About 2 months ago, I experienced the most painful loss I've ever felt. My 5-year-old cat, Jack, died of a lymphoma that took him only a week after his diagnosis. He was only 5 years old. His brother (I say that, but not brother by blood), Andy, began exhibiting a lot of behavioral changes, most of them negative. I voiced concern about these behaviors immediately after Jack died, but they seemed more understandable then. First of all, he meows. I don't mean he cries at the door when he hears someone or begs for treats. Oh, no. Howling might be a better description of the sound that comes from his mouth and it is incessant, all day, all night, and only stops when he is sleeping. Oftentimes, it's downright disturbing (he sounds angry, if you can imagine what that would sound like), most of the time it's just really annoying and stressful. I've tried to be patient with him because he and Jack were extremely close. They bathed each other, slept together, played together - they were inseparable. He searched for his brother for a week or longer. The loud non-stop howling meows began almost immediately. It's been two months now and he shows no sign of stopping!
What's worse is the constant need for attention that has become pathological. He's started biting in scratching, again. This behavior seems to be out of anger, but that could be me anthropomorphizing my cat. Honestly, I don't know what these new behaviors indicate. I'm started to worry that this is going to be a long-term behavioral shift in him. It's causing myself and my two roommates a lot of stress because it never stops. To make things even more difficult, he's even started biting and swatting when he's not getting attention. He doesn't ask for it, he demands it. ALL of the time. Often even when we're sleeping.
My roommate has convinced herself that he "needs a buddy." She is convinced Andy is lonely and that a kitten is the only way to make him happy again. When Jack first died, I made her promise me that she wouldn't run out and get a kitten (she's very impulsive like that and it wouldn't be the first - or second - time!) to make me and Andy feel better. I feel like the only responsible way to make this kind of decision is to really understand that, if things go as they should, a new kitten or cat is a 20 year commitment if you're lucky! Even if you're not, it's hopefully a very long-term arrangement that will demand certain responsibilities for the lifetime of that cat. When I lost my first generation (2 males, just like these two now), I was devastated. I was also able to do a lot of things that I never would have been able to do otherwise in the following months. I had had those two wonderful kittens in my life since I was 18 years old and I was in my 30's when I lost them. Basically, I had been tied to the commitment of pet ownership my entire adult life. Of course, I would have done anything to keep them in my life and have zero regrets, but I was able to do things after their passings that I never would have been able to do otherwise. Because of this, I chose not to get another cat for about a year and a half so that I could grieve, be there for my parents (my dad had terminal cancer at the time), and so on.
So basically my question is two-fold:
1. What can I do about Andy's new and increasingly negative behaviors?
2. When my roommate first started trying to convince me that Andy needed another cat around, I didn't think I was ready. But as time passes, I'm starting to wonder if maybe she's right. Should I consider getting another cat? Would this help Andy's behavioral issues (these were not issues when Jack was alive)? If I do get another cat, should I get an older or a younger cat? Male or female?
*Lastly, I don't know if it's important or not, but Andy came into my life from "the wild." I believe he was left behind when someone moved, because I found him near the lake on a hiking trail and he was perfectly socialized and even neutered when I found him! I initially got Jack as a playmate for Andy. He was an adult (my vet guessed he was 2-3 years old when he found me), and Jack was six weeks old when I brought him home, after about six of having Andy.. Andy is around 8 years old now. Both cats are/were male.
I apologize for the length of this post!
If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and I am grateful for any suggestions y'all might have. I'm so impressed with the knowledge and support this site has to offer. I consider myself very lucky to have found this forum of wonderful people and beautiful kittens.
What's worse is the constant need for attention that has become pathological. He's started biting in scratching, again. This behavior seems to be out of anger, but that could be me anthropomorphizing my cat. Honestly, I don't know what these new behaviors indicate. I'm started to worry that this is going to be a long-term behavioral shift in him. It's causing myself and my two roommates a lot of stress because it never stops. To make things even more difficult, he's even started biting and swatting when he's not getting attention. He doesn't ask for it, he demands it. ALL of the time. Often even when we're sleeping.
My roommate has convinced herself that he "needs a buddy." She is convinced Andy is lonely and that a kitten is the only way to make him happy again. When Jack first died, I made her promise me that she wouldn't run out and get a kitten (she's very impulsive like that and it wouldn't be the first - or second - time!) to make me and Andy feel better. I feel like the only responsible way to make this kind of decision is to really understand that, if things go as they should, a new kitten or cat is a 20 year commitment if you're lucky! Even if you're not, it's hopefully a very long-term arrangement that will demand certain responsibilities for the lifetime of that cat. When I lost my first generation (2 males, just like these two now), I was devastated. I was also able to do a lot of things that I never would have been able to do otherwise in the following months. I had had those two wonderful kittens in my life since I was 18 years old and I was in my 30's when I lost them. Basically, I had been tied to the commitment of pet ownership my entire adult life. Of course, I would have done anything to keep them in my life and have zero regrets, but I was able to do things after their passings that I never would have been able to do otherwise. Because of this, I chose not to get another cat for about a year and a half so that I could grieve, be there for my parents (my dad had terminal cancer at the time), and so on.
So basically my question is two-fold:
1. What can I do about Andy's new and increasingly negative behaviors?
2. When my roommate first started trying to convince me that Andy needed another cat around, I didn't think I was ready. But as time passes, I'm starting to wonder if maybe she's right. Should I consider getting another cat? Would this help Andy's behavioral issues (these were not issues when Jack was alive)? If I do get another cat, should I get an older or a younger cat? Male or female?
*Lastly, I don't know if it's important or not, but Andy came into my life from "the wild." I believe he was left behind when someone moved, because I found him near the lake on a hiking trail and he was perfectly socialized and even neutered when I found him! I initially got Jack as a playmate for Andy. He was an adult (my vet guessed he was 2-3 years old when he found me), and Jack was six weeks old when I brought him home, after about six of having Andy.. Andy is around 8 years old now. Both cats are/were male.
I apologize for the length of this post!
If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and I am grateful for any suggestions y'all might have. I'm so impressed with the knowledge and support this site has to offer. I consider myself very lucky to have found this forum of wonderful people and beautiful kittens.
