Someone else's cat...seems to prefer being with us!

[crickets mom]

Poor little guy.  I believe that sometimes cats choose who they belong with, and Rosie has clearly chosen you.  Too bad the owner didnt just let you take control.  He is so lucky to have you.  If you talk to her again, maybe ask her what kind of food she gives him, and that way you arent disrupting his diet.  It seems to me like eventually he may become your cat either way.

 

[ldg]

Awwww.............. :heart3: If he keeps turning up at your home, along the lines BarbB suggested, perhaps let your neighbor know you just don't know what to do? He pushes his way in and doesn't seem to want to wander off. Perhaps find out what food she's feeding him, so he's on his special diet. Make sure she has your number, so if he's got a vet appointment, she can call to find out if he's there? That way he gets his care and his love. :heart3: :rub: :dk:

 

[deethebee]

Thanks for the support everyone

I have no idea what to believe about cats...the woman from the RSPCA told me they are very fickle and sometimes will just go live with someone else if they feed them. But if they're getting fed at home, why would they leave in the first place? It's a confusing thought. It's possible he's chosen me because I'm the only one around who gives him attention. The other neighbours have stopped now that they know he has a home and I worry if I made him believe this was his home by feeding him previously and keeping him here for a few nights, but then that was weeks ago. I do feel like maybe he's just so old that he needs to be around people and get comfort all day and that's why I said to the owner in my letter that because I'm not well I'm home a lot so I can offer him that care he needs. I do think that if I ever feed him he'll just get worse and the owner won't be impressed with us encouraging him to stay.

Maybe she will give in and just let us have him eventually, but so far she seems keen on keeping him. I really don't know what his home is like...maybe he gets a lot of affection but needs some in the day when no one is around! It's so hard to figure out. 

It's not a great situation because I've become so fond of him and I look forward to seeing him even though when I do I feel like I should be discouraging him. And on top of this I've got the emotional upset of being a cat fosterer with having to say goodbye to cats that I've formed a bond with

 

[otto]

I have a friend this happened to. Her cat kept going off and disappearing for days. She finally discovered he was 'visiting' a neighbor on the next block. The neighbor loved him and thought he was a stray she had rescued. My friend, as heart broken as she felt over it, realized her kitty had Chosen a a new home and new people, so she left him there. This cat is elderly too, and was always half wild, insisting on going out, even though his litter mate is content to stay at home and inside.

He never comes to visit her and when she bumps into the neighbor she just tells her he is "fine".

Perhaps you can find out what his special diet is, and get some so you can feed him what he is supposed to eat. It seems strange to me that even though you are not the only person who has taken this cat to a vet, the 'owner' shows no interest in keeping the cat inside where he will be safe and taken care of.

I would continue to let him spend the day in my house, if that is what he wanted. If the owner wants to keep him at home, she should keep him inside. If she wants him to come home, she should come get him herself. He clearly has Chosen you and your home.

 

[deethebee]

Hi Otto,

Thanks for telling your story. I think I would be devastated if a cat of mine found a new home, but at the same time I think people should sometimes take into account what's best for the cat. Older cats might need the comfort of being around someone a lot and be stroked or sit on laps. If you are out a lot and can't give the cat what they need but someone else can then maybe it is best to let it go. Even if a cat isn't right in the head there's obviously something they're missing if they're spending time with a neighbour or someone else's house.

I didn't feel right about letting him hang around at my place too much as I felt I was discouraging him from going home, but the truth is that I watch him when he leaves my yard and he either hops into another neighbour's yard or he just goes and sits in the lawn of the abandoned farm house. I also feel like the onus should be on the owner really...if she doesn't want him wandering off then she needs to make more of an effort to keep him in and happy and I shouldn't have to put him out and shut my door when it's hot. If she's not going to then I'm not going to chase him out my house when he clearly doesn't want to leave, even though I'm not feeding him!! And yes I agree that after 2 people at least have taken this cat to the vet the owner has not realised that she should be taking better care of him. I do eventually have to put him out as he comes by in the evening too and then wants to settle here for the night. And he doesn't seem to want to go out much when he's in my house, he just pops out to sit in the sun or go off and look for food when he finds none in my house! 

I am not sure why he has chosen us, if it's just that he's confused or if it's that he's locked out of his house or if it's that he just doesn't like his house...but maybe the owner will eventually give up and tell me to keep him. I think I've done my part in telling her how it is but I feel it might come across a bit rude if I just start asking about his diet. I may leave things for the time being and perhaps if she calls me and complains he's spending so much time at my place I can say there's nothing I can do...I've tried taking him home and putting him out and stopped feeding him and he still keeps hanging around. He is constantly looking for food as well which means we have to make sure NOTHING is left out for him to grab.

 

[deethebee]

Hello again,

I thought I'd give an update on the situation to anyone still reading this thread and for those that have commented.

I think I mentioned before that the cat had been coming to our place at night so we kept him here for a couple of nights. One day afterwards he came over during the day and used the litter box and it was clear that he was still having tummy trouble. So we decided to take him home and explain to the owner that he has diarrhea and is in need of something to replenish the electrolytes he's lost. At the same time while we were there she told us another neighbour had taken him a vet and was feeding him! We hoped this would push her to take him to the vet, but sadly not.

A couple of days after that I saw people feeding Rosie in their yard so I called the owner just to say it might be a good idea to tell them to stop feeding him. She called me back and we had a brief conversation and I suggested getting him some vitamin paste from the pet shop and also looking online. She then told me she doesn't want to take him to the vet if he's just going to keep going out with people feeding him. She seems to be under the impression that his illness is from people feeding him, but I don't believe a bit of extra food is going to cause a cat to get so ill. And she's not prepared to keep the cat in, so she's kind of causing the problem herself at the cat's expense. She said the vets bills are too high and I suppose she's scared he'll just get sick again. I then offered to take him to the vet for her and told her to think about it and let me know.

2 days later now and he seemed as ill as normal today except he deteriorated more today. When he leaves our house he will usually climb onto our shed and jump over the fence, but I looked out my window and the poor thing was just slumped over the top of the shed and not moving. I was so scared and I rushed out to him - thankfully he was alive! I had to get him down and then put him to rest on the couch. He looked so miserable. I contacted the RSPCA and they told me it's a case of neglect and they will be getting an inspector involved. They then told me to get the woner's consent and take the cat to the vet if I can. Unfortunately I have no transport and all the taxi companies were booked solid so I'm taking him first thing in the morning. I spoke to the owner and she seemed reluctant, but only because she didn't want me to feel as if I had to pay for it. I told her I basically don't have a choice because he's withering away in front of me and I can't bear it. 

I tell you I have cried so much over this today...I have to face the reality that the poor thing is now so sick that he might just have to be put down. The owner doesn't seem that bothered and is probably bemused as to why I'd pay for someone else's cat, but I think many people would understand. I don't have money. I have a little bit put away for emergencies and I will have to use it. I just keep wishing she'd just let me adopt him when I first offered and he might be well by now. He used to love having a stroke but now he doesn't want to be touched and moves away when he is. He barelu touches food and can't do much else than sit and hang his head or sleep. I tell you, I think tomorrow is going to be another teary day for me. Wish me luck everyone and thanks again for all the support!

 

[otto]

Oh my gosh. I am bawling, reading this. Praying you can save this poor kitty. Praying he survives this and gets to enjoy a real, happy, life for the time he has remaining, with YOU. Please keep us posted.

Rosie :heart3:

 

[deethebee]

Hi Otto,

I have been bawling my eyes out most of the day too and haven't been able to eat. I'm sorry to say it's not good news. The vet looked at him and did some inspection and said he had kidney failure. He said the best that could be done would be to put him on tablets but that with the way he's being looked after he doesn't see that it would do any good. I asked him what about if I looked after him and he told me Rosie would only last another 5 months or so with the treatment and he said the kindest thing would be to put him down. They said they would give him a nice meal and I said goodbye to him.

The owner called me to tell me she'd spoken to the vet and that Rosie had now been put to sleep. I don't know why but I was surprised by the lack of emotion or sadness in her voice, as if it was just your every day activity. She said it's "annoying" that the other vet hadn't picked up anything more than having one kidney larger than the other, but why she just ignored his deterioration is beyond me. She's young and probably doesn't care that much anyway. She didn't listen to any of the advice I gave her and I wish she'd just given him to me or gotten him treated the first time we took him to the vet and perhaps he'd still be alive and happy now. I'm so angry with her for putting Rosie and me through all of this. Needless suffering because she was worried about the vet's bill! God I just don't understand some people. Rosie could not speak up for herself and say, "I'm really ill, please take me to the vet" or get there herself. These defenseless animals rely on humans to make sure they are not suffering needlessly and Rosie was let down by the person she should have been able to trust. Why was it up to me to have to deal with the heartbreak of hearing the vet's words and having to say goodbye? I needed to step in though and end it and the vet said to me, "Thank God you brought him in". Unfortunately I feel no solace in the fact that he has gone from pain and suffering to just nothing but at least there is no more suffering and I hope that wherever he is he is happy. Maybe he was brought to me for a reason and I wish I'd done something sooner but it's over now so hopefully I can start to heal.

I can't stop thinking about the poor little thing and I'm sure I'll never forget. I know that cats don't feel emotion (apparently) but I hope he knows that just because his owner didn't love him, others did. The RSPCA have told me that it amounts to neglect and refusal to treat and it is therefore an offense so I believe they may prosecute her. I feel bad for getting her into trouble, I don't know why, but at the same time I feel like her other cat should probably be taken away and she should not be allowed to own pets. I have heard of this happening in other cases of neglect and I wouldn't like to even think about what would happen if the other cat got sick. 

Anyway sorry for going on about it...you can see it's caused me much hurt and I want to thank everyone for their support and advice and I hope I can come back soon when I'm feeling a bit better and help others in return.

 

[otto]

I hope this person is prosecuted for the suffering she caused. Perhaps it will save another pet's life, if she is.

Cats most certainly DO feel emotion, and Rosie knew you loved her. Your involvement, though it wasn't able to save her life, you certainly saved her several more months of suffering, and a slow agonizing lonely death, since clearly the "owner" was not ever going to do anything to help her.

You did what you could, you saved Rosie from suffering any more, and that is no small thing. {{hugs}}

Rosie :heart3:

 

[txcatmom]

I've followed this thread though I had no real advice to offer.  I just wanted to say thank you for caring for Rosie and I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[deethebee]

Otto - I hope she is prosecuted too. Not because I want to be vindictive but because she obviously has a lesson to learn about caring for animals and that she shouldn't have any if she doesn't love them the way us animal lovers do. She didn't deserve that sweet cat and Rosie didn't deserve her. I do hope you're right that Rosie knew I loved him. I just wish I could have explained things to him...it seems so unfair. I feel like he may have only lasted another week but I so badly wanted there to be a way to make him well again. It was so sad to see him looking a little better today and then having to put him to sleep. I suppose I did do what I could...but if not for my own issues and fear I would have stepped in sooner. I hope that I will never make that mistake again. Thank you for your kind words

txcatmom - that's fine I understand it was a tough one to deal with or give advice on and thank you for your support.

I've uploaded a few pictures of Rosie I took of him a few weeks ago when he was in better spirits. To remember him by and put a face to the name. I won't upload the ones of him I took last night looking miserable. I'd hoped they would be "before" pictures.

 

[ldg]

Oh hun, I am SO sorry. And that doesn't begin to express what I'm feeling.

I completely agree with otto. Cats most definitely do feel emotion, and little Rosie very much knew you loved him. :heart3: :heart2: :heart3:

You did what you could for this little baby, and he knew it and loved you for it.

I do hope these people are prosecuted for the exact reason you state. Rosie deserved better.

Fly free, little Rosie.

 

[deethebee]

Thanks for your words of encouragement LDG. I had hoped this sad story would not have such a sad ending. I have been able to hold back the tears most of today but when I start talking about it it gets to me again! And also because your guys' posts are so sincere. Trying not to think about it is hard because all I have to do is look out my window in my bedroom and I expect to see him in the garden of the farmhouse or something. I look out into my garden and expect to see him sitting at the door waiting to be let in...I'm sure it will get better with time, we all have to deal with grief and we manage. It just seems like grief is a bit pointless...you hurt over something you have no control over.

If I'd known what the vet was going to say I may have kept him for a couple of days to give him a nice ending to his life. It's worse when you have no chance to say goodbye. But then of course that would have been selfish because he was obviously unhappy even though he still wanted to be on my lap! I took a few pictures of him the last night he spent here of him looking so sad...lying in an exhausted state with his eyes open. Those pictures will haunt me I think. Maybe I will send them to the RSPCA for proof of his condition at the end. 

I have read that cats know when they're going to die and they wander from home to find a place of comfort. I wonder if that's what Rosie was doing by being anywhere other than home.

I'll update this thread if I hear back on what the RSPCA are going to do. I don't know why but I have a feeling that if they do anything it will be a slap on the wrist and that's it...

 

[barbb]

I think he had his best days with you and the other neighbor caring for him and I'm glad the RSPCA will go after his mom. Maybe it will save her other cat from being mistreated and hopefully it will discourage her from any more cats. People are so thoughtless. I am glad you stayed involved and saw it through to the end.

 

[whollycat]

Oh honey, I am so sorry at this heartbreaking outcome for Rosie.

Bless you for loving him! Don't you for one second feel guilty for her getting in trouble--IMO, at least you can give that legacy to Rosie...along with the loving care and kindness you showed him.

Oh my yes, kitties do feel emotions.

I've seen my three exhibit many: Purring because they are happy and content; grieving because they lost a beloved litter mate; growling because they are in "catch that prey mode," and they are trying to scare it into submission; headbutting me because they're glad to see me, and not just because he or she wants food; literally leaping from a cage at the vet into my arms and snuggling his sweet face into my neck with his arms wrapped around my neck because, finally, he felt safe again; straining and pooing on the floor in front of me because he was in pain due to constipation, but I didn't realize it until then (bad mama!!

); out-of-the-ordinary affectionate and glued to my side while I fought a battle with cancer; gently touching my tear-stained face with a paw when I suffered a great loss--and letting me bury my face in his comforting fur as he consoled me; "feed me now" in-my-face meows when hungry; snuggling up with me because I am their mama...I could go on and on. Kitties may be stoic when in pain, but they most definitely feel emotions. Just gotta love them, eh?

Too unbelievably sad Rosie's "owner" (can't call her a 'caregiver' because she obviously did NOT care) didn't feel the same way. Cats aren't "just cats" as a lot of so-called humans feel--Rosie's owner would be in that category, but most definitely NOT you--thank God!

I'll light a candle in Rosie's memory tonight. God speed and gentle journey little one...I'll tell Tuffy you're on your way...

I know this is going to sound wacko to some of you, but I'm going to say it anyway because I wish this for you, Dee: When Tuffy had to leave us, he did come back to show me that he was okay. How? Abby took on some of Tuffy's characteristics that only Tuffy would do--and boy was that comforting. Abby would "talk" to Tuffy out of the blue by staring at an empty space and converse back and forth "with" Tuffy like he would do when his brother was still here--they had their own "cat" language (maybe because they were brothers?).

I would feel pressure behind me on the sofa where Tuffy used to lay and snuggle into my neck. I would catch glimpses of Tuffy out of the corner of my eye--when Abby was clearly in front of me, so it couldn't have been Abby. Getting Maxie was, I feel, Tuffy showing me the way to have a kitty that so much reminds me of him, not in looks and coloring, but in characteristics--because he knew that would comfort me--and because of the unusual way I found Maxie's breeder before Maxie was even born. So, what I wish for you is that Rosie will come back and visit you to let you know that he is okay so that you may derive comfort during this awful time for you.

Now I'm off to let the tears flow...

 

[gary27]

Deethbee, I know this was a long time ago for you but the same has happened with me recently.  Our neighbours cat would always come into our house and he was such a lovely cat called Smudge.  I knew he never got much attention at home as they have 2 dogs and 2 little boys.  I suspect he got kicked out about the dad and often saw him getting thrown out the door. We have 2 cats of our own and are both spoiled rotten.  However over time Smudge became to feel like one of ours and he would come in and help himself to food lying about.  I didn't mind because I felt so sorry for him and he was so affectionate to us.

A few weeks ago i noticed he had left some blood in the litter tray and then a day or so later he left a small puddle of blood on the floor - I told his "owners" straight away.  They seemed not over concerned but I tried to emphasise the need for him to see a vet.

I saw him the other day and he seemed ok and I presumed he had been taken to the vets - but then yesterday he almost crawled in our front door and was looking to pee anywhere he could but nothing came.  He then went to curl up.  Knowing this was bad I called his owners to ask what was going on - I was shocked to hear he still had not been to the vet.  Last night they had no option but to take him to the vet and I have since been told he has been put down due to a chronic urinary infection.

I am so annoyed at his owners for not taking him sooner and not heeding my advice but I feel so bad that I didn't do more for him.  If I had just taken him myself and said to them it was an emergency then maybe he would be ok now.  I have cried all night and still crying now.

Would have been wrong to take a neighbours cat to the vet?  I just feel he came to us for help and I have let him down.  I loved him like he was my own cat and feel so bad for him.

I just stumbled upon your post whilst googling about this kind of infection in cats and thought it sounded similar.  You have probably moved on from yours now but I think I am going to feel bad about Smudge for some time yet.

Love you Smudge

 

[caltritwiamb4]

Hi deethebee,

I have a very similar story but it is about my dog Angel. In 2000 I worked at a group home with mentally Ill adults. This home was in a rather rural neighborhood. The house nextdoor had 3 dogs. One of the dogs a medium size black dog that looked like she could be the off spring of the other 2 dogs in their yard use to get loose and come to visit all of us at this group home I worked at. She had several holes under the fence that she would crawl through to get out of her yard. We all loved her and always gave her plenty of attention. We were not allowed to bring her in though because we did not have a permit to have a pet and we were a healthcare program (sort of.) And I don't think we fed her. We just gave her plenty of loving all the time. She would sleep in the mulch under the bay window. All three dogs were left outside all the time. The black dog was picked up by animal control. So her owners started to keep her leashed to a pole while they were at work . That made all of us at work very upset because then she was not able to come visit us anymore.Also it is brutally hot here and before she was able to go in an enclosed porch the people had when she needs shelter from the hot sun. I use to go over there and untangle her so she could reach her water bowl because she would wrap her leash around the pole. My boss asked the owners if they wouldn't mind us keeping her during the day while they were at work and then we would bring her back to them every evening. We thought that was a win win situation for all. They said no. One night during a thunder storm (we are the lightening capitol of the world here in Florida) my co-worker who worked the midnight shift called me very late and told me the dog escaped with pole dragging behind her and was very wet and very scared. She managed to pull the pole she was leashed to in her frantic attempt to get out of the lightening storm! I went to work the next morning picked up this dog and took her home and named her Angel.I probably would have taken her sooner except I had 2 dogs already and my husband was not going for it. So basically I stole the dog. My relationship outlasted that marriage by about 8 years! I gave Angel a good (indoor)  home until she died of a blood disease about 9 years later. Angel would refuse to go out in the rain even if it was just a drizzle. She would hold it until the rain cleared up. Angel did not like her original home and did not want to live there.She never once tried to runaway from the home she had with me.

I say take the  cat and don't think twice about whether it is wrong to steal the cat. The cat's owners do not deserve him. They are not taking care of him. She has chosen you as her person she wants to be with. Her well being is more important. 

 

[callista]

Yeah. You did the right thing. Without you, Rosie would've been suffering, alone, without anyone to comfort him. With your help, he was warm, safe, and fed. That makes a big difference.

Have you talked to the other neighbor who's also been feeding Rosie? I think you could find a friend there, and perhaps if they liked Rosie as much as you did, they would want to know that he didn't die alone.

 

[timcam]

If someone is neglecting their kitty, then they don't deserve to have a kitty. Bubby J Catt died nearly ten years ago and we still miss her. Sure, she was angry allot of the times,  but she loved us and we loved her.

 

[cherry mann]

I.

took a cat in about 4 years ago,he had hardly any fur and a terrible cough,

I didnt know where the owners lived so after a while i took him to my vet and got him treated.

when the original owner turned up to claim the cat i showed him the vet bills and suggested he paid them if he wanted

his cat back

he said no keep him hes not worth the bother