- Joined
- Jan 26, 2015
- Messages
- 201
- Purraise
- 75
You came into my life as a birthday present when I was 12 years old. You were so cute & small, also covered in fleas. At first the vet told us you were a girl, but eventually we found that to be untrue. My family & I still laugh about that. You were only my second cat. The first was your brother, Merlot, that we adopted only 7 months prior to meeting you. Both of you were so special to me. Also so very spoiled. You could meow & get everyone in our family to feed you.
Your first few years of life was basically an all you can eat buffet. We didn't know how to take care of you two properly then but we did what we thought we should do. We shared so many good times together. I was blessed that you two were healthy until your later years. When I moved off to college, I knew I couldn't leave without taking you with me. You were both a huge part of my life. During those 4 years, you helped me make it through so many hard times. Depression, finding myself, broke to the point where I had to chose between your food & mine.
When the death of your brother came in Dec 2016, I felt like I didn't know how I would ever recover. He took a piece of me with him. I always blamed myself for not having the knowledge or funds to take care of him as well as I should have. But he taught me that lesson & I applied it to you. We had 3 and a half good years together before you got really sick the first time. I was on edge for all 3 of those years because I was afraid of losing you as quickly as I did merlot. I regret that still.
When you came out of the hospital from your 2nd cystotomy I'm Aug 2020, you were not okay. The vets said you were fine, but I pushed & pushed until they finally took me seriously. They saw that your kidneys seemed to be failing. You were hospitalized on my birthday & I visited you every day. That night, my boyfriend & I sat in the parking lot of the vet office you were hospitalized at. I just wanted to be close to you.. My heart ached. I hated going home to an empty house. A week later, you were back in my arms. But you had to get fluid therapy every other day.
Only a few days after this, we had to evacuate because of hurricanes. You & I lived in hotel rooms for over a month. It was such a hard time, but you made me so happy. I was so grateful that you seemed to be getting better. You started eating more again. You were fighting the fluids, but eventually I think you realized that you needed them. Next, you moved with me into a new home. I was so excited that we have a balcony. You never got to experience the outdoors much. That place would soon be one of your favorite places to be. You really loved lying in the sun all day. I grew cat grass for you to eat & only selected flowers & plants that wouldn't make you sick if you accidentally got into them. You meant so much to me. I would never want to hurt you.
In December 2020, you began to lose weight & hunch over in pain. Your belly seemed to hurt. I've taken you to so many vets. Over & over. No amount of money was too much for your health. Money will come & go but your health was always more important. No one could ever find out what was wrong. Until March this year. We found pancreatitis. Part of me was happy that we figured it out & we could try to treat it. I did what I could to give you medicine without stressing you out. I wanted your life to be the best because that's the affect that you had on my life.
In April/May, for the first time in months, you were okay! You gained weight & ran around. We played hide & seek. You loved chasing string & your favorite cat nip cigar. You ate so much. I thought we had it under control. Until we didn't. I've always stayed positive. Always done my best for you. Your bad days started again. & eventually they overtook the good ones.. you were hunched over despite all your pain meds. I still saw life in your eyes though which made me push forward. I thought we could just push through a flare up & make it to better days. But it all just progressed.
On your last week on this Earth, I came home & you seemed like you couldn't use the bathroom. It scared me. I took you to an ER vet & they said you were fine. Just very anemic. I took you to your normal vets 2 days later. They said you were hurting. A lot. I noticed your breathing was getting more labored. & you were having a lot of pain using the bathroom. My poor baby. It hurt me to see that. On the day before you left, they did an ultrasound. They said they found a mass in your colon. & that it was most likely cancer. They also found fluid I'm your abdomen & near your lungs causing trouble breathing. Your pancreatitis was now severe instead of moderate. Your lymphnodes were enlarged. You were hurting even with strong injected pain meds.
They gave me the option to send off biopsies to confirm cancer. They said you would need surgery to be comfortable again. & even after that, you would probably still struggle & hurt. I wouldn't be able to give you fluids for your kidney disease anymore because of the fluid accumulating. You've been through so much. You've had bladder stones, kidney stones, kidney disease, pancreatitis, anemia, and then possibly cancer. You made it through so much. But I didn't want you to hurt anymore. You didn't deserve it for my sake. I wanted you to be here forever but I know you couldn't.
Our last day together was so sad. I wish I would have done more but I felt in shock. We probably went in & out of the house 6 or 7 times. It didn't matter. I just wanted to burn every memory I had into my mind. I just wanted you to be happy & have whatever you wanted. You didn't sleep that entire night. Just sat next to me as I slept a little & cried. The hour before you left, you finally fell asleep. We used to take afternoon naps every Friday when I got off of work. They were my favorite. I loved snuggling with you. This was our last nap together.
When we got to the vet, you were wrapped in one of your blankets. You rested your head on my shoulder as they gave you the first injection. All I could do was hold you & tell you everything I could think of. I thanked you for all the time together & told you I loved you so many times. No more medicine or fluids, pain or vet visits, just naps in the sun forever with God & Merlot. I saw you take your last breath at 3:55 pm on July 30th. It had been sunny the entire day but it rained the minute you passed.
That night, the most beautiful sunset occurred. I've been crying for days. I want your ashes back so I can have that piece of your body home with me. I sleep with that blanket every night & think of you. It's very quiet. I don't have to hold my food up high so you can't reach it anymore. I don't get greeted when I walk in the door anymore. No one is sleeping by my legs at night anymore. But somehow I feel you next to me at all times. I carry around your favorite toy at all times. It makes me feel even closer to you.
Recently I made a collage of photos of you & your brother & put it near my bed. I wrote a note to you in heaven. I hope I can see you again. I will always miss your cute meow. You yelling at me to go outside even though it was 100 degrees. You yelling at me when I cooked or slept because you wanted all my attention. I miss you stepping all over my head in the mornings to wake me to feed you. & you protesting when I had to give you a bath. You knocking over water cups & drinking from the faucet. You were my best friend. & I hope you think I made the right decision for you. I still regret so much.
My parents think you held on so long & had life in your eyes despite the pain because you wanted to stay here with me. If that's true, I'm so thankful. You gave me the best memories & taught me so much in your 14 years of life. One day when I'm ready, & God puts another kitten/cat in my path, I hope I can apply everything I learned from you & Merlot to that cat & give him/her a good life. My heart still aches & a huge piece of me is gone. But I will continue to grow & love like I know you would want me to. I pray you're in heaven & I can see you again when it's my time.
With all the love in the world,
Your mom
You'll always be in my heart big one, boss, aussin, my boi, Asti b.
Your first few years of life was basically an all you can eat buffet. We didn't know how to take care of you two properly then but we did what we thought we should do. We shared so many good times together. I was blessed that you two were healthy until your later years. When I moved off to college, I knew I couldn't leave without taking you with me. You were both a huge part of my life. During those 4 years, you helped me make it through so many hard times. Depression, finding myself, broke to the point where I had to chose between your food & mine.
When the death of your brother came in Dec 2016, I felt like I didn't know how I would ever recover. He took a piece of me with him. I always blamed myself for not having the knowledge or funds to take care of him as well as I should have. But he taught me that lesson & I applied it to you. We had 3 and a half good years together before you got really sick the first time. I was on edge for all 3 of those years because I was afraid of losing you as quickly as I did merlot. I regret that still.
When you came out of the hospital from your 2nd cystotomy I'm Aug 2020, you were not okay. The vets said you were fine, but I pushed & pushed until they finally took me seriously. They saw that your kidneys seemed to be failing. You were hospitalized on my birthday & I visited you every day. That night, my boyfriend & I sat in the parking lot of the vet office you were hospitalized at. I just wanted to be close to you.. My heart ached. I hated going home to an empty house. A week later, you were back in my arms. But you had to get fluid therapy every other day.
Only a few days after this, we had to evacuate because of hurricanes. You & I lived in hotel rooms for over a month. It was such a hard time, but you made me so happy. I was so grateful that you seemed to be getting better. You started eating more again. You were fighting the fluids, but eventually I think you realized that you needed them. Next, you moved with me into a new home. I was so excited that we have a balcony. You never got to experience the outdoors much. That place would soon be one of your favorite places to be. You really loved lying in the sun all day. I grew cat grass for you to eat & only selected flowers & plants that wouldn't make you sick if you accidentally got into them. You meant so much to me. I would never want to hurt you.
In December 2020, you began to lose weight & hunch over in pain. Your belly seemed to hurt. I've taken you to so many vets. Over & over. No amount of money was too much for your health. Money will come & go but your health was always more important. No one could ever find out what was wrong. Until March this year. We found pancreatitis. Part of me was happy that we figured it out & we could try to treat it. I did what I could to give you medicine without stressing you out. I wanted your life to be the best because that's the affect that you had on my life.
In April/May, for the first time in months, you were okay! You gained weight & ran around. We played hide & seek. You loved chasing string & your favorite cat nip cigar. You ate so much. I thought we had it under control. Until we didn't. I've always stayed positive. Always done my best for you. Your bad days started again. & eventually they overtook the good ones.. you were hunched over despite all your pain meds. I still saw life in your eyes though which made me push forward. I thought we could just push through a flare up & make it to better days. But it all just progressed.
On your last week on this Earth, I came home & you seemed like you couldn't use the bathroom. It scared me. I took you to an ER vet & they said you were fine. Just very anemic. I took you to your normal vets 2 days later. They said you were hurting. A lot. I noticed your breathing was getting more labored. & you were having a lot of pain using the bathroom. My poor baby. It hurt me to see that. On the day before you left, they did an ultrasound. They said they found a mass in your colon. & that it was most likely cancer. They also found fluid I'm your abdomen & near your lungs causing trouble breathing. Your pancreatitis was now severe instead of moderate. Your lymphnodes were enlarged. You were hurting even with strong injected pain meds.
They gave me the option to send off biopsies to confirm cancer. They said you would need surgery to be comfortable again. & even after that, you would probably still struggle & hurt. I wouldn't be able to give you fluids for your kidney disease anymore because of the fluid accumulating. You've been through so much. You've had bladder stones, kidney stones, kidney disease, pancreatitis, anemia, and then possibly cancer. You made it through so much. But I didn't want you to hurt anymore. You didn't deserve it for my sake. I wanted you to be here forever but I know you couldn't.
Our last day together was so sad. I wish I would have done more but I felt in shock. We probably went in & out of the house 6 or 7 times. It didn't matter. I just wanted to burn every memory I had into my mind. I just wanted you to be happy & have whatever you wanted. You didn't sleep that entire night. Just sat next to me as I slept a little & cried. The hour before you left, you finally fell asleep. We used to take afternoon naps every Friday when I got off of work. They were my favorite. I loved snuggling with you. This was our last nap together.
When we got to the vet, you were wrapped in one of your blankets. You rested your head on my shoulder as they gave you the first injection. All I could do was hold you & tell you everything I could think of. I thanked you for all the time together & told you I loved you so many times. No more medicine or fluids, pain or vet visits, just naps in the sun forever with God & Merlot. I saw you take your last breath at 3:55 pm on July 30th. It had been sunny the entire day but it rained the minute you passed.
That night, the most beautiful sunset occurred. I've been crying for days. I want your ashes back so I can have that piece of your body home with me. I sleep with that blanket every night & think of you. It's very quiet. I don't have to hold my food up high so you can't reach it anymore. I don't get greeted when I walk in the door anymore. No one is sleeping by my legs at night anymore. But somehow I feel you next to me at all times. I carry around your favorite toy at all times. It makes me feel even closer to you.
Recently I made a collage of photos of you & your brother & put it near my bed. I wrote a note to you in heaven. I hope I can see you again. I will always miss your cute meow. You yelling at me to go outside even though it was 100 degrees. You yelling at me when I cooked or slept because you wanted all my attention. I miss you stepping all over my head in the mornings to wake me to feed you. & you protesting when I had to give you a bath. You knocking over water cups & drinking from the faucet. You were my best friend. & I hope you think I made the right decision for you. I still regret so much.
My parents think you held on so long & had life in your eyes despite the pain because you wanted to stay here with me. If that's true, I'm so thankful. You gave me the best memories & taught me so much in your 14 years of life. One day when I'm ready, & God puts another kitten/cat in my path, I hope I can apply everything I learned from you & Merlot to that cat & give him/her a good life. My heart still aches & a huge piece of me is gone. But I will continue to grow & love like I know you would want me to. I pray you're in heaven & I can see you again when it's my time.
With all the love in the world,
Your mom
You'll always be in my heart big one, boss, aussin, my boi, Asti b.
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