Socializing A Scaredy Cat?

[GemmaM994]

Our youngest cat is called Alfie,
He's a British Shorthair and he's absolutely Terrified of people, when me and my partner got him as a kitten, the lady told us she just wanted to get rid of him, told us he was 8 weeks old and that he is small because he is the runt of the litter, when we got this tiny kitten home it was quite quickly apparent that he was not 8 weeks old probably only 4 weeks at best, his eyes look like they had only just opened he couldn't lap out of a bowl he was still suckling and he was constantly looking for his mum, we tried getting back in touch with the lady but she wasn't interested,
He spent the first few weeks of his life in a beer box completely surrounded by my pink dressing gown, we fed him special cat milk from the vets through a syringe, wiping his little bum with wet wipes to get him to go to the toilet, i spent 4-5 weeks of my life being his Mother 24/7 (Google is a saint for when I was lost or stuck)
I didn't want to let him down as it wasn't his fault he was given away so early,
But now I know that I should have maybe tried socializing him with other people in this time,
He's now a healthy happy 3 year old trouble maker but a part from me, my husband and our other Cat Jinx he's terrified of everyone else, is there any way I can maybe get him comfortable when other people are round, we've tried the plug ins but they don't seem to help him

Here's a picture of him of him below
(You'll notice he still sleeps on the pink dressing gown he used to sleep on as a kitten, thankfully he's got out the habit of suckling it, which he used to do to anything furry)

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi! I guess I'm wondering if it's super necessary for him to like other people?
My boy is scared of/ doesn't like/tolerates people-depending..., but always has been this way always will be.

The only thing would be to have other people leave him alone. Don't approach him, don't look at him, definitely don't pet or try to pick him up. If he's given enough emotional space, he may decide that he wants to check someone out, but again, that person needs to respect the cat's choice, and not react except for very gently and slowly.
Be fair to your baby , and let him decide if he wants to interact.

 

[GemmaM994]

It's not necessary for him to get along with everyone xx and my family know that he often stays hidden somewhere, but occasionally he'll bless them with his presence

Thankfully when people hear his story they're usually very understanding, he's such a gentle soul but sometimes he gets so scared I just wondered if there was anything I could do to help him
(Sometimes i think If it was up to him, if every creature on earth disappeared besides me and him, that would make him the most happiest )

 

[Furballsmom]

Ah, I see. I've known cats like that

Maybe, he might like some low volume classical harp music, or try the app Relax My Cat.
I'm so glad he has you!

 

[GemmaM994]

That's a good idea <3
I'll have to try the classical music idea X see if he comes out of his shell a little
He's such a friendly soul, who loves a fuss and apart from the fact we're completely different species I'm fully convinced he thinks I'm his mother XD

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[susanm9006]

Some cats simply don’t care for strangers and that is okay in my opinion. You just make sure they have a safe play they can run to and don’t make a fuss over it. A cat who loves everyone can be a nuisance around people who don’t care for cats or when you are having work done in your house. I had one like that and I ended up shutting her away because would pester visitors or try to sneak out when they came in.

 

[GemmaM994]

He has his cat tree that he likes to hide in if my family come over, if it's someone he doesn't recognize he hides under the bed, so I think he may be getting better very very slowly,
But I'll have to give him time.
I make sure I never force him out as he isn't a fan of being picked up too much either,
I also sometimes have to coax him out of his hiding spot once everyone has left, I just wish he wasn't so scare,
I guess I also worry because when strangers come round if they see you have a very timid cat, i always worry they're thinking we're horrible to him, but that really is as far away from the truth as it can be <3

 

[maggiedemi]

My two cats are former ferals and they are still terrified of all strangers at 4 years old. I don't think that will ever change. It's just something I accept.

 

[GemmaM994]

If my Alfie never changes, then I guess what will be, will be x
Im happy knowing that he feels safe and comfortable around me <3

 

[Zigmont]

My cat is very skittish with strangers. I found him, with his two siblings in my barn last spring. Mom is feral, and moved them as soon as she saw me looking. It took me another two weeks to find and trap everyone. I got good homes for two kittens, and kept Outlaw. I got Mom spayed, but she hid in the corner of the bedroom and hated me. I had to let her out, she was miserable. She lives in the barn now, and is happy to love me from a distance. She’s there every morning, waiting for breakfast, and at night for dinner.

My point is, not all cats have the luxury of a kitty with people upbringing, where everyone loves everyone. Alfie is beautiful and is lucky to have you to trust. Maybe your quiet friends will be blessed with his presence! I love the pink robe! He’s so cute!

 

[sabian]

Manny was exactly like this. He was scared of everything! My past cats have all been outgoing and liked being around people so, this was totally new to me. He was a rescue. The back story was a couple separated and moved and just left him and another cat behind and outside to fend for themselves. Some neighbors fed them but, their landlord wouldn't let them keep them inside so they finally called the shelter to pick them up. I think Manny was around 6 months old when they picked him up. He was in foster care for a year and the foster didn't know what else to do because he just wouldn't come out of his shell. He liked his cat tree and looking out the window but he just kind of kept to himself in a corner or a little house they made for him inside. They had a busy household and I think that may have been the problem.

When I went to meet him he just wanted to hide under the couch. He just wanted to be invisible. I told them I wanted to take him and work with him and the foster literally said, "I wish you would". They had 2 or 3 applicants in front of me but because of my experience with cats and, mostly long hairs they felt like I would be the best choice.

I'm single and the house is quiet for the most part. I think that helped most of all. He will still hide when someone comes over but, after about 5 mins he'll come out and see what is going on and, then he's fine. He seems to understand the phrase "it's o.k." Lord knows I've said it enough but, when I say it he'll look me in the eyes and, I'll keep repeating and rub him at the same time. It's like he knows he can trust me so, he trusts me to keep him out of danger.

He owns the house now and is totally at ease. One thing he still doesn't like is a clicker so, obviously clicker training doesn't work on him. I wanted to leash train him and, he had no problems with the leash but when I took him outside all those fears came back. If he heard my neighbor talking next door or, a dog bark or, someone walked down the road in front of the house, he would take off running and a couple of times he done a flip because I was holding the leash. He always ran to the basement door that we came out of. Finally I ditched the leash and just walked with him, I left the basement door pulled to but, not latched. He learned that all he had to do was push it to go back in.

Fast forward 8 months and, he pretty much owns it outside. Just the other day we were sitting on the steps outside and a women was walking by. He started to get up and run but I grabbed him and started the "it's o.k." routine. He stayed and watched her like a hawk. He got beside me and kind of hid behind me but, it was a break through. He use to be scared to death of the AC unit coming on but now, he just looks at it and walks right by it when it's running. That was a break through. He's had so many break through moments it's crazy. The other day they were going down the road in front of the house with mowers and trimming back limbs on trees. It was making a god awful noise. He went running under the bed. I laughed and said, oh know your not going under the bed are you. I told him "it's o.k." and went back downstairs and, was looking out the window watching them trims limbs and, next thing I knew he jumped on the back of the couch and sat there and watched them too. A break through moment!

I did this without treats, without a clicker but, just by using commands. I have recently started using treats when I call him and he comes to me. I just started that in the last couple weeks. Normally all I do is squat down and he comes. He is a cat and on occasion I do have to run him back to the house when he tries to stretch his boundaries. I couldn't use normal tactics on him. I had to think out of the box and trial and error.

The main thing I think is above all, be patient, be consistent, give enormous amounts of praise and don't be afraid to scold them when they need it. You don't have to scream at them. Just a firm "NO" Manny "NO" you don't do that!, seems to work for me. Opps, this turned out really long...lol...sorry!

 

[GemmaM994]

I guess you kinda have to let cats do their own thing at their own pace and space,
Alfie is always quite happy when he's on his pink dressing gown - the amount of people that have mistaken him for a girl because of it -

I've made sure he's got some high places to hide too, he loves climbing up on his cat tree and judging us all from above

 

[sabian]

I guess you kinda have to let cats do their own thing at their own pace and space,
Alfie is always quite happy when he's on his pink dressing gown - the amount of people that have mistaken him for a girl because of it -

I've made sure he's got some high places to hide too, he loves climbing up on his cat tree and judging us all from above

You do have to let them go at their own pace but, sometimes you have to gently push their boundaries too. Manny doesn't like to be picked either but, everyday I pick him up ,give him a quick hug and a kiss and set him right back down. He seems to mind it less and less. On occasion he'll lean into me. I'm pretty sure he was abused as a kitten. I never thought I would see Manny lay on my lap but, he started doing just that a couple weeks ago. He looks like a happy cat! I wouldn't give up but, at the same time, I wouldn't stress to much about it.

 

[GemmaM994]

I think it's so rewarding when you finally get somewhere, even when Alfie sticks his head round the corner just to look at our guests I count it as a tiny win X i know he's still young so we've got plenty of time to teach him that the people sat on our sofa only want to give him a head scratch,
I know he trusts me not to do him wrong, and he's recently been very protective over me
(Waiting for gallbladder removal surgery)
But because of this we've had more visitors than usual, sometimes he gets stressed and runs away even at the sound of the doorbell,
Is there anything I could do to make visitors something rewarding for him? Like them giving him a treat? Or is that then rewarding scared behaviour?

 

[duncanmac]

So, part of me is saying: So what, he doesn't like strangers. He's healthy and otherwise happy. The other part of me knows how disappointing it can be when you have a great cat that nobody ever sees.

One of my boys is very shy. We had him over a year before my mother in law ever saw him, and most people are lucky to just get a glimpse of him. Usually once the doorbell rings he is under the bed for the duration of the visit. And then I hear a lot of "explanations" he's mean, he's not affectionate, he's aloof, whatever. It's rough - because I know what a great cat he is.

Just give him time to settle in - and giving your guests treats might work but don't be surprised if he turns right around when he sees your guests.

 

[duncanmac]

Forgot to mention - my brother came to visit the other day and let himself in the house. He lives out of state, so the cats are not used to him, but our shy boy Barry was out and about and perfectly fine with him in the house.

Makes no sense, but for whatever reason he was comfortable about it. There's a very good chance your guy will come around too.

 

[GemmaM994]

Cats are really bizarre, Alfie is terrified of most people but our other cat jinx wants fuss off everyone including stranger's
I'm hoping this will rub off on Alfie, I'd never force him to do anything he doesn't want to do, but he's missing on so much fuss
(Granted he gets it off me - which seems to be plenty for him)

 

[GemmaM994]

Alfie proving my point perfectly how bizarre he is (right now)