Taking care of strays is making me feel trapped and overwhelmed

[TallBucket]

For the past four or five years, I've been feeding the strays in my neighbourhood and providing them with shelter (only a few actually use the shelter, and rather infrequently). Mostly, they just spend some time in my garden, eat, then go walking around the neighbourhood for the day. Some are friendlier than others. There's a few I'm quite attached to because they genuinely seem to like me and get excited/follow me around sometimes. All my regulars are neutered/spayed, except for the ones that come too irregularly to catch for an vet appointment.

It all started with me just feeding one random kitty who turned up hungry in my garden four or five years ago. I started feeding him. In the beginning, he'd come around the same time every day, so I'd just feed them and not leave any dishes out afterwards. However, after a few months, he started spending less time in my garden and wasn't turning up "on schedule" to eat, so I started leaving food outside in my garden in case he came back hungry when I wasn't there. As you can guess, leaving food out all day/overnight attracted more cats--it was gradual, but now there's seven cats who depend on me for food. They range from very young to elder cat.

I'm completely fed up. I like helping them but regret getting involved because it has caused me an extreme amount of anguish and stress over the years. I know they're not my pets, but I do worry about all of them and I get seriously anxious when one vanishes for a few days. My favourite went missing for 12 days earlier in the year and it made me so distraught that I could barely eat or sleep. I didn't realize how attached I'd become. When one returns, another one disappears. It's like clockwork, there's always somebody I'm worrying about. I feel embarrassed now even posting "missing cat" on the local facebook page, it's happening so often. I'm constantly rewinding the security cameras to catch a glimpse of the missing cats, just so I can be sure they're still alive and around the area.

My house is in a cul de sac but there's a main road nearby. Every morning when I leave for work, I dread that I'll see one of my cats killed on the roads. I hate this house and I would eventually like to move somewhere else/get a different job in a new city, but I can't because I'm committed now to the cats and can't just leave them behind. They all love this area and seem happy, so I'd hate to relocate them and adoption isn't likely because they're skittish (the friendly ones are scared of everyone aside from me).

Also, feeding them is becoming increasingly expensive. I used to buy them Whiskas dry food but that's almost double in price. They won't eat Aldi or Lidl dry food. They like the wet food from Aldi, though. Vet bills are also too much for me to handle. Neutering and vaccines are fine, but emergencies like broken bones or infections cost a lot.

I'm fed up. I never intended for it to end up with way. Everything just snowballed. I'd love to just start fresh somewhere and have no responsibilities but I can't because of these cats. I feel awful when I think about giving them up.

Do any of you feel this way?

 

[BeccaCat]

Thank you for your kind heart and for caring for so many kitties. That is a lot on any one person. I wish I had some advice, but I’m not in your shoes. I’d suggest talking with some other TNR folks in your area. Maybe call the shelters and ask if they or someone they know could talk with you. Sometimes just having someone to talk to makes things better. Do you belong to Costco? They sell giant bags of cat food. I’ve never tried it with my cats but most Costco products are of good quality.
I wish you the very best. I hope things get better, and I thank you for everything you’ve done.

 

[FeebysOwner]

All I can think of is to contact local rescue centers and ask if they have contacts for fostering care. Some of the friendlier ones could be trapped first and worked with by a foster for socialization in order to get them 'adopted'.

Next Door Neighbor web site might be another option for you in terms of reaching out to others in your area that are taking care of ferals/strays and may have some ideas on how to 'reduce' the size of your 'colony', and maybe even help with suggestions on how to trap the ones you have yet been able to catch, for at least TNR purposes. The more of these cats that cannot propagate the less likely they will be bringing around their offspring to you for feeding as well.

There are some members on this site that regularly deal with/take care of ferals and strays and I am hoping some of them will soon see your post and respond with other thoughts/ideas.

 

[iPappy]

I second checking into fostering/adoption situations for the friendly ones. Some cat people tend to fly under the radar so if you make a post asking if anyone has any experience with this situation, even people who aren't actively TNR'ing might be able to help you out.
When the cats disappear then come back, are they ever sick, skinny, or beaten up? People elsewhere might feeding them too, and they might flip flop between neighborhoods. There's no shame in feeling fed up, it's a big responsibility (financially and emotionally).

 

[Margot Lane]

Agreed w/ all of the very sound advice above. At some point, you do have to be free to live your live as you would want! It’s a big life change, and I’d just take it one day at a time, one step at a time. Think how good these kitties will feel if you can get them into loving homes! Maybe write a checklist, which always helps me from feeling overwhelmed, and do one thing on it like “Contact Nextdoor,” then just keep going. There are TNR people & cat lovers everywhere— maybe you can form a group w/ your neighbors!

 

[Furballsmom]

Are you in Europe?

I don't know, but maybe you can see if there are contacts, possibly through your vet or vet techs, for less expensive food, other people who are doing this who might have suggestions so that you can eventually be able to leave, and additionally talk to him/her about less expensive vet care.

 

[kittychick]

I know it's been a few days since you posted - but in case you're still watching this thread (and I really hope you are), I wanted to weigh in. No matter what - I hope you know you've ALREADY made SUCH a huge difference! The spaying/neutering alone have saved SO many kittens from being born into the super tough life of a feral kitty. You should be enormously proud of that alone. It's huge - and something most people wouldn't consider doing. so a HUGE bravo from me on that - and I'm sure everyone in this forum would echo that! Anyway - I know I may echo a bit of what some of our most experienced members said above, but hopefully I can add something too.

First - know you can ALWAYS come to this site to express frustration as you did, ask any questions, ask for help or just ask for a shoulder. It's a great group of people on here, and you'll always find 1-100 people who've been through anything you're going through with cats!

Second - I've been working with & at shelters, fostered,TNR'd (trap/neuter/release),TNR'd without the "R"....I've had over 30 years at it now. And yet I (like most of us on this Feral/ Stray Forum) STILL do so much of what you said - worry. What you wrote about worrying yourself to death when one misses a meal - that's me. We TNR'd most of the ferals in our neighborhood colony, and a small group of them made our garage their home. Just last week one of ours that's a stickler for feeding time or he heads elsewhere to find more food (ignoring the bowl of hard food they can access all day) didn't come for breakfast, but tried to tell myself I wasn't able to feed until 8:30, & so he likely went in search of other food. But when he didn't show for dinner either, my worry meter went from a 'panic on the inside' to 'oh my god, let's print flyers, call everyone that lives near us, and walk the neighborhood & go through people's bushes for an hour"' panic attack. I knew logically he'd very likely be back. But I still utterly panic. Unfortunately it's one of the toughest part of helping a colony - never knowing if a missed meal means more than a missed meal. We all worry. Parents worry about kids, right? To me - our TNR guys are just as much a part of our family as our fully indoor adopted cuties. So we worry. There are ways to be prepared as possible - keep photos of all of them to send out if need be, noting any special markings, etc. And checking in (if you're in a populated area) with a neighborhood Facebook group or Next Door Neighbor group (don't immediately put out there that you feed a colony - - I've learned by experience how nasty some neighbors can get once they decide you're "the cat lady who just brings more cats in" - - so feel it out first. But having other people in your area you can talk to if one goes missing (or just talk to when you're frustrated!) helps ALOT!

Third - I COMPLETELY understand the food prices. It's out of control for us as well. We used to feed higher-end food, but now have to stretch out our not-very-high-end canned food by adding a little extra water and by stirring in some hard food. An option - check to see if there are any pet food banks in your area. Many shelters and spay/neuter clinics have food banks, and human food banks also often carry pet food. And please DON'T be ashamed to get some or all of your pet food that way when you need to. Our shelter has a pet food bank, and we ask for no proof of need, not even an ID. You also might consider an Instagram account - many colony feeders get at least some help with food/etc. And not being able to afford big vet bills - you're far from alone. I'd suggest seeing if your area has a low-cost vet (we have one that bills according to income) or if you have a low-cost spay/neuter clinic nearby that also does some lighter vet work. And remember - you're doing what you can.

Fourth - a good group dedicated solely to community cats (and their caregivers) is Alley Cat Allies (alleycat.org) and this link is to a section dedicated to their Feral Friends Network. They'll do their best to point you to people in your area who can help.

I so hope you know you're not alone. I hope you'll keep us posted!

 

[catsknowme]

How are things going? If you do have the opportunity to relocate where you can keep the cats, please know that many cats do so very well. Several years ago, my sister came out from TN to CA with her dogs and cats plus several more kitties in need, We rented her a motorhome and she, her best friend plus my adult niece made it a road trip. Originally, it seemed insane but Heaven provided and the trip went surprisingly well. Cats who normally freaked out on trips to the vet rode easily. Dogs who were prone to dash off stayed close by, never rushing the door. Once here, the strays and outside kitties used to roaming 5 acres were content to continue RV living until our roomies found a place of their own and my sister got a room in the main house. When spring arrived, my ferals accepted the newcomers quite well since i did feeding stations on the opposite ends outside the house.
All that moving wasnt cheap but there were people able to make small donations via paypal and others who helped hunt good bargains on dog crates, blankets, etc., from yard sales and thrift stores.
It would help tremendously if you had someone to help. I have found, through TNR efforts, that there are cat rescuers who are as elusive as the ferals they care for.
You can Private Message any one of us whenever you want to reach out. Your TCS family makes the world a better place.