- Joined
- Apr 23, 2014
- Messages
- 25
- Purraise
- 2
On Monday, I had to put my cat Blaze down. She was 17 and a rescue from the SPCA. Some one threw her in the dumpster as a kitten, and I adopted her at about 3 months. She had advanced kidney failure. I tried several things at the vet to keep her as long as I could. I was getting ready to take her in to her third appointment. She brushed up against me, which she had not done in a few days, sat down, looked at the floor and let out this little meow. I swear she was saying "help". It was heart breaking. She didnt fight much going into the crate, and didn't cry as much on the drive over.
The vet checked her over, and said she didnt bounce back at all from being on IV all day two days prior. He said he can give her more meds, more fluids, but he didnt think she'd last the week unless I had her on IV 24 hours a day. Her kidney function was pretty much gone and there was no fixing what she had. I made the tough decision to put her down. She was fighting back when the vet was checking her, but then gave up and layed down for a while, then fought again. She wanted to go home. He gave her a sedative, and then while holding her, he put her to sleep.
I feel like I threw her love away. She is the only thing in the world that loved me, and I feel I put her down so I wouldnt be stressed or sad anymore about her. At the same time, after seeing her suffer for 5 days, and then not eating for the last two, or wanting to sleep with me (she always did)I feel that if I could have seen something wrong with her sooner, I could have prevented this. But as soon as started walking like she was drunk, I took her in. She was always there for me. I always looked forward to coming home, having her meet me at the door and roll around for 5 min. Cuddling on the couch, playing with her on the other side of the door. Now I come home to my tiny, sad apartment and there is nothing here for me. I did this. I cant undo it.
The guilt is consuming me. If I dont feel sad and am crying, I feel hollow.
The vet checked her over, and said she didnt bounce back at all from being on IV all day two days prior. He said he can give her more meds, more fluids, but he didnt think she'd last the week unless I had her on IV 24 hours a day. Her kidney function was pretty much gone and there was no fixing what she had. I made the tough decision to put her down. She was fighting back when the vet was checking her, but then gave up and layed down for a while, then fought again. She wanted to go home. He gave her a sedative, and then while holding her, he put her to sleep.
I feel like I threw her love away. She is the only thing in the world that loved me, and I feel I put her down so I wouldnt be stressed or sad anymore about her. At the same time, after seeing her suffer for 5 days, and then not eating for the last two, or wanting to sleep with me (she always did)I feel that if I could have seen something wrong with her sooner, I could have prevented this. But as soon as started walking like she was drunk, I took her in. She was always there for me. I always looked forward to coming home, having her meet me at the door and roll around for 5 min. Cuddling on the couch, playing with her on the other side of the door. Now I come home to my tiny, sad apartment and there is nothing here for me. I did this. I cant undo it.
The guilt is consuming me. If I dont feel sad and am crying, I feel hollow.