Sibling Rivalry

[Jesshaines]

Hello everyone,

Thanks in advance for listening to my situation. So I adopted a stray last year and she got pregnant a few months later -I live in the desert, didn't think there were any other Kitty's around! Anyway, she's fixed now and I rehomed all but two of the kittens, a male and a female. they are about 10 months old at this point and also fixed. But male is quite a bit bigger than the female, he's probably 8 lb and she's around 6. They don't fight and I'm not worried for her physical safety, but I am concerned about her happiness and stress level. He chases her, not every day that I seeu, bute frequently It usually ends with her on her back with her ears back, hissing, and him standing over her.

I have a small one-room house. There is a pitched roof where I've been able to place some boards that the kitties can access. It's a little bit of a kiddie jungle gym and also several boards together with a blanket where they can sleep. This is the female's safe place. The male sometimes will chase her across the boards but when she gets to the platform I've never seen him continue to pursue.

I believe she does show some signs of stress. Even though she's 10 months she sometimes still tries to nurse at her mom's belly, though of course the milk is long gone. Sometimes when she's in the upstairs area I noticed her laying there with her eyes open just staring. It doesn't look like a very relaxed state. And she spends quite a bit of time and that upstairs area. I was rubbing her belly today and she was purring contentedly but as soon as her brother walked up she jumped up and ran away.

so I think it's good that at least she does have a place where she can get away from her brother and not be harassed. But I would really like to do what I can to expand her sense of safety. They have plenty of toys and things to play with. They are semi outdoor meaning I only let them out during the day when I'm home and they stay close by my house. I always make sure that they are inside if I'm away from home - high desert lots of coyotes and birds of prey etcetera.

I'd be grateful for any suggestions on how to improve my little girl's quality of life. I'm glad she has a safe place but perhaps would be nice if it was closer, there were more safe places in the common area where she's not up in the ceiling alone. But I don't really know how to create that. I've been thinking about rehoming her as the good responsible thing to do. so maybe also some feedback of how miserable do you think she is and is it awful of me to keep her any longer?

Thanks again

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. Have you tried to intervene when he goes after her? If not, you should pick him up, tell him "no" or hiss at him, and then place him as far away from her as you can get, and ignore him for a while. This tells him the behavior is undesirable and lets her know you are there to 'protect' her, which should help with her confidence. It might take some time for him to get it, but whether or not he is trying to play or just being a bully, you are letting him know it is not OK. And, there is a good possibility when they get a bit older, he might not be inclined to bug her as much anyway - but, intervening should help speed up that process.

When he is behaving, make sure you play with him and reward him for his good behavior. And, I assume you are playing with her as well, which should help to train her about interacting for play purposes - which she might eventually do with him.

What happens when they are outside? Where is the mom in all of this?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
I'm not sure rehoming is the answer and if so that she should be the one. I think your male might be more flexible and resilient, but who really knows. Every cat is different.

Can you try music for her, and do you have a way to put him elsewhere for several hours daily? You're right, it sounds like she needs a break from him.

 

[susanm9006]

Your two are still kittens and exhibiting kitten behavior. In six months to a year he will settle down some and stop being such a pest to his sister. Despite all the hissing, I am sure she still enjoys him being there at least some of the time. And as they age there will be less hissing and more cuddling going on. In the meantime wear that energetic boy out with active play, provide both with some interesting stuff like birds to watch out the window or on TV and make sure she has some up places to get away from him.

 

[calikitteh]

Ours was doing the same from about 5-9 months of age playing more aggressively than his sister wanted and ignoring her signals to leave her alone. We did the hissing or separating or squirt of water though i think it's frowned upon here when it seemed to really annoy her but for the most part let them hash it out. He's still learning but he did calm down and they play, cuddle, and groom each other. It took a few months though.

 

[jen]

They are just being typical crazy kittens, one pesters the other, lots of hissing, all normal. He is trying to show he is dominant cat and she submits to him, but also hisses to tell him she isn't happy about it. This is normal and I wouldn't stop it. Once they work things out and get a little older they will be fine.

 

[Jesshaines]

Thanks everyone. I got something out of everyone's post. I have been telling him "no" and usually trying to engage him in play to distract him. I get this may have been reinforcing the behavior. I'll try some more clear demonstrations of good and bad behavior for him. I have a spray bottle of anti scratch stuff for a leather chair - I've never sprayed him directly at all but he goes running soon as that comes out!!! Lol. And I'll be patient too as they're still young. Thanks again for encouragement!

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[Jesshaines]

Hello,

thank you so much for your post. This is a lot of clear ideas on how to communicate to him that the behavior is not acceptable. I've been trying to distract him with play when he harasses her, knowing that this wasn't a good idea and was rewarding him for the bad behavior but wasn't sure what to do instead. I will try your strategies.

As a loving cat Mom it will be hard to ignore him for a while but I see this could be important so I will suck it up and try!

When they're outside, it's it's more or less the same. He doesn't harass her constantly or anything, just occasionally he'll chase her.

Mom and son seem to get along really well. They sleep together and groom each other. Son Will want to play with Mom sometimes when she's not into it, but she seems more capable of communicating to him that oh it's not okay.

another behavior that the little female does that concerns me is she still tries to nurse, even though she's almost a year old. I am assuming since she's obviously not getting food from this that it's an attempt to get comfort and security. She and Mom I have started doing more mutual grooming, but all-in-all Mom seems more friendly with her son. She tolerates the "nursing" sometimes but often gets up and runs away to.

Thanks again for input and will give update. open to any more feedback as well and thanks in advance



QUOTE="FeebysOwner, post: 4864027, member: 10021650"]Hi. Have you tried to intervene when he goes after her? If not, you should pick him up, tell him "no" or hiss at him, and then place him as far away from her as you can get, and ignore him for a while. This tells him the behavior is undesirable and lets her know you are there to 'protect' her, which should help with her confidence. It might take some time for him to get it, but whether or not he is trying to play or just being a bully, you are letting him know it is not OK. And, there is a good possibility when they get a bit older, he might not be inclined to bug her as much anyway - but, intervening should help speed up that process.

When he is behaving, make sure you play with him and reward him for his good behavior. And, I assume you are playing with her as well, which should help to train her about interacting for play purposes - which she might eventually do with him.

What happens when they are outside? Where is the mom in all of this?[/QUOTE]

 

[Jesshaines]

Thank you for your response. Yes I agree that rehoming might be difficult on her. I turn down one person who wanted to adopt her because the situation just sounded too chaotic.

he is funny, he is definitely the man of the house but when other animals or humans are around he's super shy. So for him to re-home I think it would have to be the right situation as well. on a totally selfish note, he's by far the most affectionate of the three so I'm resistant to re-homing him! Though I know that she might be more affectionate if she's less stressed out.

What kind of music do you recommend? unfortunately, my home is just a studio so there's not really a way to separate them. Sometimes I do let him out and keep her in or vice versa.

Thanks again

Hi!
I'm not sure rehoming is the answer and if so that she should be the one. I think your male might be more flexible and resilient, but who really knows. Every cat is different.

Can you try music for her, and do you have a way to put him elsewhere for several hours daily? You're right, it sounds like she needs a break from him.

 

[Jesshaines]

[Thank you!


QUOTE="susanm9006, post: 4864232, member: 42031"]Your two are still kittens and exhibiting kitten behavior. In six months to a year he will settle down some and stop being such a pest to his sister. Despite all the hissing, I am sure she still enjoys him being there at least some of the time. And as they age there will be less hissing and more cuddling going on. In the meantime wear that energetic boy out with active play, provide both with some interesting stuff like birds to watch out the window or on TV and make sure she has some up places to get away from him.[/QUOTE]

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
There is low volume classical harp music, George Handel compositions, there's an app called Relax My Cat, and there is MusicForCats . com as some good sources for you

 

[Jesshaines]

Cool! Thanks

 

[Furballsmom]