The dandruff could be related to the stress/loneliness of the environment, or dry skin from the flea treatment. My kitty had a touch of dandruff when I adopted her. It was gone within a few days. I reckon it was just stress.
Victoria sounds like a good match. She's obviously very chill about the antics of children. She may not be the friskiest cat in the world (she is middle-aged, after all), but keep in mind, with a friskier kitty, they may not be so laid back. It's a trade-off.
If she does just like to chill a lot, well, what's wrong with that? Chill kitties just bring different things to the table. They might not play quite as much, but they're often cuddlers and lap cats. What kid doesn't like a cuddle? A cat of either disposition can be a best friend to adults and children alike. They aren't entertainment; they're companions.
Almost any cat will play with a bit of encouragement, and you should encourage them. It helps keep them fit. But lap kitties are great kitties too.
I promise your husband, even a very big domestic cat isn't big enough to kill an ambulatory child.
It sounds like Victoria is your kitty.
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..just part of the cat experience, in fact I hear a cat scratching something right now, which I hope isn't the sofa, well basically if you care about the condition of your things whatever you do don't get two clawed kittens like i did 
