Sorry.not sure where to put this. Difficult adoption decision. Too emotional to think clearly about it. Not sure what my cat's trying to tell me. In n

[Dax Moon]

Hello. About two years ago one of my cats died. She and my other cat had lived together for about ten years and were buds. I didn't really know the meaning of the word grief until she passed. After a while, late at night when I was laying in bed, my other cat started walking to empty rooms and she'd meow in a way that sounded like crying. Or like she was calling out for her buddy. I'd never heard her make that noise before and she's never made it around me to this day.

Anyways to try to get over my grief from my cat passing I started volunteering at a cat shelter helping to clean once a week. Right before the Covid lockdowns I signed up for the foster program and took in a diabetic foster cat;. She was kind of like my cat that passed in that she was kind of a runt but incredibly sweet and warm and cuddly and intelligent.

Anyways, After growing close to her (I've been home nearly all the time since we got pandemic'd) and her starting to get along with my other cat she passed. We were never really able to get her glucose level stabilized. It's devastating when you are responsible for making this sweet little innocent thing better again and you fail, Your mind just keeps going over things endlessly to try to figure out what you did wrong.

Anyways, while we had the diabetic foster cat my other cat stopped the empty room crying meow thing. Also, she had picked up doing a sort of anger meow thing at me that she stopped. She started doing it again after the foster passed. I had another foster recently. Beautiful, fun, playful, sweet ... great cat. She was only here for a week and my other cat kind of attacked her once but after that there were just some growls as I took action to try bring about a detente. I think they may have been starting to be accepting of one another the last day or two.

Anyways, after having that sweet foster for a week I took her back in and they kept her as now they said they have space for her in the adoption area. My cat done a bit of the empty room cry meow as well as the anger meow thing again.

I really liked her and I've thought about adopting her since I took her to the adoption center a day ago. I want to adopt her but I know I can give more cats a life by being a foster. Also, I want to do whatever makes my other cat happy and I can't tell . She could be adopted today at the adoption center and I don't know what to do. Thoughts or advice?

Sorry for the ridiculously long post. It's hard to write about this stuff

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. And, welcome! Perhaps, you could do both? As in: adopt this cat, get her and your current cat acclimated to each other and afterward considering fostering cats again - with you having two of your own?

It seems like your cat would prefer to have another cat around, and it sounded like your foster cat and she were starting to get along? That would give your cat consistency and a full-time buddy, and still possibly give you chance to do some more fostering down the road.

 

[John Perram]

I would give another go. Just make sure each has a private area and own litter box and food bowl.

 

[ArtNJ]

If you only had this new cat for a week and were putting the two cats together without any formal introduction process, its a fantastic result that you were seeing progress. It sounds like your cat is relatively accepting of new cats for a senior. So I'd feel comfortable proceeding. However, I would do a more formal introduction process. Here is our guide:

How To Successfully Introduce Cats: The Ultimate Guide – TheCatSite Articles

 

[CatladyJan]

Dax Moon don't beat yourself up over the diabetic issue because it's complicated and takes time to adjust to the proper amount of insulin.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

First, you weren't responsible for the death of the diabetic kitty. You did everything you could. It can be a horribly difficult disease to manage, sometimes impossible.

Second, it sounds as if your current cat really wants someone to keep her company. I would second FeebysOwner 's suggestion...go to the shelter, adopt the cat she liked so that she has one constant companion that she can rely on, and then foster others. Best of both worlds!

 

[Dax Moon]

Thank you all so much for the taking the time to read that and all your thoughtful advice. I needed that. I'm going to e-mail them now!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Let us know!

 

[Dax Moon]

She was already gone. I was happy for her though. It looks like she will have a great life.

 

[ArtNJ]

Ah thats too bad! As far as picking back up with other fosters, here are my thoughts:

Its great that you cat is relatively accepting of other cats for a senior cat, but that doesn't mean its fair to your senior cat to keep fostering new cats given that it is causing your cat some stress. It sounds like you are not isolating your fosters, which I believe is the norm. If I'm right about that, its definitely impressive for a senior cat to do relatively well with a new cat in a short period of time. So I'd either switch to isolating your fosters, or look to adopt a different cat of similar temperment and do a traditional slow introduction process.

 

[catalinacat]

To me it sounds like your cat can use a companion that is for keeps rather than having many foster cats come and go repeatedly (which might cause her more stress/grief with each parting perhaps).

But it also sounds like she has preferences (henceforth why she may have been accepting of one cat more immediately than another). A careful introduction process may help her get along with any cat that you do decide on adopting.

Fostering is definitely commendable but hopefully there are others who can foster in your place (I hear people fostering had gone up with more people able to work from home). I think you should not feel guilty for focusing on taking care of the cat you have now. When you can’t foster, even just donations can help a shelter too. There’s always more ways than one to help, on top of already adopting a cat and giving her/him a permanent home- which is a definitely a great thing to do in on itself.

Also, very sorry for the losses of your cats. I can only imagine how difficult that is as the bond you build with cats can be so special, whether they were one you adopted or fostered. May your guardian angel cats always be there in spirit!

 

[lizzieloo]

It would be unfortunate if you adopted first and for whatever reason your cat did not like them and had a tougher time adjusting/coping with them. I would keep fostering until you find the right one. Your cat is doing well with fosters so she can tell you which one she would like to keep and if you also like the cats personality you could adopt him/her.

Once you have a pair you can still foster. At that point your cat will have a buddy and will likely not be sad when each foster cat leaves.