- Joined
- Oct 27, 2018
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Hey all. I have a cat (1 of 4) that has stress issues, moderate psychogenic alopecia (overgrooming) at the base of her tail being one example. Occasional aggression towards the other cats (her former buddy primarily, referred to as L,) boredom, and likely depression are others. I'm going to refer to her as H.
I'm currently living with a parent (M) that has "strict rules" about how she wants her house to look like. She doesn't like cat furniture and has a fit whenever I either buy cat toys or try to make my own. Her response is always, "doesn't she have enough toys?" Moving elsewhere is not an option, as cost of living is ridiculous and I moved to this state to help take care of M.
Currently my cat has:
*One 5ft cat tower (that i had to twist M's arm to get, and still didn't get for a long time.) Her favorite is the top perch and L also gets up there occasionally.
*A small hoop with packing paper that she likes to shred (on a storage container/perch)
*A large shipping box that she likes to scratch and sleep in. (Her stress got worse after we took her old one away after we got the tower. I also switch it out with a new one once it gets too beat up)
*Various wands
*Other small toys like balls and springs that quickly get lost
*Those 3 tier ball track toys, of which she doesn't use anymore, as well as other toys she doesn't have any interest in
Vertical space is scarce and mostly consists of human furniture. One of H's favorite ones is no longer available because M refuses to let me mount the TV and soundbar (the later being what made it unavailable.) L also has had a history of urinary issues caused by stress. M almost made me rehome her cause she was peeing everywhere. She had me take her to the vet and the vet's response each time was "you need more vertical space." M refuses to listen and insists on there being a different solution. L has long since stopped having UA issues tho.
What I try to do for H, as well as the other cats' general boredom, is let them outside. I know this is a controversial topic and I know the risks.
L thrives as an outdoor cat. She comes inside at night and checks in a few times during the day. You can clearly tell she suffers from being kept in for long periods of time tho. It took me a long time to come to terms with it but she is clearly overall a better cat because of it.
K and A (who are M's cats) have to be supervised in order to go out, so it isnt as often. We've tried letting K out unsupervised but she abused that privilege by slipping through the fence, M having a panic attack, and me having to hunt for her.
H does well being outside, but she mostly prefers being inside and/or around me. She does still go out by herself tho. For a while I thought that this was enough to somewhat help with her overall boredom but recently I've realized it isn't. Based on general observation, I think she feels isolated by her kitty peers.
I adopted L as an adult after I rescued H as a street kitten. They grew up together and, after the initial introduction, appeared to become closely bonded. They'd groom each other and L seemed to be like a mother cat to H. A few years after I moved cross country, with my now late dog, H's attitude changed towards L. I dont know if it started before or after my dog passed, or before or after he had his crippling injury (8 months before his passing.) I just know that before, they'd both (H and L) sleep on the bed with me and now H can't stand seeing L in my room, which is where she (L) sleeps at night until I wake up. Now I recall them not really using my bed after my dogs injury too, but dont remember where H was in her behavior transition.
Her relationship with K and A is strained. They (K and A) have lived together for many years with M and had never met H and L before I moved. M lived in a 1 room apartment when I moved so there was no way for there to be a gradual introduction. 2 adults, 4 cats, and a S/M dog were cramed into an apartment meant for 1 bed and 2 animals. It was slightly better when we moved to our current house. Less than 1k sqft but significantly more space than before and was purchased vs rented.
Despite having more room, it was still hard to gradually reintroduce them. It would require either pair to be cooped up in a small room and we did do that for a while. If I remember right, the 2 pairs took turns? Or it was mostly my 2 that were locked up. It didn't last long tho, and they all eventually had free reign of the house.
~~
Going a bit off topic:
The 6ft tower that we previously had from the apt was discarded because it had to be kept in my room (cause M didn't want cat stuff in the rest of the house) and an ant invasion caused it to be drowned in (food grade) diatomaceous earth. Wonderful to kill ants with but a B to clean up. They stopped using it after that. It wasn't until late 2020 that we finally got our current tower.
(Side note, at one point I bought a 2ft tower for the window, which M had a fit about but eventually got over. She refuses to let me get a bigger one tho, so a whole bunch of window is being unused, despite there being room for a much taller tower. The stand is tall enough to come just above the window sill, which is wide enough for a cat to sit on and stretches maybe...4ft from the corner? Going both ways.)
Timeline at this point: (and likely missing stuff but
)
H was rescued as a kitten in July 2015
L was adopted as a 2yo in Aug 2015
Moved cross country in early 2017 to apt
Moved 3mos later to house (mid 2017)
Late 2017? got rid of the 6ft tower
R had crippling injury in May 2018
R passed in Jan 2019 at almost 9yo
Late 2020 got the 5ft tower
Estimated: H is 5yo, L is 7yo, K is 9yo, A is 18yo
~~
Continuing from when they got free reign of the house. It was very stressful for them all. There was constant hissing and growling at just the sight of the other cat and it took a long time for them to tolerate each other. It never broke out into full on cat fight, thankfully, but even now they only mostly tolerate each other. Occasionally we'll see L, A and K on M's bed, tho K often guards it, especially when we're in there with her.
H has shown clear signs of wanting to play with the other cats. Yet their response is to hiss and/or spit. Its kind of like the saying being surrounded by peers can be more lonely than being by yourself. I can't help but think that it would've been better to adopt a kitten her age instead of an adult, but the past can't be changed and I refuse to rehome any of my animals. I wish we were in a situation where I could adopt a young cat now but with the cats we have, not having cat appropriate furniture, and being tight on money anyway, I dont want to submit a young cat to that kind of environment.
I've gotten a few different types of wands and toys, hoping that she would have an interest in them. She does have some but quickly loses interest and gives me that "you dont know how I like to play" vibe as she walks away.
I've gotten some success with a box I cut up this morning for a "wack a mole" type game (that M gave an exasperated response to) but it only helps a little. She still loses interest and at this point, I dont know what to do. I want to shower her with toys, towers, and endless fun but I dont have the money or space (or "permission") to do that, and I dont know where to start now.
Edit: M will often tell me to stop playing with H, cause the noise bothers her or is 'annoying.'
My next "project" is patching up a cat stroller someone gave me and taking her for walks (after she gets accustomed to it ofc.) I highly doubt this will solve all of our problems tho, and that there will be other things that need to be done or changed.
Another thing I'd like to note, we've ruled out medical reasons for the most part. From observation and previous vet visits for her alopecia, we've concluded that its behavior/stress related. We've tried stress medicines. Topical, liquid, and pill versions. She very quickly catches on to the tell signs and stops eating the food we hide it in and/or runs away at the slightest hint that she's about to be medicated. Because of this, not medicating is better than getting maybe half of her doses.
I also know of Jackson Galaxy. I dont know how he can help tho, cause I feel that I've tried the things he's recommended. I also think we have an unusual situation and that the things that are recommended, and would usually work for most, cannot be applied to our situation due to our living circumstances and "rules". I've also got some oils from him but I dont really use them often.
At this point, it's a cry for help. It's heart breaking for me to see her bored, or not have a fellow cat to play with, or me do something wrong when playing with her, and not know how to change it. I can imagine it is far worse for her too. Cats don't get electronics or books or phone calls to entertain them. They rely on us for that and I feel like I've horribly failed as a cat dad.
~~
Disclaimer?
I ask that folks not post rude comments. I'm seeking help here because i have no clue where to turn to or what to do now. Please note that we do what we can with the tools that we are given. Some situations are not favorable but I have done and still do the best I can.
~~
I tried to add as much detail as possible but I hope it wasn't too overwhelming. Thank you for taking the time to read this far, and for providing any insight. If I manage to think of anything else, I'll add it as edits.
Oh, I also would like recommendations on how to help her tail heal. She goes through a cycle of overgrooming to the point of breaking skin and just not having any fur. Neosporin is the first option but with it being caused by overgrooming, i dont think its the best thing. E collars cause more harm than good, and donut collars pop easily and don't shield her from that area anyway. I'm open to holistic options as well. She targets the base of her tail. Mostly the top but also goes after the bottom and sides occasionally. I stop her by blocking it with my hand but I can only do that a fraction of the time.
I'm currently living with a parent (M) that has "strict rules" about how she wants her house to look like. She doesn't like cat furniture and has a fit whenever I either buy cat toys or try to make my own. Her response is always, "doesn't she have enough toys?" Moving elsewhere is not an option, as cost of living is ridiculous and I moved to this state to help take care of M.
Currently my cat has:
*One 5ft cat tower (that i had to twist M's arm to get, and still didn't get for a long time.) Her favorite is the top perch and L also gets up there occasionally.
*A small hoop with packing paper that she likes to shred (on a storage container/perch)
*A large shipping box that she likes to scratch and sleep in. (Her stress got worse after we took her old one away after we got the tower. I also switch it out with a new one once it gets too beat up)
*Various wands
*Other small toys like balls and springs that quickly get lost
*Those 3 tier ball track toys, of which she doesn't use anymore, as well as other toys she doesn't have any interest in
Vertical space is scarce and mostly consists of human furniture. One of H's favorite ones is no longer available because M refuses to let me mount the TV and soundbar (the later being what made it unavailable.) L also has had a history of urinary issues caused by stress. M almost made me rehome her cause she was peeing everywhere. She had me take her to the vet and the vet's response each time was "you need more vertical space." M refuses to listen and insists on there being a different solution. L has long since stopped having UA issues tho.
What I try to do for H, as well as the other cats' general boredom, is let them outside. I know this is a controversial topic and I know the risks.
L thrives as an outdoor cat. She comes inside at night and checks in a few times during the day. You can clearly tell she suffers from being kept in for long periods of time tho. It took me a long time to come to terms with it but she is clearly overall a better cat because of it.
K and A (who are M's cats) have to be supervised in order to go out, so it isnt as often. We've tried letting K out unsupervised but she abused that privilege by slipping through the fence, M having a panic attack, and me having to hunt for her.
H does well being outside, but she mostly prefers being inside and/or around me. She does still go out by herself tho. For a while I thought that this was enough to somewhat help with her overall boredom but recently I've realized it isn't. Based on general observation, I think she feels isolated by her kitty peers.
I adopted L as an adult after I rescued H as a street kitten. They grew up together and, after the initial introduction, appeared to become closely bonded. They'd groom each other and L seemed to be like a mother cat to H. A few years after I moved cross country, with my now late dog, H's attitude changed towards L. I dont know if it started before or after my dog passed, or before or after he had his crippling injury (8 months before his passing.) I just know that before, they'd both (H and L) sleep on the bed with me and now H can't stand seeing L in my room, which is where she (L) sleeps at night until I wake up. Now I recall them not really using my bed after my dogs injury too, but dont remember where H was in her behavior transition.
Her relationship with K and A is strained. They (K and A) have lived together for many years with M and had never met H and L before I moved. M lived in a 1 room apartment when I moved so there was no way for there to be a gradual introduction. 2 adults, 4 cats, and a S/M dog were cramed into an apartment meant for 1 bed and 2 animals. It was slightly better when we moved to our current house. Less than 1k sqft but significantly more space than before and was purchased vs rented.
Despite having more room, it was still hard to gradually reintroduce them. It would require either pair to be cooped up in a small room and we did do that for a while. If I remember right, the 2 pairs took turns? Or it was mostly my 2 that were locked up. It didn't last long tho, and they all eventually had free reign of the house.
~~
Going a bit off topic:
The 6ft tower that we previously had from the apt was discarded because it had to be kept in my room (cause M didn't want cat stuff in the rest of the house) and an ant invasion caused it to be drowned in (food grade) diatomaceous earth. Wonderful to kill ants with but a B to clean up. They stopped using it after that. It wasn't until late 2020 that we finally got our current tower.
(Side note, at one point I bought a 2ft tower for the window, which M had a fit about but eventually got over. She refuses to let me get a bigger one tho, so a whole bunch of window is being unused, despite there being room for a much taller tower. The stand is tall enough to come just above the window sill, which is wide enough for a cat to sit on and stretches maybe...4ft from the corner? Going both ways.)
Timeline at this point: (and likely missing stuff but
)H was rescued as a kitten in July 2015
L was adopted as a 2yo in Aug 2015
Moved cross country in early 2017 to apt
Moved 3mos later to house (mid 2017)
Late 2017? got rid of the 6ft tower
R had crippling injury in May 2018
R passed in Jan 2019 at almost 9yo
Late 2020 got the 5ft tower
Estimated: H is 5yo, L is 7yo, K is 9yo, A is 18yo
~~
Continuing from when they got free reign of the house. It was very stressful for them all. There was constant hissing and growling at just the sight of the other cat and it took a long time for them to tolerate each other. It never broke out into full on cat fight, thankfully, but even now they only mostly tolerate each other. Occasionally we'll see L, A and K on M's bed, tho K often guards it, especially when we're in there with her.
H has shown clear signs of wanting to play with the other cats. Yet their response is to hiss and/or spit. Its kind of like the saying being surrounded by peers can be more lonely than being by yourself. I can't help but think that it would've been better to adopt a kitten her age instead of an adult, but the past can't be changed and I refuse to rehome any of my animals. I wish we were in a situation where I could adopt a young cat now but with the cats we have, not having cat appropriate furniture, and being tight on money anyway, I dont want to submit a young cat to that kind of environment.
I've gotten a few different types of wands and toys, hoping that she would have an interest in them. She does have some but quickly loses interest and gives me that "you dont know how I like to play" vibe as she walks away.
I've gotten some success with a box I cut up this morning for a "wack a mole" type game (that M gave an exasperated response to) but it only helps a little. She still loses interest and at this point, I dont know what to do. I want to shower her with toys, towers, and endless fun but I dont have the money or space (or "permission") to do that, and I dont know where to start now.
Edit: M will often tell me to stop playing with H, cause the noise bothers her or is 'annoying.'
My next "project" is patching up a cat stroller someone gave me and taking her for walks (after she gets accustomed to it ofc.) I highly doubt this will solve all of our problems tho, and that there will be other things that need to be done or changed.
Another thing I'd like to note, we've ruled out medical reasons for the most part. From observation and previous vet visits for her alopecia, we've concluded that its behavior/stress related. We've tried stress medicines. Topical, liquid, and pill versions. She very quickly catches on to the tell signs and stops eating the food we hide it in and/or runs away at the slightest hint that she's about to be medicated. Because of this, not medicating is better than getting maybe half of her doses.
I also know of Jackson Galaxy. I dont know how he can help tho, cause I feel that I've tried the things he's recommended. I also think we have an unusual situation and that the things that are recommended, and would usually work for most, cannot be applied to our situation due to our living circumstances and "rules". I've also got some oils from him but I dont really use them often.
At this point, it's a cry for help. It's heart breaking for me to see her bored, or not have a fellow cat to play with, or me do something wrong when playing with her, and not know how to change it. I can imagine it is far worse for her too. Cats don't get electronics or books or phone calls to entertain them. They rely on us for that and I feel like I've horribly failed as a cat dad.
~~
Disclaimer?
I ask that folks not post rude comments. I'm seeking help here because i have no clue where to turn to or what to do now. Please note that we do what we can with the tools that we are given. Some situations are not favorable but I have done and still do the best I can.
~~
I tried to add as much detail as possible but I hope it wasn't too overwhelming. Thank you for taking the time to read this far, and for providing any insight. If I manage to think of anything else, I'll add it as edits.
Oh, I also would like recommendations on how to help her tail heal. She goes through a cycle of overgrooming to the point of breaking skin and just not having any fur. Neosporin is the first option but with it being caused by overgrooming, i dont think its the best thing. E collars cause more harm than good, and donut collars pop easily and don't shield her from that area anyway. I'm open to holistic options as well. She targets the base of her tail. Mostly the top but also goes after the bottom and sides occasionally. I stop her by blocking it with my hand but I can only do that a fraction of the time.
