Socialising Older Ferals, Need Advice

[Linderin]

Hi! I have 2 adopted 2 feral girls from the shelter: Babs aged 5, who has been with me 1.5 years now, and Mirre aged 3, whom I got 1 year ago. They've settled in quite nicely and have become friends, but they are still very scared of humans. I've tried a lot of things to socialise them: playtime, lots of playtime and even more playtime :-), food and snacks, putting my hands a little closer to them each time they're relaxing in a spot, luring them onto my bed with the wand toy and getting them to sleep there (which they do occasionally!), walking around the house on tiptoe for the past 1.5 years, lying quietly on the floor hoping they'll approach (nope), touching them with a back scratcher hoping they'll discover how good it feels to be petted (nope) etc etc. None of it works. They are deathly afraid of my hands and they simply won't let me get near.
Mirre doesn't care for food and snacks but really loves to play. I've tried petting her during playtime when she comes close enough, but she flies away as soon as she feels anything on her fur. Babs loves food, doesn't care much for play, but she is so very scared of my hand that I can't get her to approach me, even if I'm holding nice food. She'll sometimes eat from a spoon but runs away as soon as I lift a finger.

It's been like this for a very long time now. We get a little closer each month in the sense that they sleep on my bed sometimes, and they stare at me through my half open bedroom door each morning when they want food. But we just can't seem to get to the point where they'll actually start to trust me.

I don't like the idea of forcing them, but sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better if I put them in a bench and touched them (with a glove for protection) to the point that they get used to being handled. Maybe then they wouldn't have to be scared of me all the time and can actually learn to be comfortable around me. But it seems a pretty extreme method and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Do you have advice on how to get older ferals to trust you? I know patience is key and I have plenty of it, but right now I'm looking for more active methods.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

If they are sleeping on your bed, you actually are making more progress than you realize! You can only go as fast as they will allow you to go. SIGH...I just spent several minutes trying to find the "My Cat From Hell" episode that dealt with just your situation, and ended in the cat allowing itself to be stroked on the cheek...a REALLY good start...and could not find it. But it is out there, and you may have better luck.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

http://www.thejacksongalaxyproject.org/Resources/TNR-ResourcesOutdoor Cats' Secret Lives | Little Big Cat Feral and Stray Cats—An Important Difference Soothe a Stray

I'm actually online chatting with someone from JG's website now, trying to get help for you!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

LOL, and yet again...these are episodes of My Cat From Hell that may give you some good ideas:

Most recent season, Episode 3
Season 4, Episode 4
Season 8, Episode 9
Season 9, Episode 4

I hit the jackpot on that site. A wonderful person in Live Chat went way out of her way to try to find anything that might help you.

 

[Linderin]

Ah thanks, I'll look into that! Let's hope he can give some new insights :-)

 

[Linderin]

http://www.thejacksongalaxyproject.org/Resources/TNR-ResourcesOutdoor Cats' Secret Lives | Little Big Cat Feral and Stray Cats—An Important Difference Soothe a Stray

I'm actually online chatting with someone from JG's website now, trying to get help for you!

Oh wow that's amazing, thank you so much! :-D

 

[Linderin]

So I've watched the episodes I could find and one thing really seems to help... putting wet food on my hands and placing them near Babs. She actually ate the food off my hand and licked me :-) She's done so before, but not like this! I guess she's ready for a new step. She even ate off my fist, after looking at it with great suspicion for a few minutes.
I'm going to make this part of her regular feeding routine.
I'm just not sure how to go from eating off my hands to actually touching her, because in the past she's always run away when I tried. But we'll see what happens.

Mirre did not respond to the food. She seemed interested at first, but Babs pushed her away and then she lost interest. I'll have to find another way with her.

Great help Mamanyt1953, thank you so much!

 

[Talien]

One thing that has helped me with scared Cats is to lay on my back on the floor as close to them as I can get without them running away, look them in the eyes, then close my eyes and take a nap. Every time I've done this with a Cat it's had an impact on how they act towards me, it turns a Cat that's afraid into at the very least a more tolerant Cat that I can more easily work with.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Tiny baby steps. They were telling me about some sort of Flower Essence that might help as well, but I couldnt' copy that information for some reason...although I'd expect them to recommend one of JG's products. You can easily google the site for more info about it if you are interested.

 

[BlueJay]

I had gotten to the point with one semi-feral cat where if I was already standing over the food dish when it was eating, it would let me pet it if it wasn't looking. It wouldn't let me approach it out of nowhere though. So maybe just standing next to the food dish at regular eating times, and slowly move down? Not sure how much this helps, but good luck!

 

[FeralHearts]

Oh The wild things!

Congrats on getting babs to eat off your fist!

I agree with Mamanyt1953 if they are sleeping in your bed - that's excellent! and Mamanyt1953 bless your heart for all the trouble you went through to help! XOXOX

Talien what a great idea to lay down like that. I did read somewhere one, maybe even here, that closing your eyes and laying down on the floor to sleep helps to build trust.

BlueJay it is funny how they do the "don't look at me!" lol You look - they bolt like a firecracker sometimes!

I've had some success with one of my more timid Ferals by sitting. Every time I stand she would freak and run. I think she felt I was towering over her. So I sit. Sometimes I had to crawl to her and sit. As long as I was low - she was more comfortable.

If you don't already and are physically able, trying sitting and inching closer to them while they are eating. Stay sitting when you are with them as much as possible. Slowly extend the hand, or place it near them while they eat.

You're doing very well!!

I have three Ferals inside now. It's like watching a drunk snail move in terms of progress, so I get how you feel. One of mine is on 5 months inside and barely comes out of her safe room. Another one who every time I walk into her safe space (even to bring food) - runs and hides beside the couch. I have to sit on the floor and wait for her to come out. *sigh* I have to keep reminding myself it's on their time - not mine.

PS - All my Feral girls are 5.5 years old :-)

 

[Linderin]

One thing that has helped me with scared Cats is to lay on my back on the floor as close to them as I can get without them running away, look them in the eyes, then close my eyes and take a nap. Every time I've done this with a Cat it's had an impact on how they act towards me, it turns a Cat that's afraid into at the very least a more tolerant Cat that I can more easily work with.

I've tried that before a couple of times... they just ignore me, walk away and leave me there on the floor for an hour :-) But they do sleep on my bed sometimes, which seems to have brought us a little closer Thanks for the advice!

 

[Linderin]

Tiny baby steps. They were telling me about some sort of Flower Essence that might help as well, but I couldnt' copy that information for some reason...although I'd expect them to recommend one of JG's products. You can easily google the site for more info about it if you are interested.

We have something here called Bach Blossom Remedies (translated from Dutch), I've seen it recommended somewhere before. I'll look into it, thanks!

 

[Linderin]

I had gotten to the point with one semi-feral cat where if I was already standing over the food dish when it was eating, it would let me pet it if it wasn't looking. It wouldn't let me approach it out of nowhere though. So maybe just standing next to the food dish at regular eating times, and slowly move down? Not sure how much this helps, but good luck!

A while ago I tried putting my hand on the bowl when Babs was eating, but after a week she got fed up and swatted me :-) Too much too soon! I'll try your approach and see if that works, thanks!

 

[Linderin]

Oh The wild things!

Congrats on getting babs to eat off your fist!

I agree with Mamanyt1953 if they are sleeping in your bed - that's excellent! and Mamanyt1953 bless your heart for all the trouble you went through to help! XOXOX

Talien what a great idea to lay down like that. I did read somewhere one, maybe even here, that closing your eyes and laying down on the floor to sleep helps to build trust.

BlueJay it is funny how they do the "don't look at me!" lol You look - they bolt like a firecracker sometimes!

I've had some success with one of my more timid Ferals by sitting. Every time I stand she would freak and run. I think she felt I was towering over her. So I sit. Sometimes I had to crawl to her and sit. As long as I was low - she was more comfortable.

If you don't already and are physically able, trying sitting and inching closer to them while they are eating. Stay sitting when you are with them as much as possible. Slowly extend the hand, or place it near them while they eat.

You're doing very well!!

I have three Ferals inside now. It's like watching a drunk snail move in terms of progress, so I get how you feel. One of mine is on 5 months inside and barely comes out of her safe room. Another one who every time I walk into her safe space (even to bring food) - runs and hides beside the couch. I have to sit on the floor and wait for her to come out. *sigh* I have to keep reminding myself it's on their time - not mine.

PS - All my Feral girls are 5.5 years old :-)

Ha, just reading your experiences makes me feel more relieved :-) I guess I was starting to feel that it takes abnormally long for them to trust me. I've done the sitting-next-to-food-bowl before but I stopped when Mirre became fussy with her wet food. I didn't want to deter her further. But who knows, maybe she'll be more calm when I'm not tiptoeing around but sitting next to her instead. Thanks!!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Time. Lots of time. LOL, to quote the Rolling Stones,

"Time Is On My Side"

Time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
Now you always say
That you want to be free
But you'll come running back (said you would baby)
You'll come running back (I said so many times before)
You'll come running back to me
Oh, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
You're searching for good times
But just wait and see
You'll come running back (I won't have to worry no more)
You'll come running back (spend the rest of my life with you, baby)

 

[FeralHearts]

Ha, just reading your experiences makes me feel more relieved :-) I guess I was starting to feel that it takes abnormally long for them to trust me. I've done the sitting-next-to-food-bowl before but I stopped when Mirre became fussy with her wet food. I didn't want to deter her further. But who knows, maybe she'll be more calm when I'm not tiptoeing around but sitting next to her instead. Thanks!!

I'm glad it helped make you feel a bit better :-)

My friends here on TCS have to remind me too that it's all their time. It does feel so much sometimes like you are failing them or doing something wrong and nope - they are just taking there sweet old time. I hear the stories about people that manged to accomplish what we are in a couple of weeks and I get all frowny face but each cat is different. I have to keep reminding myself that too.

Oh yeah don't do the tiptoe - I did that - every single time I did I got this look and reaction Like "heyyyy- what are youuuuu up to... hmmmmm"

For sure trying sitting with her. You can start a few feet a way and move the food closer to you as time goes on. I think you'll find eventually the bowl will be right there and they will probably let you pet them while they eat.

Keep going, you're doing great! You'll get there. :-)

:-)

Mamanyt1953 Awesome choice of song!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

It seemed to fit. Sometimes the Stones get it just right.

The truth is, when things happen with ferals in a couple of weeks, generally those weren't actually ferals, but strays or dumps of long standing. They can be reminded of what home is. Ferals have to learn it from scratch. And yes, each and every cat is an idividual.