Too Attached To My Kitten - How To Cope?

[loveyoubean]

Hello,

New poster here! Please bear with me as I have a lot to share and would love any insight, advice, or comments in general.

My boyfriend and I decided it was time to get a kitten as we have been toying with the idea for a while. We ended up purchasing the cutest kitten in the world last weekend. The only problem is that we bought him on Kijiji (not sure how popular it is, but it is basically a buy/sell website).

The previous owner lied and told us he was 8 weeks old; going on 9. Though we realized it was still too young to be re-homed, she insisted we take him. We happily obliged and she delivered him to us. She claimed he had been properly weaned and had been eating kibble.

When we brought him home, he was exploring and willing to cuddle with us within the hour! He is a very confident and intelligent little kitten. We decided to name him Bean. It suited him perfectly.

The problems began the next day. He wasn't eating anything at all and wasn't interested in the kibble he was supposedly eating in his previous home. He also threw up twice and had diarrhea. We were so worried and rushed to the ER to have him checked out. We were told he was healthy, but needed to be dewormed as the worms in his little tummy were most likely the reason for his loss of appetite.

We were also told that our little Bean was likely 6-7 weeks old--not 9! This explained why he was so incredibly needy and incapable of eating or using the litter box on his own. We were told he would require A LOT of time and attention and couldn't be left alone for more than a couple hours a day. The ER bills have also been very expensive for us.

Since then, my boyfriend and I have realized that keeping Bean would not be an option. My boyfriend works full-time and I am a full-time university student. We know that we will not be able to give Bean the time and attention he so very much deserves. I have been missing class all week to rush to my boyfriend's place after he leaves for work. It breaks my heart to come home to him crying. I assume he feels very lost and lonely when no one is around. We of course leave lots of water, food, toys, and his litter box for him while we're gone.

Due to all these reasons, we have made the very difficult decision to find him a new home. I am heart broken because I want nothing more than to keep him, spend time with him, and give him all the cuddles in the world. However, we know that his next home will be able to provide him everything he needs.

I have been crying everyday since we have made the decision to give him away. I have grown so attached to Bean and I can tell he really loves us, too. I have been having a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that he will be gone today. I have grown so accustomed to caring for him and loving him. I can't bear the thought of not having him around, playing with him, cuddling him, etc. He knew exactly what to do in order to steal our hearts forever.

I would really appreciate any tips or advice on how to move past this and not grieve over his departure. I keep trying to tell myself that he'll be so much happier in his next home; as he'll have two playmates as well as an experienced cat owner who will be taking early retirement.

I'm simply heart broken as I write this. How have I gotten so attached to him already?! Will I ever get over this?

P.S: I've attached some images so you can see why I'm having such a hard time letting him go! Also, if anyone knows what breed he may be, please share!

 

[Merlin77]

It must be very hard for you to go through this, perhaps you could ask the new owner if you could visit Bean from time to time? But this might only make the problem worse because you might only grow more attached.

 

[maggiedemi]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I took in a little feral kitten that was only about 6 weeks old. He was able to eat pate canned food and Purina Kitten Chow. I was able to leave him alone for several hours at a time. Does he have some illness where he can't be left alone?

 

[orange&white]

We were told he was healthy, but needed to be dewormed as the worms in his little tummy were most likely the reason for his loss of appetite.

We were also told that our little Bean was likely 6-7 weeks old--not 9! This explained why he was so incredibly needy and incapable of eating or using the litter box on his own. We were told he would require A LOT of time and attention and couldn't be left alone for more than a couple hours a day.

The ER gave you some pretty bad advice which has perhaps led you and your boyfriend to the wrong decision. I trapped a little 5.5 week old feral over the summer and I had to work 9 hour days during the week, and sleep 7-8 hours every day, and managed to feed the kitten a good diet just fine. I did get up early and stay up late and fed him a little wet food about every hour, and he gained appropriate weight each day. If I were a believer in kibble, I could have slept more. At 8 weeks, when I took him to the shelter to be neutered and adopted, he was eating every couple hours.

At 6-7 weeks, your kitten should be able to eat solid food. Is he eating now? The worms and the wormer may have thrown his appetite off, but he should be able to eat without assistance. You can leave to go work or study. I'd leave him in a smaller room when you're away if he's really tiny to keep him out of trouble. My little baby feral stayed in my 2nd bathroom with food/water/litter/a bedding box and toys when I wasn't home.

 

[catlover73]

Bean is adorable and I hope you decide to keep him.

I adopted my now 10 year old Starbuck when she was only six weeks old. My husband and I both work full-time and it was not an issue. Starbuck was confined to our den when we were not home or asleep because she was too small to use the stairs in our home on her own unsupervised. Starbuck was given wet food twice a day. She was left dry food and water in her room. She also had a litter box and some toys in the room with her. She never had any issues with using the litter box or eating. Starbuck also never had worms though. I agree with the advice Orange and White has provided above. None of the vets that Starbuck went to when she was a baby ever told us we had to re-home her because we worked full-time. I kept her in our den when we could not supervise her for two weeks. She was given full run of the house when we were home to supervise her. I just made sure there was litter box access on each level for her. We also had other cats that were older. My Tegato taught her how to navigate the stairs even though she was tiny. If she got scared she would meow and he would come and help her. Sometimes that meant she would climb on him to be carried up or down the stairs. She liked to ride on our shoulders when we were home to avoid the stairs. She is still a fairly small cat and goes up/down the stairs slowly like she did when she was a baby. At 8 weeks old she was sleeping in the bed with us every night. Unless there is some medical issue not mentioned in your first post then I see no reason why you should be forced to re-home this kitten.

I also adopted my 3 1/2 year old cat Casey as a 7 week old baby from a private rescue. Both the rescue and the vets had no problem with us having Casey because we both worked full-time. It seems really odd to me that the vet would tell you to re-home your kitten.

 

[orange&white]

Awww!!!! When I first opened the thread, the photos didn't download...I just saw them. What a cutie pie! I hope you decide to keep him after all. Kittens are so wonderful and such fun. He'll sleep most of the time no one is home with him.

 

[loveyoubean]

We were advised that a kitten that young shouldn’t be left alone for more than a couple hours a day; especially considering he was pulled away from mommy and his litter mates too soon.

In addition, Bean is an incredibly needy kitten. Our entire lives were on hold while he was with us because he constantly needed something! Whether it was help finding the litter box, being fed, or simply wanting consistent petting and cuddles. Though we were happy to give him all that, I suppose it’s not feasible long-term.

It would break my heart every time he would cry as we left the house and to see him crying even when we returned.

 

[orange&white]

That intensively needy kitten period only lasts a few short weeks. Did you find him another home?

 

[Kieka]

If you have already given away Bean, then you made a hard choice that you felt was best for him. I can't fault you for doing that. I really can't. I have rehomed kittens found in our yard and even years later I wonder how things worked out for them even though I only cared for them for a week or two. It never really goes away but you can always look back fondly on the time you did have..

EDIT: Just saw that Bean is already in his new home.

 

[loveyoubean]

That intensively needy kitten period only lasts a few short weeks. Did you find him another home?

Even so, our schedules simply wouldn’t allow us to give Bean the time and attention he deserves. We really, really, really didn’t want to give him away, but we figured it was for the best.

We did find him a new home yesterday. The new owner is a fellow cat lover and has had three cats herself. Two of them sadly passed, but she has a 14 year old cat named Alice.

Her home is completely cat proof and she even has a little cat corner with toys that I know Bean will love. She also mentioned that she’s getting another kitten that is roughly Bean’s age, so hopefully he’ll have someone to play and bond with now! I imagine he got really lonely when my boyfriend and I weren’t home.

She saw how upset I was about letting Bean go (I was crying an embarrassing amount) and offered my boyfriend and I to come over any time we wanted to hang out with Bean so we could see how he’s doing.

Knowing I have that option is the only thing keeping me from becoming a crying a mess all over again. I still miss him a lot though. Our house feels so empty and quiet. We miss his cuddles and cute meows quite a bit.

 

[maggiedemi]

Well, it's good that he's going to such a nice new home where he will have a brother or sister kitty. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Maybe sometime down the road you can get an older cat. They really are fine when you leave the house, they mostly sleep or look out the window.

 

[orange&white]

Sounds like Mr. Bean found a very nice forever home and that'll take the stress off you and your boyfriend. All's well that ends well!

 

[catlover73]

I am sorry you are hurting. You made a very difficult decision for Bean out of love. I did not realize from your initial post just how needy Bean was. My Starbuck was not as needy at that age but I also have other cats. Casey also has other cats to hang out with. I think that you truly did make the right decision for Bean due to him being so needy. I do think it may be better for him to have a buddy if he is that needy. Even though his new owner has an older cat it does not mean the senior will not bond with Bean and help socialize him. The senior cat did recently lose companions and Bean may help her deal with losses too. Hugs to you during this difficult time. I also agree that perhaps when the time is right you can adopt an older cat that will be less needy. I think it is great that Bean's new owner has said you can visit. I think your grieving will be easier once you see Bean is happy in his new home. Your love for Bean gave him a chance to know what it is like to have a loving secure home. Even if you could not keep him you did the best thing you could for him.