadly i cannot take the friend with me - and he always wants to be indoors.
As for keeping chotu indoors - there is no choice but to let him out - simply because if i am around he yowls to get out whereas if i keep him indoors and i go out - he settles to sleep in a cupboard - but the moment i come home - its howling time to get out...so not sure how to keep him indoors - all playing and treat options have been exhausted. so aside from being the wicked witch of the east who will separate the two buddies in less than a month - what other recommendations do you have.... 25 days left to fly from india to canada...

 

[Jcatbird]

You are doing fine. A normal routine may be exactly what Chotu needs. You are not the wicked witch. You are doing all you can to be kind and caring. You are doing a wonderful job of tending to the kitties needs. We all admire that greatly as we know how difficult that can be. Spend the next days doing what ever you need to do to get ready for the move. Don’t kick yourself if you cannot take both cats. I know you would like to and that the other calms Chotu but we all have limits. I think you need to realize that we all admire and respect all that you are doing!
I hope the photos of my BJ made you smile. He is a silly clown now but I never would have imagined that it would have worked out that way. I used to be stressed about him. Now I can finally laugh.

 

[Psybug]

Do you never let your kitties out of the house?

 

[Jcatbird]

I do walk a few on a harness and leash. I have one small garden area that is completely fenced with a very high fence but most prefer to stay inside. It took time to get them used to me and the house because all of the kitties here were being chased by people and indoors was new to them but once they realized that the house is a very safe place filled with good places to play and nice food, they did not ask to go out. They are very nervous outside. None of them want to be outside unless I am with them to reassure them. Maybe you could try walking Chotu on a harness. First you have to teach them to accept the harness and understand that the leash will have a limited range for walking. Did I read that Chotu will already accept the leash?
I was thinking that if you try hand feeding Chotu some, it might keep him more bonded to you. He might begin to accept being asked to be inside. Sitting beside a kitty on the floor is something that helps too. If you give food while doing that maybe Chotu would enjoy it.

 

[Furballsmom]

Take a look at this;
You, Your Cat And Stress

 

[Psybug]

You are doing fine. A normal routine may be exactly what Chotu needs. You are not the wicked witch. You are doing all you can to be kind and caring. You are doing a wonderful job of tending to the kitties needs. We all admire that greatly as we know how difficult that can be. Spend the next days doing what ever you need to do to get ready for the move. Don’t kick yourself if you cannot take both cats. I know you would like to and that the other calms Chotu but we all have limits. I think you need to realize that we all admire and respect all that you are doing!
I hope the photos of my BJ made you smile. He is a silly clown now but I never would have imagined that it would have worked out that way. I used to be stressed about him. Now I can finally laugh.

I do walk a few on a harness and leash. I have one small garden area that is completely fenced with a very high fence but most prefer to stay inside. It took time to get them used to me and the house because all of the kitties here were being chased by people and indoors was new to them but once they realized that the house is a very safe place filled with good places to play and nice food, they did not ask to go out. They are very nervous outside. None of them want to be outside unless I am with them to reassure them. Maybe you could try walking Chotu on a harness. First you have to teach them to accept the harness and understand that the leash will have a limited range for walking. Did I read that Chotu will already accept the leash?
I was thinking that if you try hand feeding Chotu some, it might keep him more bonded to you. He might begin to accept being asked to be inside. Sitting beside a kitty on the floor is something that helps too. If you give food while doing that maybe Chotu would enjoy it.

Yes... i sit next to him when he eats. I hand feed him occasionally. I am a hover mom so i am always around watching his antics and keeping an eye on him when hes around.
Yes the leash and harness are things he is now used to. I put it on and instead of walking he sometimes flops down ....but hes getting better at it. As for the teenage rebellion...yup that is something he is.going through for sure. We talk alot to each other. Hes super affectionate before eating and post that just plays alot. Hes been play attacking his friend a little too agressively so i tend to intervene by distracting them with toys.i lie on the floor next to him and talk to him...i know we have a long road ahead of us and my partner is the most supportive and caring person so am pretty sure we will be able.to manage

Not sure about covering the crate once in the plane but willl try all options. Am keeping him indoors today even though hes started his half hearted yowls.to get out.... anyways am trying to slowly get him to like being indoors but he loves watching the birds and quite literally the bees.

 

[Jcatbird]

The birds and the bees! Considering his age, I’m not surprised he is doing that. Part of his yowling to go out probably has to do with that too. Harness training is perfect! That will make life much easier. Just take a cover for the crate and keep it available for quick use. I think it may be very useful but if he is happy without it that’s fine too. I feel like things are already improving. He is in and his yowling is only half hearted? Excellent!
The fact that you love him so much will make a difference! You are a great kitty Mom! Just keep doing what you are doing with the playing, feeding, teaching and love. The road may seem long right now but when you can look back it will be much better. One step at a time does get us to the end of that road. I think we have both been down that same road!

 

[maggiedemi]

One step at a time does get us to the end of that road.

I agree, one step at a time is the only way to get through it.

 

[Furballsmom]

After reading your latest post, I'm thinking that you're utilizing us to vent out your emotions but when you're focused on him, you're more serene, good for you ! I think you're doing a wonderful job!!

 

[Jcatbird]

After reading your latest post, I'm thinking that you're utilizing us to vent out your emotions but when you're focused on him, you're more serene, good for you ! I think you're doing a wonderful job!!

Very true! This is a very loving cat Parent! I think many of us come here and release the stress. Having the support of others is very important. It is to me as well.

 

[Psybug]

After reading your latest post, I'm thinking that you're utilizing us to vent out your emotions but when you're focused on him, you're more serene, good for you ! I think you're doing a wonderful job!!

Yes... i do take a lot of support and advice and just want to do the best i can without shocking or tramautising him.

 

[Jcatbird]

You are doing great and we can all understand your concerns. They show your deep affection for Chotu. We all need the same love and support and I hope we can provide that for you. I have to get some rest tonight but I’ll be to check in tomorrow.

 

[Psybug]

I have had a minor success of epic proportions... i have been trying to get chotu to sleep indoors during the day., sans the yowling and trying to claw his way out from under the door..and today.. without too much fuss he seemingly resigned himself to the fate after some half hearted playing and jumped up onto the open cupboard and curled up to sleep... he got a very delicious treat indeed....

 

[Furballsmom]

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