My 19 y/o DD is driving me insane. We got into it this morning, and both of us ended up in tears. She started college 3 weeks ago and for some reason assumed all she had to do was party. I overheard her telling a friend the other day "All I do is go to school, go to softball practice, go to work, and go home. I never get to have any fun." Well, that's not true; she's been out twice in the last 5 days. She's worked twice in the last 5 days. I honestly don't know what she's doing the rest of her time besides "hanging with friends".
Her Dad & I tell her she needs to get as many hours at work now as she can; softball starts this weekend and she won't be able to work at all for awhile because of practices and games. We're not telling her she has to work every free minute; we are telling her she can't take off both Friday and Saturday night just to hang out--she needs to work one of them. Is that such a big deal?
She has bills to pay (buying gas for the car we bought her and paying an outrageous amount for the cell phone we pleaded with her not to buy). She didn't gat any kind of scholarship and her Dad & I can't afford the entire cost of tuition so we're paying half and she's responsible for the other half. She's totally p*ssed off that she's attending a community college instead of leaving town. We've told her--"if you can afford to pay for a university education for 4 years, by all means go ahead and do it."
So, like I said, we got into it this morning. I asked what her plans were for this evening; she stood and looked at me. I finally blew up and told her that if she didn't want me to ask questions she could start paying room and board. Then she could come and go as she pleased, no questions asked. She could also buy the car she's using (or lease it, I'm easy) and pay for her own insurance and repairs. She could also pay the entire amount of her tuition, book fees, lab fees, softball expenses, etc. If she didn't feel that she needed to work, DH & I would keep out mouths shut about it.
She got all teary and I felt bad. Luckily, she had to leave for school then. I told DH about it when he came home and he said, "She's been acting like a little turd for weeks. It's about time you said something to her." (not sure why it was up to me, but oh well) DD actually called while I was out & left a message about her plans for this evening, and that she'd be home right after practice so we could talk.
I don't know if I just needed to vent, or if I want advice---so I'll listen to any advice I can get. Are DH & I really being too hard on her? I understand she needs her hanging out time, but she also has resposibilites--homework, practice, bills that have to be paid. I don't ask her to help around the house like she used to because I know she has so much going on. I really don't think we're expecting too much of her; I think I just need someone to agree with me.
Her Dad & I tell her she needs to get as many hours at work now as she can; softball starts this weekend and she won't be able to work at all for awhile because of practices and games. We're not telling her she has to work every free minute; we are telling her she can't take off both Friday and Saturday night just to hang out--she needs to work one of them. Is that such a big deal?
She has bills to pay (buying gas for the car we bought her and paying an outrageous amount for the cell phone we pleaded with her not to buy). She didn't gat any kind of scholarship and her Dad & I can't afford the entire cost of tuition so we're paying half and she's responsible for the other half. She's totally p*ssed off that she's attending a community college instead of leaving town. We've told her--"if you can afford to pay for a university education for 4 years, by all means go ahead and do it."
So, like I said, we got into it this morning. I asked what her plans were for this evening; she stood and looked at me. I finally blew up and told her that if she didn't want me to ask questions she could start paying room and board. Then she could come and go as she pleased, no questions asked. She could also buy the car she's using (or lease it, I'm easy) and pay for her own insurance and repairs. She could also pay the entire amount of her tuition, book fees, lab fees, softball expenses, etc. If she didn't feel that she needed to work, DH & I would keep out mouths shut about it.
She got all teary and I felt bad. Luckily, she had to leave for school then. I told DH about it when he came home and he said, "She's been acting like a little turd for weeks. It's about time you said something to her." (not sure why it was up to me, but oh well) DD actually called while I was out & left a message about her plans for this evening, and that she'd be home right after practice so we could talk.
I don't know if I just needed to vent, or if I want advice---so I'll listen to any advice I can get. Are DH & I really being too hard on her? I understand she needs her hanging out time, but she also has resposibilites--homework, practice, bills that have to be paid. I don't ask her to help around the house like she used to because I know she has so much going on. I really don't think we're expecting too much of her; I think I just need someone to agree with me.