I don't typically like to open up about my personal life, but on the few occasions that I have done so on this site, I have felt safe and validated. So, I'm going to try to be as open as possible -- especially since I am going through a particularly rough time right now.
Just under 2 weeks ago, I turned very ill. I became increasingly fatigued, had a recurring fever with chills, and was often nauseated. I figured I was just down for the count and coming down with a nasty cold or the flu, but when days passed with no new symptoms, I began to get worried. Instead, the fevers continued and I soon was unable to keep any food or fluids down. I spoke with, and later met with, my doctor, but there was nothing specific that she found she was able to diagnose me with. Three days later I was dehydrated, lethargic, and in so much pain and discomfort (abdominal) that I could not get out of bed. And, at that point, I had no choice but to call off from work and head to the ER. I believe that was the day before Halloween (things get a bit fuzzy from here). They took bloodwork, did a CT scan (with oral and IV contrast), did a UA (urinalysis), and gave me fluids, pain medication, and an anti-nausea medication. However, the tests all came back negative aside from the UA which showed I had a UTI (I did not -- I have a chronic medical condition which presents as UTI's and kidney infections) and they sent me on my way. Their diagnosis: a UTI and the start of my menstrual cycle. But, all was not well and I became so ill in the next day that I was rushed back to the hospital via the paramedics within 6 hours.
Once at the hospital, I again had labs taken, a CT scan (with oral and IV contrast), another UA, an MRI, and an ultrasound (pelvic). My blood pressure was high for me (146/106) and I had a low-grade fever (99.8), but all other tests came back normal and I was soon pegged as a drug seeker and non-compliant (they wanted me to take an antibiotic that I was allergic to (with a Benadryl chaser) and have an exam done that I was not comfortable with). Due to a large number of drug allergies (and chronic medical conditions) they were giving me fluids, Phenergan for nausea, and Dilaudid for pain. However, the only drug I requested was the Phenergan due to the severe nausea I was experiencing. They insisted on the Dilaudid and, as I was in pain, I didn't resist. But, all that's neither here nor there. While at the hospital the second time, I began experiencing excruciating pain in my lower right abdomen. The physician's assistant who was treating me insisted it was due to the UTI and wanted to send me home, but I insisted on being admitted and after hours of arguing, they relented and admitted me for observation.
Once admitted, they did yet another ultrasound -- this time to check for kidney stones and had me consult with a GI doc and an OBGYN. They, too, said that it was a UTI and that I was faking the pain for the pain meds. But, the next morning, I think I proved them all wrong when I suddenly collapsed during the discharge process. They took my vitals and my blood pressure had plummeted to 70/46 and my heart-rate climbed to over 120 bpm. My fever had spiked and I was vomiting blood. They re-drew my labs and my WBC (white blood count) was sky-high. The doctors were stumped and finally, thank God, a nurse suggested the possibility of appendicitis (which I had offered up on countless occasions, but was told I did not fit the profile) and a surgical consult was ordered. And, from there, I remember even less as I was nearly unconscious. The surgeon did consult and I was whisked off to surgery almost immediately. I had my appendix removed and I was soon recovering from laporoscopic abdominal surgery.
It turned out I was the black sheep of appendicitis sufferers. My appendix appeared only slightly inflamed yet, as the pathology report indicated, was very much infected. Thankfully, my appendix did not rupture, but it did cost me nearly a week in the hospital with constand IV fluids and pain medication. I was discharged late last week and have since been recuperating at home. I'm off of work until next Wednesday (at the earliest) and will be seeing the surgeon in his office this coming Tuesday.
Recovering from the surgery has been a rocky road for me. The anesthesia (sp) was very hard on me -- physically and emotionally. I've lost an incredible amount of weight in a short period of time and I continue to suffer from a lack of appetite and intermittent nausea and vomiting. The incisions are healing well, but I am very sore and still quite tired and lethargic. My concentration is off and I have difficulty thinking and expressing myself verbally and in written form. But, perhaps worst of all, my emotional state has not been well since my illness. I was pulled off of my antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication while in the hospital and that, coupled with the anesthesia (sp), has left me dealing with an overwhelming sense of sadness and anxiety. Thankfully, I am back on my medication, but I'm still struggling. The depression is heavy and it scares me, but I do know that this too shall pass. I suppose I just need to let it all out as opposed to keeping it bottled up within. I guess posting this here is helping me with that...
I leave tomorrow for a "business" trip. It's for a not-for-profit group that I volunteer with. I'll be traveling to Fort Wayne, IN and am just not feeling up to it. The trip itself will be fairly low-key, but it's concerning nonetheless. The schedule is heavy, but much of the weekend will be spent sitting in meetings -- I will be able to take care of myself as well as conduct the business at hand. I had previously committed to presenting a forum tomorrow evening and have worked hard to get everything in place for that meeting despite my recent health issues. I know that I'm not doing this on my own and throughout everything (including my upcoming work this weekend) I have had people by my side. I've been willing to ask for help and, thank God, it's been given without hesitation. My roommate will be caring for my pets tomorrow and has been helping me care for them over the last two weeks, but it is still anxiety-producing to leave them. And, to be quite honest, I have an irrational fear of the swine flu and am concerned about my health this weekend as well. I've chosen to pay for half of my room expenses so that I can have a hotel room to myself versus sharing one with another individual. I don't know whether I'm doing that so I can isolate or for my benefit, but it's set in stone at this point and I'm relieved. Physically, I don't feel well enough to "entertain" a roommate and would like my space. And, emotionally? Well, who knows. Suffice it to say that I have a lot of trepidation going into this weekend and I'm having to take a leap of faith -- not only about my "business" trip, but about my life now in its entirety.
I don't quite know what I am looking for from all of you. I am grateful for the many blessings in my life now and in the past -- it's just hard recognizing them at the present moment. Perhaps it was enough just to get everything that has been taking space in my head out on paper (so to speak). In truth, I don't feel particularly better, but I will get there. I know I will. Right?
Just under 2 weeks ago, I turned very ill. I became increasingly fatigued, had a recurring fever with chills, and was often nauseated. I figured I was just down for the count and coming down with a nasty cold or the flu, but when days passed with no new symptoms, I began to get worried. Instead, the fevers continued and I soon was unable to keep any food or fluids down. I spoke with, and later met with, my doctor, but there was nothing specific that she found she was able to diagnose me with. Three days later I was dehydrated, lethargic, and in so much pain and discomfort (abdominal) that I could not get out of bed. And, at that point, I had no choice but to call off from work and head to the ER. I believe that was the day before Halloween (things get a bit fuzzy from here). They took bloodwork, did a CT scan (with oral and IV contrast), did a UA (urinalysis), and gave me fluids, pain medication, and an anti-nausea medication. However, the tests all came back negative aside from the UA which showed I had a UTI (I did not -- I have a chronic medical condition which presents as UTI's and kidney infections) and they sent me on my way. Their diagnosis: a UTI and the start of my menstrual cycle. But, all was not well and I became so ill in the next day that I was rushed back to the hospital via the paramedics within 6 hours.
Once at the hospital, I again had labs taken, a CT scan (with oral and IV contrast), another UA, an MRI, and an ultrasound (pelvic). My blood pressure was high for me (146/106) and I had a low-grade fever (99.8), but all other tests came back normal and I was soon pegged as a drug seeker and non-compliant (they wanted me to take an antibiotic that I was allergic to (with a Benadryl chaser) and have an exam done that I was not comfortable with). Due to a large number of drug allergies (and chronic medical conditions) they were giving me fluids, Phenergan for nausea, and Dilaudid for pain. However, the only drug I requested was the Phenergan due to the severe nausea I was experiencing. They insisted on the Dilaudid and, as I was in pain, I didn't resist. But, all that's neither here nor there. While at the hospital the second time, I began experiencing excruciating pain in my lower right abdomen. The physician's assistant who was treating me insisted it was due to the UTI and wanted to send me home, but I insisted on being admitted and after hours of arguing, they relented and admitted me for observation.
Once admitted, they did yet another ultrasound -- this time to check for kidney stones and had me consult with a GI doc and an OBGYN. They, too, said that it was a UTI and that I was faking the pain for the pain meds. But, the next morning, I think I proved them all wrong when I suddenly collapsed during the discharge process. They took my vitals and my blood pressure had plummeted to 70/46 and my heart-rate climbed to over 120 bpm. My fever had spiked and I was vomiting blood. They re-drew my labs and my WBC (white blood count) was sky-high. The doctors were stumped and finally, thank God, a nurse suggested the possibility of appendicitis (which I had offered up on countless occasions, but was told I did not fit the profile) and a surgical consult was ordered. And, from there, I remember even less as I was nearly unconscious. The surgeon did consult and I was whisked off to surgery almost immediately. I had my appendix removed and I was soon recovering from laporoscopic abdominal surgery.
It turned out I was the black sheep of appendicitis sufferers. My appendix appeared only slightly inflamed yet, as the pathology report indicated, was very much infected. Thankfully, my appendix did not rupture, but it did cost me nearly a week in the hospital with constand IV fluids and pain medication. I was discharged late last week and have since been recuperating at home. I'm off of work until next Wednesday (at the earliest) and will be seeing the surgeon in his office this coming Tuesday.
Recovering from the surgery has been a rocky road for me. The anesthesia (sp) was very hard on me -- physically and emotionally. I've lost an incredible amount of weight in a short period of time and I continue to suffer from a lack of appetite and intermittent nausea and vomiting. The incisions are healing well, but I am very sore and still quite tired and lethargic. My concentration is off and I have difficulty thinking and expressing myself verbally and in written form. But, perhaps worst of all, my emotional state has not been well since my illness. I was pulled off of my antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication while in the hospital and that, coupled with the anesthesia (sp), has left me dealing with an overwhelming sense of sadness and anxiety. Thankfully, I am back on my medication, but I'm still struggling. The depression is heavy and it scares me, but I do know that this too shall pass. I suppose I just need to let it all out as opposed to keeping it bottled up within. I guess posting this here is helping me with that...
I leave tomorrow for a "business" trip. It's for a not-for-profit group that I volunteer with. I'll be traveling to Fort Wayne, IN and am just not feeling up to it. The trip itself will be fairly low-key, but it's concerning nonetheless. The schedule is heavy, but much of the weekend will be spent sitting in meetings -- I will be able to take care of myself as well as conduct the business at hand. I had previously committed to presenting a forum tomorrow evening and have worked hard to get everything in place for that meeting despite my recent health issues. I know that I'm not doing this on my own and throughout everything (including my upcoming work this weekend) I have had people by my side. I've been willing to ask for help and, thank God, it's been given without hesitation. My roommate will be caring for my pets tomorrow and has been helping me care for them over the last two weeks, but it is still anxiety-producing to leave them. And, to be quite honest, I have an irrational fear of the swine flu and am concerned about my health this weekend as well. I've chosen to pay for half of my room expenses so that I can have a hotel room to myself versus sharing one with another individual. I don't know whether I'm doing that so I can isolate or for my benefit, but it's set in stone at this point and I'm relieved. Physically, I don't feel well enough to "entertain" a roommate and would like my space. And, emotionally? Well, who knows. Suffice it to say that I have a lot of trepidation going into this weekend and I'm having to take a leap of faith -- not only about my "business" trip, but about my life now in its entirety.
I don't quite know what I am looking for from all of you. I am grateful for the many blessings in my life now and in the past -- it's just hard recognizing them at the present moment. Perhaps it was enough just to get everything that has been taking space in my head out on paper (so to speak). In truth, I don't feel particularly better, but I will get there. I know I will. Right?